VeggieBoards banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I came to this board just to ask this, so I haven't introduced myself so far. I'm not a native speaker so please excuse any weird language in this post.<br>
I stopped eating animals when I was maybe 12 or 13 and I've become vegan about 2.5 years ago. There are many reasons for this (I'm sure you know them all) but if I'm honest, the main issue for me is emotional, not logical. I just like animals a lot and I can't stand how they're killed for no good reason, and especially not for us to eat their dead bodies. I know that lots animals die in plant cultivation, too, and that even I could avoid more and generally pay more attention. But as I said, my red rag is the meat, not even the milk and eggs, because it has the closest emotional association to the actual animal for me.<br>
Now to the problem. I don't have any close veg*n friends actually, except for my boyfriend who is vegan, and an ex-vegetarian friend who now eats fish again. I have kind of a problem with all of them eating meat. But there's one guy that I get most upset about, because he's very important to me. I know him from the internet and we live about 800 km apart. He will probably never stop eating meat, he doesn't want to give it up and he also has no other social reason except for me, since his girlfriend and other (local) friends are all omnivores.<br>
I have probably told him enough stuff about what I believe/feel already. He has watched scenes from "Earthlings". He has read articles. He's even visited a slaughterhouse and witnessed reality in a way that I wouldn't be able to bear. He is a pretty good cook and he knows how to cook vegan and vegetarian dishes and does so several times a week. He eats only vegan on the rare occassions where we meet in real life. He shares my fascination for animals and nature in general. He probably understands my basic reasons.<br>
And yet he stays omnivorous (I think he only buys the "better" kinds of meat, not the worst factory farm stuff, but still). I think he would be able to kill an animal to eat. So there's nothing to do about that and it's his decision anyway.<br>
The problem with this is actually me. I can't cope with this fact. I get very upset about this every time I think about it. Not eating a dead animal is so natural and easy to me, even though I used to like the taste as a kid. But it's just not food to me anymore. It's a kind of violence, yet my friend takes part of this and he's on the side of the social mainstream and I'm the one with the actual problem.<br>
I haven't come up with a solution by myself, so I'm asking you for help. What can I do to stop feeling so bad about this? Should I tell him how extremely much this actually means to me (I guess he doesn't know about the full extent)? I can't imagine how that would change anything for the better. I really don't know what to do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
The only advice I can give you is to not eat around these people if it's upsetting you this much. We have our own moral reasons for not eating meat but other people don't necessarily share the same beliefs or reasoning. As difficult as it may be sometimes, we have to respect that they're entitled to live their life how they wish.<br><br>
I'm sorry that I haven't been much help but I hope you feel better soon!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>IAMKaren</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022014"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Just ignore them or better yet, don't eat with them around.</div>
</div>
<br>
Sorry, but my problem is different. I know I wrote a lot :/ I don't eat with that guy at all anyway since we live 800km apart.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,945 Posts
It's normal to want to share core values with people we are close to. Maybe you could look at him as having potential, as you did? If you stay in his life and on good terms, you have the greatest possible chance of positively influencing him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>delicioso</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022030"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
It's normal to want to share core values with people we are close to. Maybe you could look at him as having potential, as you did? If you stay in his life and on good terms, you have the greatest possible chance of positively influencing him.</div>
</div>
<br>
Well, I have influenced him already, but I'm on the limit now. He knows just about everything. He's not like the average uninformed omnivore. What he does is right to him.<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>luvourmother</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022184"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
you can't control what other people eat.</div>
</div>
<br>
I know, that's why my question was how <b>I</b> could cope, not what he should or shouldn't do.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,587 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>giebenrath</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022264"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br><br>
I know, that's why my question was how <b>I</b> could cope, not what he should or shouldn't do.</div>
</div>
<br>
you think he (people) shouldn't eat meat right? well you can't control what other people eat. you are right with identifying this as your own personal problem. do you have a hard time letting things go?<br><br>
acceptance is the best way to "cope" with your friend eating meat. you have to learn to accept that your friends eat meat.<br><br>
seems like you have been trying to persuade your friend to stop eating meat. people eat meat for a lot of different reasons, if you are trying to appeal to a certain person its good for you to understand why they like to eat meat. most of the time its emotional and cultural. and most of the time people change on their own at their own pace.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>luvourmother</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022388"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
acceptance is the best way to "cope" with your friend eating meat. you have to learn to accept that your friends eat meat.</div>
</div>
<br>
You're right. Do you have an idea what I should tell myself? Because to accept it is what I've been trying to do, it just works if I don't think about it too hard. If I do, I fail.<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>luvourmother</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022388"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
seems like you have been trying to persuade your friend to stop eating meat.</div>
</div>
<br>
Yeah <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/blank.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":|"> But I think he understands why I did it. And he knows that I know that it wouldn't work.<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>luvourmother</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022388"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
people eat meat for a lot of different reasons, if you are trying to appeal to a certain person its good for you to understand why they like to eat meat. most of the time its emotional and cultural. and most of the time people change on their own at their own pace.</div>
</div>
<br>
I can understand it intellectually, but not on the emotional level. And yes, I will continue to hope for what you said in that last sentence.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
41 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>luvourmother</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022184"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
you can't control what other people eat.</div>
</div>
<br>
That's exactly how I see it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,026 Posts
Be patient. Give your friends time to sort through everything. Don't give up on them, continue educating them, just don't expect major instantaneous change. In my experience, most people will change at least a little after knowing a vocal veg*n for a while. They might not go all the way and go veg but they'll probably cut back a bit. And some of your friends will go veg eventually. They will. I promise. Just be patient. And persistent (share videos, books, recipes, etc).<br><br>
As far as your personal struggles interacting with them knowing they're not concerned about animals, here are some suggestions:<br>
-interact with them in nonfood ways (go for a walk instead of going out to lunch, etc)<br>
-explain that seeing them eating animals hurts your feelings and ask them to be sensitive about that<br>
-be appreciative whenever they eat veg<br>
-seek veg friends to add balance to your social calendar (try Meetup.com)<br>
-find other ways to help animals and "diversify" your activist "portfolio". In other words, don't let your friends be the sole focus of you animal advocacy, try leafleting to strangers or writing letters to your representatives
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,587 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>giebenrath</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3022442"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You're right. Do you have an idea what I should tell myself? Because to accept it is what I've been trying to do, it just works if I don't think about it too hard. If I do, I fail.</div>
</div>
<br>
Empathy. Use empathy when you are struggling accepting people for who they are. Put yourself in their shoes and try to think from their perspective. Most of us were not vegetarian since birth, we know what its like to be a meat eater, remind yourself of how you used to think about food and try to relate to your friends by being empathetic.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top