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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This past Saturday I went to a friend of the family's house for their holiday party. Now, just to preface my story they know that I am both a vegetarian and lactose-intolerant. So, I get to the party and everyone is standing around talking and eating the hor d'ourves. I walk over to where they are set up and look...stuffed clams, stuffed mushrooms with parmesean cheese and beef (or something), shrimp, and tomato-basil foccacia bread. OK. It's a start. So I take a few pieces of bread. The hostess comes over to me and sees that I am only eating the bread and she says to me "Is there nothing appropriate her for you to eat?" which I found very rude. Calmly I replied that I am a vegetarian and lactose-intolerant, so most of the food I can't eat. The she asked me, "Don't you eat fish?" I replied no. She retorted with "Well I have had a vegetarian friend for 10 years, and he always ate fish!" She then decides to announce to everyone in the room "Nicole is a vegetarian, but I think that she is taking this way too far. So you don't eat dairy or fish now either?!". Agrivated, I replied that I am allergic to dairy (but to be quite honest I don't mind one bit!) and I've never eaten fish since I became a vegetarian and walked away. Then dinner time arrives. Again I look over the dishes of food. I end up with salad and sweet potatoes. I'm ok with this. I am not one to make people go out of their way to accomodate me and I don't push my views onto others. It's my personal choice. But she feels the need to (rudely again) ask me if I will be able to eat anything. If you know that I am a vegetarian - wouldn't you at least make one dish veggie-friendly? Let's fast forward to the desserts. We have cheesecake, chocolate cake, and some custard-y looking pie. By now, I think she thinks I am insulting her by not eating any of her food, but just picking over it. Believe me, this is not the case. Had I known that there wouldn't be anything that I could eat, I would have contributed a dish. Instead, I'm starving. Her husband was kind enough to give me some graham crackers. It was quite a miserable and rather rude night. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/furious.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":furious:">
 

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Ah yesh. This happens many times.<br><br><br><br>
Now.. from now on eat a little before going out. It's a rule for me. Or I ask them kindly if they have any salad mix or something I could have. Usually they are happy to help.<br><br><br><br>
Some people maybe in denial about the vegetarianism, they may want you to "eat normally". Just keep strong and smile.
 

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Being in the same situation as you (vegetarian and somewhat lactose intolerant) I can see how frustrating that could be. You seemed to handle it a lot more calmly than I would have though, which is a good thing. I tend to get confrontational when people disrespect or are rude to me, so I'd say you acted pretty well in that circumstance.<br><br>
I guess let it be a lesson for next time to either eat something beforehand or call the person hosting the party to find out what food will be there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks. I really tried to stay calm. What I really wanted to do was yell at her till my face turned purple for being so ignorant. It totally ruined the whole night. I really just wanted to leave right after the first five minutes because of her stupid comment.
 

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That's annoying. The other day I had the opposite problem. I was invited over to a kind of party thing and, because I expected no food that I could eat, I ate something before I went. Then when I got there I'd found that the entire food section had been especially based around my needs with huge selections of food that I love.<br><br><br><br>
All through the night people were shoving food under my nose asking me to eat more, I'd never eaten more in my life! I was already full up when I got there and felt it would be rude to turn down food that had been specially prepared just for me! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/spew.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":spew:"><br><br><br><br>
-Engelsman
 

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I'm sorry. That was a bad night. I have learned to always, ALWAYS have a Cliff Bar, a Luna bar, or a peanut butter sandwich somewhere nearby. Usually it means my purse, but if I'm not carrying a purse, I'll just keep something in the car.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Goofy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Does lactose intolerant mean you can't eat the chocolate cake either?</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Yeah, chocolate totally messes with my stomach. I mean, milk chocolate is made with milk - I don't know about other chocolate, but either way I can't eat it.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Vahevalarain</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
This past Saturday I went to a friend of the family's house for their holiday party. Now, just to preface my story they know that I am both a vegetarian and lactose-intolerant. So, I get to the party and everyone is standing around talking and eating the hor d'ourves. I walk over to where they are set up and look...stuffed clams, stuffed mushrooms with parmesean cheese and beef (or something), shrimp, and tomato-basil foccacia bread. OK. It's a start. So I take a few pieces of bread. The hostess comes over to me and sees that I am only eating the bread and she says to me "Is there nothing appropriate her for you to eat?" which I found very rude. Calmly I replied that I am a vegetarian and lactose-intolerant, so most of the food I can't eat. The she asked me, "Don't you eat fish?" I replied no. She retorted with "Well I have had a vegetarian friend for 10 years, and he always ate fish!" She then decides to announce to everyone in the room "Nicole is a vegetarian, but I think that she is taking this way too far. So you don't eat dairy or fish now either?!". Agrivated, I replied that I am allergic to dairy (but to be quite honest I don't mind one bit!) and I've never eaten fish since I became a vegetarian and walked away. Then dinner time arrives. Again I look over the dishes of food. I end up with salad and sweet potatoes. I'm ok with this. I am not one to make people go out of their way to accomodate me and I don't push my views onto others. It's my personal choice. But she feels the need to (rudely again) ask me if I will be able to eat anything. If you know that I am a vegetarian - wouldn't you at least make one dish veggie-friendly? Let's fast forward to the desserts. We have cheesecake, chocolate cake, and some custard-y looking pie. By now, I think she thinks I am insulting her by not eating any of her food, but just picking over it. Believe me, this is not the case. Had I known that there wouldn't be anything that I could eat, I would have contributed a dish. Instead, I'm starving. Her husband was kind enough to give me some graham crackers. It was quite a miserable and rather rude night. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/furious.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":furious:"></div>
</div>
<br>
Here is my column from two weeks ago. This got out to over 40, 000 people and I got some AWESOME responses! People (omni's!) had no idea how rude they are.<br><br><br><br>
Enjoy and print out for your 'friends' <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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I went to a dinner recently and even though there was plenty of veges which were cooked seperately from the meat the subject still managed to come up and make everything really uncomfortable. The hosts (who put on some extra veges for me when they found out) went out of their way to make it seem like they were ok with me being veg, which really just made me feel like they weren't. They clearly felt like it was a big deal but were trying desperately to make it seem like it wasn't. I felt like a bit of a social pariah, now I know how one of their sons must feel - he's gay and knows they're against homosexuality but they can't say anything about it because he's prone to depression and suicidal ideation.
 
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it does seem like she jumped down your throat, by the sounds of things, but i think it might be not that she was neccesarily trying to be rude for the sake of rudness, but more that she badly mishandled her own embarrassment at a failed attempt to cater for you.<br><br><br><br>
while behaving badly is totally inappropriate, i think it sometimes helps to look at what might be underneath it like this. i think that perhaps she might have got her back up over this, while being stressed already at the logistics that come with running a party. she could well have prepared this event with very good intentions, some time ahead consiously thinking "ok, what can V. have, i know my other friend 'the veggie' eats fish, so clams and shrimp, that should be fine <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> "...etc.<br><br><br><br>
then when you said it wasn't (however nicely you said so) she maybe got her nose totally out of joint, and then procceeded to make a fool out of herself in a lousy attempt to steer the blame to you, in order to not look foolish over her poor hostessing skills/ easily made mistake.<br><br><br><br>
ok, she shouldn't have assumed that you eat fish, but her assumption was based on personal experience, and right or wrong, we all make assumptions with the best of intentions, from time to time, that land us in a pickle.<br><br><br><br>
it might have been smarter for her to call you, and check that you could eat what she was serving before the day, but likewise, you could equally well have called her and said "hey, i just wanna check what you're planning on serving, i'd hate for there to be a mix up with what i can and can't have, and us both to feel awful about it".<br><br><br><br>
i've had similar mixups around food for me too- my bf's relatives know that i have a long list of food allergies and intollerances, as well as being vegan, and so i tell them that i'd much prefer, for everyones sake, to take my own food, or eat before hand, and before every get together, i clear it with them again - because what i eat or don't eat is my responsibility, and ultimately my problem when it goes wrong.<br><br><br><br>
they still try and cater for me, bless them, with mixed results- i've been offered cheese nachos (someone got the 'gluten free' but not the 'vegan') and a salad (loaded with mayo and bacon) and i've had a xmas dinner that consisted of absloutely nothing, lol, but both times, this was my responsibility to avoid. if i want to eat something other than that i've cooked myself, i should never assume that any host knows what i know, or that they're capable of catering for me, because i'm the one who has special food needs, not them.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>barrylove</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Here is my column from two weeks ago. This got out to over 40, 000 people and I got some AWESOME responses! People (omni's!) had no idea how rude they are.<br><br><br><br>
Enjoy and print out for your 'friends' <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
It might be just my computer, how come I could not view the PDF file? Anyone can access the file???
 

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I could read it just fine.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
OP: I don't know why you would hang around when she attempted to embarrass you or call you out in front of people.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>pinnymoo123</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
It might be just my computer, how come I could not view the PDF file? Anyone can access the file???</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
I couldn't read it either- it said "The file is damaged and cannot be repaired"<br><br>
I really wanted to read it too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/brood.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":brood:">
 

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I just checked it again, and I can still read it.<br><br><br><br>
Here it is, not in the best format, but ah well:<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Tough being Vegan!<br><br>
It's not easy being vegan. I don't mean that it is a<br><br>
difficult lifestyle; I embrace it and love it and<br><br>
would never consider living any other way. What<br><br>
I mean is that often we are made to feel like either<br><br>
an outcast or a target. Case in point, the other day<br><br>
I was at the store and ran into a friend who was<br><br>
there with his wife. The friend mentions in<br><br>
passing that I'm a vegan and his wife gives me a<br><br>
look as if I was standing there naked or something<br><br>
and proceeds to tell me how crazy that is. This is<br><br>
just one mild example. Why do people get so<br><br>
upset by my choice to not eat the flesh of a dead<br><br>
animal? I am not hurting anyone and frankly it<br><br>
has nothing to do with them. I<br><br>
do have theories though. I think<br><br>
when someone comes across a<br><br>
vegan they get intimidated<br><br>
because they think that we will<br><br>
think less of them for eating<br><br>
meat or that we will think we<br><br>
are above them because we<br><br>
don't eat it. This is simply not<br><br>
true; I was a meat-eater at one<br><br>
time. After I educated myself<br><br>
about the abuses involved in the meat and dairy<br><br>
industry I could no longer consume animal<br><br>
products, it's that simple, it doesn't make me<br><br>
special it just makes me someone who holds true<br><br>
to his beliefs and lives it. It reminds me of a great<br><br>
quote: 'When you know better, you do better.'<br><br>
While I'm on the subject, don't ask me why I'm<br><br>
vegan if you really don't want to know. Often<br><br>
people ask why and then when I tell them they get<br><br>
very defensive and go on the attack. If you ask me<br><br>
why, I'm going to tell you, isn't that why you<br><br>
asked? I think some people ask so that they can<br><br>
argue the point. I don't know what point there is to<br><br>
argue. Meat and dairy and filled with cholesterol,<br><br>
fat, hormones and antibiotics and animals are<br><br>
horrifically abused until their slaughter day<br><br>
arrives. These statements cannot be intelligently<br><br>
disputed. Now about social situations, we have<br><br>
friends and family that will not invite us to their<br><br>
houses because they feel they cannot provide us<br><br>
with anything to eat. Often when we do get<br><br><br><br>
invited somewhere it turns into an apologetic invitation,<br><br>
letting us know that there may not be much there for us to<br><br>
eat. I would like to take this opportunity to let everyone out<br><br>
there know that vegans know what they are. No vegan goes<br><br>
to a wedding or dinner party expecting to be able to eat<br><br>
much of the food, it's ok, we don't mind and to be honest<br><br>
we know better than to ever show up hungry. As a host all<br><br>
you have to do is respect our lifestyle and realize that it is<br><br>
deep-rooted. Being a vegan is a moral and ethical choice.<br><br>
No true vegan is going to eat turkey just because you made<br><br>
one; it doesn't work that way. It is not an insult to you or<br><br>
your cooking or your intentions, we will not compromise<br><br>
our values and no thinking person should expect us to. The<br><br>
social inconveniences are a very small<br><br>
price to pay and we are more than<br><br>
willing to pay it, please don't feel bad.<br><br>
Likewise don't think that we are<br><br>
offended because you made meat. We do<br><br>
not live in a bubble, we are aware of the<br><br>
world we are living in and know that we<br><br>
are the minority in this country at least<br><br>
for now. Happily, the number of<br><br>
vegetarians and vegans is rising sharply<br><br>
and that is a trend that is sure to<br><br>
continue.<br><br>
Barry Lovelace is creator of Exercise4 Every Body circuit<br><br>
training DVD's. co-owner of FitQuest Fitness in<br><br>
Allentown, Pa.. a personal trainer, speaker and all around<br><br>
fitness enthusiast.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>KatherineLynn</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I couldn't read it either- it said "The file is damaged and cannot be repaired"<br><br>
I really wanted to read it too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/brood.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":brood:"></div>
</div>
<br>
very strange..I just opened it from here and it was fine....<br><br><br><br>
well, here it is in word..just not as pretty as PDF..<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><p> </p>

<span huddler_attributes="{"plugin":"attachment","params":{"id":null,"name":null,"description":null,"size":0,"type":null}}" huddler_plugin="attachment">
<a
class="attachment loginreq" href="/attachments/0" title=""><span class="file "> <span class="details">0k . file</span></span>
</a></span>
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>barrylove</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
No true vegan is going to eat turkey just because you made one</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Not even "a little"!
 

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Well, I dunno about that. We've had a few people here say "I felt bad, so I took some..." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:">
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Goofy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Not even "a little"!</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
My grandmother is always saying that "A little isn't going to kill you." I love my grandmother, and she tries hard to understand my decision, but she doesn't understand the fact that I don't want any meat, ever again!
 
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