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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My boyfriend in the last year has probably gained about pounds and it needs to stop now. I need a friendly non aggressive gentle way to tell him that hes getting round but i dont want him to get mad or think im just kidding. I dont want him to wake up one day and weigh 300 pounds hes not goin to be very happy with himself.
He hasnt been weighed since highschool because he refuses to ever goto the drs or anything so everytime any one asks him what he weighs he says 175. I have news hes over 200 now. I guess he is either in denial or he really doesnt realize it but never being weighed theres nobody telling him his actual weight. He already has to buy a bigger size pant bu he blames it on the manufactuers that they dont make any 2 pairs of pants the same size. I really want to help him befor he ends up being 300 pounds. I dont want him to ge to the point of no return. My father is a huge man and he is so much pain all the time because of his weight. His legs are swollen constantly he cant walk his knees are always hurting and stuff. You would hink that would push my bf in the right direction but it doesnt.
How can i tell him
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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A) You need to love him regardless, and I think it's borderline rude the tone you're taking about him. I understand partially where you're coming from, though.

B) You could tell him that you want to get healthier because you are feeling a little down lately, and tell him you want his help and do it together. You can also suggest going and doing healthy things togethers, like walking and hikes and bike riding.
 

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It sounds like he's pretty sensitive about it, so it might be a better idea to talk to him about getting healthier and not to mention weight, at least at first. If there's any history in his family of heart disease, stroke, etc, you could maybe use that to back up what you're saying. Hopefully he'll get the message without you having to spell it out, but if you do have to spell it out, just emphasize that it bothers you because you're concerned about his health and not about how he looks. If he's in denial about his weight gain, it might be a bit more difficult. Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
First off it deleted the number i put in there. He has gained atleast 30 pounds in the last year. I never said it was about his looks. 300 pounds is an incredibly unhealthy weight. If he gets as large as my father hes going to be in an incredible amount of pain and hes not going to like it. Hell never want to do anyhong again. He will get incredibly depressed because he already has low self esteem. I dont want him to be unhappy and miserable and in pain. And he doesnt care about eating healthy ive tried that approach befor.
 

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If you decide to come at it from the "get healthier" angle without mentioning the weight, why not turn that project into something you can both work on together? You could make a point of going jogging together in the mornings, or sign up with a pool and go swimming together. It would help him get fit (dropping weight in the process) and because you're there with him he might feel more supported and encouraged.
 

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You don't tell him he's getting fat. That's mean.

Instead, get fit and encourage him to join you. Eat healthy and help him eat healthy too. Don't give up. Just because you tried something once and it didn't work doesn't mean anything. People who have issues with weight aren't going to change overnight and you can't expect that. If you want to help him change his life then you have to stick with it. Don't think you can magically change old habits instantly with just a few of the right words. That's expecting too much. You have to take a long-term approach that's gentle. You have to want to help him succeed, not simply "tell him he's fat."
 

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As someone who has weight issues and has had low self esteem I can say telling him he's over weight and should do something about it won't help. It will only make things worse. It has to be his choice to lose weight and get healthy. If you want to encurage him then lead by example. Cook healthy meals and get plenty of exercise. If he sees you trying to improve your health it may make him want to do the same.

Audrey
 

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EEK! Be careful!! Like others said, he already knows, you don't need to point it out to him.
Speaking from experience, the best thing you could do in this situation is just start eating better and exercising, and invite him along. "Hey babe, let's go for a walk!" or "I feel like salad for dinner - is that cool with you?" etc... Just lead by example. Tell him you think it would be a fun way to make friends if the two of you join a sport of some kind, together. Let him pick the activity, just say YOU want to do something to get out of the house.
If you make it about him, his weight or health, it could cause him to recoil into self-consciousness. It's a downward spiral from there.
 

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So, if a person enters a relationship with a 175 pound person, they are expected to sit back and say nothing as the person doubles in size? I disagree, as the fat person's feelings aren't the only ones that matter. If you are worried about your bf, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to have that conversation with him. He sounds like he is in denial.
 

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Talk to him about your feelings about it as sensitively as you can. If you're really distressed by it it's going to harm the relationship by not dealing with it. Something's going on with him that ought best to be dealt with, I think.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by delicioso View Post

So, if a person enters a relationship with a 175 pound person, they are expected to sit back and say nothing as the person doubles in size? I disagree, as the fat person's feelings aren't the only ones that matter. If you are worried about your bf, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to have that conversation with him. He sounds like he is in denial.
Like I said, people who gain weight are well aware that they are gaining weight. There is no need to point it out to them.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by delicioso View Post

So, if a person enters a relationship with a 175 pound person, they are expected to sit back and say nothing as the person doubles in size? I disagree, as the fat person's feelings aren't the only ones that matter. If you are worried about your bf, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to have that conversation with him. He sounds like he is in denial.
Rude.
 
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