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Discussion Starter · #41 ·
No, when he does them half-assed I am going to redo them. I am not going to eat on a dirty plate because he didn't scrub all the old food off or am not going to walk on a floor with litter all over it just because he thought it was good enough. I am not overbearing and I don't ask for much. I am not psycho and am not going to redo all the towels just because he folded them the wrong way. That's not how I am. I am just not going to deal with something being dirty (like dishes) that should be clean. That is what I mean by half-assed.
 

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Originally Posted by Ocean View Post

Book suggestion: Living with the Passive Aggressive Man by Scott Wetzler.
This is an excellent book. It will open your eyes to their games. And they are games of control.

Tell him to do his own laundry from now on. It's a reasonable request.

Does he even realize that his immature behaviour is causing you to lose respect for him?
 

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Originally Posted by Macylee36 View Post

No, when he does them half-assed I am going to redo them. I am not going to eat on a dirty plate because he didn't scrub all the old food off or am not going to walk on a floor with litter all over it just because he thought it was good enough. I am not overbearing and I don't ask for much. I am not psycho and am going to redo all the towels just because he folded them the wrong way. That's not how I am. I am just not going to deal with something being dirty (like dishes) that should be clean. That is what I mean by half-assed.
how about if they are dirty, put them back in the sink instead?
 

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Discussion Starter · #44 ·
Yeah I usually do put them back in the sink. I gotta say lately though he has been trying. It's not like a huge change but there is something there. I'm trying to though. Yes there's a lot of stuff I shouldn't have to deal with, but I also don't want to become some anal person who is angry all the time.
 

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Originally Posted by cftwo View Post

Hoodedclawjen said pretty much what I thought I'd say. Pick your battles, do something about the knives first, and apparently the idea of only washing clothes in the hamper is pretty popular. One of my co-workers told me a hilarious story about her DH complaining about having no clean clothes. She looked in the laundry hamper and said, "But honey, I cleaned all the clothes in the hamper. See? Nothing there!"
Why is it the woman's job to do the laundry? Why do women automatically take on that job?
 
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Why is it the woman's job to do the laundry? Why do women automatically take on that job?
it isn't the womans job to do the laundry. who said it was? laundry is a job that needs doing, but its not a job that you need breasts to do though (in fact, using your boobs to do laundry would be a somewhat painful hinderance, especially if it involved a washboard).

yes, historically women tended to do laundry. some couples prefer to continue working within traditional gender roles, some women follow the same routines and habits as their mothers, and some women might (shock horror) actually like doing things like laundry and cooking- but its not the law or anything, and anyone who expects a woman to wash their clothes is seriously out of touch with what century it is. i doubt there are many women aged under 40 in the western world, who seriously see washing as 'a womans work' and don't think men can manage it (with or without training) - those who do are seriously putting men down.

some men perhaps are happy to let their partner act like their parent (especially as lots of them voluntarily do so), and don't care to take responsibility for their own washing needs / cleaning up behind themselves (and why would they bother if someone just steps up and does it for them?) ... but i know some women who have the same issue. if someone started doing my laundry, and did a good job, hell, i'd probably take advantage of it too, and let them carry on- so i understand why some men do that. that doesn't mean we're all laundry martyrs or that all women/only women do laundry nowadays, or that its 'the womans job'. anyone who expects me to wash their clothes is in for a big shock, male or female. any woman who is a laundry martyr, well that really is her choice.

i generally do my own laundry because i'm a control freak and i don't want to risk my bf accidently melting my delicates (though i very much doubt he would, he's been successfully doing laundry for more than 30 years). its my responsibility to wash my clothes, i'm a grown-up. my partner understands this, and he does his own... but sometimes he does mine too, sometimes i do his too. i also don't have paid employment (canadian government says i'm not allowed to, grrr), so it makes sense for me to do work around the house. if my bf didn't have a paid job, and i did a 14 hour day of manual labour, like he does- i'd expect to see a difference in roles and responsibilities- he could cook dinner too, hehehe.

nobody is making anyone do laundry, are they? if a woman doesn't want to do it, she has a choice- she could just stop- she won't be put in the stocks, or burned as a witch, if her partners dirty socks start growing roots into the carpet.
 
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