I'm probably more comfortable than I should be. However, I get uncomfortable when it's a gift I don't want or like. I always feel very guilty.<br><br><br><br>
I love love love spending money on other people, though. It's so much fun and so satisfying!
I don't like it when I'm out to eat with a friend and they insist on paying, or if a friend gives me gas money when we carpool (I'd have driven there whether or not I brought someone else along). Random gifts are great, though.<br><br><br><br>
I have difficulties with the holidays. My family is really big on gifts--so much so that at 19 I've never had to pay for my own clothes, purses, or bath supplies. I really hate the fact that my family buys those items as a surprise, though, because I'd really rather pick them out on my own, especially now that I've gone cruelty-free. I haven't really developed my own style and I own a lot of ugly clothes and decorative items for my room, and I really wish my parents had kept that money for themselves rather than waste it on items I didn't want. I really appreciate money spent on things that I do want and need from my family, though, and when a friend cares enough to buy me a gift, I'm always very grateful for their generosity.
I love to spend money on others, but I don't like people other than those I'm closely involved with romantically, or immediate family spending on me.<br><br><br><br>
I also tell men that I pay for my own share on dates. (but offer to pay for theirs if I ask them.)
I'm ok with family spending money on me... I know it makes my grandparents and dad really happy to be able to help me out, and I know they have the resources to do so... I don't like it when my mom spends money on me, even if it makes her happy, because I actually make more than she does, so it makes me feel guilty. I try to offset that by surprising her with groceries, coffee, magazines or just leaving money around at her place where she thinks it might be.<br><br><br><br>
I've learned not to protest too much when one of my parents wants to pick up the tab when we go out... If I only try to pay ocassionally, they accept more often (if that makes any sense!)
I am usually okay with my cousin and my fiancé spending money in me.<br><br><br><br>
My cousin insists on making me go out with her all the time to diners, movies, malls, you name it. She knows I have nothing to my name right now and since she invites me out I am always under the assumption she doesn't mind spending money on my company.<br><br><br><br>
When I work I will make it up to her, I'm sure. For now I just go with the flow. No one really ever spends money on me anyhow, so it isn't that big of a problem around here.
i'm not the best with people spending money on me. a couple of weeks ago, me and a few friends had a meal at TGI FRIDAYS for my birthday (i had veggie fajitas btw... really nice...) and they wanted to pay for me. i tried to argue with this about 5 times sayin "oh i'll pay for myslef, I don't mind!", but i gave up in the end... my friends are very insistant!<br><br><br><br>
so no, i'm not very comfortable with money spent on me.
I was taught that whoever asks the other person out pays, offering to pay half is an insult. It's calling the other person cheap, which is a form of pettiness, and you can't get much lower than petty. Actually in my family if you <i>want</i> to belittle someone, a favourite tactic is to offer to pay at their invite. It's a really underhanded way of saying you think you're better than them. I've learnt that other people don't think this way, so I always ask what's expected in advance if I don't know the person.<br><br><br><br>
Also, it is customary to bring a gift when invited to someone's home for dinner, usually a bottle of wine unless you know the host/ess would appreciate something else.<br><br><br><br>
If I am on the receiving end of these customs it doesn't make me uncomfortable because it's just good manners, but if someone started buying me stuff I'd be a little creeped out.
Hmmmm...this thread has me thinking.<br><br><br><br>
So, I have a few friends that I don't see/talk to often. If one of us decides to call the other and says, let's get together for lunch one day, does that mean the person who initiated the call is supposed to pay for lunch? Just curious, because it never occurred to me that would be the proper thing to do. We always just pay for ourselves unless it's someone's birthday or something like that.
I tend to be uncomfortable when people spend money on me. I have no problem spending on others tho.<br><br><br><br>
Karen, the other night I called a budy of mine and asked to go to a movie with me. I payed for the evening but it's not the norm even tho I did use the excuse that I asked him out. During my undergrad years when I was broke I didn't have the money to go out etc so he sported me all the time (other wise i wouldn't have been going out) so now I have it in my head that I want to give a little back to him and I'm glad i'm in a position now to do so.
People spending money on me?!?! That doesn't happen apart from my Mum and Gran and sometimes my brother. Everyone else it's me spending money on them. I'm getting really fed up with it now though. Over the past two years I've must have spent nearly £200 on one of my friends buying her food. At first if I was buying lunch I would say do you want a cake etc as she was very very thin back then but now she acts as if it's her divine right. So everytime I get my lunch she always grabs herself a cake, a sandwich and a drink even though she brings her own lunch. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/veryangry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":grr:"> If I say that I can't buy her anything she storms off, refuses to talk to me for a week and tells everyone else how horrible and mean I am so none of my other friends talk to me or they come up and have a go at me.<br><br>
I always lend my friends money if they don't have enough bus fare or no lunch money etc but I never get it back even when I say that I need it back. They always say "Well you buy Gemma loads of stuff at lunch and she doesn't have to pay it back."<br><br>
But the one thing that really p***ed me off this year was at Christmas. I brought everyone presents (20 in total) yet did I get one in return? No! I know that sounds really selfish but it really upset me. There's a girl that I'd fallen out with as she'd been a complete cow to me so I didn't get her a present. So what happens? Everyone came up and started having a go at me about not getting her a present so I ended up getting her one. Then another girl who had only been in our school for 2 weeks but was leaving again had to have a present even though I didn't know her so I was told that I had to give £5 to the "fund" to get her a present. I said that I didn't know her and was shouted at. I'm just fed up of it but I've only got 6 school weeks left and then (hopefully) I'll be going to a private sixth form and can get away from them.<br><br>
[/rant]<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wall.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":wall:">
I don't like it at all. It makes me uncomfortable to think that someone spent money they probably needed on me. It also makes me think that now it's my turn to spend money in the other direction and many times, I just don't have it, so I feel guilty.
I used to be pretty uncomfortable with people spending money on me. Then someone pointed out that in many cases, they get a lot out of spending that money on me, and to refuse would be to refuse a gift. And most people don't like it when you refuse a gift. So, I find ways to give within my means, and bake cookies and bread and give those, or offer to take care of the tip when they insist on paying for dinner. Or just give them a gift in return.
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>karenlovessnow</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
So, I have a few friends that I don't see/talk to often. If one of us decides to call the other and says, let's get together for lunch one day, does that mean the person who initiated the call is supposed to pay for lunch?</div>
To me, yes, but it really doesn't seem like the norm. I've learned to adapt pretty well, but it still feels weird to me to take a cheque and figure out my share. I liken it to inviting someone to my home and expecting them to brown bag it.<br><br><br><br>
"Would you like to stay for supper? My treat." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"><br><br><br><br>
I guess it's a "when in Rome" kind of thing.
I have 2 girlfriends whose birthdays are really close, so we all decide to go out for dinner and drinks one night. The bill came and I wanted to treat the two of them, but they balked so we ended up splitting it.<br><br><br><br>
I felt kinda weird about that...we're all on budgets, but I wanted to treat my friends for their birthdays! It thought it was a bit awkward. I don't mind treating for special occasions like this, but maybe they felt guilty about it?<br><br><br><br>
My roommate is the same way...she INSISTS on splitting the bill for all household items. I'm definitely not going broke buying trashbags & paper towlels...but I figure it's easier to have her pick them up next time around. It's overcomplicated or something.<br><br><br><br>
On the other hand, when I get to visit my parents, I let them treat me all they want!
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