VeggieBoards banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been a Vegan for the last 15 years, but my family <i>still</i> gets angry. Today, my brother showed up with bread he made "just for me"... it was covered with egg whites. I thanked him for his baking and tried to postpone the eating portion, but he insisted I try it. I then explained to him that I do not eat eggs (for the 2 millionth time). He grabbed the bread, slammed my door, and peeled out of my driveway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br><br>
This is just an example of something that happens at least once a week over pizza, burgers, donuts, cookies, ice cream, ad naseum. I have even begun avoiding family get-togethers.<br><br>
Why are they so angry over my personal choices? And how do others begin to handle this? Surely I am not the only one with an extremely selfish and unsupportive family, or am I?<br><br>
(No, I have never, never "forced" my views on them... what a person puts in their body is their personal choice)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
151 Posts
Your family are being selfish and disrespectful, and their behaviour is not acceptable. I hope you know that this is their problem, not yours.<br><br>
No practical advice, sorry. It just makes me so angry when people act like that, especially since people often internalise it, and blame themselves.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
344 Posts
What Deis said. 15 years is a ridiculous amount of time for you to still be dealing with this. When you're at one of their houses, have you ever just got up and left when they started harassing you? I'd start doing that every single time. Maybe once they realize that you're really just not gonna listen to it anymore, they'll knock it off.<br><br>
If they do it at your house tell them it's time for them to leave. They can come back when they learn to keep their opinions to themselves about your choices.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
437 Posts
I can't believe <i>you're</i> not the angry one at this point. Fifteen years? You must be incredibly patient. I would have slammed that door in his face. He's had plenty of time to get used to your lifestyle, and since you're not preaching it shouldn't concern him in the slightest.<br><br>
How did your family get along before you became a vegan? If there are no other underlying issues, maybe they feel condemned by your taking an obvious moral stance against meat, eggs and dairy. Even if you're not pushing it, I've found that some people get very resentful just because of what your diet implies about your beliefs.<br><br>
I agree with Mrs. T's suggestions - when they start doing it, walk away or kick them out. Your family should be loving and respectful, not rude and deceptive.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
16,664 Posts
If it were me I'd totally stop being nice and polite about it, I mean that's a LONG time to put up with that kind of nonsense.<br><br>
For instance with your brother bringing over bread with egg whites when he knows you haven't eaten them in 15 years, I'd be tempted to ask him if he has some kind of mental disability or perhaps a short term memory problem. Not being able to grasp a simple concept never speaks well of a person, and nobody likes feeling stupid. I'd point out that even a little kid would be able to remember what I do and do not eat after over a decade.<br><br>
Going on the offensive a bit has always helped me, snarky little comments like "Do I <i>really</i> need to explain the difference between plants and animals <i>again?</i>" or "You do know where eggs come from right?" tend to make people back off rather than admit they are being willfully stupid by offering a vegan animal products they know they won't eat. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:"><br><br>
If you start calling your family on their bull**** more and making it clear this is a problem with <i>them</i> and not with you it might help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you all for your replies. I do wish I had the courage to kick them out, but it is not so easy when it is family (especially in front of my 16-year old son and 7-year old daughter). My son is also Vegan (per his choice at this point) and <i>he</i> often does speak up.<br><br>
Usually within the next day or so, I get an apology, then the whole process begins again. *sigh*<br><br>
My Veganism is based 80% on the belief that sentient creatures are not here to be mistreated, abused, slaughtered, and feasted on... and 20% on the fact that a meat diet is extremely unhealthy. At various times, when asked, I have shared my views. As result, I am the "bleeding heart liberal" of the family and so be it. As Dies pointed out, however, I happen to be one of those "internalise it for the sake of harmony" people. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":confused:"><br><br>
Finding this forum as well as your responses means a great deal, I thank you...
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,131 Posts
I'm 15 and a new vegan, but my family are also very unsupportive. My stepdad, mom, and two little brothers take every opportunity they have to call me insane, crazy, wacko, all that stuff. If I say something like, "No, thank you, I don't want that, it has -insert animal product here-", they'll call me one of these names and then go "bock bock!" or "mooo!!" or something like that in my face (I'm sure you think I'm talking about my ten and four year old brothers, but it's actually my stepdad and mom that do this). I was a very insecure person when I first went vegan, and with my friends not being too supportive and my family being completely unsupportive, it was a lot of pressure, but it's made me tougher and a little less insecure about myself, and it's made me not care what others think. Now, I mostly ignore their comments. I don't want to be rude to them because it's already a big deal for them to buy anything other than meat all the time, but sometimes I do shoot back comments. Not often, but when they say something like, "Oh, you can't eat this delicious ice cream", then I'll say sarcastically, "Yes, I'm going to die because I won't drink the breast milk of another species long after my nursing years". I'll get in trouble sometimes, and it'll make them mad, but sometimes you kind of have to stick up for yourself. In certain situations, though, ignoring is better because they may eventually get sick of bugging you, though if it's been 15 years and they still haven't, maybe it is time you started fighting back. I wish I could tell all the meat eaters that are so rude to me, "Look, I'm not trying to shove my beliefs down your throat, so just leave me alone and stop shoving yours down mine", but I won't, people already think I'm crazy enough. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"> I mean, we respect their choices, why can't they respect ours? Just because we're different, they have to ridicule us every chance they get.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
191 Posts
I agree, stick up for yourself. After 15 years, this sh*t shouldn't happen anymore.<br>
Your brother coming with this loaf of bread was definitely meant to "torture" you, it's incredibly disrespectful.<br><br>
But all that has been said by others. What I wanted to say is re your children.<br>
My father is like you, never wants to make a fuss with family. I had to make the comments and stick up for what the extended family put us through. How did I ended up considering him ? Like a carpet, little respect for him.<br>
I changed my views on him when he started to fight back to the family. He still won't make a fuss when things happen, he's not like me, my mother or my sister, but he'll deal with it more calmly, on his own term, after the event. Now, he acts. He's no longer a carpet. And THAT is important. It's important for your children to see that you don't let people walk all over you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,222 Posts
If this is still going on after 15 years than they are just not smart (sorry) or are playing some kind of game. Perhaps they like the drama of getting mad, slamming doors and driving like maniacs. If your words have not sunk in with them, have you thought of writing a letter to let them know how you feel.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
151 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>mp_vegan</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2926130"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Thank you all for your replies. I do wish I had the courage to kick them out, but it is not so easy when it is family (especially in front of my 16-year old son and 7-year old daughter). My son is also Vegan (per his choice at this point) and <i>he</i> often does speak up.</div>
</div>
<br>
*Deis<br><br>
Are you familiar with Etiquette Hell? It's a website that discusses issues of modern day etiquette. Anyway, one of the main things advised is to grow a polite spine, with phrases like, "I cannot accommodate that request".<br><br>
In your case it would be something like, "Neither I nor my son deserve this treatment. Please leave." Then, don't argue with them. Don't debate. Don't engage. Just politely repeat that they need to leave, until they do.<br><br>
It may also help to set out beforehand what kind of behaviour is or is not acceptable, and then stick to it. Maybe discuss it with your son?<br><br>
Other useful phrases; "My diet is not up for discussion or debate. Read any good books lately?"<br>
"Try some cake!"<br>
If they ask about your diet, and the reasons behind it, first ask "Are you sure you want to hear this?" before proceeding (as I learned in another thread).<br>
Also; "Relative, I do not eat animal products. I find your constant attempts to entice me into doing so hurtful and disrespectful. Is there anything we can do to help you to remember this?"
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
34,591 Posts
I love Etiquette Hell! Great posts here <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top