[heatherbear]

Hello wonderful people!

I am new to VB and I have been reading voraciosly the past few days. I need the advice of those who have 'been there'. Here's the situation... bear with me, it's long as a unicorn's tail but I neeeeeeeed to get this out to sympathetic ears...

I have been a vegetarian for over five years, and one of those years early on was vegan (but not well-planned). After avoiding animal abuse issues all these years (I love animals and couldn't stand it), I came across Meet Your Meat earlier this week and BAM! - instant vegan. I've been reading about all the nutrition perspectives, vitamins, animal ingredients to avoid, etc. so I can know how to do it right. I always took a very passive approach to the veg issue, answering questions if asked but not bringing it up, and now I feel guilty about choosing ignorance all those years (just the way the guilty meat eaters do). Now I am dealing with the fact that I know in the root of my being that this is my path and few things in my life have ever reflected my values so strongly, therefore I no longer feel passive or forgiving about eating meat (or other products, but we can probably agree that meat should be the first to go). I feel so angry that people put taste buds above living beings. I know I was once an omnivore but after seeing Meet Your Meat and all I've read in the subsequent mad search for facts I DON'T UNDERSTAND how anyone would choose to eat a dead thing when THERE'S NO GOOD REASON! What's making this worse is that my boyfriend is a transitioning omni (he's open to veg and basically stopped eating meat this past week when I started talking about what I'm learning) and his family (who we just moved in with) all eat meat! Both he and I are worried about how this could alienate from his family somewhat. It took long enough for them to understand/remember I was vegetarian, and they still would keep bringing it up in seemingly benign ways (like how my constant eating was likened to 'a hooved herbivore grazing all day because I don't get enough protein' instead of the fact that I have been a stress eater since the age of six when my parents divorced). I would stand up for myself and vegetarianism in those situations but this is taking it to a whole new level of complicated communication. I don't want to be 'one of those negative, preachy vegans' that give veggies a bad name so I need to know how the work through this in my mind before I have to 'come out' to the family. We've been in the house alone for months but now the bf's parents are coming back from their vacation and it's about to get awkward. How do I forgive them for eating meat (in my own head)??? I feel so alienated from the world right now (other than you guys - how can their be so many of us yet so far apart?) because I am in a household of meateaters that I'm feeling a very uncomfortable anger toward (their actions at least) along with anger toward the rest of the meat eating population. Ceasing meat consumption is the VERY LEAST a human being can do to live more compassionately. Adding to this is the fact that I don't know a single vegetarian or vegan other than myself, period (other than in veg forums). I vent to my boyfriend but that just adds to his worry over whether he can handle his own transition (that he's pondered since before he met me 2 years ago) and wondering how the hell he's going to break it to his parents and get through the meaty holidays. I told him that Meet Yor Meat will make the decision so crystal clear and it's a difficult bit necessary learning experience, but I know he's nervous about what I'll think if he sees the video then eats turkey, etc this month (frankly I would be apalled but I can't say that). I can't let my sudden overwhelming rage toward cruelty propagators to inhibit my support of my boyfriend's transition or the enjoyment of my own positive life path development. Most importantly, I need to be reminded how to see the god/good in all humans, not just in the other living beings. I think guilt and shock and rage and a little post traumatic stress are catching me all at one. I know I'm not the only one who's felt this way! Advice on loving thy neighbor regardless of what's on his plate sorely needed!

 

[pixiexxs]

Wow, I feel the same. I know my husband rolls his eyes at me constantly when my children or I bring anything up. We're not "preachy" either, but my children are such compassionate souls, they know why we're vegan and don't bat an eye to mention when they see something that disagrees with this. My entire family, extended as well, are huge meat eaters. We all grew up with it. It's how we survived. Obviously, I know better now but they are very stubborn personalities. My brother will call and ask "how's the vegan thing going" like it's some kind of phase. I tell him matter of factly "fantastic" and leave it at that. My sisters would never ever go veggie...EVER. I respect that. I don't push it at all. They know why we went vegan and if they had questions I would answer them (I got one sister off jello, weird huh?).

Basically, I don't know how to advise you to answer. Think of a couple of short smart responses to their usual comments and stick to them. They're not open to change (yet) so be patient. If they make that comment about grazing and not getting enough protein, a quick "that used to be the thinking back in the day, but now we know better" and leave it at that. I know that I can't stand the smell or sight of meat so if someone is eating meat around me I eat at a different time and try not to be around when it's going on. I don't make a big deal about it, I just become busy with something else. It's worked for me. If you need to plan your meals at a different time, do it. You're right, you don't want to alienate yourself, these are people you care for. So if meal time is a big thing, perhaps join in on coffee, make a vegan dessert for all to enjoy, cook up one veggie meal a week and share. I hope this helps some. I know how you feel, cause I'm there.

 

[meatless]

Perhaps you could try reading "Living among meat eaters" by Carol J. Adams and/or "Vegan Freak: Being vegan in a non-vegan world" by Bob and Jenna Torres.

I understand your feelings completely. It can be very upsetting to see so many people mindlessly causing so much damage to themselves, the animals, and the environment.

 

[Tom]

http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/s...ad.php?t=62813

The thread I link to above is in the Animal Rights and Welfare forum here at VB. It's about being depressed over those who don't share our views toward animals rather than angry at them... but I think you might find ideas you can use.

It's hard. I wish I could convince my omni friends and family to embrace vegetarianism... but then, they're all omni, and yet I went first pescetarian, then ovolactovegetarian, and now almost vegan. They didn't influence me, so I don't know why I would be able to influence them.

I often remind myself that a lot of animals are really savage to other animals too. Yesterday in the library I saw a magazine which had an article about predatory behavior in great white sharks. This doesn't justify what humans usually do to animals- NO WAY. But it does alter my perspective.

Whe I talk to omnis about vegetarianism, I usually (1) try to get them to extend the feeling they have for their pets to other animals; and (2) try to show them that there are a lot of delicious, nutritious foods to eat besides animal parts and secretions.

Hang in there- and don't burn out! Your passion is a good thing, and we're here for you.

 

[Aussyj]

I am definitely not one to help, as I had a BIG problem with this in the past. Luckily, almost two years later, I am chilling out and slowly accepting it. For me, it was simply coming to terms with the fact that this IS a non-vegan world, no matter how much that I wish it were not.

Unfortunately, however, with this relization I also have begun to become discouraged. Just don't lose your beliefs, is all that I can say.

 

[eggplant]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meatless

Perhaps you could try reading "Living among meat eaters" by Carol J. Adams and/or "Vegan Freak: Being vegan in a non-vegan world" by Bob and Jenna Torres.

I second the recommendation of the first book. Never heard of the second, but I'm going to check that out!

 

[meatless]

eggplant, they do podcasts too and have a blog. See http://podcast.veganfreak.com/ for the podcasts

 

[Irizary]

Flesh eating sucks, and by extension, flesh eaters, in a first world country in which there are plenty of other options. You're an abolitionist living in slave times.

It doesn't mean everything about people who eat meat is bad, but that aspect of them (compassion to helpless others who are suffering) is either uninformed or unevolved. You may be around the holdouts who, even if they knew how much animals suffer, would choose to go right on doing it.

Some people in the US would own african-american slaves today, if they could get away with it.

The only thing you can really do is be as active as you can for animals, to try to move history along for their benefit.

 

[kpickell]

My recommendation is to stop being mad at meat eaters.

It sounds like it's yourself that you're mad at for eating meat all those years, but since you can't be mad at yourself you're looking for someone else to take your anger out on. Don't. It's no fun being an angry person.

Also, it might help you if you didn't use a meat eater as your avatar, then you wouldn't have to think about all the fish he was killing and eating every time you made a post. Animals eat other animals. Bears and humans are animals, so it's just part of nature that they eat other animals. Instead, use a flower for your avatar, or a bunny rabbit. Bunny's are cute and don't eat meat.

 

[nat*star]

Being angry at meat eaters does not help your (our) cause.

The best way would be to show them how happy and healthy you are, and encourage your boyfriend even if he does eat a little bit of meat. Raging at him is not going to make him want to keep on going with the whole veg thing, you'll make him resent you, he may decide your too militant for him.

I dont have any other advice because I have never felt this way. If I had not looked into it by my own violition I would never have learnt, so I would never had switched. I do tell them that all they need to do is scratch the surface to find the real picture.

 

[shineonyou]

When I first went vegan, I couldn't understand how someone as id-driven as i could go vegan because it was the moral thing to do, and yet just about everyone else I knew couldn't/ had no desire to. I suppose I still don't understand it, but these days I never think about it, probably because it would drive me mad if I did! I can ignore my relatives since I only see them on holidays. They just bother me about being skinny anyway. They did that before, only now they blame it on me being vegan.

 

[GhostUser]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shineonyou

When I first went vegan, I couldn't understand how someone as id-driven as i could go vegan because it was the moral thing to do, and yet just about everyone else I knew couldn't/ had no desire to. I suppose I still don't understand it, but these days I never think about it, probably because it would drive me mad if I did! I can ignore my relatives since I only see them on holidays.
Quote:

They just bother me about being skinny anyway. They did that before, only now they blame it on me being vegan

.

This is one reason why we are at 70% obesity rate and GROWING in america.

In my lectures I say, 'You know how we need our kids to get big? Put meat on their bones?" Usually the fathers sit there and shake there head "yes". I then hit them with 'Congratulations! All (large %) our kids our now VERY BIG! Big does not mean healthy Big does not mean strong! We all have friends and familiy members who, as we like to say, 'Was really in shape. He was built well..big and strong', yet they had a massive heart attack at age 45, 48 40!

We, our country, has to get out of the habit of thinking we have to look a certain way to be healthy. Ever buy a car off the car lot that 'is a great car', yet 3 days after you buy it the engine blow-ups or transmission goes? Well, most people will judge that car by it's looks, yet the insides are ruined.

Everybody is built different but we ALL have the exact same organs, veins, muscles, bones etc inside of us and THESE are the parts we need to take care of. Take care of your body and it will take care of you.

This is what is hard to convince our great family and freinds when we tell them why we choose to live a healthier lifestyle.

 

[Lord Hillyer]

One way to lower the anger is to think of them as bears or sharks, as natural carnivores. They aren't, of course, but maybe it will help you psychologically to deal with it while you try to set a good vegan example by your life.

 

[heatherbear]

A lot of interesting ideas! I definitely have more than a few books on my list. I feel a lot better now - I think I needed a good night's sleep and the comfort of knowing that I'm not alone in this (even though it feels that way sometimes). I'm actually not usually an angry person and anyone who knows me (other than the bf) would be surprised to hear it. I'm pinned as the "laid back" type. I really just reached a boiling point last night and it's good to know there's support here.

About my bear avatar - bear is one of my totem animals. They are special creatures. Bears are adorably ferocious (like me, I'm told) and I don't blame them for anything they eat, including humans honestly. Animals acting on survival instinct are a far cry from the human behavior in 'civilized' countries where we have the CHOICE, and too often the choice is a cruel one. I don't really feel guilty about being raised a meat eater because I didn't know better. But one day early in high school I realized I did in fact know better and now at 22 years I haven't eaten a scrap of flesh since that day (not knowingly at least). I definitely do feel guilt from contributing to dairy & eggs over the years. I think my anger stems from the shock of receiving this horrid, scary factory farm information and the incredulousness that all people don't stop eating at least some animal products as soon as they hear anything about it. Living in the information age, everyone has access to the facts but so many choose to ignore them completely. So that leads to "Why can't they see when it's so obvious to me?!" and so on.

I am thankful you have all reminded me that the best thing to do is to lead by example. The vegan lifestyle seems made for a rollercoaster of emotions since we allow ourselves to receive such horribly negative information about what mankind is capable of, then turn it into something truly positive with a conscientious and compassionate way of life. Deep down I am so happy about this development in my life and I want to show everyone around me that compassionate living can be a joyous affair.