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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi, I guess it's not often that someone will ask for this kind of support but...I need a bit of feedback please.<br><br>
I've been vegetarian for 22 years. I've always loved animals and the lifestyle I lead is pretty much around them. I am currently attempting veganism too. Problem I've got is my partner, who lives in his own place but says he wants to do it up for the benefit of our joint future and wants me involved in it's development, wants to keep pigs. He is vegetarian himself so I've been really thrown because the pigs would go to slaughter when they have outlived their usefulness.<br><br>
I've basically said I will not go out with someone who does this. When I met him, as he was/is vegetarian and used to be an animal rights activist, I made the assumption we had common values.<br><br>
He is saying that because he is ok with the idea of free range pigs, and as long as they are handled by a 'nice man at a nice abbatoir', that I should accept his rights to choose and his freedom. I'm afraid I don't see it like that. I feel that if he wants me involved in his life and in developing his property (he wants me to go help out) that I have a right to an input.<br><br>
Has anyone else come up against anything like this within a relationship? It's a blow after being together two and a half years because, had he had this set up with pigs going for slaughter when I first met him, I'd never have gone out with him in the first place. I was approached, whilst single, by a couple of farmers and refused point blank to date them because of the differenc in values.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>bracken1011</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2852011"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Problem I've got is my partner, who lives in his own place but says he wants to do it up for the benefit of our joint future and wants me involved in it's development, wants to keep pigs. He is vegetarian himself so I've been really thrown because the pigs would go to slaughter when they have outlived their usefulness.</div>
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What type of vegetarian does that?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/worried.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":worried:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>bracken1011</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2852011"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
He is vegetarian himself so I've been really thrown because the pigs would go to slaughter when they have outlived their usefulness.</div>
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'Outlived their usefulness'? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/thinking.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":think:"> Huh? Sounds like HE'S outlived HIS usefulness. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/mad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":mad:">
 

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Can't imagine any <b><i>REAL</i></b> vegetarian doing something like that!
 

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Legally he does have the "right" to own and slaughter pigs but you also have the right not to be involved with someone who has such little disregard for your opinions and for the welfare of animals. If I were you I'd explain that your moral opinions are in different places and you'd prefer to date someone with a more similar moral standard.
 

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Just going by your post, it sounds like it's time to give him the boot. Two and a half years is a long time, but people change and holding on to a relationship with someone that so clearly doesn't share your core values anymore sounds like an exercise in frustration.<br><br>
I'm sure you'll find someone that's closer to your heart! We're all here to root for you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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How long have you known this guy? Is it possible he lied about his vegetarianism just to get you to go out with him and now suddenly wants to raise pigs "just for fun"? What does he plan to do with the slaughtered pigs? Of course, he'll have to eat it so it doesn't go to waste. Doesn't sound like a real vegetarian to me or maybe he's decided that he doesn't want to be a vegetarian anymore. That's fine, but you don't have to help raise his pigs just because that's what he wants to do. I'd drop him like a rock.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>bracken1011</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2852011"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
......He is vegetarian himself so I've been really thrown because the pigs would go to slaughter when they have outlived their usefulness.<br><br>
I've basically said I will not go out with someone who does this. When I met him, as he was/is vegetarian and used to be an animal rights activist, I made the assumption we had common values.<br><br>
He is saying that because he is ok with the idea of free range pigs, and as long as they are handled by a 'nice man at a nice abbatoir'......</div>
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We do have some folks here whose family members or significant others are not vegetarian, but a situation like you're describing would really stretch it for most if not all of us. I don't know what to suggest because I personally could not do it. Right or wrong, I do have a different (i.e., far less intense) gut reaction to someone eating meat, as opposed to being more directly involved in the meat industry.<br><br>
Has he explained why he wants to keep pigs and eventually have them killed for food if he doesn't even eat them himself? By "outlived their usefulness", evidently he wants them for some reason besides selling them to someone who will eat them... what would that be? Some folks here have pet pigs, but they would no more sell them to be butchered than the rabbit caretakers among us here would make rabbit stew out of our rabbit companions.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>bracken1011</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2852011"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Hi, I guess it's not often that someone will ask for this kind of support but...I need a bit of feedback please.<br><br>
I've been vegetarian for 22 years. I've always loved animals and the lifestyle I lead is pretty much around them. I am currently attempting veganism too. Problem I've got is my partner, who lives in his own place but says he wants to do it up for the benefit of our joint future and wants me involved in it's development, wants to keep pigs. He is vegetarian himself so I've been really thrown because the pigs would go to slaughter when they have outlived their usefulness.<br><br>
I've basically said I will not go out with someone who does this. When I met him, as he was/is vegetarian and used to be an animal rights activist, I made the assumption we had common values.<br><br>
He is saying that because he is ok with the idea of free range pigs, and as long as they are handled by a 'nice man at a nice abbatoir', that I should accept his rights to choose and his freedom. I'm afraid I don't see it like that. I feel that if he wants me involved in his life and in developing his property (he wants me to go help out) that I have a right to an input.<br><br>
Has anyone else come up against anything like this within a relationship? It's a blow after being together two and a half years because, had he had this set up with pigs going for slaughter when I first met him, I'd never have gone out with him in the first place. I was approached, whilst single, by a couple of farmers and refused point blank to date them because of the differenc in values.</div>
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You can accept his right to choose and his freedom, but you also have a choice not to continue the relationship. I can't believe someone who's a vegetarian would actually ask you to be involved in something like that.
 

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i hate bait-and-switches!
 

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He's changed. So should you. Dump him.
 

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Intimate relationships are impossible for me if I don't share basic, core values with the other person. Maybe it's the same for you.
 

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I would dump him. But you have to do what is right for you.
 

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Depending on how well I knew the other person, if I still wanted to be with them despite this, I'd play a little game. Let him get one pig. Raise it from a baby, name it, take care of it, bond with it. They make amazing companion animals. When it's "time" to take it to slaughter, most people wouldn't be able to do it. They'd be too attached. If he still wanted to do it, THEN I'd dump his ass and take the pig with me.<br><br>
Or, again assuming you still want to be with him, put your foot down. Explain that he has to respect your views too, and your views would never let you be comfortable with such a practice.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thank you everyone for your replies. It's really helpful as it does confirm my own thoughts and feelings. This issue turns out to be part of a bigger problem which has become clearer in the last few days. I have put my foot down though and said if he takes part in having the pigs (which he wants to use for turning the land over) then the relationship is over. He has backed down but things are by no means on an even keel again yet. Something has broken in side me and I'm not sure things can be recovered. So, we will see. I'm pleased to have stood up for what I believe is right though.
 

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Here's a question: does it have to be pigs? Why pigs? Does he live on a farm? What about cows, chickens, or goats, which you don't have to slaughter to make money off of? It would not necessarily be un-vegetarian to keep these animals for dairy or eggs and treat them well, letting them live out their natural lives. Is it possible that you both could reach some sort of compromise in this way?<br><br>
That is, if the relationship is worth continuing. Your partner's willingness to send pigs to slaughter might indicate an irreparable philosophical difference between the two of you.
 
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