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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone. I have a dear friend who is gay. His fiance recently broke off their engagement, and he finds he is starting to have feelings for his straight friend.<br><br>
Now, this friend isn't 100% straight. I think he might be bi-curious. They have had one encounter, and everything seems to be fine, but my friend is really worried about developing romantic feelings for the guy. They are very good, close friends, and he doesn't want to ruin that. Doesn't want to invest emotionally either, in case his friend decides it's just not for him. This is the first time his friend has ever been with a man.<br><br>
Any of you have any advice or experiences, etc.? I haven't got the slightest idea what to advise, as I have never had such an experience, so all I do is listen, but I'd like to be of more help if I can. He can't really talk about it to their mutual friends just now, as it is a delicate situation.<br><br>
Thanks for any input. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SomebodyElse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2999430"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
They have had one encounter,</div>
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In what way?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Envy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2999448"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
In what way?</div>
</div>
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Sexual.
 

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I would tell the friend to sit tight and see how things develop. If he has been through a breakup recently he will likely be feeling a bit vulnerable, and prone to being hurt.<br><br>
It isnt really a good idea for him to be dating unless the person he is to date will be pretty straightforward with their feelings and intentions.<br><br>
There was a guy who was flirting with me on another board probably about 6 weeks after my break up in January, and it wasnt good because the guy wasnt really sure he liked me, he was just testing the waters. So I ended up feeling a little more rejected (though it didnt top the hurt of the breakup.)<br><br>
Anyway that is my advice. It is best for your friend to wait to see if the other guy has those feelings.
 

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Eh, without chemistry and passion, I "look" for something else. Not necessarily actively look, but I don't settle for trying to convince someone to want me, whether with regard to attraction, gender, personality, or whatever the reason I might not be their "ideal."
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks everyone. He's kinda already allowed himself to develop feelings for his friend, and his friend is the one who is making the first moves on him, so he is confused, and not sure what to think.
 

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Being with or dating a straight man is like a gay man's fantasy. But it can be problematic.<br><br>
I've been with three men who had never been with men before me.<br><br>
The first was back in high school with my best friend with whom I was completely in love (and on many levels, still am). I think he's completely gay but being that since his older brother is gay, he feels he has to be straight. This was one of those teen unrequited love dramas.<br><br>
The second was an utter disaster. I was absolutely in love with him and, at first, he was flattered and then he became curious. We wound up dating, although he wanted to continue to date women on the side, which I claimed I was fine with. I think he was mostly gay or at least bisexual with more gay tendencies than hetero but he had this idea of himself that required him to be with women as if being in a monogamous relationship with a man made him less of one. Indeed, late in the relationship, I found out his "idea of himself" did not include being with a man in the future; he wanted a wife and kids. It was an extremely unhealthy relationship.<br><br>
The third was just me helping a friend discover unexpressed parts of his sexuality. He's bisexual but leans much more straight than gay. I went into the experiencing knowing that he had no romantic interest in men, only sexual, so this, by far, was the healthiest of my experiences.<br><br>
What I think is important in dating/hooking up with straight guys is understanding their intentions and how the straight man "sees himself."<br><br>
Has the straight friend ever intimated that he would be okay with having a romantic relationship with another guy? Can the straight friend ever see himself having a monogamous, long-term relationship <b>and building a life</b> with a gay man? Can the straight man picture himself buying a house, a car, a dog, and introducing his gay boyfriend to friends and family? If he can't see introducing his gay boyfriend to friends and family, is it because he has concerns about "coming out" or because that's simply not how he sees his life?<br><br>
If the answer to many of those questions is "No and never" then, in my experience, it wouldn't be healthy to pursue it. Hell, I also know from personal experience that the temptation will be to "wait and see" if he comes around and changes his mind. "Maybe he'll find out he likes it and loves me so much he will be able to see us together for the long haul!" Improbable. The best decision, I think, would be to stop and draw the line as friends.<br><br>
Just my two-cents from my experience. Sorry it was long-winded, I try not to be but I always fail.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Oh no it's not long-winded at all. This is just what I think he needs to hear, thank you. I will pass it along to him.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>JoBravo</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3000548"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Being with or dating a straight man is like a gay man's fantasy.</div>
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ಠ_ಠ
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Envy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3000782"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
ಠ_ಠ</div>
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Well, maybe not every gay man's fantasy but it's popular enough.
 

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Regardless of whether I was strait, gay or bi, I would not want to get involved with someone who had just emerged from a broken engagement.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SomebodyElse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2999430"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Hi everyone. I have a dear friend who is gay. His fiance recently broke off their engagement, and he finds he is starting to have feelings for his straight friend.<br>
Now, this friend isn't 100% straight. I think he might be bi-curious. They have had one encounter, and everything seems to be fine, but my friend is really worried about developing romantic feelings for the guy. They are very good, close friends, and he doesn't want to ruin that. Doesn't want to invest emotionally either, in case his friend decides it's just not for him. This is the first time his friend has ever been with a man.</div>
</div>
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I haven't had any experiences like that but I would think your friend should go and date other people because I wouldn't want to ruin a good friendship if I was in his situation. He might be feeling vulnerable because of the relationship breakup and is just reaching for something that seems comfortable.
 
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