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You're too young for him, at least until you hit 18. I'm sure your brother's friend is over 18, and you don't want to mess with that right now. I mean, you obviously do, but you ought to think better of it. Ain't that always the way? Stupid rules... Still, you have a good 2 to 14 or so years to figure out who you might want to stay with on a permanent basis, so don't stress about this too much.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It's really hard to find decent 16-yr old guys-- that might be part of the reason you find yourself attracted to the older guys. BUT, you're probably going to cause yourself and these men much torment if you actually try to put the moves on them (or let them put the moves on you). It's probably a good thing you don't see your brother's friend much anymore.<br><br><br><br>
You might want to think about what it is about these men that attract you. If you know they have specific positive traits, those are probably the traits you should look for in someone closer to your age. And if you can't find anyone your own age, just hang in there! They'll mature eventually.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by epski</i><br><br><b>Still, you have a good 2 to 14 or so years to figure out who you might want to stay with on a permanent basis, so don't stress about this too much.</b></div>
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I sure feel bad for those chicks over 30. Anyway, i disagree with this here statement, you have the rest of you life to pick the person or people you want to spend the rest of you life with, don't get worried if you don't find a good one before 30.
 

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the best way for killing the crush, is watching him eat a nice juicy steak <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/inquisitive.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":stinkeye:"> or sucking on chicken drums to the bone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/spew.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":spew:">.<br><br>
helps me every time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)"> i just puke and move on.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by majake</i><br><br><b>I sure feel bad for those chicks over 30. Anyway, i disagree with this here statement, you have the rest of you life to pick the person or people you want to spend the rest of you life with, don't get worried if you don't find a good one before 30.</b></div>
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Hadn't thougt of that quote that way.<br><br><br><br>
Whew! I guess I have more than 2 years left! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D"><br><br><br><br>
(Epski, I forgive you for implying that I am on the edge indefinite spinsterism. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> )
 

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I'm over 30 so I guess my dating years are over and it's time for me to join a knitting club and forget about men. *weeps*<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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Hi veganmuncher ,<br><br>
One thing you might want to think about if you can when you start getting these crushes of older guys... is that you can cause them to go to jail. You probably feel grown up and you are probably very mature, but one think for sure is that you are a minor, and if this friend starts feeling the same thing for you, you can get him in sooooo much trouble. Oh course it takes two and 9most) guys (usually) think with other body parts and not their brains.
 

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When I was a teenager I used to always have crushes on my older brothers friends, absolutely, positively nothing ever became of them but, they were sweet and always kind to me. Looking back, I must have really made them uncomfortable with the way I would stare at them, and make myself a general nuance to my brothers while they were around.<br><br>
Now that I'm well over thirty, and they are well over forty, I have to giggle (or at least sigh) at what became of those beautiful gods I once worshiped. Most have become stressed out, balding, overweight, tired men who talk about regret, missed opportunity, and poor choices. I'll always carry a warm feeling for the those past crushes but, boy am I glad nothing ever came of them.
 

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Hey veganmuncher (LOL) I was a 16yr old with a 21yr old bf (here that is legal) and believe me you ain't missing anything! It's hard to find anything in common (bar lust) and his friends will eventually give him such a hard time he'll dump you anyway... and being that one of his friends is your brother that's an even bigger no-no...<br><br><br><br>
Take up jogging or something to channel that frustration... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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i would say this:<br><br><br><br>
there's nothing wrong with having a *crush* on an older guy. The problems come when we begin to take that crush to another level--pushing for a relationship.<br><br><br><br>
Crushes rarely, if ever, work out, and they're not meant to.<br><br><br><br>
a crush is actually something different than feelings that eventually become a relationship. A crush is your perception of an individual (idealized), and an admiration for the qualities that you percieve in them that you want for yourself.<br><br><br><br>
So really, a crush is wanting the qualities of another.<br><br><br><br>
Too often, women (particularly) are taught that their value and quality rests in their partnerships. A woman is valuable if her partner is socially valuable. Men are valued at their qualities and merits (ie, job, personality, achievements); women are valued on their appearances and how well they fit into male lifestyles. So, a woman gains qualities through association with a person who holds qualities that they value.<br><br><br><br>
(generalization of course, yet still true in my experience, as well as the social studies that i've read)<br><br><br><br>
So, for most girls, a "Crush" usually comes when we see a fella who holds a quality that we want to have or be associated with.<br><br><br><br>
For instance, to me Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn, LOTR movies) is very cool. He's a busy and productive guy. He paints, he write poetry, he takes pictures, he acts, he's a father and has a dog. he's friends with Dennis Hopper. I mean--PUH LEASE. oh yeah, and he's good looking too, except that he smokes and i'm not fond of his teeth. But such things can be overlooked.<br><br><br><br>
Now, do i *love* Viggo? No. i don't know viggo. i'm sure he *is* cool, but really, i don't know him. WHat i know of him, i like: he's accomplished.<br><br><br><br>
I want to be accomplished.<br><br><br><br>
as a female, i can be accomplished by proxy if i am associated (via relationship etc) to viggo. in fantasy land (and culturally), the sex act is often considered a unifying bond, which then "two become one" and i then assume all of Viggo's accomplishments.<br><br><br><br>
Too bad this isn't reality. Because i have to get accomplishments on my own, and i can't have any of his--if i have sex with him or not. Bummer.<br><br><br><br>
Also, good thing it doesn't work, because my husband (who is sweet and somewhat accomplished in his own right, but also a bit of a lump sometimes) would steal all of my accomplishments! LOL<br><br><br><br>
anyway, the idea here is to think about why you have a crush on someone. What qualities does that person have that you want? and then, how do you get those qualities in yourself? See?<br><br><br><br>
how do i become the zoebird version of viggo. I have no interest in being an actor, a parent, a painter, photographer or poet. I have an interest in being a kick-ass yoga instructor. So, i work on those accomplishments. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Onto relationships:<br><br><br><br>
don't worry about them. You'll meet people. you'll like them, you'll move on.<br><br><br><br>
you do have to remember statutory rape laws, but not that much. For instance, if your parents know and give you permission to date someone over 18, then you can date them. If they don't, they can then file for statutory rape charges (assuming that you're sexually active, which i wasn't until i was 22 anyway, so you don't have to be sexually active to be in a relationship).<br><br><br><br>
i don't really think it's a good idea for people in high school to date people out of high school--not because age makes silly rules, but because of life experience.<br><br><br><br>
when in high school, you're going through a major formative time--the transition from family life to social life. Once out of high school (18-20), you're going through another phase, out of family and social life to total independence. It's a tough time--and the life experiences are difficult and drastically different.<br><br><br><br>
The real differences come in between 16-20 and about 25 and up. when that age difference is there, there tend to be strange problems. Maturity issues mostly. life experiences are different. people undstand life differently, and one party always ends up hurt and upset because the other is a bit "mommy" or whatever to the other. Anyway, in observation it gets weird.<br><br><br><br>
what i find is that in those most formative years (14-18, 18-20/21, and 21-25), it's easier to connect with people your own age going through what you're going through for romantic relationships--or any relationship for that matter. It's good to have mentors and older people to help you out and give you guidence, but i wouldnt recommend getting into romantic or sexual relationships with them. It's just muddy.<br><br><br><br>
over 25 though, people all seem to even out. whether 44, 65, or 27, pretty much everyone is experiencing everything with the same outlook. Each person is an independent adult--some do have different experiences than others, but most everyone has been through the big ones--so they tend to have more in common.<br><br><br><br>
I generally have less trouble with relationships with big age differences when people are over 25. when the age difference is big between people under 25 or someone under 25 and someone over, then i can see a lot of room for various trouble (including abuse). So, i'm cautious about it.<br><br><br><br>
of course, i also think that rules change for certain communities, such as the gay community, which has different needs than the hetero community. But, they don't change that much. people have a bigger problem with homosexuality anyway, parents are more likely to apply statutory rape charges if their 16 yr old gay son is dating a 20 yr old gay man, than if their 16 yr old straight daughter is dating a 20 yr old straight man.<br><br><br><br>
social stigmas, what can you do?<br><br><br><br>
anyway, i wouldn't trouble yourself about relationships. Just have fun. like people, spend time with them, and don't worry about the rest.<br><br><br><br>
There's no rush to be in relationships. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by zoebird</i><br><br><b><br><br>
you do have to remember statutory rape laws, but not that much. For instance, if your parents know and give you permission to date someone over 18, then you can date them. If they don't, they can then file for statutory rape charges (assuming that you're sexually active, which i wasn't until i was 22 anyway, so you don't have to be sexually active to be in a relationship).</b></div>
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I'm glad you wrote this... I got attacked on another forum for saying something like this. "It doesn't matter if their parents agree! It's illegal! She can't even look at that younger boy! You're stupid!" ok not quite that bad, but I thought I was a total outcast on this one. Plus, I mentioned that it's not the DATING that's illegal, and everyone thought I was crazy for thinking that some people don't have sex.<br><br><br><br>
Anyway, veganmuncher, try to look at your crushes carefully. If you don't ever see someone, or aren't brave enough to talk to them, it's just not meant to be. I can relate since I had a crush on this guy named Matt, but I had been hurt recently, so I told myself that I don't see him enough (twice a week at church events) and I never talked to him since I was so shy, and he had no interest in me. But this method can backfire... eventually I started talking to him once in a while, and he kept hinting that he liked me, and I still tried to forget about him every week. I guess you need balance. Don't ignore every guy because you think you might be overreacting, but don't let yourself obsess over guys you'll never date.<br><br><br><br>
(If you want a happy ending, Matt and I ended up dating, are still together over a year and a half later, and are making wedding "plans" for 3 or 4 years from now.)<br><br><br><br>
PS: your post worked fine that time... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":up:">
 
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