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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
"Changes happen when we go against everything we're used to doing." ~Paulo Coelho<br><br>
Just wanted to talk about an interesting thing I noticed and read what you all have to say that may give me some things to think about over the next couple months.<br><br>
So nearly a year ago I finally decided there was no more excuses to not live my life the way I felt was right. I was having trouble lying to myself like I had always done before. So.. I began making the changes. We can go through the list of personal philosophies that helped shape my changes later if anyone is interested. But month by month I began taking large steps in the direction I wanted to head. Some things include: quitting drinking and smoking, taking daily (vegan) supplements, giving up meat/animal products and dairy, recycling, finding and using sustainable/ reusable products, yoga, daily exercise, fair and balanced meal plans, solving problems with more thought and fewer words, reading more, expanding my artistic endeavors. So there's that!<br><br>
The interest part of the story lies with my best friend. Known each other since kinder garden, birthdays and 11 days apart, (we're 24) been together through thick and thin. He's closer to me than my family. As soon as I started making the first of these changes it was nothing but negativity from him. He was appalled that I would quit drinking and urged me to continue drinking a little. He was disgusted about my workout programs, vitamins and supplements; at first telling me I would fail, then telling me I was being narcissistic. AND he hated me making the change to veg*n. Told me I was being crazy, spouted ridiculous misinformation about how humans aren't meant to live without meat, and went over the age old lie that all veg*ns he's ever seen and been lean and sickly looking. (remember what I said before about needing to use more thought and less words? yeah)<br><br>
So I pushed on, each change made illiciting some extremely inappropriate reaction out of him. Now he's making his changes. He's getting into shooting guns as often as he can and plans to get his hunting licence as soon as possible. (as always he is completely appalled that I don't want to go hunting with him) He's been working on upping his alcohol tolerance to help him sleep better. (!?) And he stays up till 4 am playing online video games. He says he wants to be healthy and exercise, but any of my suggestions fall on deaf ears. He's been eating a lot more meat lately and sugar.<br><br>
I see our lives suddenly starting to head two separate directions and though I know this is life, I can't help but feel sad. I know he wants nothing more that for me to "come to my senses" and return to his way of life. And I want nothing more than for him to join me. I'm not done making all the changes I want, not even half way. And this is probably for the best since he will be getting married next September and everything will change anyway. I'm going to keep moving forward and, I guess, for now, leave him where he is. We're getting older, going through changes...<br><br>
Thanks for reading.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br>
I think it can be very scary for people when their loved ones make big changes. It's unsettling. He feels like he knew you and now you are making all these choices that he never saw coming. You're also challenging his choices - when you stop drinking or eating meat you automatically are saying to him "I think your choice to drink and eat meat is wrong" whether you mean to or not.<br><br>
A very similar thing happened with me and my best friend from school. We were so close but went down different paths. Like you I stopped drinking, gave up meat and got on well academically. She started taking drugs, hanging around with "unsavoury" characters and dropped out of our college. It was painful and took me a long time to let go, but in the end we had so little in common we weren't the same girls who used to have sleepovers every other day after school. When I got married recently I thought a lot about inviting her to the wedding but whenever I imagined the reception I just didn't know what I'd say to her. It would have been weird and uncomfortable, and I think I had better let it lie. I still miss her even though it's been 3 years since we spoke or saw each other, but I also don't think I could have salvaged the friendship. We are too different.<br><br>
You two may work this out or you might drift apart, but you will be fine <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>The Fall</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2931028"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
"Changes happen when we go against everything we're used to doing." ~Paulo Coelho<br><br>
Just wanted to talk about an interesting thing I noticed and read what you all have to say that may give me some things to think about over the next couple months.<br><br>
So nearly a year ago I finally decided there was no more excuses to not live my life the way I felt was right. I was having trouble lying to myself like I had always done before. So.. I began making the changes. We can go through the list of personal philosophies that helped shape my changes later if anyone is interested. But month by month I began taking large steps in the direction I wanted to head. Some things include: quitting drinking and smoking, taking daily (vegan) supplements, giving up meat/animal products and dairy, recycling, finding and using sustainable/ reusable products, yoga, daily exercise, fair and balanced meal plans, solving problems with more thought and fewer words, reading more, expanding my artistic endeavors. So there's that!<br><br>
The interest part of the story lies with my best friend. Known each other since kinder garden, birthdays and 11 days apart, (we're 24) been together through thick and thin. He's closer to me than my family. As soon as I started making the first of these changes it was nothing but negativity from him. He was appalled that I would quit drinking and urged me to continue drinking a little. He was disgusted about my workout programs, vitamins and supplements; at first telling me I would fail, then telling me I was being narcissistic. AND he hated me making the change to veg*n. Told me I was being crazy, spouted ridiculous misinformation about how humans aren't meant to live without meat, and went over the age old lie that all veg*ns he's ever seen and been lean and sickly looking. (remember what I said before about needing to use more thought and less words? yeah)<br><br>
So I pushed on, each change made illiciting some extremely inappropriate reaction out of him. Now he's making his changes. He's getting into shooting guns as often as he can and plans to get his hunting licence as soon as possible. (as always he is completely appalled that I don't want to go hunting with him) He's been working on upping his alcohol tolerance to help him sleep better. (!?) And he stays up till 4 am playing online video games. He says he wants to be healthy and exercise, but any of my suggestions fall on deaf ears. He's been eating a lot more meat lately and sugar.<br><br>
I see our lives suddenly starting to head two separate directions and though I know this is life, I can't help but feel sad. I know he wants nothing more that for me to "come to my senses" and return to his way of life. And I want nothing more than for him to join me. I'm not done making all the changes I want, not even half way. And this is probably for the best since he will be getting married next September and everything will change anyway. I'm going to keep moving forward and, I guess, for now, leave him where he is. We're getting older, going through changes...<br><br>
Thanks for reading.</div>
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Yeah, this sounds like it has many parallels with my own story, except I started sharply diverging from my friends' lifestyle choices much earlier, in junior high and high school, and by my senior year none of the people I used to be friends with really hung out with me any more, and I haven't seen some of them in ten years. My principles and ambitions matter much more to me than any second rate friendship ever would, anyway. There is strength and purpose in goals.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Our story could be compared with Earthling's. Except I was the bad one. Never was into hard drugs but spent some time around the scene for sure. But we stayed friends through it.<br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Josh James xVx</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2931263"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My principles and ambitions matter much more to me than any second rate friendship ever would, anyway. There is strength and purpose in goals.</div>
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Agreed. However this isn't just a second rate friendship. The rest of the second rate friendships were cast aside with the first decision to quit drinking. For whatever reason, everyone hates the sober person in the room. They were just floaters, they didn't seek purpose or higher state of being, enlightenment or ever truth. They are all just comfortable living in their tiny sphere of influence. I didn't want to live like and that and neither did my best friend, so we moved on.
 

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I'm quite a few years older than you so I can look back on my life so far and see it's been a series of changes in outlook and perspective as I got older. Not all friendships will last a lifetime, many will come and go over the years. The thought of me hanging out with the people I hung out with when I was 24 or 25 is kind of weird and wrong. It just wouldn't work.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>The Fall</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2931028"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I see our lives suddenly starting to head two separate directions and though I know this is life, I can't help but feel sad. I know he wants nothing more that for me to "come to my senses" and return to his way of life. And I want nothing more than for him to join me.</div>
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People can be so resistant when people in their lives make a dramatic alteration to their behaviour, even if it is positive. I have lost some friends too through changes I have made to my life.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I saw a sign yesterday. I was walking through a parking lot toward a noodle house. Day light seemed to brighten the ground yet the entire sky was over. I stopped in my trek in the midst of the empty parking lot and peered into the celestial sky. In the northern sky were high, sliver, thin, brightly lit clouds that seemed to turn with the planet at a steady, rounding pace. In the southern sky were dark, ominous, billowing clouds that were very low to the earth and moving at a tremendous speed. I was standing in the empty lot, the air warm on my skin, barely any wind at all, watching the surreal sky bend in upon itself to an unavoidable battle of force. The two fronts joined in the center and began to churn and form a funnel cloud. I thought to myself this is my journey and this is what I want. I want to walk this earth like it is mine, feel the earth and give into it, watch the earth and listen to her language. I want to make everyday better than the last and do things in the present day to improve the future. My changes are mine and I must go the direction that speaks to me, as must everyone. I don't know anyone else who would have lived in that moment the same way I did, not even my best friend. I smiled at the sky and walk into the noodle house. Just then the sky opened and rain poured down harder than I had every seen before.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Pixie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932404"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
People can be so resistant when people in their lives make a dramatic alteration to their behaviour, even if it is positive. I have lost some friends too through changes I have made to my life.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"></div>
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Sorry to hear (read?) that. Haven't lost anyone yet. I just see the changed happening and I can acknowledge them but don't want to embrace them. Guess I'm being a baby. Change is good, it keeps us on our toes.
 

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Sigh!!! I just lost a friendship for over 22 years or so. We started drifting apart when I moved to another state and she was getting more friendships that shared her intrest of anime and spirits. She's been stating that she speaks to a spirit that she thinks its an anime person. She said that it was a Blessing from God and she knows its from God. I told her these things are not from God and from then and out for several years we had a big battle of our beliefs , Values and lifestyles. I tried to reconcile the friendship this year but all I was able to get through to her was her husband to leave her alone and to get her out of her life. There were more to this then I want to put on a forum however, I am hurt that the years we spent are gone , she was even my matron of honor and I always put her first before my own sisters. I thought my sister's hated me until I stopped this friendship and I learned the hard way they don't.<br>
Friends comes and goes and people comes and goes in and out of your live path. Our life is just like a train , When people gets off a real train they go to their destination. They either go to to their perminate destnation or they hop back on for more to ride.<br>
All I am saying is that those that are in your life now respects your decision and respects what you are.<br>
So I am sorry your friend from childhood is going back route however, things happen for a reason.
 
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