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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm just wondering if anybody else has been seriously considering just giving up on dating? It seems so wholly impossible that I will ever find someone that I am in to. I mean, with 6 billion people in the world, I'm sure that there are a few out there.<br><br><br><br>
It's just that recently, it seems that all my friends talk about is dating and such, and it seems to consume so much energy. I feel kind of like I would be better off if I just didn't care at all.<br><br><br><br>
That being said, it also bugs me that I see so many attractive women with quite unattractive men...seems to be a trend. And me, being a decent looking dude, can't seem to attract anyone. Hmm.....any thoughts?<br><br><br><br>
I know that for a lot of things, if you just let go, whatever should happen will.<br><br><br><br>
I am not looking for love: I know that you will only find what you are looking for, not necessarily what is there or real. Just putting these thoughts out there...
 

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The sexy-arm-guy is giving up on dating? (I sure hope you're the person whose photos I remember people talking about awhile back. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:"> )<br><br><br><br>
I can identify with feeling you'll never find a person who both fits what you're looking for and is interested in you. Sure, some people never marry or enter into a marriage-type relationship. Some who do marry say they settled for a second-best relationship because they were desperate. But I'm sure you know this already.<br><br><br><br>
Re: attractive women with "unattractive" men: Maybe he's attractive to her. Conversely, maybe he knew he couldn't compete in the looks department and spent his time improving his other characteristics, and that's what the woman found attractive. There are any number of reasons why a couple stays together.<br><br><br><br>
What did you mean when you said you are not looking for love?
 

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Attractive women with unattractive men= attractive in what way? Physically? I'm not sure how you can know why two people are together if you don't know them as people.<br><br><br><br>
I would say that the best thing to do is just meet and get to know as many people as you can, and foster friendships with those that appeal to you with no sense of pressure that you are looking for love. It is quite possible the pressure, plus expectations or emphasis on physical attractiveness (hinted at with your comment) is getting in your way. Perhaps something will come naturally out of a friendship with someone you would not have thought about dating while in "dating" mode.
 

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I don't know as I've exactly given up on dating, but I rarely date. I'm willing to meet people, but I'm not out there actively beating the bushes for a mate or a partner or just someone to go out with. Some of my apathy (?) is due to a lack of time - I'm working a full-time job plus a part-time job and trying to keep up with the regular life-maintenance stuff on top of that. Some of my laissez-faire attitude (perhaps that's the better phrase) is the decidely small number of potential dates.<br><br><br><br>
As for attractive women with unattractive guys, I think Skylark answered that well. An attractive guy can quickly become UNattractive if he has unattractive personal characteristics. I'm willing to overlook physical traits that aren't my "type" (after all, maybe I was wrong about my type), but I can't overlook an obnoxious personality.
 

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There's no question that dating can be challenging, and I'm sorry you're struggling with finding someone you enjoy spending time with. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br><br><br>
In regard to the looks issue, while I can/do enjoy and appreciate the attractiveness of someone's exterior, what's most important to me is a person's inner beauty. There have been many men who didn't initially "wow" me physically who became sexy as hell to me after I got to know them. A good heart, an open mind, intelligence and a great sense of humor hold more ground for me than a pretty face.
 

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I agree with everyone that personality is far more important than looks. It's fun to look at hot guys and everything.. but having wit and an interesting personality is more important when it comes to dating.
 

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I agree with those who said that a person's looks change dramatically depending on their personality, especially once you spend a lot of time with them and start to associate their face with "them" as a person that makes you feel good.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Thalia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I agree with those who said that a person's looks change dramatically depending on their personality, especially once you spend a lot of time with them and start to associate their face with "them" as a person that makes you feel good.</div>
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I can see what you mean about someone getting more attractive as you get to know them...that's definitely been the case for me with some past girlfriends.<br><br><br><br>
But I can not deny that I need to have some physical attraction to a person to be <b>wholly</b> attracted to them. Now, I'm not saying that she has to have the perfect body, blah blah (although eyes and faces are what attract me most), because as you get older (and in general really), the body is the most maleable part of a person.<br><br><br><br>
But, even if I am attracted to someone intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, if there is no physical connection, its just not happening for me. It's like a big puzzle where all the pieces must fit. Maybe I AM shallow, but I'm just trying to be honest with myself....and its not just looks that I'm talking about...I'm talking more about physical communication (sex and sexiness), but looks still play an important role (and I know and must emphasize that looks are a <b>relative</b> thing; what <i>I</i> find attractive).
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>georgefran</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
(and I know and must emphasize that looks are a <b>relative</b> thing; what <i>I</i> find attractive).</div>
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Also, I know that since physical attraction is the least important of those things that I mentioned (emotional, intellectual, and spiritual being the others), if the physical attraction portion is becoming a significant issue, then there is most likely a problem deeper than the physical....<br><br><br><br>
What I mean is, that if I was really in love with a person, then the fact that they had some rolls on their tummy wouldn't bother me. I might be concerned for them about health stuff, but not about my attraction to them...so if it is a big concern for me, then there must be underlying issues other than the physically apparent one....<br><br><br><br>
I know this to be the case because I've been with some women that I found extremely physically attractive, but since the other parts weren't fully there, they became not so attractive.....make any sense?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>georgefran</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I'm just wondering if anybody else has been seriously considering just giving up on dating?</div>
</div>
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Yeah, I gave up on all that when I realized that it only amounts to a selfish persuit of pleasure which cannot possibly fullfil or satisfy you in the long-run.
 

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I gave up on dating a while ago - tried to run away from it actualy - and ended up entering into a courtship recently when I wasn't even searching for one. It's funny how even when you convince yourself of something, God has a way of shaking your life up.<br><br><br><br>
What is courtship?<br><br>
Its like dating, but without the games - it's a mature additude towards a partnership, and in most cases purposely centered around God.<br><br><br><br>
--------<br><br>
Courtship supercedes modern dating as a devine communion between two souls imparted and brought together in the graces of the Holy Spirit.<br><br><br><br>
Where worldy couples move on the whims of infatuation and lust, godly couples move on the whisperings of the Devine Author of Life. To acknowledge the gift of a companion as one of spiritul blessings is to honor and respect that companion as a love offering from the Author.<br><br>
-------<br><br><br><br>
"But I'm not a Christian"<br><br><br><br>
There are still other benifits instilled in a courtship relationship that are supportive when one is sick of the connotations that 'dating' brings. Be mature, make friendships, enjoy life - when you feel a connection to someone propose a more mature and meaningful relationship without all the games and flaunting casualness.<br><br><br><br>
Or did you mean you want to casual date, but are sick of the games? I dunno.<br><br><br><br>
But either way, life is fine without dating- enjoy life, forget about trying to attract and find others at every venue (something I fell into) and make good solid friendships with those of the opposite sex, for the sake of friendship. Before you know it you'll find yourself with a connection with someone and hit it off.<br><br><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
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I know this to be the case because I've been with some women that I found extremely physically attractive, but since the other parts weren't fully there, they became not so attractive.....make any sense?<br><br><br><br>
But I can not deny that I need to have some physical attraction to a person to be wholly attracted to them. Now, I'm not saying that she has to have the perfect body, blah blah (although eyes and faces are what attract me most), because as you get older (and in general really), the body is the most maleable part of a person.<br><br>
...<br><br>
But, even if I am attracted to someone intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually, if there is no physical connection, its just not happening for me. It's like a big puzzle where all the pieces must fit.<br></div>
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This is pretty close to how I feel actualy. Have had girls available that had beautiful hearts but not-so-pretty face/eyes and ones that were dropdead sexy but had ugly hearts.<br><br><br><br>
A parter requires the whole package - and its fine to be picky. Dream big and don't settle; but realize absolute perfection is impossible - I like the saying "There is no perfect somebody, but someone perfect <i>for you</i>."
 

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I understand chemistry being important. How long do you usually wait for it to develop? For me, it often only exists right away for me if the person is someone who is not really a good match for me. With people who are more appropriate, it develops more slowly over time and I must be patient.<br><br><br><br>
Have you had any relationships that maintained the kind of chemistry you want consistently over time? I try not to put too much emphasis on it because it morphs and changes so much through a long term relationship. How long are your relationships, typically?
 

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i gave up on dating about 7 or 8 years ago...<br><br><br><br>
now i've been married for 2 years (known hubby for 5 years) and i'm having our first child anytime in the next few weeks.<br><br><br><br>
they always say it happens when you least expect it. in my case i just wasn't meeting anyone worth dating, so i was convinced i would be single for the rest of my life, and accepted it. it's a lot better than worrying about or stressing about not finding someone.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>georgefran</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br>
What I mean is, that if I was really in love with a person, then the fact that they had some rolls on their tummy wouldn't bother me. I might be concerned for them about health stuff, but not about my attraction to them...so if it is a big concern for me, then there must be underlying issues other than the physically apparent one....</div>
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A couple of rolls on someone's tummy makes them unhealthy? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/inquisitive.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":stinkeye:"> *wills herself not to say more*<br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>georgefran</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I know this to be the case because I've been with some women that I found extremely physically attractive, but since the other parts weren't fully there, they became not so attractive.....make any sense?</div>
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I get what you're sayingit's not wise to <i>completely</i> discount physical attraction. I have a male friend of many years who I love dearly as a brother, but I cannot will myself into thinking I find him physically attractive. Thankfully, his (now) fiance finds him good-looking, and they have a great relationship in all aspects.<br><br><br><br>
However, there is great truth in what carnelian and Thalia said about someone initially not "wowing" you but becoming sexier after you get to know them. I've had this happen many times. Unless a glimpse of someone's appearance makes your stomach turn (and don't you dare tell that person!), it's not hard for your perception of them to change.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>marina13</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
i gave up on dating about 7 or 8 years ago...<br><br><br><br>
now i've been married for 2 years (known hubby for 5 years) and i'm having our first child anytime in the next few weeks.<br></div>
</div>
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The math implies that you met your husband through some means other than dating. How did you meet him?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Joe</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
The math implies that you met your husband through some means other than dating. How did you meet him?</div>
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we met at a birthday party for a mutual acquaintance and ended up talking for quite a while. the next day he sent me an email asking me out to lunch. lunch ended with him asking me out to movie, specifying that it would be a date. up until when he specified that it would be a date, i was under the assumption that he was just being platonic (as i said, i had resigned myself to being single so the thought had not even occurred to me - i thought i was just making a new friend). then we started going out. our history is definitely a fluke on both our parts, but a good fluke.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>marina13</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
we met at a birthday party for a mutual acquaintance and ended up talking for quite a while. the next day he sent me an email asking me out to lunch. lunch ended with him asking me out to movie, specifying that it would be a date. up until when he specified that it would be a date, i was under the assumption that he was just being platonic (as i said, i had resigned myself to being single so the thought had not even occurred to me - i thought i was just making a new friend). then we started going out. our history is definitely a fluke on both our parts, but a good fluke.</div>
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I would consider that to be a variation on dating, not an entirely different process. Unless, of course, it's only "dating" if one asks the other out on a date at their first meeting.
 

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Yeah, I have given up on dating. No one interests me and dating is too stressful and time-consuming anyway. The only lasting relationships that I've ever had were with people whom I had known as friends beforehand....I would rather know someone first before trying to date them. Well also no one seems interested in me lol so maybe it's just the sour grapes talking.
 

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Giving up might be a good idea in that you tend to find people you're into when you aren't so stressed out looking. No pressure or anything, and you never know what might happen. So sure, give it up, but if something happens don't be against it either!
 
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