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Discussion Starter #1
I guess I don't really want advice, but guidance. We've been having issues. Uh...we've been dating three and a half years and she says she needs to take a break. I took the conversation really well and said okay (I guess I understand the need because I had to get some more 'me time' about this time last year). It is really bothering me now though. I don't know where our relationship is at and its tearing me apart.<br><br><br><br>
*opens liquor bottle* (don't worry though)<br><br><br><br>
She said she is stressed out because she is in a musical <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/guitarist.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":guitar:"> . She has had rehearsal or a performance everyday for the past week, so really we have barely had contact since last Thursday. We've talked on the phone but it has been very impersonal...like she is just someone I have to talk to to make plans or something. Tonight was the second time I've seen her since 'the talk'. I went to see her musical. Afterwords she had me follow her outside like we were going to talk. Then she proceeded to ignore me and only talk to her friends and the other cast members. She gave another guy a hug that was longer than the total time I have seen her since the beginning of last week. I had more contact with her friend, who is SO hot (but has to be below a decent age for me to date...I'm 21 btw) than I had with her. So then I just stood there...pissed...broken down...wondering where our relationship had gone. After a couple minutes of staring, when I had just decided I was going to leave, she came over. She said...'you're leaving?' like she had given me some sort of reason to stay. yada yada I wandered through the dark to my car and cried on the way home <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sweatdrop.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sweat:"> .<br><br><br><br>
I guess I can't handle this. No closure. Not that the relationship is necessarily over but I don't know whats going on. Worse yet (in my mind at least) is that it has really made me question myself. If she called now and said she's okay now and wants to be with me, I don't know if I can do that.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
well I guess no one is online that wants to help so I'm sending her a text message and then going to bed. Now that I'm drunk, I reallh couldnt care what her response its. I[m tire d of her problems and issues,. I wish there was a way to make this work, but I[m at my limits here. I do't know if I can handle her crap anymore. typooos<br><br><br><br>
great
 

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I'm sorry... I wish I had advice, but I'm afraid I do not.<br><br>
Give her a little time (I know, I know) and then try to talk to her.<br><br>
Good luck with her, and with tommorow morning's headache.<br><br>
I hope everything works out...
 

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All I can say and I've been there, done that. Have you tried calling her yet to ask what's going on?<br><br><br><br>
I would not call this advice or guidance, but when this happened to me, all the girl did was use evasive maneuvers (phone conversations where you say the same thing every time followed by "bye", answering "I don't know" every time I asked what was going on with the relationship) and left me to figure out for myself that it was over. This hurt me more than announcing the end of the relationship ever would have.<br><br><br><br>
Try to find out what's going on and see if she will tell you. It'd be nice if she'd actually let you know -- but don't let yourself hang in limbo if she can't be straight with you. Seems to be the oldest way to escape confrontation in the book.
 

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[bitter nonsense] I've had it with women and "time". What's time? It's manipulation... How long will the guy hang by his toenails for me? When he's old and gray, that is true love. [/bitter nonsense]
 

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I agree with raw_jess!<br><br><br><br><br><br>
Dont wait around for her to be done, and then ready for you. You cant be miserable while she is out having fun! You need to go on with your life as best as you can until she can tell you whats going on. Dont let her run your life and, dont just sit around thinking about her, being sad, when you could be out!
 

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There's not that much that you can do if she wants a break.<br><br><br><br>
Be strong and try not to drown your sorrows with alcohol.<br><br><br><br>
It'll be hard, but you'll get through it.
 

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She let you know she wanted you there by asking if you were leaving. I married a woman who got her degree in theater arts (acting) and got used to the post perfomance routine. My ex would usually flit around the people from the production for a while (sometimes as long as half an hour) before she got back to me. I think it's some sort of reconnection and comparing notes between the various people that is best done immediately after a performance. I wouldn't take it personally. I finally got used to talking with other acting widows and widowers while our partners went through their routines. When my ex was done she always used to appreciate my patience and thought of me as something like a base camp. I was there to return to and represented comfort and security.<br><br><br><br>
I know you didn't ask for advice, but here is what I would do. Apologize to her for leaving so abruptly. Tell her how much you care for her and let her know this post perfomance time is new to you. Then find something to occupy yourself while she's busy and do things that make you happy while she isn't available.
 

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I agree with asp3 about the post-performance behavior. I'm a performer, and I usually get to the people I see all the time last when a performance ends. Some people just come back to wish me well and then leave, so I try to get to them before the people that I will probably be seeing/hanging out with in the near future. I wouldn't take it too personally.<br><br><br><br>
As for anything else that is going on... I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. Try to get her to give you a straight answer. If that fails, I suppose that you can either wait it out or issue some sort of ultimatum.<br><br><br><br>
Good luck <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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I think what has most probably happened is that she has feelings for the cast guy to whom she gave the lengthy hug and doesn't know what to do about it. Probably still in the place where she doesn't know where it will go, but wants to be 'freeish' should something happen between them.<br><br><br><br>
I frankly think you should just let go. do your thing, like others have said...have some fun. You're twenty one....sometimes a girlfriend is just that (my post divorce therapist mentioned to me that my x maybe should have just been a really good lover and not a husband--and he was a presbyterian therapist)...and then you move on to someone who maybe appreciates and sees who you are.<br><br><br><br>
b
 

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Discussion Starter #13
well...,things seem to have worked out. I kind of gave an ultimatim text message not to call me until she knew what she wanted. She called right back and apologized for everything. Apparently, she was busy and I guess somewhat confused.<br><br><br><br>
Anyways, things seem to be okay now. Thank you to everyone who tried to help me out here. It seems it was just a rough spot and we should be okay.<br><br><br><br>
Thanks<br><br>
Brad
 

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I don't care what your profession/hobby is. It is no excuse to be rude to someone when they are trying to be caring and loving. So what if she a performer, she should still respect him right after a show and not treat him like dirt.
 

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Glad to hear it, Brad. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>vtgorilla</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
well...,things seem to have worked out. I kind of gave an ultimatim text message not to call me until she knew what she wanted. She called right back and apologized for everything. Apparently, she was busy and I guess somewhat confused.<br><br><br><br>
Anyways, things seem to be okay now. Thank you to everyone who tried to help me out here. It seems it was just a rough spot and we should be okay.<br><br><br><br>
Thanks<br><br>
Brad</div>
</div>
<br>
 
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