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My friendship with my friend is seriously in question. One major problem in our friendship is that her boyfriend is with us every time we hang out, we never have any time to just hang out with each other. This annoys me enough without the added issues of his crappy political views.<br><br><br><br>
I found out in a most unfortunate way that he is one of those rabid pro-lifers. I figured what with all the abortion debate threads in the compost heap I may as well bring this up.<br><br><br><br>
It makes me really angry that my fairly liberal friend is willing to settle for this loser who honestly thinks that a woman should have no say over her own body. And my friend had her tubes tied and is planning to adopt. I wonder if he's really okay with it, or if they're going to break up over it.<br><br><br><br>
The whole situation pisses me off because if I argue with him, my friend will end our friendship. But oddly, I don't care. All she gives a damn about anymore is her boyfriend. Mostly it just pisses me off that creeps like him are out in the world.
 

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please, please tell me that there are other issues than a single political view here, because otherwise you are being incredibly unfairly negative here.<br><br><br><br>
Do you have to argue politics whenever you meet a pro-lifer? If your friend is happy, can't you just bite your tongue when you're with him?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>frog67</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
The whole situation pisses me off because if I argue with him, my friend will end our friendship.</div>
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If you think your friendship is that fragile, maybe it's time to move on.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>isowish</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
please, please tell me that there are other issues than a single political view here, because otherwise you are being incredibly unfairly negative here.<br><br><br><br>
Do you have to argue politics whenever you meet a pro-lifer? If your friend is happy, can't you just bite your tongue when you're with him?</div>
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The op also says: "we never have any time to just hang out with each other". This sounds like a lot of gal-pal relationships. One meets someone new, and the dynamic changes, and it's hard to adjust.<br><br><br><br>
Agreed though, that if your friendship can't withstand this rough patch, then perhaps it's not going to last anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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Seems like she can accept people with opposing political views and you can't. Pro-lifers aren't "losers".<br><br><br><br>
That said, how long have they been going out? It's normal for couples to have an intense "honeymoon phase" where no one matters but each other. Imx it lasts a few months, and they they start emerging out of the cave and start connecting with friends again. Maybe give it a little time.
 

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If she had her tubes tied, then it doesn't really matter what perspective her boyfriend has on abortion, eh? Unless he's trying to convince her to untie them, in which case, that's an issue for them to work out and for you to stay out of.<br><br><br><br>
He's hardly the only person in the world who does not hold to the same pro-choice beliefs you do. Rather than driving yourself nuts over it, you might do better to just get used to it and engage in respectful conversation with them when you can.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>skylark</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
If she had her tubes tied, then it doesn't really matter what perspective her boyfriend has on abortion, eh?</div>
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It would still be an issue for me personally. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought they should be able to dictate what I/women can or cannot do with my/their body, who would try to force a woman to carry a baby they don't want. That would say a lot to me about their respect for me.<br><br><br><br>
OTOH I understand why a pro-lifer would have a problem with my views. It probably just wouldn't work out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Medesha</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Pro-lifers aren't "losers".</div>
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Thank you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":up:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>meatless</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
It would still be an issue for me personally. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought they should be able to dictate what I/women can or cannot do with my/their body, who would try to force a woman to carry a baby they don't want. That would say a lot to me about their respect for me.<br><br><br><br>
OTOH I understand why a pro-lifer would have a problem with my views. It probably just wouldn't work out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"></div>
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Since we don't know this man's exact perspectiveonly that frog says he is pro-lifecommenting on his views is mainly conjecture. FWIW I know many people who hold women in the utmost respect and oppose abortion. It's not necessarily mutually exclusive.<br><br><br><br>
Those who are pro-choice with respect to abortion should probably also be pro-choice with respect to this woman's relationships. If she chooses to be in it, that's her decision.
 

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Can you suggest a "girl's night out" with your friend, to drop the hint that you would like to see her without the boyfriend tagging along?<br><br><br><br>
If she refuses to leave his side, I'd recommend you just wait it out until the novelty wears off. You can still call/email/etc but you don't need to hang out in person with them both. In my experience, it never ends well when the friend does not like the new boyfriend & it might be best to just avoid the situation entirely.
 

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I definately wouldnt call anyone who has a different opinion than me about abortion a loser (Im very pro choice). If thats just their personal opinion, fine. But if this person was someone who, say, was out there fighting to get abortion rights overturned, or a pro life activist, etc. I might have a big problem being around someone like that. Since you called him a "rabid" pro lifer, I assume he is one of those people who would protest outside of planned parenthood clinics? I guess Im just wondering how this issue even comes up that much.<br><br>
I completely understand how you feel about this and how you are dissapointed that your friend chose someone like this. However she did choose him, and that is her right. There must be other qualities in him that she likes.<br><br>
If this guy isnt an activist, and just someone who holds strong opinions, if it were me, I would just try to agree to disagree with him. Dont bring it up, just dont talk about it with him. There really is no reason to get into an abortion debate with someone who you KNOW will never see where you are coming from.<br><br>
Its also possible maybe you are just drifting away from your friend? It happens...I agree with the girls night out idea...but if she isnt willing to put an effort into the friendship, Id just give her some space for awhile..sometimes its good to just let go because friendships change..try hanging out with her on her own, but dont just sit there and bash her guy. Really listen to her, maybe she can explain some of the reasons she really likes him. You may even get to like him too, you never know. I realize that to most pro choicers being "rabidly pro life" is NOT a pleasant personality trait, but if there are enough other good things about him its certainly forgivable, at least in my opinion.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>frog67</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
One major problem in our friendship is that her boyfriend is with us every time we hang out, we never have any time to just hang out with each other.</div>
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That's unfortunate but it happens all the time. Mandy gets along well with my friends so it's not much of an issue for her to hang out with us. I make a conscious effort to encourage her to spend time with her friends, including the occasional girls night out. Maybe you could find a tactful way to suggest something like that.<br><br><br><br>
I don't really think there's a good way to handle this situation. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/undecided.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":-/"> This is the way I'd look at it... Either she'll be happy, in which case you should be happy for her or things won't work out and you can be there for her when she needs you. It's really not your place to judge their relationship.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>meatless</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
It would still be an issue for me personally. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought they should be able to dictate what I/women can or cannot do with my/their body, who would try to force a woman to carry a baby they don't want. That would say a lot to me about their respect for me.<br></div>
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Do you mean "be with" as in a romantic relationship? I think that's cool if frog was saying that for herself, but if it's her friend's bf then isn't it her friend's call?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>IamJen</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Do you mean "be with" as in a romantic relationship? I think that's cool if frog was saying that for herself, but if it's her friend's bf then isn't it her friend's call?</div>
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Yes, I meant in terms of a romantic relationship. I was responding specifically to what skylark said about if her friend had her tubes tied it wouldn't be an issue. My point is if I were the friend it would still be an issue to me even if my tubes were tied because of what an anti-choice perspective implies in other aspects of how one sees women etc.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>skylark</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
FWIW I know many people who hold women in the utmost respect and oppose abortion. It's not necessarily mutually exclusive.</div>
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I will personally never understand how a man who wishes to take that choice away from a woman could hold women in the utmost respect. But that's just how I feel about it.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>meatless</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I will personally never understand how a man who wishes to take that choice away from a woman could hold women in the utmost respect. But that's just how I feel about it.</div>
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<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> As people are fond of telling me, "never say never."
 

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Well it's pretty simple. If someone would actively deny a woman that choice thus forcing them to carry a fetus to term, that isn't terribly respectful of the baby maker... ehrm, woman.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>meatless</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well it's pretty simple. If someone would actively deny a woman that choice thus forcing them to carry a fetus to term, that isn't terribly respectful of the baby maker... ehrm, woman.</div>
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I was referring to the "never understand it" part. Someone recently told me not to say I oppose abortion in cases of rape, because since I haven't been raped, I can't know how it feels or if my mind would change were I in that situation. I know it wasn't you who said that, but the same logic would apply here: don't say you'll never understand it, because how do you know you won't meet someone who clears it up for you.<br><br><br><br>
Anyway. It's nothing personal. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>meatless</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well it's pretty simple. If someone would actively deny a woman that choice thus forcing them to carry a fetus to term, that isn't terribly respectful of the baby maker... ehrm, woman.</div>
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<br><br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:"><br><br><br><br>
Now get in the kitchen and bake a pie. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)">
 

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I would say, regardless of one's personal opinions on the issue of abortion, that the OP is being pretty disrespectful of her friend. If your friend has chosen to date this guy clearly she sees something in him.<br><br><br><br>
If you don't like him ... that's really not the point is it?<br><br><br><br>
Back off. Give the relationship time to cool from the "honeymoon period" to a more normal relationship. And give her the respect of being decent to her boyfriend, even if you don't agree with him. And when forced to be social with him, avoid the topic that you know will only cause an argument.<br><br><br><br>
It isn't that hard to be civil.<br><br><br><br>
And for the record being pro-life does not equal being a loser. Nor does being pro-choice equal being a loser. If you are so quick to categorize someone as a loser because their views on one topic/issue differ from your own then I'm amazed you have any friends. Personally I don't know one single person with whom I share the same views on every topic. Their differing views don't make them losers. It makes them interesting.
 
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