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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The other day, I posted a blog on my myspace about how I was really frustrated with being vegan, but I was going to stay, and I was just looking for support. However, one of my friends replied with this:

"allison, truly this is the dumbest thing i think you have ever written in your life. It was YOUR choice. You didn't have to become vegan, when you told me about it, i told you this would happen. You know what you said to me? You said no it would never happen to me because this is something i really wanna do. So i accepted it, and i told you it would be hard and you wouldn't stick with it. Now look it. so in other words. I pretty much told you so."

I'm already having problems with her, so it didn't surprise or hurt me that much. I don't really even consider her a friend, but she's "group leader" or whatever, and I'm worried I'm going to lose all my other friends if I explain to her that I really hate the person she's become (there are other things going on besides this). I'm not worried that my friends will be mad at me if I cut myself off from her, I'm worried that I'm going to be drawn away from them.

Maybe this isn't the place for this thread, if it isn't, feel free to move it... But I'd really appreciate some advice.
 

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Geez, what is with people...I mean, I would never talk to someone like that, let alone a friend. She certainly could have been nicer about it. I can see why you don't consider her a real friend. If she is the leader like you say, it could be a problem if you cut yourself off from her. I guess you have to consider how much she annoys you and how badly you want to stay away from her. It would be nice if the rest of the group were able to stand on their own two feet and not let her sway their decision to remain friends with you. Unfortunately, sometimes high school just isn't like that. I'm sorry I don't have any solid advice to give. You just really need to decide which is worse, putting up with her and staying with the group, or standing up to her and risk the chance that you will lose touch with the other girls. Are you sure the others don't feel the same way you do? Maybe they will think you are awesome if you tell her what you think?? Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, one of my friends, who I've been friends with for 9 years, told me they were all with her when they wrote it, and agreed. Which makes me feel wonderful, you know.

Of course, not all of them are completely terrible to me all the time, like she is. And she IS the one who wrote it, and said, flatout, "I told you so". Honestly, part of the reason I think she's doing this is because she was vegetarian for a while but couldn't stick with it.

The thing is, I didn't even quit, and the blog didn't say I was. It was just frustration, more than anything, and at the end I even said I was going to stick with it. So I don't even understand why she's saying "I told you so". I didn't fail, and I'm not planning to.

Anyway, thank you for your post, it does help. :]
 

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I had a friend like that--actually two of them, but that would be going into a long story. Have you ever considered that your other friends feel the same way about her, but just go along with her because they don't want conflict? I always thought I was the only one who could see how mean and abusive our friend was, and how everything had to revolve around her--she wanted to make all our plans, she maneuvered every conversation to talk about herself, and berated us if we tried to talk about ourselves. I hated it, but everyone else seemed content letting things go on. Then, almost as soon as she graduated, everyone pretty much cut off contact with her. We'll invite her to the occasional event if we know she'll hear about it (like our grad parties), but otherwise everyone has cut her out of their lives. I don't think any of us would have had the heart to tell her what we thought of her back when she was running our lives, but I'm willing to bet you're not the only person that feels this way about her.

Whether or not this is true or whether you should tell her how you feel depends on the situation. I would never have done it to this person, because a) she has a fragile ego and I know it would really hurt her and b) she'd probably react by injuring my fragile ego and being very mean/gossipy about me, like she is with everyone she doesn't like. It was easier for us to be trampled on than to start that. OTOH, the other friend that I don't feel like talking about probably should have been cut out of my life long before she was. I stayed with her out of a sense of loyalty and a fear of breaking up our group, and then she stabbed us in the back and literally split our group into two anyway.

I don't really have much advice, I guess. I just want to say that I've been there. The one friend would say something like that right to my face (which is why I never talked about myself to her), and my other wrote about me in her livejournal, where all my friends (and myself, although she wasn't smart enough to realize I might see it) could read it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
One of them does feel like this, but still considers her her "best friend". I don't think the others do at all, because I've hinted about it and none of them really understood what I was trying to say.

My friend sounds exactly like you described. She does all of those things.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alli View Post

One of them does feel like this, but still considers her her "best friend". I don't think the others do at all, because I've hinted about it and none of them really understood what I was trying to say.

My friend sounds exactly like you described. She does all of those things.
Wrong forum.
 

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That sucks, have you considered looking for more friends outside of this person's group? I'm not saying you should cut yourself off from these people if you don't want to, but maybe a couple of new people who are more understanding about your diet would make you feel a bit less alone. In highschool I found lots of people who were OK with me being vegan, some people in my French class even went vegan for a day on my birthday senior year and they weren't even really close with me. Don't get me wrong, there was a good bit of teasing (most of it good natured) but it wasn't so bad.
 

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I'm a jerk and when I was in high school and someone was being a twit ... I told them so.

Now, I don't have any friends anymore. o_o But I would rather have just my beau and our best bud than have 20 people that I hate being around.

I agree that you just need to pick the lesser of 2 evils here. Don't be anyone's Welcome Mat, though. She's weak, which means she's just trying to walk all over you to make herself feel big. Don't let her do that to you.

Stay strong. Going vegan is a bit frustrating at first but it gets better and soon you'll be able to rub it in her face that you can succeed, even if she cannot.

Go you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I agree with both of you. I need to find people who accept it. I mean, I was really just looking for support, and two of my friends put me down (one of them a lot gentler, and still said she supported me if I would stick with it).
 

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You can PM a mod to have this moved to the relationships/family forum. I think it would go better there.

Anyway, I'm really sorry that it seems like your friends are rooting for you to fail. Use it as motivation to prove them wrong!
 

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Alli, this probably won't really help, but I just wanted to tell you I think you're awesome. Ever since you first joined here I've thought "now there's a girl who's got her stuff together."
You strike me as very mature for your age, and you deserve friends who are as great as you are.
 

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Believe it or not, crap like this never goes away. I am going to be 25 years old on Friday, and I am still dealing with friends who are as immature, self-centered, and destructive to my life as yours seem to be. I am currently in the process of distancing myself from the destructive ones, hopefully I will find a graceful way to cut some of them completely out of my life.

I admire your courage, and advise you to stand up to this girl. You'd probably be doing both yourself and her a big favor. Get yourself out now! And maybe she will realize what an idiot she is after all her friends abandon her, and chage her ways.


~Julie
 

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Also, I just wanted to add..if people stop talking to you because you cut this girl out of your life, they weren't good/true friends to begin with, a real friend stands by you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Okay, I'll do that. I have to go now, so I don't have time to, but when I get back I'll be sure to PM one of them. Thank you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Meatless, that actually does help, a lot. :] Thank you!

VegBunny, people are just wierd, I guess. :/ I hope everything works out, and something finally gets through to her, but I guess if it doesn't... Her loss.

Animallover, I know that. I know they won't be angry at me for stuff having to do with her, it's just going to distance me from them. I guess as long as I try to keep our friendship together, though, it will all work out.
 

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Alli......I am most likely old enough to be your mom......and MY mom still gives me grief for not eating animal products!

it never ends!

stay strong, come here for support, you will find it, there are a lot of wonderful people here who know exactly what you are going thru with veganism/vegetarianism.........

you are doing great!
 

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Moved the thread for ya.

I think you have a great perspective BTW- Meatless said it well- you are very mature for your age, and I have great confidence you will work through this with grace.
 
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