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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey folks,

this is kind of a follow-up to that "new colleagues" thread a bit earlier... as certain raccoons on this board may have guessed already


This is exactly what it says on the tin. Got a crush on a guy at work, let's call him G, don't know how to go about getting somewhere like "Wanna hang out?" or "Wanna come inspect my bedroom ceiling?"
I've had a girlfriend before (been together for a year, though it's been a long-distance thing) but with her it was more soulmate-y and stuff, no real flirting or asking out for dates or something, so not much I can apply to now.

I do intend to make a small painting of G and his favourite donkey for his birthday, it's next month and the two are really smitten with each other. No cake though, that'd be a bit much. Other than that, though, I'm kind of lost.

I'd be a bit more aggressive about just asking him out if it weren't for the fact that for the next 11 1/2 months I'll be seeing him roughly 7h every day and things could be really awkward if he ended up turning me down. Besides, I'm not really confident in my appearance, I don't think I'm particularly pretty or cute, I'm not even an inch shorter than him. Also, I've got pretty few friends, he's one of those people with lots. Makes me feel like a sociopath at times because I can't often hang out with mine
One of my friends says that she vaguely knows him from another friend, which would maybe open up the possibility of going to a party where G will be too or something but who knows if coincidence will come my way. (As I know it, it won't.)

Also, there's not much opportunity to dress to impress or something... It's outdoors work and we wear overalls that are bright green and practical and comfy, but not particularly fashionable. So make-up will be sweated off pretty quickly too.

I just don't know... Y'know, I'm just thinking it'd be so stupid if I ended up asking G out for a pizza or something and he'd turn me down and wind up thinking, "What does she want from me? She's not even pretty!" or something. (He's too nice to think that, as far as I can tell, but it's my private little horror fantasy. Ahem.) And then work would suck too, what with everything.

On the one hand I suppose I just want him to know that I'm interested, but I'm scared of doing that because then, well, he'd know, you know


Can you tell that I don't even have a clue what I really want to ask here? I just feel so awkward, what with being 20 and never really having dated (the one time I asked a guy out in class 9 I was turned down) and whatnot. Getting laid would be nice. IDK. I just want to stop seeing couples all around me all the time.

Um... Over and out?
 

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I could benefit from the results of this thread as well.
 

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I could tell by your other thread you were crushing on him too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by penny79 View Post

I don't think workplace romances are adviseable.
:/
This. Sorry, Kjesta, many workplaces have written rules about such things and it's that way for a reason.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pixie View Post

I thought Kjesta worked in a voluntary job or work experience type thing?
That doesn't mean that a workplace romance is a good idea. The dynamics aren't totally different when it comes to these things just because of that.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

That doesn't mean that a workplace romance is a good idea. The dynamics aren't totally different when it comes to these things just because of that.
Oh, I'm not saying it is a good idea but I don't think company work rules would apply in that situation.


I've known people that met at work though. It would be awkward if you got together and then broke up though and had to see them everyday.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Pixie's right, it's not exactly a workplace but I'm unfamiliar with the proper English terms so if it came off wrong, I'm sorry!

Meh, this sucks. It's just that everything's kind of awesome right now and lying around with the donkeys during break and picking apples off the trees together and stuff is pretty damn perfect - I feel like I don't want to wait for the best time I've ever had to pass before I finally have the balls to have a BF, not even mentioning that I've never met a guy that actually enjoys that kind of thing like I do. At the same time I do get what you're saying. Just makes me sad
I feel like by the time I turn 25 I'll still be a virgin and awkward and everything.
 

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I think you should get to know this guy as a friend and see where it goes. If you ask to hang out as friends, then you have nothing to lose. I would not hit on the guy because he will do that if interested. maybe a night out drinking could get things started.
 

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Definitely risky business. That's not to say it can't work out. Where I work, we have a couple who met on the job, actually got married (13 years now) and they work in the same department...one supervises the other and all is well.

In the other case, two people dated over twenty years ago. It was a disaster, they are both still working in the same department and the woman now reports directly to the guy, which is causing all kinds of problems. Unfortunately, the guy is being very unprofessional and vindictive...abusing his authority where she is concerned. It's a big mess with the personnel department being involved.

So tread very carefully! As for the flirting ideas, I was never very good at it...sorry!
 

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Invite him to a group outing, to lay off the pressure but still see if you guys can even hang out together well outside of work, be friendly, smiley, attentive, that's all flirting is anyway. If it goes well, set up plans for a second time.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kjesta View Post

Pixie's right, it's not exactly a workplace but I'm unfamiliar with the proper English terms so if it came off wrong, I'm sorry!
No, I get it. It's like an internship, a full time internship, on the job training. I still feel the same.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ocrob37 View Post

I would not hit on the guy because he will do that if interested. maybe a night out drinking could get things started.
That's asinine and backwards advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by karenlovessnow View Post

Definitely risky business. That's not to say it can't work out. Where I work, we have a couple who met on the job, actually got married (13 years now) and they work in the same department...one supervises the other and all is well.

In the other case, two people dated over twenty years ago. It was a disaster, they are both still working in the same department and the woman now reports directly to the guy, which is causing all kinds of problems. Unfortunately, the guy is being very unprofessional and vindictive...abusing his authority where she is concerned. It's a big mess with the personnel department being involved.

So tread very carefully! As for the flirting ideas, I was never very good at it...sorry!
You point out exactly why it's looked down upon; one never knows how it could turn out! As I recall you work for a very small company, yes? It's astounding that they allow such things.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

You point out exactly why it's looked down upon; one never knows how it could turn out! As I recall you work for a very small company, yes? It's astounding that they allow such things.
Seriously...and while it 'technically' worked out for the first couple personally, it brings another whole set of issues for other staff since one supervises the other.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
karenlovessnow, that really does sound nasty! Especially when the two are different levels from each other, makes it all very difficult.

I'm going to give him the painting anyway (but I'd have done that even if I weren't crushing on him, G and his donkey just make too pretty a picture not to paint it
) and see about a friendly hanging-out kind of thing, not necessarily romantic. And then see what's going to happen anyway.
 

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The 'G' is short for Gustav, right?

I think if you're interested in that feller, you shouldn't let the fact that you met him in a work environment matter. People date their co-workers all the time, and there are so many things that can come in the way of a relationship that you shouldn't let a social convention be one of them.

Also, don't date him out of a fear of what you'll be like at 25, date him because you're interested in him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
SS, you got me there! It's Gustav indeed, but don't let the Swedes know... I'm going to be royalty!

Nah, it's not out of fear - I just don't like the thought that I'm going to pass up someone just because "now's stupid", y'know. I like living now and he's the nicest guy I've come across in half a decade, which really means something. So I don't want to wait till the year is up to maybe ask someone out if I could now.

PS: Your giving real advice really means something too, btw
Although those conversation starters in the other thread really did the trick! Wanna date?
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kjesta View Post

Nah, it's not out of fear - I just don't like the thought that I'm going to pass up someone just because "now's stupid", y'know. I like living now and he's the nicest guy I've come across in half a decade, which really means something. So I don't want to wait till the year is up to maybe ask someone out if I could now.
Well that further emphasizes why you shouldn't care about the work thing. Relationships are more important. But if you're uncertain of yourself, then you could try to approach him gradually and try to test the waters and try to interpret his responses in terms of how interested he is; that way you don't have as much to lose.

Quote:
Wanna date?
No
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

Well that further emphasizes why you shouldn't care about the work thing. Relationships are more important. But if you're uncertain of yourself, then you could try to approach him gradually and try to test the waters and try to interpret his responses in terms of how interested he is; that way you don't have as much to lose.
If anything is going to happen, it'll be in baby steps anyway. But we'll see. (Knowing myself, I'll have worked up the courage in ten months' time
)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sevenseas View Post

No
Was worth a try
 

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I think your best bet is definitely go slow. Keep developing a friendship with him. More time might help you get a better idea of how to approach taking things past friendship too.
 
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