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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'll try and keep this short. When I started uni, I was dating a girl, we had been going out two years or so, and we broke up. It was the roughest time in my life, and I did a lot of stupid things following the break up, but I got over it, though it took a long, long time.<br><br>
A year or two after that, I got together with a new girl, who I had known for years and was my best friend. We celebrated our anniversary this January, but then we started having a lot of fights, ranging from the stupid to some quite vicious arguments, and I felt like we were growing apart. Moreover, I felt as if I were taking the role that my ex had in our previous relationship, becoming physically and emotionally distant as my partner became ever more needy and emotional.<br>
Yesterday, we broke up, in a rather bad way (she had been drinking and forced the conversation). I wanted to leave her, but I didn't want it to happen like that. It's difficult, too, because we have a lot of the same friends.<br><br>
This is the first time I've ever broken up with someone though, previously I've always been the one being dumped, and now I feel rotten. I know exactly what she's going through now, and I can't stand that I'm responsible for it. Plus, to make it worse, now all I can think about are the good times we had I sort of miss her. I know it just wouldn't work out though, we've drifted so far apart and our relationship had no physical intimacy because I was no longer attracted to her. I just miss having that close friend at hand though, I don't really have a 'best' friend other than her, and I feel like I'm Bambi walking now coming out of this relationship, but I don't want to backslide, because this is at the end of both our university careers and I feel like doing that now would end with us trapped in the relationship.<br><br>
I guess what I want to know is how anyone else has dealt with being the one to break up in the past, and how to deal with feelings of nostalgia. I realise this is all a bit Yahoo Answers, but be gentle...
 

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yep. I'm there now. all you can do is keep your focus and move forward. you know it wouldn't have worked out, right? just hold on to that for now. you don't need to forget the good times but don't lose sight of the fact that it wasn't going to work.<br>
it takes time but it does get better.<br>
you are not responsible for her happiness, only yours.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Floridaisa</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2858383"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
you are not responsible for her happiness, only yours.</div>
</div>
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Yea, this is something I'm struggling with, because we've been together for so long. Just writing it all down like that has actually helped though. I stupidly opened a photo album earlier which didn't help at all.<br><br>
Just breaking up has been so tiring, like the working up to it and the distance... I'm not ready for a custody battle over friends, so I hope that doesn't happen.
 

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i know it's hard. trust me, i know this. you need to do what's best for you. don't look at pics. :)<br>
i'm sorry you're going through this.
 

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*hugs* I went through the same thing about a year into University. Missing her will pass with time, and while it's hard to let her go, it's what's best. Whenever I was feeling too nostalgic, I reminded myself of why we broke up, and why we could never get back together. It's hard, possibly harder than being the one being dumped, but you'll get though it in time. Just don't try to stay friends. I tried that, and it didn't go so well. If you can't be bf/gf, chances are you'd make pretty crappy friends.<br><br>
Good luck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks guys. I guess I sort of assumed that being the one to do the breaking up would be easy. I feel like I owe that first ex an apology.<br><br>
I feel like I should write a letter to myself like they did in How I Met Your Mother, so when I consider getting back together with her I can read it and remember everything.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">I guess I sort of assumed that being the one to do the breaking up would be easy.</div>
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nope, not at all. sadly.
 

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you have to look at it like this: would you want someone that didn't want to be with you? in the long run, you are saving misery for two people. it's not like you've got kids and a mortgage together. she'll get over it.
 

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I know how you feel. Stick to your guns, even if it's tough. You broke up for a reason, just remember that.<br><br>
I got back together with an ex once. The end result was that I wasted another 9 months with him and then we broke up for the exact same reasons we did the first time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>ashlend</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2858589"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I know how you feel. Stick to your guns, even if it's tough. You broke up for a reason, just remember that.<br><br>
I got back together with an ex once. The end result was that I wasted another 9 months with him and then we broke up for the exact same reasons we did the first time.</div>
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Yea. My first 'big ex' I took ages to forgive, but I am so glad she didn't waver and take me back. The problem with this is that this is this girl's first 'proper' relationship, so there's a lot more heightened emotions for that reason.
 

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I've just done it less than a week ago - I broke off a 4 year relationship 7 months before my wedding. I was very upset at first and wasn't at all sure of myself but I've since been back to pick up some of my stuff and realised that I'd made the right decision. Your ex is an adult and should be capable of looking after herself - she will have friends to support her and you have to remember that you're not responsible for her future happiness. If you stayed together you'd be responsible for both of your future misery. You did the right thing and that will become clear in time. Take care.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>AstarteManeo</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2858724"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I've just done it less than a week ago - I broke off a 4 year relationship 7 months before my wedding. I was very upset at first and wasn't at all sure of myself but I've since been back to pick up some of my stuff and realised that I'd made the right decision. Your ex is an adult and should be capable of looking after herself - she will have friends to support her and you have to remember that you're not responsible for her future happiness. If you stayed together you'd be responsible for both of your future misery. You did the right thing and that will become clear in time. Take care.</div>
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Thanks. I just had a really unexpectedly great day hanging out with friends and doing things that I wanted to do but wouldn't have been able to without being harrassed with texts (one of the reasons we broke up). It really helped, and your post here really puts it in perspective for me.
 

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Glad you're feeling better and that I was able to help. Keep smiling! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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I've never broken up with anyone serious; in my only other major relationship, I was dumped. Four times. You may feel like you miss her right now, but please stick to your guns and don't try and get her back. You'll only cause her so much more pain in the long run. It seems to me like you did the right thing.
 

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Most of the times I didn't care. Only one time that I did break up did I feel bad. But not because of his feelings. We were a year together and I noticed that he doesn't care about me. He seemed to still be in touch with his ex and after he talked to her for about an hour on new years eve on the phone and trhen refused to kiss me in midnight i decided i need to break up with him. only it took me until may to do so. i was getting myself together, then getting drunk to get the right mood and instead changing my mind, lol. then finally one day came over and found a letter from her next to his bed with hearts drawn at her signature, so i flipped out and ran out of the house. next morning before work i came over to pick up my stuff and finally toild him that it is a lost case and we should break up. this is sure a different situation but a few next months i was thinking of getting back with him, luckily i didn't do it (was making sure not to have my phone around when drinking, haha)<br>
so while it is a different situation, all i must say is if it didn't work out even if you have some feelings there is a reason it didn't work out and stay away
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Yea... a few days back I saw her for the first time other than just in passing, at a meeting for the Environmental society we both belong to. It was awkward, but not catastrophic, and mutual friends asked us both if we were ok afterwards... I think that's good, and I'm definitely feeling like I made the right choice <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 
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