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Last night I went out to eat at Legal Seafood with my parents and boyfriend. Everyone was ordering fried seafood and everyone was all excited over the seafood, I was not and I felt left out. I ordered tofu and brown rice with thai coconut curry sauce, sounds good right? Well it was good, very good. But when I ordered it I got so much crap from everyone at the table. My boyfriend said he was going to "slit his wrists" because I will not even eat fish anymore. My father was chuckling at me as though to say "silly little girl" and he turns to my boyfriend and says "don't worry she will be back" It is like I am a different person to them now, a person who makes people want to commit suicide only because I don;t eat meat. I don't understand this strong response, it scares me. I am not one who likes to rock the boat, so this is very hard for me. I don't think I have any clue how to handle it, any thoughts. I feel like I am in this alone and it makes me very uncomfortable.
 

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if your boyfriend seriously said that, he's the one with the problem, not you. and if he was joking, that's not cool, either. if he really cares about you, he'll try to understand your decision and support you. anybody who makes a decision to lessen their negative impact on the world deserves more respect than that. as for your dad, my parents were the same way. it's been 4 years for me, and my dad still acts like it's a phase, telling me it's ridiculous and i need to snap out of it. i've just come to understand that there's no convincing him. you just have to laugh it off. if it really bothers you, try to talk to him about it. tell him you didn't make this decision to offend anybody, but that you feel it's the best thing for you to do right now. in my experience, that's worked alot better with my family than trying to explain to them my views on animal rights, environment, etc...<br><br><br><br>
either way, you have a lot of support here, so if you need to blow off some steam, this is the place. good luck!!
 

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If you choose to be different, you have to learn to live with the criticizm.<br><br>
Don't expect others to change, just because you do. Everyone has a right to there opinion. No one is perfect, including you, or me. Learn to take a joke.
 

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YOU'RE the one who's choosing a lifestyle that's kinder to animals and the environment, and better for your health, if they have a problem with that it's 100% their problem. It's horrible that they would treat you like that, and I know for ME, that wouldn't make me doubt my decision at all, it would only serve to reinforce that I am RIGHT.<br><br><br><br>
I'm not a boat rocker either particularly, but who cares? What it really comes down to, is do you really want to be somebody who goes along with the crowd and whose decisions result in pain, suffering and death for animals, and environmental degradation? I sure as hell don't!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>tiggybrown</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
tofu and brown rice with thai coconut curry sauce, sounds good right?</div>
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Sorry to be negative, but that sounds absolutely delicious. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/drool.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":drool:"><br><br><br><br>
[Dr Phil]<br><br><br><br>
Have you tried explaining to your family and boyfriend how they're negative comments make feel?<br><br><br><br>
Communication is the only way you're likely to stop this sort of behavior in my opinion, and I don't think communicating your feelings is rocking the boat.<br><br><br><br>
It's frustrating, I know.<br><br><br><br>
I think we've all been there, feeling really good about our veg*nism and just wanting the support and understanding of the ones closest to us only to get mocked and misunderstood.<br><br><br><br>
But, like most people, they probably have zero real-life experience with veg*nism it's up to you to teach them how to act.<br><br><br><br>
[/Dr Phil]<br><br><br><br>
Cheers!<br><br>
TJ
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">My boyfriend said he was going to "slit his wrists" because I will not even eat fish anymore.</div>
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That's one dedicated omni right there <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">It is like I am a different person to them now, a person who makes people want to commit suicide only because I don;t eat meat. I don't understand this strong response, it scares me.</div>
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I think your BF's just joking <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Just joke along with him and ask him if he wants to see a counsellor or something.
 
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i know you said you felt uncomfortable- i think they acted foolishly because they felt very uncomfortable themselves- you've changed, and that'll bring up a lot of thoughts and feelings in each of them, not least their need to justify to themselves their own choice to continue to eat meat- which is something they've chosen to do by making you out to be the foolish and misguided one, not themselves.<br><br><br><br>
i'm not trying to make them out to no longer the villians of the piece, but.. i dunno how to put this... sometimes trying to imagine what other people are thinking and feeling when they do something foolish or hurtful helps me balance the seasaw in my favour, in my head, and stops me from feeling smaller or more insignificant then them- i can see why they acted the way they did, and understand that their behaviour was irrational and unjustified, and that i was undeserving of it, and that i can rise above it.<br><br><br><br>
i'd try really hard to let it go right over your head. choose to not be affected by their rudeness and unciviliased remarks. if you do feel very hurt about it, i know its really hard, but sometimes it helps to find a way to draw to their attention that their behaviours and actions are hurtful to you. there are lots of ways you could do this: right on the spot when its hapening, with a quiet, friendly, carefully timed and worded chat with each of them later on, another day, in a note- if you don't feel brave enough to chat about it yet, or you could just flip out and burst into tears and shout a bit (not recommended, but i think they'd get that you were upset with them!)<br><br><br><br>
i don't know how that would work in your family, but in mine, i normally find that saying something right on the spot, in a calm, gentle, tone, with a smile, and a quick move onwards in the conversation works pretty well. calmly leaving the room right after you've said your piece, for a minute or two, works well for me too, but i guess in a restaurant the only place to go is the bathroom- so excuse yourself to go pee, if you want to give them thinking time, or avoid having to hear them go 'oooohhh' in a silly voice, or have it turn into a discussion when you aren't prepared and feel a bit worked up- (which is the <i>last</i> time to have a good discussion lol!).<br><br><br><br>
i'd probably say something like:<br><br><br><br>
'i know you're doing this in fun, but it makes me feel quite unhappy when you talk about me and my choices/beleifs like this, i find it quite hurtful, to be honest. i'd really like to spend time with you where we're <i>all</i> enjoying ourselves <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> maybe we could talk properly about my vegetarianism another time, but right now, can we talk about something else? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> *take a breath* ....... hey, did you know that susie down the street got a new job/car/whatever?.. blah blah blah'. (Or exucuse yourself at the 'hey did you' bit)<br><br><br><br>
i've found that people tend to go a bit openmouthed, then slightly red in the face, look at their plates a bit, and poke their dinner with their fork and mumble, when i do this, but they get over it in a few minutes, lol, especially if you take the lead and act all calmly about it.<br><br><br><br>
i think you need to decide if you want to raise it with them or not, but please don't let yourself feel small and insigificant, or like people are justified in being patronising or derogatory about your choices and beliefs, just becuase they push it on you, whatever you do.
 

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I'm sure you will grow thicker skin after a while. Also, your folks will probably get more used to it as the "phase" goes on and on for years and decades. If someone makes a joke about you eating "rabbit food" or whatever, well, they're basically begging for a merciless comeback along the lines of "did you know eating animal protein is the only way to grow kidney stones?", or some nasty detail about factory farming just as they are about to have a delicious meal of factory farmed burgers. But yeah, if you absolutely want to avoid a scene, the non-aggressive style is cool too, it's kind of like Jesus when he was nailed to the cross and the Romans were making fun of him and spearing him and so on and so forth, and he does the "Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" line.<br><br><br><br>
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to see it in a humorous perspective <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks guys it is nice to feel supported. And Jeezy Creezy you were very positive, I was dead wrong yesterday, I am sorry. Thanks for all of the input I really appreciate it.
 

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When I went out with my family to a nice seafood place in Seattle, I was very excited to be able to get a vegan meal there. My family teased me a little bit but I just told them that "my salmon" was still out swimming. Then I made a fish jumping motion with my hand. That lightened up the moment.
 

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My husband always has a negative remark whether we are out in other company or at home. I finally told him to get some new material because his comments were getting old. Apparently it hit home because after I said it he turned to my daughter and said "really?" So she told him, "yeah". He's been better but he still has to ask what I'm eating and still has to say "eewww".
 

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It occurred to me that what your family and boyfriend are doing is basically a form of peer pressure.<br><br><br><br>
It sounds like the exact same thing as many of us either went through (or are currently going through) in high school when we didn't conform 100% with what our clique expected of us.<br><br><br><br>
Humans, by there very nature flock to similar humans. (This is a generalization, I realize, but I think it's such a fundamental aspect of the human psyche that it applies in the majority of cases). Be it skin colour, religion, age, musical taste, what have you, people seem most comfortable associating with the people who are the most like them.<br><br><br><br>
You are breaking away from this by going veg*n and and your loved ones don't know how to react, so they are trying to ridicule you back into the fold of their comfort zone.<br><br><br><br>
It's the same technique used by any clique of people who see one of their own straying from the accepted practices of the group. Most commonly it happens in high school. But I assure you, at age 36, there are still people I know who mock my ways. I can only presume they hope to embarrass me back into being like them. Or else they're just jerks. Maybe it's a little of both.<br><br><br><br>
Anyway, it's unfortunate that your parents are not mature enough to support you, but I think if stick to what you believe they'll eventually come around.<br><br><br><br>
Try to explain things to them without getting upset. Don't attack their omni ways or make them feel guilty for the food they eat.<br><br><br><br>
As for your boyfriend...I hope he's nicer to you when you're not out for dinner. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/veryangry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":grr:"><br><br><br><br>
Cheers!<br><br>
TJ
 
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