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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
After we broke up my ex pretty much after 2 weeks found a new gf who he seems to be very into. he posts love songs about her on facebook, talks how hot she is and all the things they do together. our mutual friends describe her as very good looking and smart. and say that he doesn't spend much time with them anymore. etc.

And I must say, I feel super angry. And I am not too sure why. I was happy when we broke up, since we don't match, i can't be jealous since i don't want anything from him. maybe it is because nobody likes to be so easily replaced. not that i wish them to be miserable, but maybe a little i was hoping he would be, and the fact that he so easily found someone better than me (in his opinion) pisses me off

usually though i don't care. yesterday i looked back into my relationships and realized that all my exes found their big love or even got married right after me. (must be a curse,lol). and i never was upset. so another reason maybe is that i at the moment have no social life because i work all weekends. and what makes me angry is that he is the "winner" of the break up and i am a "loser" and everyone knows it (thanks to facebook)

i was thinking that i should go get a guy, start dating him, show it off to everybody etc. but that is just stupid. especially because i am so not in the mood for it. i love being single and hate relationships and getting into one just to "show him that i can do better" is too much effort (plus i guess it is not fair to the guy that would be used for it)

or maybe my anger reasons are a bit deeper. he was my best friend. and recently started changing (my friend says must be because of the big 30's coming soon). so what i am really angry about is not that he is happy with someone else. but that he changed, and i lost the person who was my friend because that person doesn't exist anymore


Well anyways, i am angry. angry at the situation, angry at him, angry at her, angry at myself for being angry. i am even smoking again. and i am sure i am not the first one in this kind of situation. so tell me, why you think you were angry and what you did to fight it?
 

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Are you happy that you are single now? Truly? If so, focus on that. Focus on bettering yourself, learing new things about who you are as a person and how happy you can be as an individual. Facebook is lame, it seems to only stir up emotions that you probably never would of had if it wasn't so in-your-face. Delete him maybe? When I feel emotional over something I know shouldn't affect me, I talk to myself logically (yes sometimes even out loud) until I realise it's absolutely pointless and counter productive. I allow myself a 10 minute pity party but once that's over with, it's literally old news.
 

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Yea, delete him off Facebook, or at least block him from your live feed. Go outside, enjoy trees, etc, be amazed at how much better it is not stewing inside with the stalker machine.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
ah, i can't delete him. will give the wrong message. and if i am blocking him he won't see my posts which means he won't know how well i am doing :p

but maybe look less at it, and yes talking a lot to myself until i convince myself to be reasonable will work!
 

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You can block his posts from appearing in your feed though and he won't know. All you need then is the strength to avoid looking at his wall!
 

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If there's one thing that I've learned about facebook it is that facebook is not representative of reality. People post things up there that make themselves look good while hiding all the ugly. I agree that it would help to not look at his stuff so often.

ETA: I am dealing with my own ex by posting hardly anything personal about myself on facebook so he has no clue of what is going on with me. I'm not sure if he's dating anyone right now so I guess I don't have much advice for you. When I do find out he has a girlfriend I will probably be furious and want to sabatage their relationship and bash in her face and . . . you know, crazy things. Maybe you are mad because your pride got hurt?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
yes! I am surre, my pride got hurt. i dont think he is important to me. so it must be my pride that bugs me so much. i will kick his assn and it hurthsn me just because of him being happpier than me. i need to kick his ass
 

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He thinks he's in love only two weeks after meeting someone
which came not long after breaking up with you. Yeh, whatever dude.
He seems like a shallow mofo. Don't waste your time and energy worrying that he's any happier than you are right now because people like him are shallow as all hell - he's probably miserable inside.
 

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I think it's a popular misconception that people who are shallow or nasty to others are miserable inside. I doubt that they are any less happy than anyone else, and maybe more so - after all, they don't worry/feel guilty about as much.

I think you're giving your ex a lot of power over your life. Every moment that you're worrying about whether he's one-upped you is another moment of your life that you've given over to him. I realized that when my divorce from my ex husband was over, and I decided that I had wasted enough of my time and emotional resources on him. Fini.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlp View Post

I think it's a popular misconception that people who are shallow or nasty to others are miserable inside. I doubt that they are any less happy than anyone else, and maybe more so - after all, they don't worry/feel guilty about as much.
Ha ha, naive or what.
 

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Originally Posted by Nishani View Post

Ha ha, naive or what.
Shrug. I think that believing that someone is less happy by reason of the fact that they don't share your values and/or interests is what's naive (and rather blinkered), but what do I know.
 

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You broke up and he found someone new. He's probably not in love, but infatuated. It might become something very meaningful, or it might fizzle out soon. If she's very good looking and smart, there's a decent chance that she will eventually dump him.

I can understand feeling hurt, and anger covers hurt, but I don't see that he has done anything wrong.

Maybe you should look at it this way. Your x has a "type" and realize that you are beautiful and smart, too. And remember that he wasn't right for you, and try to move on, stay busy, think about other things. Even try to be happy for him.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlp View Post

I think it's a popular misconception that people who are shallow or nasty to others are miserable inside. I doubt that they are any less happy than anyone else, and maybe more so - after all, they don't worry/feel guilty about as much.

I think you're giving your ex a lot of power over your life. Every moment that you're worrying about whether he's one-upped you is another moment of your life that you've given over to him. I realized that when my divorce from my ex husband was over, and I decided that I had wasted enough of my time and emotional resources on him. Fini.
I agree with this. I also think you should get off Facebook, or at least drop him from your view, OP. It sounds like it will just continue the unhappiness.
 

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I hid my ex's posts when we broke up, then she started commenting on my posts. >
So I deleted her. Why won't you just delete him? I don't think you can send the "wrong message" by doing so. Unless the message "We broke up for a reason, so stfu" is the wrong message.
 

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So- A similar but not similar situation?

About 2 1/2 years ago I decided to go on a break with my then boyfriend of over 3 years. I wasn't happy with him. It wasn't something I could explain fully- I just felt like we didn't fit and when I was with his it was like repeatedly trying to shove a square peg in a round hole in so many ways. He'd done a lot of not terrible unforgivable things, but some things that let me know that wasn't how I wanted to spend my life. He was getting pretty near the point of bringing up marriage, and I knew with all my heart I would be unhappy with him.

I ended up meeting someone else, having great chemistry while I was on a break with him. We got together. It was awesome. He was awesome. I felt freed from this miserable prison of a relationship I had been in. Obviously things couldn't stay that way, and I broke it off my my then boyfriend. I cried so hard when I was breaking up with him I couldn't breathe. It was a lot of guilt. He had been with me for my ENTIRE adult life. We had had so many experiences together, and we knew so many little things about one another. As terrible as it sounds it was a great comfort to me to be with the guy I had just started hanging out with, and the excitement probably kept me from thinking about the stuff I had left behind. To say my ex was heartbroken was an understatement, or so it seemed. He cried to our mutual friends. He posted all kinds of very sad things on facebook. He called me constantly.

Regardless, a few weeks later he found someone new. He was always bragging about her, he was suddenly talking about how he loved her right away. He was bragging and casually refering to how much they slept together, how great she was. It was awful. I was happy being without him, but now...I felt like I had been worthless the whole time.

Suddenly I started to remember all the good times, how fun our proms together had been, staying up late watching the stars, how we used to like to drive with the windows rolled down screaming the lyrics to our favorite songs. I remembered the love letters he's written when he went away. I felt like I had given up, that I had lost 3 years of my life. It was terrifying to think that after all we had together, I could be replaced so easily. Now I know that was how he had felt too...but I was the one who had wanted to leave. Maybe some part of me wanted him to keep loving me forever because it was too hard to think of my life without him in it. I didn't know who I was without him. He had been a good friend when it came to a lot of things. I wondered why I did what I did. It was like all the bad memories faded away and I was left with was missing him, missing my life, and feeling like I was never good enough.

Anyway, the feelings eventually passed. 2 1/2 years later I am with the guy that I met on chance that night, and I love him. My ex is still with the girl he got together with after me. The thing is, I hope he is happy but a part of me knows that he stayed with her for the same reason he stayed with me. He wanted to be with someone. In the end that was what it boiled down to for me, when the fog of all the drama that had went down passed. He was in love with being in love, which didn't at all mean we didn't care for eachother. He treats her a lot of the way he treated me now, even though, like with me, he was amazing in the start. Not showing up when he is supposed to, caring more about getting drunk with the boys, getting attention and making friends than keeping promises.

Long winded but what I mean to say is: It's hard because when you are with someone they change a little part of you and wherever you go, you take them and that with you. Sometimes it's a bigger part of you, and it can be terrible to think that you lost someone you really cared about because you knew it was for the best, and yet you can be so completely replaced with a new model. I've been there, and I have been the one doing. It sucks on both ends. This too shall pass
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ira View Post

After we broke up my ex pretty much after 2 weeks found a new gf who he seems to be very into. he posts love songs about her on facebook, talks how hot she is and all the things they do together. our mutual friends describe her as very good looking and smart. and say that he doesn't spend much time with them anymore. etc.
Then you get to spend time with your mutual friends. Go to the movies with them, or a baseball game.

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Originally Posted by Ira View Post

And I must say, I feel super angry. And I am not too sure why. I was happy when we broke up, since we don't match, i can't be jealous since i don't want anything from him. maybe it is because nobody likes to be so easily replaced. not that i wish them to be miserable, but maybe a little i was hoping he would be, and the fact that he so easily found someone better than me (in his opinion) pisses me off
That's probably it. You'll find someone special you want to spend your life with, too. It's just not this guy.

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Originally Posted by Ira View Post

usually though i don't care. yesterday i looked back into my relationships and realized that all my exes found their big love or even got married right after me. (must be a curse,lol). and i never was upset. so another reason maybe is that i at the moment have no social life because i work all weekends. and what makes me angry is that he is the "winner" of the break up and i am a "loser" and everyone knows it (thanks to facebook)
F*ck Facebook. He's putting it up there probably to show you up he found someone better. Unfriend him, don't let him know it's got to you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ira View Post

I was thinking that i should go get a guy, start dating him, show it off to everybody etc. but that is just stupid. especially because i am so not in the mood for it. i love being single and hate relationships and getting into one just to "show him that i can do better" is too much effort (plus i guess it is not fair to the guy that would be used for it)
It is, stupid, and people (especially innocent bystanders (like the next guy) tend to get hurt badly by these things. Get a guy (or gal) when it's you are up to it. Use your own timetable, and not someone else's.

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Originally Posted by Ira View Post

or maybe my anger reasons are a bit deeper. he was my best friend. and recently started changing (my friend says must be because of the big 30's coming soon). so what i am really angry about is not that he is happy with someone else. but that he changed, and i lost the person who was my friend because that person doesn't exist anymore
This probably is it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ira View Post

Well anyways, i am angry. angry at the situation, angry at him, angry at her, angry at myself for being angry. i am even smoking again. and i am sure i am not the first one in this kind of situation. so tell me, why you think you were angry and what you did to fight it?
Go for a walk. Hang out with your friends. Cook a lot. Bake bread, it's what I do when I'm pissed. It's legal, and there's no blood or cops involved. Yet. Join meetup.com. Buy a camera, it can be a p & s and walk around your neighbourhood and take pictures. Take care, and you will find your special person. Good luck.
 

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Sorry, I'm to lazy to read through the other posts. :p

Anyway, this girl sounds like a rebound for this guy, IMO.

And he hasn't won. Since you'd rather not be in a relationship. Friends, and nothing more, are very nice people to talk to. (Especially your girlfriends!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Thanks you all, very helpful ideas


It is actually better now. He called me today. Asking me if I am still his friend. He feels resentment from all his friends including me because of his changes. Basically he wants to stop being a "party guy" and move on to being a "family guy" (one of the main reasons we broke up). So I talked to him, we talked it all out. I basically said that I can't say that I am happy. but I realize that he is moving on with his life, and this is supposed to make him happy. It is hard to just simply not feel anything when the person who you felt will be your party buddy way into the 50's while all the rest will get married suddenly makes such an unexpected and big change (i really thought we would be hanging out together while everyone will abandon us for marriage and it turned out he is the first one who went for this road, lol) but that he has been my friend for many years and i want him to be happy. and that i will support him and try to get over it and at the end feel happy as well
and the girl came up briefly. he said that he knows people think she is the reason for all that and that she is manipulating him. i said i heard that too, including that she is scamming him for money, but that i guess he is a big guy and should know what he is doing. so he said that she is a nice girl and worth it all. i said i just hope she doesn't hate cats then, he said that she doesn't lol
And yeah, i didn't feel angry. i guess he has just a very annoying typing style where he sounds like a douche. but when we talked he just sounded as an old friend, sad over resentment and wanting to be happy. and i guess i do want him to be happy and that it is true that this girl isn't a manipulative scammer
 
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