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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I recently wrote an essay for english class on vegetarianism and I would love your feedback. My goal for the essay is to remove some of the factual evidence and replace it with more personal statements. I hope you can help me, I've worked on the essay for a while and really need new eyes looking at it. Click here to view my essay, it's published via google documents. Thanks!
 

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Originally Posted by KileyJane View Post

I recently wrote an essay for english class on vegetarianism and I would love your feedback. My goal for the essay is to remove some of the factual evidence and replace it with more personal statements. I hope you can help me, I've worked on the essay for a while and really need new eyes looking at it. Click here to view my essay, it's published via google documents. Thanks!
I think it is a good essay, and I enjoyed reading it.

But I don't understand your statement "My goal for the essay is to remove some of the factual evidence and replace it with more personal statements."

I should think your goal would be to do just the opposite--supply more facts to bolster your conclusions, and supply some references.

By "more personal statements" do you mean "testimonials" from VB members?

I am not familiar with Google docs. It didn't seem to let me do anything with the document except save it as an HTML file.

One suggestion I'd have is that you turn on Line Numbering in Word, and post the essay on VB as a Word document, i.e., as a message attachment.
 

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Excellent! And I agree with Joe that you specify where we cane help.

Factory farm animals, who support [I/] - I'm not a native speaker, but I would have used which [I/] - which one is better?
 

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Originally Posted by Lothar M Kirsch View Post

Excellent! And I agree with Joe that you specify where we cane help.

Factory farm animals, who support - I'm not a native speaker, but I would have used which - which one is better?
I would use 'which' since 'who' is used only for people. I think it's a great essay.
 

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Thanks guys! As for the which vs. who, I did that on purpose. I know that animals are usually not personified to 'who' but I wanted to make them seem more like humans than food. I am considering changing it but I like the feeling it presents as animals being 'whos'.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by KileyJane View Post

Thanks guys! As for the which vs. who, I did that on purpose. I know that animals are usually not personified to 'who' but I wanted to make them seem more like humans than food. I am considering changing it but I like the feeling it presents as animals being 'whos'.
add a footnote explaining why you use 'who', drawing on Dunayer's explanation (in Language and Liberation)

I always use 'who', deerS, etc. It's called poetic activism by critcal thoerists: e.g. playing around with the 'norms' of a language to make a political/philosophical point.
 
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