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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just really need to get it off my chest. No one really has to respond to this, but man last night was Hell.

I was talking to my fiance online when he starts freaking out. His mom called him, she found our Facebook accounts [which said we were engaged and my default was a kiss photo]. She called him in a fit and started ranting and raving about how we can never be together, and then ... he begged me to send her an e-mail saying I made the sites, the photos were done in Photoshop, etc. In light of saving what little we have ... I did. She sent me a cussy e-mail back, called me psychotic, a "conniving *****", things like that ... and then she called me a stalker and she told my fiance she was going to call the cops.

This actually would have done the relationship more harm than it would have done to me, because my mother would have flipped her lid and then told them about Allen being here everyday [and staying for the night on Valentine's Day].

It was such a horrid mess. Getting out. It's all I can focus on. Getting out of here.

I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading this crap.
 

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I know you don't want to hear this, but you have to tell his parents the truth. It's bad either way, it may as well be bad because of reality, right? If you two get married, she's going to know, and it's going to be even worse.

Why does she not want you to be with her son? How old are you two?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I'm 19, he's 18.

The reason he is keeping his mouth shut is because they'll kick him out. He has nowhere to go. My mother has already made it very clear that she would not offer him a place to stay until we can afford to move out on our own.

Were it not coming down to him having nowhere to live, it wouldn't be a secret. I'm not afraid to fight, but he doesn't have anywhere to go.

We're not getting married until after we have our own place. Who is going to stand in our way then?
 

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If he's 18 and engaged then he's an adult and should act like it. It's not an adult response in any way, shape or form to pretend, or get your girlfriend to pretend she is a weirdo stalker because he doesn't feel like telling his parents he is "engaged". If he is unable to stand up to his parents on such a vitally important issue how will he cope with life? If he cant support himself how will he help support his family when he is married? Why can't he move out on his own? He's an adult. Like I said, at 18 having taken on adult responsibilities perhaps he should start acting like one. Sorry if this sounds harsh but if you are going to be married you'll both need to accept the responsibilites that come along with it.
 

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Before you guys get married, he needs to learn how to stand up to his mother. When you are in a marriage, your partner comes first. Always.

If he doesn't learn this now, it will be even harder for him to learn it later. He'll continue to allow his mother to abuse you and you will not have anyone to stand up for you or defend you.

I'd bet money that they won't kick him out. And if they actually would, he is better off not living with them anyway.

If you guys are old enough to get married, you're old enough to stand up for yourselves and old enough to live on your own and old enough to tell your parents that what you do is none of their business anymore.

Until you can do that, you really shouldn't be getting married.

ETA: looks like Kiz & I had similar thoughts at the same time!


 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
His job is seasonal. He starts at the beginning of next month and I'm actively looking for work. As soon as possible, we're gone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
We are not getting married for a while yet. We are focusing on finding a place to live.

His parents are the real psychos here and they will give him the boot and he does not have anywhere to go.
 

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That's one step in the right direction. Also, if it means financial independence from your parents, he needs to work when his seasonal job isn't keeping him employed. Maybe retail or hospitality work or something. Otherwise, you guys will find it much harder not to rely on the parents for $$. And when you rely on your parents for money, it is much easier for them to dictate how to live your lives and threaten to take it away to get what they want.
 

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No, I do understand - I was in a relationship for 10 years with someone who never defended me against his psycho mother. It was horrible and I don't want other women who were in the position I was when I was 20 to go down the same path if there is a way to prevent it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Well we accept that for now [because we have to] and that's why we're keeping the relationship on the down-low [so we can still see each other sometimes].

Once they know it'll only be harder for us to get away from it all. If they don't kick him out they'll bring down the hammer and what little relationship we have left will be done for until a miracle.

I believe we will be together someday, hopefully soon, but we're trying hard to get on our feet right now.
 
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