VeggieBoards banner

1881 - 1882 of 1882 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,608 Posts
Hi greenie25!

I have not been on here in a long time either. I am the farthest I have come in recovery so far. I was strict vegan for 6.5 years, and then, to fight the rules in my head and my eating disorder, I started including eggs and dairy in my diet. I was also low on some lab tests during my last year of being vegan which disturbed me, and I was feeling tired all the time. I didn't feel much different as a vegetarian. Last December I began to include fish in my diet, and my tiredness vanished. My labs are much better (specifically ferritin and hemoblobin as well as sodium which was rock bottom normal for a while). I am able to eat out more, socialize around food because food is no longer the focal point, eat more all around. I have fought tooth and nail to overcome many obsessive compulsive rules and tendencies, and it was very very hard to give up being vegan but I felt it was necessary (for me personally) in order to overcome some obstacles, and frankly desirable in my last year of being vegan. I started taking ballet/pointe classes again since last year at a well known ballet school and have even performed on stage to an audience of over 1000 people! My weight has increased a little but not a huge amount, and I have been maintaining a healthy weight for a few years now. I am still battling my disorder on a mental level and accepting my body as it is is still a daily work in progress. Because I am no longer vegetarian (I eat fish 1-3x week on average), I have been refraining from visiting or posting on all the old vegan/vegetarian forums I used to belong to. But i saw your post notification in my email so i felt I needed to come here and share. If it is not allowed and my post is deleted, I will understand. This has all been a very strange experience for me. I thought I would be vegan for life, and I was very committed for a long time. But I began to do some serious soul searching and had health concerns and I began to question if it was right for me (yes i understand I am putting myself before animals who do not have a choice). I have changed a lot in my beliefs and practices, but still try to do the best I can where I can without compromising my recovery. It can not be black and white, all or nothing with me. I have had to find balance to make everything work.

It's taken me a long time to even be able to share this publicly because the shaming and harassing comments from some vegans was fierce when I first began to come out about my change. But many people have been very kind to me too, vegans included and in my circle of vegan Meetup local group, and have accepted me the way I am. Nothing in life is static. We do what we need to do to survive, thrive, move forward...This is not to say that someday i won't be stronger and able to try being vegan or vegetarian again. For now I have needed to not be so restrictive. I still can not bring myself to eat any other meat besides fish, and maybe that's ok for me for now. I'm still figuring out if it is because of ethical beliefs, because I am put off by the taste and smell, or because of my eating disorder. Funny how it is not clear at all as we might think it is when ED clouds everything.

greenie25,

I think it is amazing that you have a beautiful child now, congratulations! I hope you are able to get past any roadblocks so that you can live life to it's fullest and enjoy seeing the life you created grow and experience life. Eating disorders are so hard to overcome, but sometimes it's all about baby steps. Sometimes the big picture is too overwhelming and too much to think about. More and more I have been embracing a one day at a time approach. I battle severe osteoporosis (which has improved immensely over the last few years but not without the help of weight gain, less restrictive diet, and prescription meds) and when I think about my future it scares me because I am only 46. So I am trying to do everything I love to do NOW, and embrace life while I still have mobility and very little pain. And life goes so fast!

I hope you can find the strength to fight and find recovery. Many hugs to you!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
222 Posts
Oh me oh my, I want to reply and I was also debating including fish!
I can't reply yet though. Bother. But just...SO many congrats and power vibes to you. So much love.
Please email me if you like at any point. It's a hard road but life is worth it, my dear!
 
1881 - 1882 of 1882 Posts
Top