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I had a lot of Starvation Fog of Supidness today. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br><br><br><br>
Hope everyone else is hanging in there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Wah! I go to my grandparents for one night, and look at all the posts...eek.<br><br>
*Breathe, pirate. Have some rum...*<br><br><br><br>
Right...<br><br>
R, honey, I'm so sorry you have to deal with such a lack of support. You should be so proud of yourself for continuing to exist in such an environment. But the guys are right - you DO have support here, and we will do our best to help you through this. You need to start thinking about YOURSELF, and your welfare, not what your family thinks. I know that it is hard to do, but starting to be a little bit selfish sometimes is not a bad thing. You can't afford to stop cooking (and cooking well, by the sound of it) just because of what other people say.<br><br><br><br>
Vert, I'm sorry you have been having a bad time. Hunger is scary, isn't it? Especially when it feels insatiable. I'm glad you are feeling a little better now. I hope you continue to be so.<br><br><br><br>
Bio, I second Lib. Although you are definately ok on the fruit and veg count, I wonder if you are eating enough other things? I hope you are ok. Good luck with the application. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
Scorpius - ahhh, the Starvation Fog of Stupidness. What a name. Keep thinking of the dream, hope you are ok.<br><br><br><br>
VeggieMath, you do need protein, but what you can't avoid to do is get obsessed with eating the exact right amount of things all the time. But you do need to make sure that you get some protein. Sometimes you'll eat more, sometimes less. But don't avoid it. Hope you are well.<br><br><br><br>
Taurus, you are fantastic. You are right - no-one cares about what you weigh, they really don't. Only if you are severely under or overwieght do people start to care. The trick, though, really lies in stopping worrying about what other people think, and learning to be happy in your own skin whatever anyone else might think. The only person you always have to live with is yourself, and there is no other way of being happy than learning to be able to be on your own, and listen to your own head. That is the path to true happiness.<br><br><br><br>
I hope all you guys are doing better now, and I'm sorry if I've missed anything/ anyone out.<br><br><br><br>
*Breathes out* And that was all without even one little bit of rum <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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gracious, pirate <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":bow:"> your posts crack me up!! love you to pieces i really do!!<br><br><br><br>
hows stuff ?? i love going to my grandparents'. still. love it. never gets old. so safe. so ..home.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>piratemoon</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br>
...<br><br>
*Breathes out* And that was all without even one little bit of rum <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"></div>
</div>
<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"><br><br><br><br>
Speaking of which, I went to my parent's house for a few minutes this afternoon to get something and my dad accused me of smelling like alcohol. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:"> He wanted to smell my breath! It was 1230PM, I had been up and showered and dressed for hours....and HADN'T been drinking!<br><br><br><br>
Funny how the only people who think I smell like liquor are my parents. I hate going there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/undecided.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":-/">
 

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Pirate, you are so thoughtful to have everyone in your thoughts! You are really fantastic, you deserve a huge hug.<br><br><br><br>
Scorpius, that's crazy of them to think you smell like liquor. They must be imagining things! My mom used to do the same when I'd get home late at night. Funny how kids just can't be "good", they always have to be up to something wrong. Arg!
 

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Thanks guys <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Glad I caused amusement.<br><br>
I wish parents would trust their kids more. I always assumed that if I did anything wrong that I'd be in real trouble. I don't mean really wrong, I mean coming home a little tipsy and underage, that kind of thing. Turns out that my parents actually quite wanted me to do that. :/ Dad always tells me I need to be "bad" more often. Hmmm.<br><br><br><br>
I actually wish I could be more like my grandad. He deliberately loves being contrary. He'll pick the fashionable cause of the moment and seek out any information to disprove the theory. Sometimes he is wrong, clearly, but I just wish I could be that brave sometimes. I don't really know how he has survived until 86 to be honest, because he is just, well, dangerous. He nearly got court marshalled when he was in the RAF in the war because he took photos of secret technology. Fortunately for him, his posting came through the same week, and they just sent him off!!! Because he was short-sighted, he was supposed to train as a navigator, but there was an admin oversight and he ended up a pilot. Hmmm. I wish I could be as blase as that, and survive!!!<br><br><br><br>
Hope you are all ok - how are things going for you all? I'm not doing too bad - still! Weird.<br><br><br><br>
*hugs all*
 

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Oh boy, your dad wanted you to be bad? What I would give for that! I'm not even bad and my father seems to think that I'm the worst child in the world. I don't drink, smoke, have random promiscuous sex... who knows what parents want?!<br><br><br><br>
Your grandad sounds like my dad (my dad's 71, so that could be why). He's contrary just to be contrary. You say black, he says white. No matter how black something is. It's funny sometimes, but then it's just irritating!!<br><br><br><br>
Wow! It sounds like your grandad had a great life. Don't you just love hearing stories like that? Makes you really proud to be related to those people.<br><br><br><br>
How are you Pirate?
 

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Oh well, damn....just got the following e-mail from my dad ((AKA The King of Weird E-Mails)) ::<br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>...<br><br>
I am sorry if I upset you by what I said yesterday. I worry about you and you know I love you and only want what is best for you<br><br>
...</i></div>
</div>
<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/undecided.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":-/">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Scorpius</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Oh well, damn....just got the following e-mail from my dad ((AKA The King of Weird E-Mails)) ::<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/undecided.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":-/"></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Although it's a big impersonal to email you, I think it's the thought that counts. He realized that what he said might have offended or hurt you, and is trying to make it better. *hugs* Hope you are feeling better.
 

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I'm quite proud to be related to him too, even if he is a nutter. Well done R for making yourself eat it, and I'm glad you felt better. It is horrid, though, when you have to eat when you aren't hungry. Ech. I'm very proud that you are sticking with it.<br><br><br><br>
Scorpius, your Dad cares about you. It is good to know that. And he realised that he did something wrong, so that is good too. How are you now?<br><br><br><br>
I'm not bad at the moment. I do want to cheat quite a lot, and I have done, but only little bits. But I shall try not to at all today. Very sleepy now. The earthquake last night moved my bookshelves from the wall and made me think the oak tree had fallen into the house. Off topic again, sorry!<br><br><br><br>
Foodwise though, I'm trying. Cooking for my family is fun, and I'm hoping that this will help. It should also give me things to cook when I go back to uni. Hope so, anyhow.<br><br><br><br>
Hope you are all ok - keep updating.
 

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That's fantastic that you can cook for your family!! You can share a meal with them, which is something we all should be experiencing more often. I usually eat alone. Oh well.
 

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Discussion Starter · #72 ·
How is everyone?<br><br><br><br>
Someone asked about not eating enough protein: protein is muscle fuel. Your body needs protein to keep muscle or it starts to eat itself, eventually getting to your heart. I'm not trying to scare you, but you need to eat the protein, yes, it is scary, and it is hard. I have been there, and y ou CAN get through it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Well done R!<br><br><br><br>
Hi Lib, are you feeling better now? Hope so. You are inspiring. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
I'm very lucky that I can cook for my parents. I'm very lucky with my parents in general. I should tell them more often how grateful I am. Actually, for their anniversary I am going to make them a nice meal and be their waitress!! And do the room up all nicely. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
I still want to cheat quite a lot at the moment, but I was honest yesterday, and I intend to be today. I get that pit of dread in my stomach, and I felt quite pregnant looking yesterday and this morning, but I'm trying to put it to the back of my mind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #75 ·
Pirate: I am feeling much better, thank you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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In many ways I am doing better. Last night, though, I panicked that I'd miscalculated for the first time in ages and had to obsessively check - it was about 5 times before I was satisfied, and it took Mum to yell at me. I'm nervous about tomorrow, as I'm going to a concert and have to eat REALLY early, which means I'm worried about being hungry later on. I'm hoping that if I am and I've eaten all that I'm "allowed", that I'll just be able to find black coffee or tea and stave off hunger that way.<br><br><br><br>
R, that is how I got into obsessive pre-eating calorie counting. I had counted calories previously, but in retrospect, but if I went over I'd cut back the next day. Now I can't go over ANY day, even if I was really under. I said it was to make sure I got enough, and in some senses it is, but I also make sure that I don't have "too much". Ech. It is so hard to learn to listen to your body again, especially when your body is in a mess and doesn't know what it needs or wants. But I HAVE stopped weighing my salad at lunchtime - at least, the salad that I know and that I've been weighing for months (ie 6 peices of lettuce, 6 cherry tomatoes, 6 slices of cucumber). I still "count" it, but I'm fairly sure I overestimate it. And if I add anything to it, I weigh that seperately, even if it is celery...Oh dear. I understand what you are doing.<br><br><br><br>
Lib, I'm glad you're feeling better.
 

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Well, i've had a busy couple of weeks. When i got back from my holiday i freaked out. Depression set in really bad, and i cried for 4 days. I was crying in front of my boyfriend... my parents came round one of those days, and the slightest thing triggered me off, so i cried in front of them. I just felt awful, and hated every bit of my body. My mam told me to get some anti-depressants from the doctor, as she has a similar problem with depression and takes them. She also mentioned that she started back on them again at xmas, and they decreased her appetite, and she's lost weight (does she think i need to lose weight too??), which she seems happy about. Anyway, i didn't bother getting any, i think it was just a phase.... i always have them. I feel ok again now.<br><br><br><br>
The good news is my eating returned back to normal as soon as i got home from Prague. 4 days of cheese sandwiches and cinnamon buns for breakfast really scared the **** out of me. But it didn't continue, so i'm happy about that. And i'm back to exercising again (missed that for a week).<br><br><br><br>
I am concerned though. I'm hoping to take longer holidays than that in the future, but i'm not sure i could cope with eating crap for 2 weeks. It'd wreck my holiday, and possibly my eating patterns when i got back home. I suppose i'll just have to worry about it when it happens.<br><br><br><br>
I hope everyone's ok. I tried to keep up with the thread, but have been busy at work.<br><br><br><br>
Take care <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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So I have a potentially triggering situation awaiting me..<br><br><br><br>
I'm in a Studio Art ((painting, basically)) class. We're going to be working from a [nude] model starting sometime next week.<br><br><br><br>
No big shakes, I've worked with models before. But not with this one. I've seen her in other classes and she's skinny. Enough to trigger me skinny. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sick.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sick:"><br><br><br><br>
Do not want. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sick.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sick:">
 

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oh, scorpius, i'm sorry. i'm an artist too, and if i were in your situation, i would definitely feel the same way as you. maybe opt out on it? it won't kill your growth as an artist, there will always be other changes to figure draw. i'm not sure what you would tell your teacher though...<br><br>
and of course, the other option is to just go through with it and look at the body as 'art' but after having an ED this will be tough. you don't want this to trigger a bad relapse. health over all else, hun. best wishes.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
so..i'm doing pretty poorly. living off of luna bars and crystal light- i can't even cook tofu/vegetable meals anymore because it scares me to not know the EXACT calories, therefore i only eat packaged things with the cals written on them, and luna bars are one of my few accepted packaged foods. even lettuce scares me just because i don't know the definite cals and i don't feel like weighing/spending much time cooking/counting/measuring. not to mention......<br><br><br><br>
*purging*<br><br>
lately.<br><br><br><br>
a lot.<br><br><br><br>
i'm meeting with a new therapist next week though! hopefully this will be positive.
 

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Starlass, I'm glad you feel better. I think that going on holiday doesn't mean that you have to eat crap, but you can if you want to, you know? Sorry you felt so bad when you came home, and I'm glad you are feeling better now.<br><br><br><br>
Scorpius, Murry is right. You have to do the best thing for you. If you don't think that you can cope with that situation yet, then ask if you can be excused. I hope you are ok.<br><br><br><br>
Murry - I'm worried about you. I hope that the new therapist will help. What do you think has triggered all this again? Has something happened, or did it just creep up on you? I'm sending you all my best wishes.<br><br><br><br>
Peace all,<br><br><br><br>
pirate x
 
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