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Scorpius- Well done on making the phone call to your therapist. I hope you manage to work through this time. Remember- just because things were like 'xand y in the past few years, it doesn't mean that the same pattern will occur over and over again. You could just be setting yourself up for a relapse if you expect this. Be strong and beleive that you do have the ability to change them.<br><br><br><br>
For me- the bad news= I binge and purged today, which is the first time in about a month for me. I am pretty disapointed in myself, because I am trying really hard to give up, but the good news= I only binge and purged once! Which I am surprised about, because I thought I was gonna have to spend the rest of the day purging my guts out after the relapse.
 

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Welcome Bracket - of course you are welcome here! You have to have some sort of support, and if you can find some of that here, then you are more than welcome. I said welcome a lot there, but I can't be arsed to change it now...<br><br><br><br>
R - well done for the effort - keep it up.<br><br><br><br>
Scorpius - I'm glad you called your therapist and managed to avert the situation in a better way. Well done. Just because, like Wednesday said, things have been one way for a few years, it doesn't mean that they always have to be.<br><br><br><br>
I don't like stuff touching omni stuff either. Meh. But I have very little choice in the matter really. I just have to clean pans, etc really, really well. And make sure that my cutlery doesn't get "contaminated". Romina, I think that I'd have a fit if someone put a bloody knife on the counter, omni or not!!!<br><br><br><br>
Wednesday - the point is <b><span style="text-decoration:underline;"><i>not</i></span></b> that you binged and purged, the point is that you <span style="text-decoration:underline;"><i><b>stopped</b></i></span>. It doesn't mean the world has to end. You pick up and start again.<br><br><br><br>
Hope you are all ok.<br><br><br><br>
pirate x
 

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<b>Scorpius</b>: I'm really impressed with you for calling your therapist. I know that the tendencies to self-destruct when upset can be so strong. Calling your therapist was an awesome step! Good for you! I hope you're feeling better now.<br><br><br><br><b>Wednesday_12</b>: I second piratemoon. It takes a LOT to stop the momentum of a binge/purge, and you did it! Well done. Just remember that today is a new day, and that yesterday wasn't a relapse, but merely a "slip". It's like taking a test with 100 questions on it -- you might miss one, but you still got 99%, which is an A in my book! *snuggles you*<br><br><br><br>
***********************************<br><br><br><br>
I'm currently completely freaking out about the amount of food that is in my house, especially the amount of non-veg*an food. I'm "vegancurious" {cannot call myself full-on vegan yet} and my hubby is an omni, just to give you some background. I feel like going into my pantry/fridge and throwing everything out. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Even the presence of food is overwhelming me today. I don't have any idea how I'm going to eat. *sigh*<br><br><br><br>
I have a question for you guys -- have you ever been diagnosed with orthorexia {or been told you might/suspected you might have it}? <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthorexia_nervosa" target="_blank">Here is some information about it</a>, in case you've never heard of it. My therapist keeps trying to tell me that I have orthorexia because of my vegetarian/veganish diet. I disagree, as while I do eat mainly healthy things, and am quite concerned with that, I do eat stuff that's awful for me, like Diet Coke etc. Anyone have any thoughts on this pertaining to their own ED/behaviors?
 

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I know I was the last one to post in this thread, but I just had to vent to people who might understand. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/furious.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":furious:"><br><br><br><br>
Boys should NEVER talk about food to an eating disordered person. They are too dumb, I have concluded.<br><br><br><br>
I have been doing SO WELL with food today, despite feeling overwhelmed and afraid. I have had a bowl of oatmeal, a bowl of soup, and a few crackers with hummus. That is awesome for me at this stage.<br><br><br><br>
I was talking to my best friend {happens to be a boy} and we were talking about sushi. I was telling him that I was thinking about getting some veggie sushi tonight for dinner. Then, by way of bragging and saying how proud I was of myself, I told him the other stuff I ate today. I expected a "good job" or something else reassuring. He knows all about my eating disorder, he's come to visit me in the hospital for heaven's sake.<br><br><br><br>
Instead I got {and I quote} "Wow, are you sure you're going to be alright with all that food you've eaten today?"<br><br><br><br>
Um. Yeah.<br><br><br><br>
Worst thing EVER to say to an ED-ed person. "All that food." It instantly made me feel like I ate way too much, and that I shouldn't have eaten any of it...didn't warrant it...didn't deserve it.<br><br><br><br>
I'm all confused and upset right now. I know logically that he didn't mean it like that, but it still makes me want to either crawl into a corner, or kick him in the nuts. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/kick.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":junk:">
 

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Braket: I personally don't think it's a boys thing, but yeah, sometimes I'm amazed at how people can say incredibly triggering things without realizing.<br><br>
Don't let your friend's comment invalidate how proud you were about the great food you ate that day. I hope you ate that sushi and had a great time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br><br><br>
I finally bought a pair of jeans that fit me today. It took hours and it was horrible because I felt ugly and grotesque trying all those clothes that didn't fit. But I know it had to be done. Now I need to find t-shirts and sweaters. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sick.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sick:"><br><br>
Also, I've been sticking to my new bigger calorie intake for six days. I think I will set a new one for next week.
 

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Hi everyone...... nice to see a new thread, although shame about the negative start it got off to..<br><br><br><br>
You all seem to be doing really well at the moment.<br><br><br><br>
Welcome to thread Rock n Roll, and congrats on the treatment, hope it goes well.<br><br><br><br>
Pirate, it's nice to see you're throwing yourself in there, and eating out. It's the best thing to do, and the only way to get used to those situations.<br><br><br><br>
Vert, the ed support group sounds great, you seem to have gotten a lot from it. And well done buying new jeans. I find buying things for my bottom half the hardest part.<br><br><br><br>
Welcome to the thread Bracket, and sorry you've been struggling with this for so long. Whilst i believe you when you say your vegetarianism isn't a symptom of your ed (i know mine isn't either), i'm pretty certain it is sometimes for some people. So i think i could understand why they think that, although they should just drop it if you've explained to them it's not. Also, i think it's impossible to avoid those sort of comments. I get them all the time, little things that will trigger me to feel awful about what i've ate. All you can do is forget about them, they don't mean a thing.<br><br><br><br>
Romina, yay for the improvement! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
Scorpius, i'm glad you rang your therapist for some advice. How have you been since?<br><br><br><br>
Wednesday, don't beat yourself up too much. You're trying! Don't let slip-ups get you down, or they will keep on happening. As pirate said, pick up and start again.<br><br><br><br>
Jasmiana, i know exactly how you feel. I used to feel that way, and still do, but to a lesser extent now. Trying to make sure you do everything right, not eating too much, and exercising enough, and it can get really tiring. I used to binge like that, if i'd eaten something and was annoyed at myself for doing it, i'd just go mad, thinking wth, and eat everything in sight.... then i'd hate myself, and starve. From my experience, it's the binges that are making you feel more hungry than you feel you should be. They're stretching your stomach, so you need more to feel full. It's also to do with your perception of what is a normal amount of food/calories to consume. It's hard to get that back to normal, and it will take will power, but you can do it... i did it, and if i can do it, you can!
 

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A little bit about my week...<br><br><br><br>
I survived my meals out. Me and the bf went out last weekend for lunch, had a main course, and then a pudding, which is something i don't really like doing, never mind so early in the day, but i didn't care at all. It was a huge lemon treacle sponge with custard, and it was really nice! Monday night i met a friend and went for an Indian meal. We had an appetiser, starter, and main course, and that went well too... no guilt! I didn't finish my main course because i was so full about half way through, but i don't usually eat that much in one go, so that's probably why. I'm just so glad i can detect when i'm full again.<br><br><br><br>
I did get a bit panicky today. I went out with my bf, and we needed some lunch, and were going to grab a sandwich, which i was happy with. But then my boyfriend noticed some people eating fish and chips, and started going on and on about getting some, instead of a sandwich. I got a bit worried about that, because he'd already bought my a cream egg, and i'd ate that, and felt a bit full after it. So i kinda shouted at him a little, and said we weren't getting fish and chips, we were getting a sandwich. Maybe a bit over the top. I know it was the ed talking. But we got sandwiches in the end, and they weren't very nice..... fish and chips would have been nicer!<br><br><br><br>
I'm off to Prague on Saturday for 4 days, so i'll let you all know how that goes. I'm a little apprehensive, because of Poland last year. But i wasn't feeling this positive about things last year. I hope it's ok, otherwise i'm going to be back at square one when i get back.
 

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I made my therapist cry ((or at least get weepy-eyed)) tonight. Just for the record.<br><br><br><br>
I must have said something profound. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:">
 

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Scorpius, I wonder what you said!? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
Starlass - It surprises me sometimes when that voice comes back. But you had been under a lot of pressure with eating out. I flipped a little last night, because I had decided what amounts of pasta we were having at dinner and then when we got back it was increased. It made no difference - I still needed to find more calories afterwards, but I just didn't like it.<br><br><br><br>
Vert - well done on the jeans. I know it is hard to find nice things sometimes. You are doing so well - congratulations!! *is proud*<br><br><br><br>
Bracket - *hugs*. You know what I mean. Keep going.<br><br><br><br>
Me - erm, a little down. Went to my postgraduate open day yesterday. Sometimes I think that I won't be good enough to do it. Sometimes I think no-one wants me to do it. This all happened last year and... I didn't go. So I sometimes just think why bother.<br><br><br><br>
I'm also angry at Mum, for no reasonable reason. I feel like she is treating me like a child. I feel like I am a child. I'm just...angry. I feel like she isn't talking to me, like she is angry, like I've done something. But I have to realise that it isn't all about me. I'm still angry<br><br><br><br>
I feel like I'm eating a lot. At night I have a bowl of fruit and soygurt for supper, even if I know that it is forcing in bulk that will make me ill. Last night I decided that I would have a snackbar instead. And I'd decided all day that that is what I'd have, and then I didn't want it. Even though I knew the fruit would fill me up and make me feel ill, that is what I had. I feel so seperated from my body, inasmuchas I can't seem to make myself eat what my body wants. I'm scared of becoming an "emotional eater" rather than healthy. Eck.<br><br><br><br>
Positive - the course looks really really interesting. And there was a kestral in our garden.
 

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Thank you Starlass! I didn't give in, even though that nasty little voice was pushing me to. It's wonderful to see someone else who's gone through the same sort of thing do something like eating two courses and not feeling guilty or having it turn into a binge. And wow I wish I could stop when I am full, but it's so, so difficult to work out when that is. It's like when I was at the anorexic end of the scale I switched off my hunger mechanism, and now I've gone the other way I've eliminated the 'I am full' signal. If it's on my plate, short of feeling physically sick, I'll eat it *so ashamed*. Some days are easier than others, really. I hate that voice so much...it's like it just sits there and waits until I'm at my most vulnerable (tired, upset) then kicks in full throttle. But I've got to beat it, I have to...<br><br><br><br>
Oh Bracket, people can be so insensitive. Boys especially just don't think of what they're saying/ the impact it might have. Rest assured that what you ate was in NO WAY too much. It was healthy and good and will nourish your body. Please try not to worry about it. When I was at school there were girls who would guilt you out just for eating lunch. There are people like that everywhere, and it's best to try and desensitise yourself from them - they are idiots and are not worth listening to.<br><br><br><br>
Meh, I wish I was still a child. I hate the adult world, I feel there are so many things I should have done, that society expects of me. I feel like such a freak. When everything went wrong with my eating was when everyone else starting dating, etc. I just got left behind, didn't know how to relate to people in that way, still don't. I'm also terrified of one or both parents dying. I'm an only child, I don't have anyone else and I can't function on my own. I'm not emotionally or socially mature, and all my fears manifest themselves through food. This much I know, but I've got no clue how to fix it.<br><br><br><br>
Time to shut up now. I hope everyone else is doing well. Oh, and have a brilliant time in Prague Starlass
 

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so..um..hi. im back. i have to go to work, but ill return. i hope you're all doing ok.<br><br>
my awesome happy stint is wavering. its been the longest time ever, thought i was home free but cliched little me has broken up with a boy and is now struggling to not fade away . but thats just it,this time i AM struggling, all this hard work was NOT for nothing and i KNOW i look and feel better now goshdamit. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/furious.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":furious:"> so im here. because...i can see two roads and am scared of which one ill end up on...<br><br><br><br><br><br>
love.
 

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Taurus. Don't fade. Don't ever fade. You are too important to so many people. It is about you, not the boy. Yes, it is sad. Yes, you'll miss him. But he is not you. You are more than that relationship, and you are more than your relationship with food. I know that. You know that, deep down.<br><br><br><br>
I'm thinking about you taurus. Talk to me whenever you want.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br><br><br>
Jasmina, I don't think anyone knows how to fix it. I don't think it can be "fixed" instantly. I know it can't, in fact. But it can, slowly, be mended.<br><br><br><br>
Thinking of you all,<br><br><br><br>
peace always<br><br><br><br>
pirate x
 

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Hey guys,<br><br><br><br>
I'm new to these boards, and to this thread. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with an 'a-typical' eating disorder ('a-typical' since I was the one who sought out help, I wasn't forced). Thing is: I really want to get better.<br><br><br><br>
However, ever since me being diagnosed I have become so much more obsessed with food than I ever was before. I'm much more scared of eating, much more obsessed with exercising, etc. I'm frustrated and quite scared about everything.<br><br><br><br>
I'm very glad this place exists, since I don't have anyone in my direct environment who relates to what I'm going through. (I just hope I'm sticking to the rules....)<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>V&R</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Hey guys,<br><br><br><br>
I'm new to these boards, and to this thread. Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with an 'a-typical' eating disorder ('a-typical' since I was the one who sought out help, I wasn't forced). Thing is: I really want to get better.<br><br><br><br>
However, ever since me being diagnosed I have become so much more obsessed with food than I ever was before. I'm much more scared of eating, much more obsessed with exercising, etc. I'm frustrated and quite scared about everything.<br><br><br><br>
I'm very glad this place exists, since I don't have anyone in my direct environment who relates to what I'm going through. (I just hope I'm sticking to the rules....)<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:"></div>
</div>
<br><br><br><br><br>
A-typical....as in, ED-NOS? [Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified]<br><br><br><br>
That diagnosis is such a crap shoot....causes a lot of controvercy with patients and insurance and stuff.<br><br><br><br>
Hi + welcome. :wave:
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>V&R</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br><br><br>
However, ever since me being diagnosed I have become so much more obsessed with food than I ever was before. I'm much more scared of eating, much more obsessed with exercising, etc. I'm frustrated and quite scared about everything.<br><br><br><br>
I'm very glad this place exists, since I don't have anyone in my direct environment who relates to what I'm going through. (I just hope I'm sticking to the rules....)<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:"></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
You've stuck to them so far!! Hi, you are more than welcome to post here.<br><br><br><br>
I know what you mean - since I was diagnosed and had to do something about it, food has become such a major factor in my life to a far greater extent than it was while I was in the real grip of the problem. You aren't the only one, trust me.<br><br><br><br>
Oh, I've put weight on. I hate myself. I'm almost back to where I was before Christmas when I had that huge weight increase. I know I need to be (I know even that isn't enough), but I really don't want to be. Meh.<br><br><br><br>
Positive - the line up for T in the Park this year is awesome. And I'm going! Camping!
 

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Thanks for your replies guys! You make me feel much better already!<br><br><br><br>
Off-topic: Wicked that you're going to T in the Park! Are there any good bands performing?<br><br>
Last August I went to Lowlands Festival (a three day Dutch festival, with camping as well) and, when I came across my pictures the other day, I suddenly remembered how great a time I had!! I definately look forward to festival season this year!!<br><br><br><br>
xx
 

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V&R - let me remember - REM, the Verve (who I didn't even know were still playing!), Amy Winehouse, Fratellis, ermmm...lots of others I can't remember. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
You can post any time you want support. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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piratemoon, I saw the fratellis live last year and they were awesome! Well actually, they weren't great but the atmosphere was amazing! I'm going to my first ever festival this year! Just a small one, Rockness, but it should be gooood.<br><br><br><br>
I'm doing better people! The main thing I need to work on is eating 3 meals a day, because for a while there I was only eating twice a day, and that's when I start to freak out about amounts /etc. Also, I'm in a situation right now where I can't use the kitchen very much, so my food largely consists of bread and hummus! It is tasty though.<br><br>
I still can't decided whether or not I need to be doing more exercise... right now I walk for at least an hour a day (and I walk fast!), and i feel like that is enough. I think in the Summer when I have more money I might have a look at taking some kickboxing classes or something.<br><br>
Anyway, yeah. I kinda feel like I'm back to square one... but I knew it would be hard after I got ill only a few months after beginning "recovery".<br><br>
I have a great coping strategy for when I feel awful, too : don't look in mirrors! My eczema is appalling on my face right now, and everytime I see my reflection I want to cry, but I'm absolutely fine if I don't look! It's so ridiculous!<br><br>
Oh yeah, the other thing is that my appetite has decreased significantly since I started taking nexium for my acid reflux, and I'm having trouble eating enough in the mornings- I don't have time for a sit-down meal so I end up having something stupid like a satsuma or something. BUT I do usually get a Trek bar (raw proteiny thing) when I get to uni. So I guess it's not that bad. Expensive, though!<br><br>
Hmm well this is probably pretty incoherent. Oh well. I'm away to have a coffee <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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I know i've been MIA but i haven't been behaving too well the past couple of days. I've been self destructing in more ways than one. I know why, treatment is in thirty minutes.<br><br><br><br>
I am writing down how it goes for you guys later. I am so very nervous
 

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Raddish, you sound like you are doing ok. I hope it keeps happening for you. And YEY on the festival. My first (and thus far only) festival was T in the Park in 2001. It was amazing, the music was fab (Dandy Warholes, GREENDAY, Gwen Stefani (who I love in terms of style)), and I bought a wizard's hat and the worst taste rainbow striped jacket in the world!<br><br><br><br>
Hmm, me. I don't know. I seem to be back to cheating today. *Sigh*. Ack, I don't know what to do. I'm ok, and not ok, and scared of being both.<br><br><br><br>
Positive - going to look at a new car this morning, after the old one was so tragically murdered...
 
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