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My mother has cancer (started in the breast) and we don't think she is going to be around a lot longer. She has had 3 surgerys to remove lumps. She is still walking around. We have tried to get her to take a treatment, begged her practically but she feels it is "her time" and is quite satisfied with that. I have sent her tons of information on treatments, prognosis, pain management. If you push her too much she won't talk to you. Still, I have pushed somewhat and discussed it all with her several times and so has everyone in my family and all of her friends. She feels it is her time and that, at her age-73, treatments would mean side effects and a lower quality of life. She did try one treatment that put her in horrendous pain that would not let up. But she does take some alternative things (something with DIM) and plenty of supplements. She is in okay spirits. Sometimes, to me, it seems like she wants to defy everyone's opinion. I don't know.<br><br><br><br>
I am sad, don't sleep much at night and am trying to accept this whole thing. I am praying for her that she will not suffer. She already has pain all the time but flare-ups that are unbearable. She has medicines that sometimes work and says she will get stronger medicines if and when she needs them. She tried another medicine patch that made her feel even worse. This is how she wants things-no standard treatments. It's her choice. I am scared for her.<br><br><br><br>
She continues to get her check ups, blood level shows high cancer markers, needs to get another bonescan because the first one was nonconclusive and she may have cancer spreading in her bones because of pain there. She also had an injury a few years back in that area but the way she is feeling seems to point more to cancer than arthritis.<br><br><br><br>
I am worn out, tired, at a loss (and already feeling grief) and I ask that those of you who belive in the power of prayer to please pray for my mother. Thank you.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
PS. I'm not sure I even put this in the right forum, sorry.
 

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My mother took all the treatments that the doctors told her to take, and lived 14 years after her breast cancer was discovered (in an early stage). I think the statistics were that on average she would have lived about 8 years, if entirely untreated. However she was miserable the whole 14 years, and before she died she told me that she regretted listening to the doctors and taking every treatment they recommeded, because she had 14 miserable years, and would have had 8 more pleasant years, if she had refused the treatments, becuase the suffering from the radiation and from the surgery and from the chemotherapy, she said, was worse than the suffering from the spreading of the tumors. Some people may find it important to live an extra 7 years; they may have something they need some extra years to accomplish; others may not think the treatments are worth it. I can't say there is any one right way. It is up to the individual. I would suggest helping get information for her about the treatments, if she does not have enough energy to get the info herself, the pros and the cons, and let her make her decisions based on what she finds out, beyond what the doctors tell her. The internet makes this much easier than it was when my mother was sick with breast cancer, about 36 to 22 years ago.
 

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Thanks soilman. Sorry to hear about your mom. My mom feels the same way as she did. I have given her tons of information from clinics and the internet and so has everyone else so now it is her choice. All I can do is pray for her at this point.
 

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Oh, my heart goes out to you and your Mom. This is a very hard thing. Cancer seems to make people feel so powerless and at a loss for what to do next. I sure Mom feels better knowing she has such a loving supportive daughter. Make sure you give her plenty of hugs!! Those are theraputic for pain too. Well, if you need support just post it in this thread and well be supportive of you.<br><br><br><br>
(((Hugs)))
 

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Im really sorry to hear that Birdlady. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> You and your mom and your family will be in my prayers. If she doesnt want to try any of the treatments then their is nothing anyone can do. Just stay by her side. I hope that she doesnt have to go through much pain.
 

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Thanks MsRuthieB, FemmeDemonica, and Luckycharms: I really appreciate your thoughts and wishes and offers. I have a lump in my throat a lot, if you know what I mean. I know she tries ways to relieve the pain and she told me if it gets a lot worse she will go on the heavier pills that will make her goofy-her words. At least that's some consolation that she will not let herself be in worse agony. sigh.
 

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my uncle passed from brain tumors. he was given the choice and decided against treatment. the tumors were too deep in the brain tissue to remove by surgery, but doctors said radiation would slow the spreading and allow him another year or two to live, but he'd suffer bad side effects and be miserable. so he decided to go without treatment and was given 6 months. he doubled it though and lived a year and then passed quietly at home.<br><br><br><br>
i think some people just know that it's their time and would rather spend their days at home with family than in a hospital with strangers. i kinda envy that. though it's hard to watch someone go, it's harder to watch them suffer. i dunno, but all you can really do is respect her decision and be there for her. sometimes positive energy and being around loved ones is enough to help people live healthier for longer.<br><br><br><br>
hard to accept though i know *hug*
 

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Though situation.<br><br>
Its hard to loose someone you love, my sympathy goes out for you. (if this is the right phrase).<br><br><br><br>
I cannot imagine how you feel, as I have never been in the situation you are in now.<br><br>
I might look like a real jerk if you read the next lines, but it comes with good intentions.<br><br><br><br>
Now you know whats going to happen: use the knowledge.<br><br>
Go and do things your mom always wanted to do, but hasnt done so far.<br><br>
Go visit places she wants to see with her.<br><br>
Think what you want to tell her and you havent told so far or not enough.<br><br>
Tell her how you feel, this might be more valuable than another treatment.<br><br>
Make this a priority. You should take a day off now and then for this.<br><br>
Talk with her about what she wants to be arranged for the funeral etc.<br><br><br><br>
When the unavoidable happens, youll feel less worse.<br><br><br><br>
Its not going to be easy but I think its better than feeling sorry after wards.<br><br>
(if some one dies suddenly, most relatives say if only I could have)
 

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Thanks LadyFaile, Seadolphin, misanthropy, and 1vegan: I haven't been posting much or on the computer much the past week. I've tried to do all the things suggested but cannot do any more for her because she does not want to talk to anyone or see anyone and she is in a vial mood most of the time. She just wants to watch sports on t.v. and read fiction, and rest. It distracts her from what is happening to her and the pain. I respect her wishes and am just trying to keep from falling into the pits of depression from what is happening and her pushing everyone away. I've been pretty down and just watching t.v. like my mom. I sent her a lot of information and she has made her choices. There are many people who avoid treatments for fear of suffering worse. She said she would rather have quality than quanity of life and it's her time. At least the t.v. helps distract her. Now it matters more to her than the rest of us. I do understand that she just wants to be away from reality. Oh well, what can a person do....
 

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well quality over quantity, yes, but what good is the quality if she mopes around alone in front of the idiot box. sounds like she has to learn to accept that she's sick and decide not to let it stop her from enjoying life
 

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Believe it or not she gets super excited about watching T.V. and watching sports especially prefferring it over everything else. It seems to make her as happy as she can be. She reads at times, too. She can't do much else as she is in constant pain and has to lay down a lot. This is what she wants. She does not want to think about dying of cancer and tumors eating up her body and frankly, I don't blame her. I felt as you did at one time until she explained that her diversion helps her not be in as much pain mentally and physically.<br><br><br><br>
I actully like t.v. myself and it's a matter of opinion of whether someone considers it a joy or an idiot box.
 

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Tv can be a big distractive thing.<br><br><br><br>
I suppose it leads her off from thinking about herself and the future.<br><br>
And I think she is entitled to.<br><br><br><br>
How are you coping now birdlady?
 

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I'm doing okay. I'm just trying to accept what's going to happen with my mom. I believe she is terminal now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> I'm sad for sure but I try to keep busy so I don't constantly dwelll on it. Can't have myself falling into the pits because I've just crawled out. I have to keep on going and be as strong as I can.<br><br><br><br>
I finally got another car (mine was totalled 3 mos. ago in an accident) and will be able to get over to see my mom now. It's her birthday next week. I sent her truffles from online.<br><br><br><br>
thanks for asking.
 

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((((((((((Birdlady))))))))) ((((((((((Birdlady's mom))))))))))))
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by Birdlady</i><br><br><b>Can't have myself falling into the pits because I've just crawled out. I have to keep on going and be as strong as I can</b></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Okay, here is some advice from an amateur.<br><br><br><br>
The urge to keep going and not letting go, can under mine your strength and make you fall harder when you run out of strength..<br><br><br><br>
Maybe you should allow yourself to let go for a while.<br><br>
Like saying to yourself: Im gonna go upstairs and cry for an hour about this.<br><br>
Set the alarm clock and let the feelings flow and stop (hide/suppress) them when the alarm goes of.<br><br><br><br>
Blocking feelings can be useful, but it can also turn into a time bomb<br><br><br><br>
(easy for me to say, I know)
 

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yeah that's true, and good advice i think.<br><br><br><br>
i know tv can be enjoyable, i watch a lot of it myself. i just meant that a lot of people have things they'd like to see and do before they pass, and that maybe she'd appreciate it if you or someone helped her accomplish some of that, if she has any and if she were willing. didn't mean to offend, i was just trying to help
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Birdlady, (i love your user name, it's very close to my childhood nickname) I am so sorry to hear about your mom. It's so hard i know, when someone you love is that sick and you know you're going to lose them. i think you are doing the right things. just BEING with her in whatever way you can is good for you and her. also, are you and your mom hooked up with hospice by chance? hospice is almost more for the family of the sick person than that person themselves. they really teach alot about how to grieve and support etc. my mom's a hospice nurse so of course i am biased but i thnk they are an amazing amazing support at a time like this. i will keep you in my prayers and thougths peacepaws!
 
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