VeggieBoards banner

1 - 20 of 45 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,587 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am curious to know of others that deal with this too.<br><br>
Been vegetarian/vegan for almost 8 years and I still deal with my mom trying to sneak meat into food. I learned early on that they are not supportive of my choice to be veg*n, mostly because they see it as an inconvenience. Most of our gatherings are centered around food, so I learned early on to bring some dishes I would eat, or ask if I can be in charge of prep and cooking when appropriate.<br><br>
During my first few years of transitioning from omni to vegetarian to vegan there were stressful times at gatherings, particularly one night I was invited over for a big family dinner my mom prepared. I failed to bring anything along with me this time, so when I found out it was turkey, corn pudding, sausage stuffing and veggie/cheese casserole I started hunting her fridge for some fixings for a salad. Couldn't find a single raw veg other than carrots, no lettuce or greens at all. Being exasperated I expressed my surprise by her not having any veg in her fridge and what she expected me to eat. She said she made the corn pudding and cheesy veg dishes for me. I couldn't understand this bc she knew I was vegan (as well as lactose intolerant) and got pretty frustrated.....it ended badly. We refer to it as the "salad fight" bc i stormed out and many insults were thrown both ways. But I thought that we all learned a lesson, guess not....<br><br>
We were invited over for Labor Day swim party, I brought chips and salsa (all homemade <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> ) knowing they were having a brisket and roasted chicken we planned on leaving before dinner. When I told my mom we were planning to leave a little early she exclaimed "but i have all this food I made for you". I was surprised and started asking what kinda food, mac and cheese (w real cheese), corn on the cob, baked beans and salad. except the mac and cheese, sounded ok at first but something inside me told me to ask about the beans. she said regular baked bean ingredients, but i know she doesn't cook beans so I asked what kinda canned beans she used, another guest was near and he saw her make them earlier, luckily he answered my question "pork and beans". i saw my mom scour at him and then say dumbly "i didn't know there was pork in pork and beans!" WTH! I kept my cool and said thanks but I won't be eating the beans or cheese, she freaked out and said she thought i loved mac and cheese and its only a little bit of pork in the beans. i just walked away and said its no big deal, but my feelings are really hurt now that i reflect. i just don't understand why she said she made the food for me when she really didn't even consider me? i know she wanted us to stay so i did and ate corn and salad. my poor partner is a transitioning vegetarian, he hasn't had meat in a few months, but he is also extremely respectful of my parents and know how much they care about food. my mom made him a plate with chicken on it, he ate it and the other stuff. promptly barfed on the way home, it was sad. luckily the other guest was around when i was asking about the beans, she would never have told me what she really used <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br><br>
I think this means I pretty much can't eat food she makes at all anymore because I can't trust her to be honest about the ingredients. I really don't get it, do people get satisfaction knowing they snuck meat into a vegan's food?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,272 Posts
My side of family they just put out food and you can choose yourself, I usually purchase Veg friendly items anyhow and we just cook and add them, its too soon also because I am new but what i experienced on my side its easier then my husbands.<br>
On my husband side they are hunters well some and fisherman(not debating) they will tell you if you don't eat that piece of meat your missing out and your not full enough , eat whatever you can. My sister in law thinks that veg and organic foods to avoid hfcs is being a health nut and its in everything and pricey, however, we will be doing most of holidays with my side because what happened this year on my husbands side is a violation to us.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,324 Posts
My family is beyond supportive of my choices. They are always seeking out veg friendly products whenever they are shopping or if we eat out. They would NEVER lie and deceive me by sneaking meat in my food or lying me to about certain food items.<br><br>
I am so sorry luvourmother that your family is so disrespectful and unsupportive of you and your husband. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br>
It's really awful and upsetting to know that your mother is like this. Not only is she lying to you but she's also endangering your health since you are lactose intolerant. Does she not understand how harmful it is to sneak things into your food that will make you and your husband ill ?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sick.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sick:">
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
34,591 Posts
My family knows I would literally cut them if they pulled that crap. I think the best thing you can do is bring your own meal to all functions. If anyone in your family gives you a hard time, you can reply with "This is what I have to do because you don't care enough for me to respect my ethical and medical dietary restrictions."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
422 Posts
My former mother-in-law once gave me some cooked veggies and told me after I'd eaten them (with an insufferable smirk on her face) that she'd poured bacon grease on them. I kept asking about the ingredients because they tasted awful and I was getting a stomach ache, and she kept saying they were fine until I finished the plate.<br>
My ex also insisted once that I try a pasta salad that I could smell had crab in it.<br>
I am so glad not to be part of that family anymore.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,131 Posts
I'm glad my family aren't that bad. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> My mom has never done anything like that, especially since I make my food myself. Once she made some rice and I went to have some and she even told me that she'd already put butter in it so that I didn't mistakenly eat it.<br><br>
My grandparents have gotten close, and I'm not sure I'd trust food from them. When I went over to their house for a week in the summer I cooked all my own meals and they were upset about that and kept saying anything without obvious meat, dairy, or eggs was fine. Like my grandmother wanted me to eat fidello like my little brothers were (it's like a tomato soup with shaped noodles) and she said, just because it had no obvious meat, "Why don't you eat some? It's vegetarian!" and I showed her chicken broth in the ingredients. She said, "No, no, that doesn't count" and thing like that, when I had just tried to show her, plain and clear in the ingredients, "chicken broth".<br><br>
Another time they went to McDonald's and they said, "Why don't you just get some fries?" and I said I wouldn't eat them because they had beef in them, then they both said, "NO, you're wrong, fries are just potatoes and salt!" and kept saying that over and over like I was flat-out lying for some reason! I showed them the ingredient list on the website and they still didn't believe me and the hour car ride they kept all asking repeatedly if I wanted some of their jumbo fries that they'd all gotten.<br><br>
Then another time they had a mayo-less honey coleslaw thing. I said I don't eat honey, and then my whole family, mainly my grandmother but also my uncle, aunt, yonuger (two years younger) cousin, and step-dad all ridiculed me and said I was crazy and asked what was wrong with it. Finally, after all the pressure I stated some examples of the things bees go through, and then they all said, "NO! NO!" while laughing, as if I was just pulling facts out of thin air. Why I would do that, I don't know, because why would I restrict my own diet if I had no moral issues with something? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
966 Posts
My gosh. No one in my family would ever intentionally put meat in my food. Making a mistake is one thing, but doing it on purpose is so disrespectful. When I first went veg, my brother would occasionally try to talk me into eating meat, but he never would have tricked me into doing it. That's on a whole other level, IMO. I mean honestly, what would anyone have to gain by doing that other than hurting you? They know you don't want to eat it, so they <i>make you</i> do it? WTF<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>danakscully64</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2987716"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My family knows I would literally cut them if they pulled that crap. I think the best thing you can do is bring your own meal to all functions. If anyone in your family gives you a hard time, you can reply with "This is what I have to do because you don't care enough for me to respect my ethical and medical dietary restrictions."</div>
</div>
<br>
I would go this route as well. I would make it VERY clear how insulting, unloving, and disrespectful I found theirs actions to be. To be honest, I just flat out wouldn't be around people who acted that way if I could help it. But yea, if I had to be around them I'd bring my own food and clearly vocalize why I had to do so when the subject inevitably came up.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
34,591 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Spoonerism</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2987777"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I would go this route as well. I would make it VERY clear how insulting, unloving, and disrespectful I found theirs actions to be. To be honest, I just flat out wouldn't be around people who acted that way if I could help it. But yea, if I had to be around them I'd bring my own food and clearly vocalize why I had to do so when the subject inevitably came up.</div>
</div>
<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,769 Posts
I am another of the lucky ones whose family is quite supportive. The only comments I have ever heard are just out of ignorance like "what DO you eat?" And when I explain, all is fine. No one would ever be so rude and disrespectful to sneak something into my food or LIE about ingredients. That is not how loving families behave... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,131 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>chryssiie718</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2987818"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I am another of the lucky ones whose family is quite supportive. The only comments I have ever heard are just out of ignorance like "what DO you eat?" And when I explain, all is fine. No one would ever be so rude and disrespectful to sneak something into my food or LIE about ingredients. That is not how loving families behave... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("></div>
</div>
<br>
I've gotten "What do you eat?" from a vegetarian I just met, actually, so I've realized the comment isn't always rude, depending on the person's attitude and tone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Before I went vegan if someone I knew well went vegan I might say the same thing, just out of curiousity. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"> Especially since I never realized many of my favorite foods were already vegan or could easily be veganized by leaving off unnecessarily added cheese. I think some people could say it rudely, but when I usually hear it luckily it's from people that are genuinely curious or just surprised.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,131 Posts
I forgot to mention that my family can actually be accommodating with parties and stuff lately. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> The first time I went to a party at my grandparents' after going vegan I ate beforehand because I assumed there'd be nothing for me to eat, but I guess my mom had told my grandparents and asked them to order one of the Buca di Beppo spaghetti's without meat for me, and then my grandparents let me take those leftovers home. When I went to my grandparents for a week in the summer, though they were bugging me and trying to make me eat things with meat stock and everything, on fourth of July I was there and my grandma actually got me a pack of veggie burgers. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> My grandma gets Gardenburgers a lot when she diets and I was afraid she'd got those or another brand with eggs and dairy in the patty but she got me some vegan patties that were really good, wildwoods or something like that.<br><br>
And the last party at their house my mom ordered me Boca di Beppo spaghetti again and that time her cousin was there and my mom even told me because I didn't know that she was vegetarian, so then we both had some veg*n food to eat and we could talk about veg*n stuff. Her bf's vegan, too, so she told me a bunch of good recipes and brands and things to try, so my family can be supportive sometimes, I'm really glad they wouldn't knowingly put meat in things even if they don't get that it's not just the obvious animal products that I don't eat. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,969 Posts
No, but my mom does get pissed off when I tell her that vegetarians don't eat fish and that it is in fact meat <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/blank.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":|">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
67 Posts
My mother-in-law does this. I always gave her a pass, I assumed it was accidental. The last time it happened though, I watched her read the ingredients on a can of mixed greens and then turn around, smile at me, and say it was vegan. I ended up getting sick, so I decided to look up the ingredients on the internet - lard, bacon, and pork fat or something like that. 3 out of 6 ingredients were animal products! There's no way she missed that. When I called her on it, she continued to lie to me and said she didn't know, refused to apologize, and hurled personal insults at me. This was last November. I haven't seen or spoken to her since, I don't waste my time on people who think that type of behavior is acceptable, family or not.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,587 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thanks guys, its good for me to share this kinda stuff online with other vegetarians and read of how others deal with it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,619 Posts
Do my FRIENDS or FAMILY try to dupe me when it comes to me dietry choices.<br><br><br>
No they respect me and love me because they are my friends and family<br><br>
Im sorry that people have had awful expereinces but I cannot imagine why youre loved ones would lie to you like this... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,577 Posts
I don't think any of my family are devious enough to try it. Even if they were, I doubt that they'd do it because they know I'd go off like a firecracker when I found out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">she freaked out and said she thought i loved mac and cheese and its only a little bit of pork in the beans. i just walked away and said its no big deal,</div>
</div>
<br>
As long as you keep giving your mum the impression that it's no biggie, she will continue to pull this crap. You probably need to get more assertive with her next time and make her understand that your principles are important to you and she should respect them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
642 Posts
I have had one family member try to sneak animal products into my food, specifically it was butter and pulled pork that they tried to sneak into a stew. I caught them in it though. It was in my first few weeks as a vegetarian and since I was making the stew for everyone to try, I think they thought it would be no big deal if I picked the pork out. It hasn't happened again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,793 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>luvourmother</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2987401"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I am curious to know of others that deal with this too.<br><br>
Been vegetarian/vegan for almost 8 years and I still deal with my mom trying to sneak meat into food. I learned early on that they are not supportive of my choice to be veg*n, mostly because they see it as an inconvenience. Most of our gatherings are centered around food, so I learned early on to bring some dishes I would eat, or ask if I can be in charge of prep and cooking when appropriate.<br><br>
During my first few years of transitioning from omni to vegetarian to vegan there were stressful times at gatherings, particularly one night I was invited over for a big family dinner my mom prepared. I failed to bring anything along with me this time, so when I found out it was turkey, corn pudding, sausage stuffing and veggie/cheese casserole I started hunting her fridge for some fixings for a salad. Couldn't find a single raw veg other than carrots, no lettuce or greens at all. Being exasperated I expressed my surprise by her not having any veg in her fridge and what she expected me to eat. She said she made the corn pudding and cheesy veg dishes for me. I couldn't understand this bc she knew I was vegan <b>(as well as lactose intolerant)</b> and got pretty frustrated.....it ended badly. We refer to it as the "salad fight" bc i stormed out and many insults were thrown both ways. But I thought that we all learned a lesson, guess not....<br><br>
We were invited over for Labor Day swim party, I brought chips and salsa (all homemade <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> ) knowing they were having a brisket and roasted chicken we planned on leaving before dinner. When I told my mom we were planning to leave a little early she exclaimed "but i have all this food I made for you". I was surprised and started asking what kinda food, mac and cheese (w real cheese), corn on the cob, baked beans and salad. except the mac and cheese, sounded ok at first but something inside me told me to ask about the beans. she said regular baked bean ingredients, but i know she doesn't cook beans so I asked what kinda canned beans she used, another guest was near and he saw her make them earlier, luckily he answered my question "pork and beans". i saw my mom scour at him and then say dumbly "i didn't know there was pork in pork and beans!" WTH! I kept my cool and said thanks but I won't be eating the beans or cheese, she freaked out and said she thought i loved mac and cheese and its only a little bit of pork in the beans. i just walked away and said its no big deal, but my feelings are really hurt now that i reflect. i just don't understand why she said she made the food for me when she really didn't even consider me? i know she wanted us to stay so i did and ate corn and salad. my poor partner is a transitioning vegetarian, he hasn't had meat in a few months, but he is also extremely respectful of my parents and know how much they care about food. my mom made him a plate with chicken on it, he ate it and the other stuff. promptly barfed on the way home, it was sad. luckily the other guest was around when i was asking about the beans, she would never have told me what she really used <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br><br>
I think this means I pretty much can't eat food she makes at all anymore because I can't trust her to be honest about the ingredients. I really don't get it, do people get satisfaction knowing they snuck meat into a vegan's food?</div>
</div>
<br>
I would just cut these people out of my life, <i>especially</i> if you have a food allergy they aren't respecting. I don't know how severe your food allergy is, but, if you were in my family, I'd respect that. If they call and talk to you or invite you over, just say, "I'm (We're)* busy this weekend/holiday/whatever the situation is, and can't make it." If they call you on it, just say, "I'm a vegan, partial for humane/ethical reasons, and partially due to health (lactose intolerant), and you can't seem to respect that at all." That will shut her up, but good. Good luck, and I hope you work something out.<br><br>
*I don't know if you're single, or in a relationship, or married, which is why I put the "We're" in parenthesis.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
34,591 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>VegRunnerLady</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2988067"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My mother-in-law does this. I always gave her a pass, I assumed it was accidental. The last time it happened though, I watched her read the ingredients on a can of mixed greens and then turn around, smile at me, and say it was vegan. I ended up getting sick, so I decided to look up the ingredients on the internet - lard, bacon, and pork fat or something like that. 3 out of 6 ingredients were animal products! There's no way she missed that. When I called her on it, she continued to lie to me and said she didn't know, refused to apologize, and hurled personal insults at me. This was last November. I haven't seen or spoken to her since, I don't waste my time on people who think that type of behavior is acceptable, family or not.</div>
</div>
<br>
That's horrible. What does your husband have to say about this?
 
1 - 20 of 45 Posts
Top