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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My boyfriend is respectful of my vegetarianism, but it really pains me that he just doesnt "get" caring about animals. I dont mean being an animal rights activist, but the fact that humans and animals can have a relationship, in general.<br><br>
Example: my cat is one of my best friends. I consider him an equel, yes he is different than me and has a different role in the world, but spiritually, I consider him an equel, and a friend. I love him like a child. My boyfriend doesnt understand this. He says "its just a cat". Its like he sees him as an object. He respects my love for him, but he says he "doesnt understand it".<br><br>
Isnt this...sad? I mean my boyfriend isnt a bad person, and he is in no way cruel to animals or anything like that..but I just feel he is missing so much with this attitude. Think of all the good souls that could come through our lives and teach us and help us, and so many of these might not be human. Why would someone discriminate who they can get close to like this?<br><br>
Im not mad at my boyfriend as he respects my love for animals, but I just feel so sorry for him that he is so closed off in this way. Do you think someone like this could ever change and learn to love an animal? Or is it just who he is?<br><br><br><br>
Its a sad world when you feel like you are the only one who sees animals as on the same level as us.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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Did he grow up with pets? Maybe if he had the chance to bond with animals he would change his mind. I think that is what changes a lot of people, such as the guy in the movie <a href="http://www.tribeofheart.org/wit1.htm" target="_blank">The Witness</a>.
 

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I agree with Thalia, it sounds like he needs to bond with an animal. A dog would be best because most men(at least the ones I know) dont really like cats. I feel the same about feeling alone about animals on the same level as us, being here really helps. Good luck!
 

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Make sure he's ok with bringing an animal into your home if you go that route. Getting a pet behind his back could feel the same to him as trying to get pregnant without his willing support.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Im not mad at my boyfriend as he respects my love for animals, but I just feel so sorry for him that he is so closed off in this way. Do you think someone like this could ever change and learn to love an animal? Or is it just who he is?</div>
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Yeah they can. I knew a guy who did a total turn around on his feelings for animals after he bonded with a dog that his neighbours left behind when they moved. He previously claimed that animals were dispensable and people who owned them babied them too much. Now, this guy and the dog are almost inseperable.
 

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I think he needs a chance to bond with an animal. My beau grew up with his dog, Spike, who he could not live without nowadays. Then we rescued a kitten who he also bonded with.<br><br><br><br>
I think ... maybe a trip to the humane society would benefit? They'll let you walk and interact with the dogs. He needs time to spend with animals. I think that he'll find his furry soulmate someday, just like most of us do.
 

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This made me think of my calendar. The quote on my calendar for this month is, "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unwakened." - Anatole France.
 

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I think banking on him waking up and changing one day is a recipe for disaster. It's possible that all he needs is fuzzy love, and it's equally possible that he'll never see animals the way you do. Just sayin'.
 

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I think it is possible for a person to change. However I find the idea of "making" a person understand something unsettling. Bonding with an animal may help him to see where you're coming from, but then again it may not. Either way it's worth a shot, I just wouldn't count on it.
 

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Exactly. What if he is happy the way he is and what if he never changes? Some people don't.<br><br><br><br>
This sounds exactly like the arguement people use for having children... "if you just HAD a child you'd instantly bond and be all warm and fuzzy towards them".<br><br><br><br>
Some people <i>never</i> feel this way. Towards animals, children or their fellow man. You can't "make" a person feel something.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I agree, and Im not trying to change him. I guess I just want some form of understanding from him. He and I dont live together and for that and other financial reasons, getting a new pet together isnt possible at this point. I think he is a good person the way he is, just that he is missing out on a lot.<br><br><br><br>
To me someone saying "I dont like animals" is like saying "I dont like black people"...its stupid. Every animal has a different personality, just like humans, its so strange to me to lump them all together and disregard them for that reason.
 

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Best of luck.<br><br><br><br>
I couldn't live with someone like that. I'd go insane.<br><br><br><br>
My fiancé and I have very tight bonds with our pets.
 

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Well yes and no... it might not have anything to do with the animals' personalities. Maybe at this point of his life he just doesn't feel like spending time with animals. Your analogy to black people is interesting though, but the other way around : if somebody was telling me I missed out on so much by not having more black friends, I'd kind of think that well, I'll meet the persons I'll meet and go from there but I won't jump on every black person I'll see on the street just for the sake of it. (I do have black friends, by the way).
 

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There's nothing you can do to change how he relates to animals, and you shouldn't try; that will just create friction if he is not poised to change himself.<br><br><br><br>
Be yourself; be a model of a different way of living with other creatures. Explain your feelings when the subject comes up. But in the end, the change will come from within him, or not at all.
 
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i hope saying this doesn't get me an earful, but i wanted to offer a veiw from the other side, so here goes: i don't really love animals that much either. i don't hate them either, i think i'm more somewhat impartial to them generally at this point in my life. i think they're ok (oftentimes better from a distance, lol), but i'm not some huge animal lover.<br><br><br><br>
it might be partly because i have allergies to fur and feathers, so most animals make me sick on contact, it might not- i don't have some huge love for non furry or feathery creatures like frogs or snakes or beetles or armadillos or hairless cats either- they're cute sometimes, amusing sometimes, but they don't make me gush with joy or anything.<br><br><br><br>
as far as i'm concerned, animals are ok, they're just not top of my list of favourite things right now. like cycling, or math, or a room full of old ladies playing gin, they just don't do it for me. i understand that they have feelings and thoughts and a right to be around and to be treated well, just like people do, but i don't veiw them as an intellectual equal, or a friend, or want to spend hours in the company of them. i'll say hi to a passing cat, maybe scratch its ears if i'm in the mood to, but i have no desire to rush over and spend loads of time with it. this might change one day, it might not. i might suddenly develop a liking for celery too (i doubt it... bleurgh).<br><br><br><br>
animals sometimes grate on me, and i don't neccesarily automatically relate to them, or even want to. i don't neccessarily love or relate to people by default either, only a select few of them don't do my head in after an hour or so in their company, lol. its just the way i am. i don't think that not liking animals is like not liking black people. thats got weird implications to it, for a start. some people just don't relate to some other people or animals, its not a colour or race or predudice or bigotary based thing, its just a 'thing'... maybe its more of a personality or wavelength thing than anything else.<br><br><br><br>
i also think that its either your bf's choice how he feels, or its perhaps just how he is, and that its not really something you can change or 'fix', or that you even need to do this for him. if someone tried to change or fix how i felt about animals, it'd really wind me up. i'm me, and thats how i am. i don't feel i'm hurting anyone by being myself, or that i'm damaged by feeling how i feel, or missing out on anything.<br><br><br><br>
how would you feel if someone tried to help you enjoy math puzzles, or days out cycling up big hills, or the company of elderly ladies who liked to play gin and do knitting, after you'd expressed that it really just wasn't your cup of tea? even if they felt you were reaaaaallly missing out?
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Rahkoon</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well yes and no... it might not have anything to do with the animals' personalities. Maybe at this point of his life he just doesn't feel like spending time with animals. Your analogy to black people is interesting though, but the other way around : if somebody was telling me I missed out on so much by not having more black friends, I'd kind of think that well, I'll meet the persons I'll meet and go from there but I won't jump on every black person I'll see on the street just for the sake of it. (I do have black friends, by the way).</div>
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No no thats not what I mean..I dont mean if you just happen to NOT have black friends you are missing out-just that if you decide you dont want to have black friends ahead of time you MIGHT be missing out on someone who could be a great friend to you. Same with animals. Im not saying he should force himself to try and like animals..just not lump all animals into one category and dismiss them. Good advice Seusomon, Ill try to just be the best example I can be. Mainly, I just dont want him to view my cat, who is like my SON, as an object. The other day he admitted to "not hating him" though so I guess thats progress!! lol <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 
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