[Mavido]

So im dating this girl, who i adore, i care about her more then any other girl i've ever met. But thats not the issue.. She has some severe issues with drugs... Now, pot which she smokes offten, i can deal with. No big deal to me. But she also uses cocaine on a rather regular basis. And she lies to me about it, which is rather painful.

I can always tell when shes high, even when she tries to hide it from me. And when she is on something (other then pot or alcohol which well.. i've got no issues with) I essentialy become very distant, thus inspiring being frequently asked "whats wrong" well, clearly something is wrong, but as is typical with guys i simply respond "noting, dont worry about it"

Now, i know i need to confront her about this. But i also dont want to have it become hostile becaue i know it will only inspire her to go on a coke binge, which i really dont want. And the fact that she lies to me about it is to say the least, upseting. And i know she doesnt lie to me about anything else. Were usualy completely honest, which is what comes along with being best friends.

This has just been eating me up inside, and well, really i've got noone to talk to about this. So i figgure just throwing it out there for the world, and maybe getting a response or 2 that is usefull, would help a bit. Because at the moment, im going insaine.

And just throwing this out there, but i do care about her enough to lose her, if it helps to take care of this issue. I'd be willing to not have her in my life, if i knew that she was going to be clean.

I've had drugs tear a relationship apart on me before because i didnt take any action, and i will not let that happen to me again..

 

[Nishani]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mavido

So im dating this girl, who i adore, i care about her more then any other girl i've ever met. But thats not the issue.. She has some severe issues with drugs... Now, pot which she smokes offten, i can deal with. No big deal to me. But she also uses cocaine on a rather regular basis. And she lies to me about it, which is rather painful.

But does she have an actual abuse problem with the coke or are you just uncomfortable with her using it at all?

 

[gas4]

That's so sad. Have you talked to her about it? I would start by telling her exactly how you feel, maybe write it down and give it to her, something like you've written here. She might feel differently about it if she knew what it was doing to you.

 

[Mavido]

Yeah, she has an abuse problem. And she knows i dont like it, i dont like it at all. Which is where the lieing comes from.

But putting this all into letter form really would help.

 

[astro]

I have a fair bit of experience with dealing with drug use/abuse and I'm pretty confident in saying that if she's got a habit, you could write her a zillion letters and it's probably not going to make her stop. Just be aware that she'll decide to do that in her own good time, that could be next week or 5 years from now.

You should still write her the letter though. She needs to know how you feel.

 

[MRSSHF]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mavido

Now, i know i need to confront her about this. But i also dont want to have it become hostile becaue i know it will only inspire her to go on a coke binge, which i really dont want. And the fact that she lies to me about it is to say the least, upseting.

This is co-dependant thinking, and it will make you miserable if you don't find a way to think differently. There is absolutely NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING that you can do or not do that will cause her to go out on a coke binge. You cannot control her addiction; only she can control her addiction.

You have to choose whether you want to stay with her despite her addiction or you can choose to give her the choice between you and the drugs, keeping in mind that chances are very good that she will choose the drugs.

Also, please remember that for an addict, there is no difference between pot, coke, alcohol or any other drug, except possibly for the speed of decline. If she doesn't get help and get better, the addiction will eventually kill her.

I suggest you check out Alanon. This is a support group for friends and families of addicts, and they can help you put togehter some tools to deal with your girlfriend's addiction.

 

[Melanie]

This sounds exactly like the situation some friends of mine were in. She is heavy cocaine and alcohol, and he just sat by quietly and did nothing. After a while, they ended up breaking up and getting back together with promises that she'd clean up. But the fact was she cared more about her fix then her relationship.

He got so fed up of just watching her(after a while she stopped hiding while getting high) that he joined in. He admitted this to me and I told him that was possibly the stupidest thing he's done. He agreed. after about 2 years of this, he realised that she would never change unless SHE wanted to. And so the relationship stopped. Last I heard, she found a guy who in into the same type of lifestyle she is into.

I realise that she might not be as bad as my friend, but be warned, if she doesn't want to stop using, she won't. And nothing you can tell her will convince her otherwise.

 

[Bonoluvr]

My advice is to get out of the relationship.

She will only stop when she is ready, no amount of pleading from you will do it. This is only going to be heart ache for you unless she is ready to make the committment to get help and stop her destructive behaviour.

good luck

 

[Alli]

I know you care about her, but if she is as self-destructive as you make her out to be, my advice would be the same as Bonoluvr's. Get out of the relationship.

When people have an addiction, or an abuse problem, it overcomes most everything else in their lives.

 

[HandcuffedAngel]

I'm going to agree with getting out.

Say your peace, and let her know that if she loves you the way you love and care for her then she'll make the effort to get help for her addictions and she'll clean up.

If she doesn't, then she is not committed to you and you should move on with your life and leave her in her rut.

A grave should be made for one, not many.

Best of luck.

 

[VeggieFrank]

sorry to hear about your situation. i know this may not be what you want to hear, but i'm with the folks that say this might not be "the one." how about this? tell her you need a break until she can get it together? let her know you love and support her, help her find local options to get clean. i think the danger here is in becoming an enabler or rescuer. ultimately she's the only one that has decision making power over her problem.

not meaning to sound judgmental, but why are you choosing girls that have these issues in the first place?

 

[GhostUser]

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeggieFrank

not meaning to sound judgmental, but why are you choosing girls that have these issues in the first place?

Some people are very good at hiding their drug abuse. It wont always be obvious in the initial stages of a relationship. The OP might've thought that his gf only smoked a bit of weed here and there and was cool with that. It's only when you've been with someone a little while that you get to know the real person.