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Generally, I really love Dave Barry's weekly newspaper column. He is one of the most hilarious comedy writers I have seen. But there's one thing in last week's column that really hit a nerve.<br><br><br><br><a href="http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/6386294.htm" target="_blank">http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald...ry/6386294.htm</a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">The Tide is high and other household problems<br><br>
DAVE BARRY<br><br><br><br><br><br>
CASSATT & BROOKINS<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Good news: It's not my fault, about the Cheez-Its.<br><br><br><br>
I eat a lot of Cheez-Its. I get them at the supermarket, when I'm wandering the aisles, trying to locate the items on a grocery list made by my wife. For guys, this a stressful task. This is the Scavenger Hunt from Hell.<br><br><br><br>
Say the list says ''detergent.'' What you want, as a guy, is an aisle with a big sign that says DETERGENT, underneath which are 1,000 identical bottles, all labeled: ''DETERGENT.''<br><br><br><br>
Instead, you have to make choices. Do you want Wisk? Or Tide? OK, that's easy. Wisk was responsible for the ''ring around the collar'' jingle, and you will not buy Wisk until Wisk issues a formal apology to humanity, along with documented proof that everybody involved in producing that jingle has been executed.<br><br><br><br>
So Tide it is. But which Tide? Deep Clean Tide? Clean Breeze Tide? Deep Clean Breeze Tide? Deep Clean Breeze Tide With Bleach? New Ultra-Deep-Clean Lowfat Country Meadow Potpourri Tide Now Fortified With Lemony Scent Calcium?<br><br><br><br>
The guy brain cannot handle all these consumer choices. The guy brain is designed to deal with deeper philosophical issues, such as: ''What size TV do I need?'' (Answer: ''A bigger one.'')<br><br><br><br>
So eventually I do what most guys do in the detergent aisle, which is grab a bottle at random and hope my wife will be happy with it. Which of course she is not. She looks at the bottle as if I have brought home a 40-ounce maggot, then offers some picky criticism, such as: ''This is fabric softener.''<br><br><br><br>
Women.<br><br><br><br>
But that is not my point. My point is that, while wandering around the supermarket, sooner or later I get to the Fatal Snacks Aisle, and I realize that my wife has somehow forgotten, for the 5,000th consecutive time, to put Cheez-Its on my list. So I buy a box. I always buy a big box, a box that could be used for helicopter storage. My thinking is: ''This should be enough Cheez-Its for several weeks!''<br><br><br><br>
When I regain consciousness, I'm in my driveway. The Cheez-Its box is on the car seat next to me, empty. My belly is grotesquely bloated, and I'm covered with sticky orange grit. Slowly, the horrible truth dawns on me: Somebody has stolen my Cheez-Its and surgically implanted a bowling ball in my abdomen.<br><br><br><br>
No, seriously, I realize that I have consumed the entire box of Cheez-Its. I've done this many times, and for years I believed it was my fault. Fortunately, I live in the United States of America, where we are gradually coming to understand that nothing we do is ever our fault, especially if it is really stupid.<br><br><br><br>
Thus I was excited when I saw some articles about Dr. Neal Barnard, a vegan anti-''Big Food'' crusader who claims that -- get ready -- cheese is addictive. Dr. Barnard has a book out (title: Jane Eyre). According to the press release, this book shows that cheese ''is loaded with casein, a protein that breaks up during digestion to produce morphine-like opiate compounds called casomorphins.''<br><br><br><br>
That's right: Casomorphins! The same substances that give ordinary people amazing powers, including the ability to summon the Zords!<br><br><br><br>
No, wait, I'm thinking of the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. But whatever casomorphins are, they are clearly bad, because, if I understand Dr. Barnard correctly -- and bear in mind that I am a professional journalist -- they are like morphine. As Dr. Barnard puts it: ''Until now, Big Food has tried to defend itself from Big Tobacco-like lawsuits by arguing that unhealthy foods, unlike cigarettes, are not addictive . . . it's high time we stopped blaming ourselves and recognized there's a real physiological reason we feel inexplicably drawn to these foods.''<br><br><br><br>
I am definitely going to stop blaming myself, now that I understand that Big Food, working in concert with the cow community (a k a Big Moo) is deliberately putting morphine in my cheese. I'm assuming here that there is some actual cheese in Cheez-Its. But that is a minor point. The important thing is, it's not my fault!<br><br><br><br>
The question is, what do I do now? <b><span style="font-size:x-large;">One option would be to give up cheese, join the vegans and eat nothing but water and free-range soybean curd. But that seems extreme.</span></b> So I'll just summon up my willpower and accept personal responsibility for filing a huge lawsuit against Big Food.<br><br><br><br>
Big Food, if you're reading this column: Please understand that I am not doing this for money. I'm willing to settle today for a sincere apology on your part, plus a huge cash payment. Also, please send me some more Cheez-Its, OK? This box is almost gone.</div>
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.
 

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How he said what he said regarding vegans seems to be consistant with his style of writing. He's trying to be humorus. Granted that I don't really appreciated Vegans this way, but people that regularly read his writings aren't going to take this about Vegans and run with it thinking that it's true. Free Range Soybean Curd? Ha!<br><br><br><br>
Don't get upset. He certainly isn't writing a factual piece to be published on the front page of The Times. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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take it with a grain of free-range salt. as he stated he is a "professional journalist" therefore nothing he said is factual or accurate. if we can't laugh at ourselves...how can we laugh at other people??
 

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I'm going to start looking for some "free-range soybean curd". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
heh. now that i look back on it, it wasn't that bad. i guess it was just the morning.<br><br><br><br>
free-range salt. ha.
 

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I dunno.. I like Dave Barry.. I think he's funny. Its blatently obvious he's being satircal during the entire article, no reason for him to suddenly be deadpan about vegans.
 

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I normally like dry, sarcastic humor, but I don't really find him funny. I used to read his column every friday but eventually found myself thinking it was more stupid than funny.
 

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He finds humor by making fun of everything. Sure, there's some truth in some things he says, but he marginalizes people sometimes, and he does that here with vegans. Comedy <i>can</i> hurt, especially when it's at someone else's expense.<br><br><br><br>
People read this thing and it DOES reinforce what they already think. Hey, look, Dave Barry think vegans are extreme too! And he's a smart, clever guy, so he must know what he's talking about. That's the thought process. This is why I hate most talk show monologues (but especially Jay Leno's). Comedians are always trying to find fault with everyone, to bring everyone down to kneecap size. Instead, they should be making fun of all the bad people in the world, and at least try to leave alone all the people who do the best they can to be and do good.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by epski</i><br><br><b>Comedians are always trying to find fault with everyone, to bring everyone down to kneecap size. Instead, they should be making fun of all the bad people in the world, and at least try to leave alone all the people who do the best they can to be and do good.</b></div>
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Nothing wrong with everyone getting their chops busted from time to time.<br><br>
And you know what? I have encountered a fair number of vegans that are sanctimonious pricks that need brought down to size.<br><br>
I don't discriminate. I make fun of all groups.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">People read this thing and it DOES reinforce what they already think.</div>
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I agree. And having for example some vegetarian character in a sitcom can have both negative and positive effects on people's views. There have been some good lines ("I don't eat anything with a face", "do chickens have personality? if they do, maybe we should not be eating them") in some shows, which, despite maybe being irony, can make somebody think, not probably many people but at least somebody. And Denis Leary's anti-vegetarian rants seemed weird to me, since there was some (of course not meant as AR stuff) critique of the hypocrisy of our views of animals, about how we care about "cute pets" but not cows. But those things can also have negative effects. Some general conceptions about vegetarian living are, to say mildly, odd, and a part of them probably comes from some "humorous" views expressed in the media.<br><br><br><br>
Personally, I don't get insulted if someone makes fun of vegetarians and vegans and AR people, I just find it stupid, but stupidity fascinates me so I sometimes browse the net searching for anti-vegan stuff to have fun. So it's not about hurting my feelings but about the consequences it has, indirectly also for some animals.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Those in the entertainment field do not have the responsibility to push your agenda.</div>
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What do you mean by "responsibility"? True, they don't have any juridical responsibility, and the society allows many things, even when the consequences can be bad.
 
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