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My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years now and a few months ago I decided to give up meat. I really don't want to pressure him or force him because obviously you cant make someone. He sometimes tells me he thinks of becoming a vegetarian though but he continues eating meat.<br><br>
I just wanted to see how many of you date guys/girls who are meat eaters and how you deal with it? I'm just looking into the future because we will be getting married in the next few years and eventually have children (which I would like to raise as vegans, which he is fine with) but then they won't understand why they dont eat meat and their dad does.<br><br>
Any advice, or similar situations?
 

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I went veg after being with my boyfriend for four years too. My boyfriend has flat-out said that he will never, ever stop eating meat.<br><br>
It does bother me, but he doesn't nag me about my diet (he's one of the very few) so I don't mention his unless he makes a silly statement like "animals aren't sentient" or "vegans can't eat anything." Which he doesn't do often, but in the event he does, I speak up.<br><br>
I have no idea what will happen if we have children. He doesn't cook - I do - and there's no way I'm buying and cooking meat. I would like to raise vegetarian children but he doesn't want to be "too strict" about it.<br><br>
I guess I'm not so helpful on the advice front, but I can offer empathy. I'm jealous that your boyfriend at least says he'd consider gong veg. If you keep on leading by example, who knows? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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I just went vegan. I've been married for 7 years now. I have a very supportive husband and I have never asked him to go vegetarian or vegan. I do most of the cooking, however, so I've found a lot of meatless stuff he loves. And once I showed him how amazing one vegetarian/vegan restaurant was - he's been excited to try others. If/when we have kids, I will raise them vegan, but I won't force them when they are older - I will just give them all the information to make an informed decision. Either way they will know it is possible to be healthy and happy without killing animals and even if they decide to try meat and dairy products - there won't anything in the house to gorge on.<br><br>
It was kind of funny today we ordered pizza and when I was vegetarian, we compromised and got this amazing spinach, garlic, and tomato pizza - meatless, but definitely had cheese on it. Now that I gave up dairy, I get a separate small cheese-less pizza. A few weeks ago we did this and he decided to get a bunch of meat put on his since he finally could as I ordered mine separately. He always gets extra cheese on his, but they seemed to have read it as extra meat. That thing was COVERED in bacon. He could barely eat it (actually ended up throwing over half of it away). So today when we ordered our pizzas I asked what he got and he got the same meatless option we got before. Still with the extra cheese, but I was impressed with the turn around. He said - I thought you'd be happy lol. Everyone goes at their own pace with it, but if you want him to go forward with the vegetarian thing - find a book (or videos) for him to read. Maybe the factory farming section of the book Skinny *****? Or if he's more into the health side right now - thekindlife.com is full of articles where people went on plant based diets and turned their health around.<br><br>
I was the same as him a few months before going vegetarian - well really even before that. I thought about it and it seemed like a good idea - healthy and all that, but I just could not see giving up meat and especially cheese. It just seemed impossible. Then one day - it just clicked.<br><br>
Good luck!!! Xo.
 

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I have been dating a non veg*n for 7 years. I was raised vegetarian, then went to a school where the only vegetarians were girls, and I had pretty much never met a veg*n boy (except my brother and dad) in my life so whether to date a veg*n or not did not really occur to me. Bf never used to eat meat around me and used to have no problem going to veg*n restaurants but things changed... Now he is a body builder, he eats dairy 3x a day and meat twice a day (tuna at lunch and lean chicken at dinner) and is not impressed with the vegan body building meal plans I have shown him. I am also worried for his health as he eats the same 3 meals every day, and to me it seems he has pretty much no fruit or vegetabls except salad. He is not interested in whether food is healthy, only whether it will keep him trim and build muscle, which his diet does seem to do well, unfortunately <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">. He also used to eat my cooking as he didn't like to cook but that has changed too as he has had to get used to cooking from working shifts. He did eat the dinner I cooked him at valentines day but he wanted 60-75 grams of protein under 1000 calories so it ended up as tofu quiche and a huuuuge bean salad and he kept laughing about all the beans. I was laughing too but I kind of wish I could have made something more tasty or impressive, it's just hard with the protein/ calorie ratio!<br><br>
He has agreed to let our (future) children be vegan for a few years (then they can choose) but he is not happy with it and thinks I have been brainwashed as a child (raised veggie) and that I will brainwash them. Obviously he doesn't agree when I say that he is the one brainwashed by society.<br><br>
It has made me cry on more than one occasion, but other than this we have a very good, loving relationship, so I have really just put a mental block on that aspect of him. I don't think that ethical vegan/ meat eater relationships are ever likely to be easy though, but I think they can work!
 

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Been with my boyfriend 11 years....been a vegetarian for 6 years....<br>
To give up on a loving supportive relationship just because I change my diet is just not the right thing for me to do. I would consider it selfish to do so. 'Thanks for all the support you gave me during that tough time we went through, but I dont eat meat anymore and you do..so....youre dumped' :/<br><br>
Perhaps I am lucky in the fact my guy has accepted my choices and respects them as much as he can.
 

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im in a poly relationship with another vegan and an omni which is not a situation that i wouldve ever planned to get into by any means, but thats how it is. my vegan partner is like me, basically an abolitionist a.r vegan, and initially this put a big strain on the relationship while our omni partner grappled to get his head around what our lifestyle was all about. even tho it doesnt sound like a nice thing to do, we actually did force him into veganism because there was no way we could be that close to someone who ate meat & dairy. we gave him an ultimatum and he took it so its all good.<br>
in a monogamous relationship the dynamic is different tho, so it can appear more unfair and be perceived as unreasonable to force your morals onto the other person and can cause more friction in the relationship. if your bf is ok with becoming vegetarian & is cool with the idea of raising kids that way, then it might be better to not talk about it too much yet and just let him gradually turn into one. he sounds like hes open to it.
 

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My husband eats meat and will never give it up. I stopped eating meat about 2.5 years into our relationship. Ultimately he supports me my choices and it's great. We don't have kids, but a long time ago we talked about how we would handle that situation if it ever arises.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>AddieB</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108315"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My husband eats meat and will never give it up. I stopped eating meat about 2.5 years into our relationship. Ultimately he supports me my choices and it's great. We don't have kids, but a long time ago we talked about how we would handle that situation if it ever arises.</div>
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Never say never. Many would have said the same of me before. Fortunately I have a completely supportive spouse (and I do all the cooking, lol) she just came along for the ride when I switched, but she is as die hard about eating veg*n as I am now.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Forster</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108320"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Never say never. Many would have said the same of me before. Fortunately I have a completely supportive spouse (and I do all the cooking, lol) she just came along for the ride when I switched, but she is as die hard about eating veg*n as I am now.</div>
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Sorry, I mean he claims "never". He already eats up everything I cook <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>goods of eden</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3107823"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I'm just looking into the future because we will be getting married in the next few years and eventually have children (which I would like to raise as vegans, which he is fine with) but then they won't understand why they dont eat meat and their dad does.<br><br>
Any advice, or similar situations?</div>
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I strongly urge people who want to raise their kids vegetarian or vegan to find a partner who is also veg. Honestly, raising kids is really hard. And dealing with the criticism from outsiders (friends, extended family, strangers) about raising your kids veg is hard enough, but to do that <i>without</i> the support of your spouse has got to be 10 times more difficult.<br><br>
Of all the families I've known where the mom is vegetarian and the dad is not, the kids are far less likely to turn out to be vegetarian than if both parents are veg. If both parents are meateaters and the child chooses to go veg him or herself, well that tends to stick too. Eventually, that kid will go vegetarian. It might be right away or ten years down the road, but usually they'll do it. The trouble though with the couples where one is veg and one is not, but the veg one wants to raise the kids veg is usually that the veg person doesn't make it very clear how important the issue is. They just aren't very vocal about it because they don't want to rock the boat too much or upset their meateating partner. Trouble is, if they don't speak up then the kiddos never learn why it's important to be veg. They just think "that's the way mom eats" or whatever. And thus, they don't grow up with those values.<br><br>
Now, if you don't care how the kids turn out then partnering with a meateater really won't matter much. As long as you're OK with the living arrangements then that's all that matters in that situation. I liken the issue to one of religion or culture. If you want to instill a particular religion or culture in your child, you need the support of your partner. It's not about the kids being confused that one parent does one thing and the other parent does something else. It's not confusion so much as permission. A meat-eating spouse implicitly supports meat-eating and your kids will pick up on that. Not only will it make parenting difficult, it can strain your relationship too. This is definitely something that should be discussed in depth and often and preferably before major life changes like marriage or children.<br><br>
Don't get me wrong - people do raise veg children while having nonveg spouses. It's definitely possible. It's just not ideal.
 

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This is unfortunately probably true, especially as children often want to emulate their parents and may prefer to copy dad, therefore eating meat. Finding a veg partner is not really a solution though when you are already in a long term, loving relationship with someone who isn't vegetarian. I just plan to do the best I can when I have a family, which I'm pretty sure won't be for a few years yet- I have all these plans which I hope will come to fruition- I plan to take my children to farm sanctuaries and read them veg books like 'that's why we don't eat animals' 'herb the vegetarian dragon' and similar, and engage them with vegan cooking and baking, take them to good vegan restaurants, build vegan traditions for Easter (not that I'm religious but it's fun) Halloween and Christmas. I hope there will also be the influence of my vegetarian mother, vegetarian brother, vegan father and maybe even my vegan aunt and several vegetarian aunts uncles and cousins plus maybe my vegetarian friends. And even if I do manage to carry out my best laid plans in these areas I am aware that my child(ren) could still end up eating meat. It is perhaps my selfish decision to preserve my own happiness by staying with the man I love and potentially choosing to have children who may end up eating meat (and will either way be a strain on the planet's resources) and I'm sure this could be criticised, but I won't apologise for it if the alternative is being miserable, IMO there are two sides to life, trying to help others, avoid causing suffering etc and actually enjoying and appreciating living <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> plus if I do end up with veg*n children then the world has more vegans <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
(also hopefully they won't like daddy's food as the same 3 bland things every day is very boring <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)"> )
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>lucky_charm</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108078"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
dairy 3x a day</div>
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let me guess, fat-free cottage cheese? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>lucky_charm</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108078"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
60-75 grams of protein under 1000 calories so it ended up as tofu quiche and a huuuuge bean salad and he kept laughing about all the beans. I was laughing too but I kind of wish I could have made something more tasty or impressive, it's just hard with the protein/ calorie ratio!</div>
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Tell him to just have a protein shake on the side or something, even so, one meal of inadequate protein intake isn't going to kill him.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>lucky_charm</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108551"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
And even if I do manage to carry out my best laid plans in these areas I am aware that my child(ren) could still end up eating meat. It is perhaps my selfish decision to preserve my own happiness by staying with the man I love and potentially choosing to have children who may end up eating meat (and will either way be a strain on the planet's resources) and I'm sure this could be criticised, but I won't apologise for it if the alternative is being miserable, IMO there are two sides to life, trying to help others, avoid causing suffering etc and actually enjoying and appreciating living <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"></div>
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maybe it's possible to bring those 2 "sides to life" together
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Envy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108557"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
let me guess, fat-free cottage cheese? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"><br><br><br><br>
Tell him to just have a protein shake on the side or something, even so, one meal of inadequate protein intake isn't going to kill him.</div>
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The dairy is milk in his cereal each morning (lactofree milk, he does not like the taste of soya <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">) plus 2x protein shakes.<br><br>
And he had already had 2 shakes and did not want to have a third. He actually asked if I could do 75g protein after I had already worked out my recipes... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/blank.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":|"> credit where credit's due he ate his huge plate of mostly beans and even said he liked it, not the most romantic meal though lol. When I think about it it was pretty funny.
 

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If I had been a cannibal and gotten into a relationship with another cannibal ..<br><br>
I think I would realise there was a problem if my partner could never figure out why cannibalism is wrong.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Clueless Git</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108577"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
If I had been a cannibal and gotten into a relationship with another cannibal ..<br><br>
I think I would realise there was a problem if my partner could never figure out why cannibalism is wrong.</div>
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Ok so we have opened our eyes to the fact that the slaughter and torture of animals is wrong, and 99% or whatever the figure is, haven't. What do you shut yourself off and only associate with the 0.5% of the population or whatever who are vegan?<br><br>
If cannibalism was as widely accepted by society as meat eating is today you cannot really say what you would do. As that is not the case I will end there with your metaphor.<br><br>
Either way if you had a long term, loving non veg*n partner and wanted to leave them that is fine for you, if no matter whether you loved somebody or had a wonderful happy relationship you would leave them because they continued to do what they were raised to see as right and what the vast majority of people see as right, that is your choice. I wouldn't say it would be the right or wrong thing to do, by leaving your non-veg partner you would not really alleviate suffering. Most people would think you were crazy when they heard the reason you split up and would end up with a bad view of veg*ns, the same amount of people would eat meat in the world and there would just be two more very sad people around.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Irizary</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108565"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
maybe it's possible to bring those 2 "sides to life" together</div>
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Sure <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> in some ways I'm sure many of us manage to reconcile the 2 which is great.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>ElaineV</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108445"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I strongly urge people who want to raise their kids vegetarian or vegan to find a partner who is also veg. Honestly, raising kids is really hard. And dealing with the criticism from outsiders (friends, extended family, strangers) about raising your kids veg is hard enough, but to do that <i>without</i> the support of your spouse has got to be 10 times more difficult.<br><br>
Of all the families I've known where the mom is vegetarian and the dad is not, the kids are far less likely to turn out to be vegetarian than if both parents are veg. If both parents are meateaters and the child chooses to go veg him or herself, well that tends to stick too. Eventually, that kid will go vegetarian. It might be right away or ten years down the road, but usually they'll do it. The trouble though with the couples where one is veg and one is not, but the veg one wants to raise the kids veg is usually that the veg person doesn't make it very clear how important the issue is. They just aren't very vocal about it because they don't want to rock the boat too much or upset their meateating partner. Trouble is, if they don't speak up then the kiddos never learn why it's important to be veg. They just think "that's the way mom eats" or whatever. And thus, they don't grow up with those values.<br><br>
Now, if you don't care how the kids turn out then partnering with a meateater really won't matter much. As long as you're OK with the living arrangements then that's all that matters in that situation. I liken the issue to one of religion or culture. If you want to instill a particular religion or culture in your child, you need the support of your partner. It's not about the kids being confused that one parent does one thing and the other parent does something else. It's not confusion so much as permission. A meat-eating spouse implicitly supports meat-eating and your kids will pick up on that. Not only will it make parenting difficult, it can strain your relationship too. This is definitely something that should be discussed in depth and often and preferably before major life changes like marriage or children.<br><br>
Don't get me wrong - people do raise veg children while having nonveg spouses. It's definitely possible. It's just not ideal.</div>
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I don't equate the spouse not being veg to them being unsupportive. My husband is extremely supportive of everything I do and told me last night, "It's because I don't have to believe in your causes, I believe in YOU and I know you would never advocate for something or bring something into your life if it was unsafe for you the kids or me. You research and you know your stuff, and I will always trust you." Does he eat meat? Yes. Though he will also eat vegan meals I make without hesitation. he said the other day that we're so opposite...I eat plant-based and he said he loves meat with almost every meal...but it's our ability to love each other and support each other that means we'll make it "the long haul." He doesn't mean I support his meat eating....he knows how I feel. He just means that as long as I'm not smushing his sandwhich in his face and calling him a murderer we'll be fine. We look past our differences/potential flaws.<br><br>
I'm not saying everyone is like this, I'm just saying having an omni spouse does equate to lack of support. If I told the hubster we'd be raising our youngest as a vegetarian or vegan, he would sit down with me and learn about proper nutrition and would support my decision. We've discussed these things already in great detail.
 

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With couples, I think it's fairly easy to blend omni/veg as long as both are accepting of the other. However, when children are brought into the mix, all bets are off. It can be difficult as a child to negotiate the waters of the meat-eating world--look at the StupidThings Omnivores Say threads, it's tricky for adults! If one parent eats meat, I feel the child will often default to that because it is easier, and not wrong by his family's values.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>lucky_charm</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3108780"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Ok so we have opened our eyes to the fact that the slaughter and torture of animals is wrong, and 99% or whatever the figure is, haven't. What do you shut yourself off and only associate with the 0.5% of the population or whatever who are vegan?</div>
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There's a difference between associating yourself with people -- having co-workers, acquaintances, friends and relatives -- and intimately sharing your life with someone, living with them, buying food with them, talking about animal issues to them, etc.<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Most people would think you were crazy when they heard the reason you split up and would end up with a bad view of veg*ns, the same amount of people would eat meat in the world and there would just be two more very sad people around.</div>
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While it's true that some people might see you as being picky or snobby and have resentment due to that, I think it's also true that to other people (maybe some of those same people) it may communicate that those ethical values are very important to you and not just a trend or a preference in clothing.<br><br>
I'm not sure the "you make your choices I make mine, everyone is happy yay" mindset helps someone see an ethical conviction against animal exploitation as held with the same seriousness as a conviction against racism or homophobia.
 
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