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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey there is this guy who I really love but the problem is that he lives in another country. and I know my parents wont approve if I go there to live with him if we get married. But next year i will be 18 so I can be able to make my own decisions and get my own life. I want to prove to them I'm responsible though. For some reason they keep trying to spy on me. and I would tell them when its the right time but nows not. i am very serious of our relationship and so is he. I'm ready to put my past behind me and start looking to the future. I was going to visit my family every Christmas and so we could still keep in touch and i could call everyday. I am very confused if I should follow my dream or just not hurt my parents. Its only a year until i turn 18 and I need to get my own life and everything. I feel like a hampster stuck in a cage when I am at home. I need some advice. My cousins says I should go with what I want to do. But I just dont know.
 

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Do what you want to do but don't close doors behind you. If it doesn't work out with him (not saying it won't but anything is possible) you don't want to have alienated your family. Good luck!
 

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Why are you in such a rush to marry him? Is it because marriage with him offers an escape from your parents and a means of showing the world how you can make decisions on your own?

I can tell you why they are spying on you. They see their 17 year old daughter wanting to marry someone straight out of high school. That raises red flags for most parents.

As to looking into your future...what other things are you looking to, other then this person?
 

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I must tell you, that rushing into anything, and hurting the parents is a very bad thing to do. I think you should visit the country he is at, and see what you can do with your life over there before making any serious plans.

You do not want to hurt your parents in any way, cause it is your parents that will help you out when things are going at their worst in life.

Visit first, make plans for you... and go from there.

Never plan your life around someone else's.
 

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It all depends on what this guy is like. You haven't told us anything at all about him. Not a thing. There is no way for me to tell if marrying him and living with him is a good idea or not. How am i, or anyone else, supposed to know? The fact that you love him does not give us any information as to whether marrying and living with him would be a good idea. Neither does the fact that both of you are serious about your relationship.

If you feel confused, I would say don't make any decisions until you get everything sorted out and are no longer confused.
 

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I'm also confused as to why you, in the title of this thread your refer to "dating" issues????? But in the body of the thread, you are talking about marrying and living with someone -- something entirely different than dating someone. I sense a "freudian slip," perhaps, in the choice of words for the title.
 

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Don't be in a rush LC. It's still a year away even if you decide to go through with it. And if you have a good family whatever you do don't leave things on bad terms!

You could always bring him here for us to meet.
 

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"the problem is that he lives in another country. "

That is really the problem that your parents have, with you marrying him -- that he lives in another country?

I don't know. It is common for parents to not want their children to marry outside their religion, or certain cultural groups, or to object to specific individuals, but for parents who live in Indiana -- it isn't common for US parents to have a problem with their children marrying people who live outside the United States. It is usually religion or ethnicity that is the problem, not nationality, when we are talking about parents who are United Staters.

Is it just distance - your parents don't want you living far away? Usually parents put aside this objection, if the person is the kind of person they want for their child.

The more I read about your problem LC, the more deprived I feel as to whether I really have relevant information about it.
 

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"How do you know a man in another country?" ask kristadb.

I suppose that, despite her youth, LC could simply be well travelled. Perhaps her company sends her on business trips.
 

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OK, I'll be more direct to the point then, since Soilman missed what I was trying to hint at...

Is this a person you met online?

Is this a person you've met in person?

Is this a person your parents have met?

Is this a person you have spent more time with then apart from?

Is this a person you have had face to face conversations with for more then 50% of your conversations?
 

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Muzicfan writes "She is Seventeen.. right? What travel business would she have.."

Seems like unlikely she would have been making many business trips to foreign lands, but it wouldn't be it absolutely, completely outside the range of possibility, and maybe, just maybe, that's how lc met this man.

No, kristadb, I knew exactly what you were trying to hint at.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I will explain more later because I have to leave soon. But sorry for making you guys confused.

The problem is where he lives. Its too far and I could hardly see my family. and to think if things work out my sister will only be 13 when I leave. My parents are looking into colleges for me so I have to make my decision soon. But not too soon. I need time to think.

To answer the questions I have met him online. I was thinking about if things work out then I can have him talk to my parents on the phone or something. His grandpa was from India and he was born in England and lived there for 6 years then they moved to Saudia Arabia and he lives there now. He says its not that he doesnt want to come to the USA but he can't. And I really do not mind going there. Only I don't like to be far from my family. It would be hard for us to keep in touch. Plus my dad said people that get married to someone there and live there sometimes cannot come back to the USA and what if I want to return??? He is 23 and is a medical student. Both of us share similiar interests. Also we have the same views on life and our dreams and what we want to be after school is even similiar. I don't think anyone in my family would have a problem with him because hes really a nice and caring guy and I love him
They just would have a problem with me being so far away. And as for college the reason its a problem is because I am debating on whether to go study there or here.

So my problem is should I do what I want to do after I turn 18 or 21 or should I do what everyone else wants me to do. I really love this guy and don't want to lose him but I want whats best for him and maybe its better if he finds someone else. No matter how much I would hate to lose him maybe breaking up is a better idea. I can either go there when im older or have to break up with him. I may have only a year to decide where I go to college there or here.
 

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Let's not jump to conclusions and envision bad scenarios. Maybe LC met him when he visited Indiana; perhaps he was a foreign exchange student.
 

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LC,

What I'm about to say is blunt and direct. You will not like what I'm about to say.

Let's put aside all the culture shock issues you possibly would experience in Saudi Arabia. At 17, you are involved in a pen and phone relationship with a 23 year old man in another country. This is a man that you have not met (or barely have so).

<insert the "but I know him soooo well" "I love him sooo much" "We are soooo much alike" comments>

For all the people that say and feel the exact same things that you are saying right now, the bloom on the rose faded after a couple months of marriage. I know a number of people who have been involved in internet relationships and I only know *1* couple that don't cite the day they met as the worse day of their lives. (And, I might add, that couple would have met anyways. It ended up that her brother worked in the same company and he got her a job there.) Right now, I listed 37 people in my head that I know who were in exactly the same position as you at some point. A number of them moved great distances and regreted it since.

<insert but we wouldn't be like that, we love each other>

Let's look at this a different way, then. Your first message gave away a lot. You want to do anything to get away from living at home. You want to exert your individuality and your independence. You want to show them you are an adult. You want to show everyone you are grown up and can make your own decisions.

I do believe everyone should do what is best for them, but it sounds like you haven't thought this through to the end. Think about a few things...

1. What happens if you don't like Saudi Arabia? (the weather, the food, the sand, the cities, the apartments?)

2. Why can't he come to the US?

3. How will both of you live?

4. Will you be able to work there or will you have to rely on his money and your parents?

5. Living together at first is always hard. Are you ready for the stress of living together without knowing each other face to face, on top of being alone, being in a new country and without the support of your parents a $1 phone call away?

6. What happens if it doesn't work out? You'll be alone in a unfamilar country, with no friends and no money. What would you do? Where would you go?

7. Who will pay for your education?

8. Why is it important for you to run away and get married so fast?

You should do what is best for you. But, before you think marrying this man is the best thing, really think about it.
 

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These are some questions I have. LC, we care about you and would rather ask you the hard stuff now and get it worked through while you're with us than have it come up later, much bigger.

How much do you know about Saudi Arabian culture? Would you be adequately prepared for the culture shock? Are you prepared to potentially live in a war zone?

As far as religious beliefs, does his spirituality expect women to wear certain kinds of all-covering clothing and walk behind men in public places? Would you be willing to do that, if need be? Even worse, is it considered normal by him for a husband to beat his wife and children? I know, those are extreme examples, but I think you have to know him well enough to discount the possibility.

How accomodating will he be for your vegetarianism? How important an issue to you is that?

And why exactly can't he come to the US? Is it because he wants to finish medical school at the school where he is?
 
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