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After seeing this person uses a wheelchair, would you ask them out anyway?

  • No way would I ask him/her out!

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  • I probably would not.

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  • I have no idea and can't even guess what I would do.

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  • Yes, I would probably ask him/her out.

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  • Sure! Why not?

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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi. If you've read my "Which One?" thread, you know that I'm interested in disability issues. I don't want to bombard you all with my questions, but I have just one more poll question.

If you could answer the following poll, I would be very thankful. This seems like a really great group of people who are willing to be completely honest, and your honest responses can really help me out. Thanks!

Let's say you are single. You are in some sort of office and you see someone at a desk who you find very attractive. You chat a little with this person and the more you talk, the more you like this person. You decide you would like to get to know this person better, but just as you are about to ask him or her out, he or she leaves the desk for a moment at which point you notice this person is in a wheelchair.

(I've done this as a poll in the hope you will answer completely honestly. If you would like to share why you answered the way you did, that would be great too!)
 

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Completely honest?

In my singel days...I probably would not. I grew up with a brother in a wheelchair, and I remember the problems and issues we faced. I'm not sure I would be willing to face those same issues in a relationship.
 

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i really can't even guess what i would do. i am a "live in the now" kind of person. i don't deal well with hypothetical questions. i would like to think that i'd be willing to at least date the person to see how things might go between us, though. i really depends on exactly how much 'electricity' or 'connection' i would feel with them, talking to them. the same way i'd feel about anyone, really...
 

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Hmm.. I wouldn't ask anyone out.. and before I went out with anyone I'd have to "interview" him first... get to know his personality in nondating ways.

If his personality meshed with mine and he had a good job.. yeah, I would. But I would wonder if he needed a catheter, etc .. and I'm not so sure how I'd feel about that.
 

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Well, I was always one of those shy girls who never did the actual asking-out ... so that makes it hard for me to visualize myself in your scenario. Also I can't see me accepting a date with anyone whom I've just met. *turns on imagination* OK, I'm waiting to see if he is going to ask me out, and then I see the wheelchair. It's going to set me back and make me more cautious, yes. But I would not rule him out. I would probably take more time to see how deep compatibility and attraction went between us before considering any romantic involvement.

Given what I've said, I don't know how to vote on the poll.
 

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Yes I would if I were attracted to them. The chair would just make it a challenge that I would welcome if I liked the person enough.

Many years ago when I did the night club thing, a really, really cute guy rolled over and asked me to dance, it must have taken me a moment to respond and he said...it's alright, I can dance. When we reached the dance floor, he could tell that I didn't know what to do. He reared back on his back wheels and swug his chair back and forth and did some other slick moves. I had the best time ever. It was fun and he was pretty pleasant to look at too. In fact I remember thinking that if he hadn't been in that chair; he wouldn't have given me the time of day.

I guess that if I meet someone and I like them, what they look like or what ever their disability might be...it won't matter to me.
 

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probably not right away. but if i got to know them in the office a little more and was emotionally/mentally as well as physically attracted to them i might. but not initially. not because of them, but probably because of myself..not know how to act exactly.

but i dont know, havent been inthat situation.
 

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I don't ask guys out in the first place...I'm shy. Like sunnyk, I'd have to see if we meshed, if I liked him enough, etc. Also, the fact that we work together would go into effect. But if I liked him enough, I'd probably go on a date with them. But I can't really say.
 

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well ive been working with young adults with various"handicaps". one thing ive learned is that we all have disablitys. some are more apparent then others. once i lost my"fear" of being around them i realized this. they say love is blind,isnt that a handicap....the best kind to have if ya ask me.
 

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i'd like to think i would. i don't see how it would affect my opinion of the person's looks or personality. if i was attracted to them and thought they were interesting i don't see how that would change because of a wheelchair.

i think my initial reaction would be "oh you're in a wheelchair. mind if i ask why?"

i think i'd prefer to talk about it right away so there's no akwardness on the date, and i imagine they'd probably feel the same. i'd want to make the person feel comfortable about it as well as myself so i think the easiest way is to just get the details out right away. i'd still ask them out after i think
 

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I wouldn't let that stop me if I were interested. But I think where I might get into trouble would be feeling guilty if I decided I didn't like the person. I'd be afriad that subconsciously it was the wheelchair, or the other person would think it was the wheelchair, etc.

But I would try to remind myself that they wouldn't want me to make decisions based on that or feel sympathy for them.
 

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I've never been interested in the whole dating thing anyway so it doesn;t apply to much to me. I would have no problem forming a relationship with said person and if that became something more that would be even better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
If I got to know the person and honestly like him, I would have a relationship with that person. But it wouldn't be a romantic moving towards living together type of relationship. I wouldn't not include him in activities I thought he may enjoy that I do with my other friends, such as go to dinner or a movie or just hang out and watch the sunset at the park. The reason I wouldn't take it any further is that I know how much dedication, time, and patience it takes to take care of someone with a disability in a wheelchair. My mother has been in and out of wheelchairs since I was a baby. I'm well aware of what it takes. I'm constantly making myself aware of my actions when I with her or helping her; not to seem rushed or cranky. And maybe that day I'm having a bad day that has nothing to do with her. But she'll pick up on my mood and assume that she's a burden or a pain in the arse or whatnot. Which of course she isn't, but it's very easy for a disabled person to feel like a that. No, it wouldn't be fair to either one of us to take it further.
 

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Ah...well reading this, I'm also not one to ask out (though i said in the poll I would), but I would accept being asked out by a disabled person who I got along with, who had a good sense of humor...etc etc. All the things that would attract me to a non-disabled person. An 'abled' person? Hmmm...come to think of it, that word disabled suddenly bugs me. Though I know the alternatives are just as odd. But yes. I'd go out with a 'differently-abled' person...lol.

B
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Perhaps I am being naive, but I think that "sure, why not" pretty much sums up my opinion on this matter. Why would I care?

I should mention that I am not exactly well versed in dating, but not totally in the dark.
 

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Well, I grew up with a handicapped sister, so I try not to judge people for their handicaps. I think I would go out with them. If I was attracted them, why wouldn't I? I think it would be silly not to. And worse comes to worse, you don't hit it off, at least you gave it a shot.
 
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