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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This probably sounds silly, but I have a hopeless crush on my hair-stylist - the girl that cuts my hair. I think she is one of the coolest people I know: vibrant, intelligent, full of life, beautiful, caring, cool with me being vegetarian, mature, a year older than me. This is the problem. I admire her so much that I think she is completely out of my league and I can't bring myself to tell her how I feel. We have great conversations when I see her, and she never talks about having a boyfriend, but I can't really tell how she feels about me. I have to remember that I am talking to her at work, and she is a friendly and popular person so maybe she is like that with everyone.

What is the best way to let her know how I feel? I would like to let her know in a way that is clear, but also gives us both an out, so that I can continue to have her as my hairstylist. Things are light and friendly between us, and I don't want to ruin that.

How would the women on here expect a guy to let her know?

Or are crushes like this best not acted upon?
 

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I think it was Mark Twain who said that we always regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did wrong. You need to ask her out.

Don't be wishy washy. Save it for after you've paid and are about to leave after a hair cut, so she won't think that a negative answer is going to affect your business relationship that day. Don't go into detail about how much you like her, because then it seems like you're obsessing too much. Keep it simple, and just ask her if she'd like to go out with you some time.

And if she does say no, don't react in front of her. Just give her a half hearted smile and a generic "Sure, I understand" to whatever excuse she gives, true or otherwise. Be disappointed on your own time, not hers. That'll keep things from getting too awkward later, and you'll be able to keep seeing her professionally.

Also, bear in mind that this advice is coming from a guy who really isn't that great at this.
Maybe some of the ladies here can comment, too.

--Fromper

 

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I agree, make it short and do not go in to detail. The paying first thing is a good idea too, but make sure there is a smooth transition. If you ask while she is talking buisness, or giving you your change or something it might catch her off guard and she might be more likely to say no. If you see her outside of work it might be easier to ask then, but if not maybe try to work it in if she talks about when she gets off work or something. Make it sound like a casual no big deal thing. Maybe it is just me but I really do not go for the candle lit dinner thing on a first date. Ask her to a party or to something with a relaxed setting. I think we can get intimidated sometimes by over the top romantic stuff right at first. Like I said maybe just me though lol. If she does say no make it seem like no big deal, like someone already said. You might want to throw in "Ill see ya next time" or something just to let her know you are not too crushed over it to come back.
 

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^^^

Agree totally with what the other two just said.

If you never try, you never know! Just keep it pretty light and friendly. Something like "Hey, would you like to grab a cup of coffee/sandwich/drink when you get off of work?" If she says yes, fantastic! If she says no, then just be gracious about it. The suggestions given by Sally and Fromper of what to say were great.

Just don't use a cheesy pick-up line, whatever you do! I can't tell you how many hideous one-liners I got from guys when I used to work in the mall near my parents' house.


~Julie
 

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As a social retard, I always hate being asked out/hit on. Especially when I'm being nice to someone because it's part of my job. Since everyone always seems to disagree with me on relationship stuff, you should probably ask her out, just because I wouldn't.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by froggythefrog View Post

"I always enjoy talking to you. You know, It might be nice to talk to you sometime when you're not cutting my hair."
That's the perfect thing to say, IMO. And I agree with the idea of keeping it light and friendly. If you're afraid it would be too awkward asking her out for dinner, try inviting her to join you at a concert or something else she might like (you could find out a more about her interests talking to her as she cuts your hair, I usually talk lots with my hair-stylist). Let us know how it goes.
 

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I would go ahead and ask. If you are afraid of embarrassing yourself like if she already has bf, ask her something tricky like "So does your bf get free haircuts?" or "Your bf must love all the free haircuts". She will hopefully respond with "I don't have a bf."

I used to be a hairdresser. I got asked out several times. Do realize, as you said, she is at work and she has to be nice to the clients even if they are crappy to her. Hopefully she is really always like that but you have to be friendly and talk to people if they talk to you. I only used to talk if people talked to me first when I working on their hair. Lots just wanted to relax and be quiet.

Good luck.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qwerks View Post

As a social retard, I always hate being asked out/hit on. Especially when I'm being nice to someone because it's part of my job. Since everyone always seems to disagree with me on relationship stuff, you should probably ask her out, just because I wouldn't.
So have you ever been out on a date in your life? How did it happen if you're opposed to people asking each other out?

--Fromper

 

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Oh, and I forgot to say on my previous post. If you're gonna use Froggy's idea, don't ask her out immediately after saying it. Wait to see her reaction, and if she seems genuinely interested in hanging out with you after work, you can ask her out after she's done cutting your hair and you've paid her etc., as others have said.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qwerks View Post

As a social retard, I always hate being asked out/hit on. Especially when I'm being nice to someone because it's part of my job. Since everyone always seems to disagree with me on relationship stuff, you should probably ask her out, just because I wouldn't.
Hi Qwerks. My thought is "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Of course you'd want to do it in such a way that does not hurt the cordial relationship. Subtle flattery is what I am thinking.

But I would like to hear your reasons for not asking her out. (Because I am interested, not because I am about to jump on them.)
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by froggythefrog View Post

But I would like to hear your reasons for not asking her out. (Because I am interested, not because I am about to jump on them.)
Of course froggy I don't see you as the type of fella to ask loaded questions so you can flame people.


I didn't mean that he shouldn't ask her out. I really do feel, based on experience, that I'm a smashing reverse barometer for matters of the heart, so my distaste for being approached in such a manner would probably equate to her preference for it. Oversimplified logic but it seems to work most of the time.

I'm thinking that an explaination of why I wouldn't like it would be out of place here, and long besides. Is that what you were asking for though? It's not a secret I just don't want to threadjack on poor static.
 

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I say go for it, and make it after you've paid. Be casual, maybe even look like you just thought of it then. And suggest something casual as well, a coffee or a sandwich or something.

And be prepared to smile and say something like 'that's ok, see you next time my hair's long', in case she declines. That way you can leave with your dignity and without losing her as a hairdresser if she doesn't want to.

Good luck. Will you tell us how it goes if you decide to ask her?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I thought that I should come back here and update this thread and thank everyone for their great advice. It's been a ridiculously long time since I posted this thread, but I have only been able to see her twice since then. The first time it just didn't feel right and I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger. I was so miserable after that I knew I had to do something the next time.

Everyone said to ask after I paid, but in this place you say 'goodbye' to your hairstylist before you pay at the front counter. We were standing there chatting, me sort of keeping the conversation going because I couldn't just walk away again. So I just asked her if she wanted to grab a coffee sometime, right there, in front of all the girls up at the front counter. And she said yes and gave me her phone number.


Getting back to the paying thing, I can see why this is a good idea because I proceeded to walk right out without paying!! What can I say, I had other things on my mind! They called my cell a minute later so no harm was done.

I can't say what will happen with us, but the smile that I cannot wipe off my face if I tried right now makes it all worthwhile. Now I just have the play the dreaded "when do I call her" game...

And the correct answer to my own original question is that you should ask. Always.
 
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