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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My Dad won't respect my decision to be vegetarian. Everytime I eat he tries to make me eat meat and he always refuses to stop teasing me about it. It's beginning to get to me and I feel really helpless.
I just wish he would respect my decision and leave it alone, stop picking on me. It doesn't involve him. He always makes gross jokes about animals to try and make me sick and annoyed. Why does he do that? Why won't he just stop?


Whenever I try and tell him how he makes me feel he just laughs at me and won't take me seriously. I feel I am at a dead end. I just want this nonsense to stop.
 

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Grr,

I feel like giving him a slap if that makes you feel any better!!!


......I really do, because I wouldn't take that amount of crap off anyone,

least of all someone(the parent) that is supposed to care about 'me'/ [you]!!!

...so ugh, what can I say, first of all don't sit at the same eating table as him for a start!!!!... I recommend that you tell him you are not interested in his quips because they sound really crass and 100% totally un-necessary to me!!!!
Sorry you are getting this crap and OF COURSE his derisory attitude is sooo not your fault so PLEASE I ask you don't put up with it!!!! IGNORE him for a while if you must!!!!...Let us know how you get on...
 

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I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I really don't even know what to say. I know we are supposed to respect our parents but he sounds like he is being a real jerk. Is there a way you could eat somewhere else for a while? Or is there someone else who could possibly talk to him for you, and let him know he is being rude. Maybe try writing him a letter, and really describe how his actions make you feel.
 

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It depends on your situation.

I would go the hard way and say I wouldn't visit them anymore if he doesn't stop it.
 

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I like the letter writing idea. It gives him a chance to really think about it at his own pace. He may be the kind of person who doesn't deal well with discussions about "feelings" in person.

A letter also seems more serious, and you can lay out what you want to say without being interrupted.

But if you do the letter, make sure to have a main point of what you want to change, and make it simple and clear to really drive the point home.
 

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I'd tell hiim what you told us. If he really cares about you as a father, he'll understand when you point out that he's hurting you more deeply than he realizes. He probably thinks it's all in good fun for now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Try saying things like this:

"Dad, what you just said hurts me because I feel like I'm not respected." Focusing on yourself and your feelings (ie guilts) then into not doing it anymore.

Also, some people think teasing is acceptable and do not think about the hurt it does. Maybe he's finding it uncomfortable around you and is trying to lighten the mood. Do you attack his food or choices?

However, there are some people that just don't get it until you take your food and leave the room, saying, "I do not have to put up with this behaviour anymore." Do that as a last resort because it does hurt people's feelings.
 

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Sorry to hear your Dad is being unreasonable about this. He knows he can get a reaction from you which is why he continues to do it. It's probably his way of trying to relate to you.

Tell him politely but directly, that you want him to stop teasing you and start respecting your decision to be a vegetarian. If he carries on, refuse to eat at the table with him.

If he continues to hassle you, tell him that because of his behaviour, the next time he asks you to respect one of his decisions, you'll find it difficult to do so.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Have you thought about seeing a counselor at school? Maybe someone who could help articulate a respones(although VBers here have done a great job) and maybe give you some umph IRL. Maybe a neutral third party that could talk to your dad too? It might be uncomfortable or maybe even out of the question for you depending on the available counselors, but I thought I'd throw that out. I think its important for young people to have an advocate in their lives. And if its not the parent, there can be a lot of great counselors out there who can take on that role. Or a teacher? Another relative? A church or group elder? Someone to tell your father how proud they are of you for being active in your beliefs or commenting on your dedication to animal welfare? Sometimes it takes an external motivator for a person to think twice about they way they treat/talk to their loved ones. Its also a way to dissipate and avoid the tension of an offensive/defensive conversation that happens between two people involved in one.

I agree with everyone elses advice about firmly talking to your father about your feelings. This is extremely important, for even if he blows them off as your saying them, those words might be something he ponders later. Refusing to listen to his verbal abuse(by means of leaving the room and/or not responding is well within your rights.

I'm sorry you are going through this. While my family has always thought I was weird, they've never been blatantly disrespectful of my beliefs. I hope your father can grow up a bit and start giving you the respect you deserve.
 

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i agree with epski.

and i think writting a letter is a horrible idea. it's ok for you to read and get your thoughts together (and out), but it's not ok to give to the other person. Have the courage to tell them face to face.

i always hated getting letters. They were so cowardly to me. made me insane. you can't discuss it--you're just supposed to accept what is in the letter. Even when you discuss the letter with the writer later, they often don't answer your questions about it.

No, i'd rather be told to my face if i'm doing something that bothers someone. letter writing is weak, unless done just to get your thoughts together--a letter for you alone to read.

anyway, i think the idea here is to speak up and tell your dad how you feel and why you feel that way. he'll either drop it or he won't. I agree that he's probably trying to relate to you, and thinks thatyou're "in" on the joke--that you think it's funny too. Perhaps he doesn't think that you're taking yourself (not necessariy vegetarianism) very seriously. So, tell him what you feel.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
You are a teenage girl. Teenage girls do not get along with their fathers. If it weren't this, it would be something else. You can't change him, so don't even try. Writing him a letter, having a third party speak to him, expressing your feelings in a different way-none of these will change the fact that you almost an adult. He's jealous because the boys are noticing you more, you'll be leaving home soon, times he took for granted are lost now, etc. I went through this with my father, as did most of the people here, I'm sure. Don't pay attention to him. Focus on something else. I know this sounds so lame, and it's the last thing you wanted to hear, but if you focus on your schoolwork, it will take your mind off of him, and you'll have a better chance at getting into a college on the other side of the country.
 

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If I had tried all the other options Krista spoke of and they didn't work, I'd also just do the final thing she suggested and refuse to eat with him until he layed off. It DOES make him uncomfortable. People are uncomfortable with different. He's probably thinking it's a 'phase' you'll grow out of. So I'd just stick to my guns, quietly choosing right and minding my own business.

I gave someone else this advice a few months ago. He can only manipulate you and harm you if you are participating in this nonsense. Choose non-participation. Since you've let him know it hurts you already, assume he knows and is doing it BECAUSE it hurts you...and perhaps he's thinking it's tough love. So just stop responding to the nonsense. It'll get boring pretty quick if it's met with silence. That's what I always think anyway.

B
 
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