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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I hate that phrase. >.< BUT! I'm finally coming out to my mom on Wednesday, and I was hoping to get a little support/advice on here, so I don't chicken out! :)

I'm crazy nervous, but I think telling my mom is the right thing to do. She asked me before, but I was just discovering for myself so I said no, of course. She's said before that she'll always be accepting of me, so I think she already knows, but it'll just take a huge weight off of my heart to come out to her!
I'm going to post when it finally happens, to let you know how it goes <3
 

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I don't have any advice for you, I'm sorry...

But I definitely wanted to say good luck! It sounds like your mom knows you well enough and is able to read you well enough that she already knows, and it also sounds like she is going to be incredibly supportive, which is wonderful. (Now if society could just work on making that typical, we'd be well on our way...)

Chin up! And even though I don't know you (maybe you spend your weekends stealing candy from children, who knows?
), I'm proud of you. Rock on!
 

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I don't have any advice either, but I can wish you luck! It's quite a hard thing to do, but from the sound of it, your mom is going to be very accepting. Hope it all goes well.
 

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I came out to my mom about 4 years ago, and believe me I feel for you, it isn't easy to do but once you do it (if you decide to [which I hope you do cause there is nothing to be ashamed/afraid of]) it will be easier cause a family member understands what you are going through.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Ahah. Ahahahahahahah.

WELL THAT DIDN'T GO AS I EXPECTED.


Long story short, it hasn't changed how I feel in the least bit. But I felt ready to tell the world how I feel before. I felt like all the locks on my heart were gone, and I was ready to be gay. Now I'm crawling back into my shell, the locks are back, and am silent again about my feelings.

Edit; I mean, it hasn't changed that fact that I feel that I'm gay, since I clearly have a change of feelings. Ahahahah.
 

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I'm sorry it didn't go so well for you. But you're strong enough to get through this. Don't let this make you someone you aren't and remember we're here for you if you need a place to talk or vent.
 

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I'm sorry.
I gather your mother wasn't as prepared to hear it as you thought.

Give it, and her, some time.

Do you have someone you're close to who you can talk to? A favorite aunt or uncle? A teacher? An older cousin? Since you were ready to talk, it might be a good idea to do it with someone else, rather than locking things away.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I don't have anyone...

But thank you for the support, you guys. I appreciate it. And I will give it time.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaitlinann View Post

I don't have anyone...

But thank you for the support, you guys. I appreciate it. And I will give it time.
Again, I'm sorry.

A valuable thing to remember and internalize, if you can, is that a parent comes to parenting with all the fears, weaknesses and flaws she has as a human being, and we're all flawed. A parent's inability to accept something about her child speaks to her flaws and weaknesses as an individual and as a parent, and doesn't reflect on the worth of the child. That's a hard thing to really internalize, because we grow up being so dependent on our parents' opinions of us. But there's nothing really magical about a parent's opinions - a parent is just another human being, no more perfect or error free than you are.

 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaitlinann View Post

I don't have anyone...

But thank you for the support, you guys. I appreciate it. And I will give it time.
Have you considered a guidance counselor at school?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I'm not very close with the counselor at my school, but I was thinking about it and there is a teacher that I've gone to for help at home before. She's always encouraged and been a big help to me, should I go to her? I don't want to scare her away, though.
 

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Hey, kaitlinann.
Just wanted to offer some encouragement. I'm bisexual myself, and I remember what coming out of the closet was like. I also remember the long period of time before I ever even considered doing so: when I first realized this about myself at age 15, I assumed I would never, ever tell anyone, that I would die with this secret. I was that ashamed. I became a Christian when I was 16, I think it was, and denied my bisexuality to myself: I tried convincing myself I was straight. When I was 18, I finally started to come to terms with it.

I came out to online friends, my guidance counselor, and my boyfriend before anyone else. I still remember how hard that was, all the shame involved in it, the expected rejection. A couple of my Christian online friends chose to cut off contact with me. Most of the people I told did not, though, and reassured me that there was nothing wrong with me, that it's perfectly normal to be this way, etc. My guess would be that most people could expect this kind of reaction: you might lose people who aren't really your friends, etc. but those who genuinely care for you will either completely understand and think nothing of it, or will be willing to "tolerate" it because they love you. That can hurt, too, but you should recognize that it's their issue: it's not that you're something that needs to be tolerated, it's that they have to get over an issue they have. It's their problem; you're not the problem.

I joined a GLBTQ group in my second year of university, and that helped a lot, too. Came out to my family, which for the most part went well. I remember being worried when someone said to me that I'd be coming out for the rest of my life: that throughout our lives, people will assume we're straight unless we seem not to be, and so it's always going to be something you have to bring up if you want it known. I thought, oh, no, don't you just come out once and it's done? Well, actually, I guess it's something in the middle: while I might have to tell people again in the future, it's no longer something threatening to me. It used to be mixed up with feelings of inadequacy, shame, etc. Now, I know there's nothing wrong with being this way, and I like who I am. I've fully come to terms with who I am. Telling people isn't that big a deal anymore. It might be awkward in the same sense that, say, disagreeing with someone over a political or religious matter can sometimes be, but that's it. No big deal.

So, coming out, it's scary. And it might take you awhile before you're ready, and that's okay. If your experience is anything like mine, though, you'll find an enormous weight lifted after you take the plunge. I think it's important, for your full self-acceptance. You can say you're okay with being a certain way, but if you're hiding it, there's a reason, right? It reinforces the idea, in your head, that you're not okay, that there is something wrong with you. There isn't. So, try to remember that, that when you're ready, it's going to make a world of difference. It's hard now, but it's going to get much, much easier.
 

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I dont know you, but thats very sad that your mum cant accept you the way you are. I have 4 kids, and there is no way in the world anything would ever change about how I feel about them...

I hope she comes around in time...
 

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I'm sorry it didn't go the way you thought it would... I'd give your mother a little time before writing the whole thing off as a failure, though. She may need space to react out of fear and knee-jerk emotion before she sits down and really thinks and feels.

Because saying and thinking to yourself, "Yes, I'm totally okay if my child is gay!" sounds nice and all... But in the moment you told your mother, who knows what went though her head? Maybe she flashed on hundreds of images she has built for years... Imagesof herself, happily bouncing your baby on her knee, being grandma. And now she is sitting there feeling like what YOU said has ruined HER future. (It's not a rational feeling, obviously. And she may not feel that at ALL. I'm just throwing out a what-if.) Or she could simply be devastated. If I were a parent, and my child came out as gay, I'd be so proud, but I'd also be devastated. Not for me - for them. A parent is great at many things, and one of them is FEARING for your child.

And, yes, I would fear for my child if she was gay. I'd fear her life would be harder, that she would be more at risk of physical abuse, sexual harassment from peers and even coworkers... That she would have a harder time just being who she was, that she'd have to spend her life proving who she was. That she might be hurt emotionally, or lose out on a job opportunity, or lose friends that she otherwise wouldn't have lost. I'd PANIC for a while there. I'm sure I'd settle down, but hearing that my child's life was going to be harder in ANY way and there was nothing I could do about it? That would make me one unhappy and irrational mommy for a while there.

So... Who knows what she was thinking. (Well, maybe you do? We didn't get many details here, and that's of course fine... But it leaves me open to go inventing things...)

And if you are okay talking to your teacher? I'd encourage you to try it. Unless your teacher is a SUPER creep (
) she won't have visions of her future as a grandmother resting on you.
 

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Kaitlynn I am so sorry your parents didn't take it well. I am find alot of parents especially Christian ones looks down upon and frowns at the fact their child turns out to be gay or lesbian. This happened in my fathers family years ago in th 60's. Not my dad but his brother . My Grandma told me this story and it brought me to tears that she was so taking it well. He and my Grandma was having a meal together and cooking and having a sorta of date back then for momma and son. The son went out to say Momma Your not going to have Grandchildren by me but you will have Grandchildren with your three other children. She asked him why he said he knew he was liking males and boys and men since he was 5 years old and he wasn't taught he was born to liking males. My Grandma accepted the fact that her oldest son was gay and he has had the same partner for over 30 years or so. He is in his 70's now I am not sure if this was the 60's but that is what I posted but, I just wanted to share this story that not all parents are shocked over their children being Gay . They think since they are gay there will be no children for Grandchildren in future.
However, If you need a shoulder to cry on you can always PM me because a Christian as I am should love everyone not judge people and I love people the way they are and don't change because some Christians and some family members hurts you because of your choices. I do believe people are Born feeling like this and I don't feel that gays and lesbians are taught to live that way its not your fault for feeling like this and its your personal choice.
My heart has ached for Gays and Lesbians for awhile now because of the Bullying and hurt they go through and tragic things that results into things. Your parents are among those that wants to judge someone before checking into the truth and facts about them. If people don't belief Gays and Lesbians can't be Christians or even Baptists that matter you should have them look up Rainbow Baptists or Rainbow Christians because I ran into a gay friendly Churches out there.
I know I am just gabbing here just wanted to show some love to someone that feels rejected and hurt by family members. They had to know your choices and they had know your decisions sooner or later since its out maybe you can slowly educate them about this lifestyle. What are their views about Ellen Degenerous being lesbian and married to a woman?
 

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Sorry it didn't go well. Hopefully she'll come around. Maybe it was just a bit of a shock to her. Some people have a hard time accepting such things.
 
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