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Discussion Starter #1
Hey! I was just curious... what do y'all think about women who don't adopt their husbands' last names upon marriage? Is it "loving" and "wise" to take his name and forgo the maiden name, as some suggest? Some people say that if a woman is to truly love her husband, then she has to take his last name. What have your experiences been? As much as I don't PARTICULARLY like the sound of my last name, I don't know if I especially want to revoke my rights to it when I get married some day.<br><br><br><br>
If you kept your maiden name, VB women, did you fuse it with your husband's last name with a hyphen, did you keep your name as-is, or did you do something else? I'm seriously starting to think that the Hispanic culture has a lot going for it if for no other reason than family identity is preserved through long strings of last names for each person. Why is it so strange in the US culture to have someone with two last names? Some last name combos sound good together, such as one of my profs "Reti-Ross", but I have a harder time picturing my last name hyphened to my serious boyfriend's last name. "Bruce-Johnson" as a last name just doesn't sound right. NOTE: I don't know yet if we will get married, but the subject of last-naming trends was brought up in one of my classes.<br><br><br><br>
Thanks for your input!<br><br><br><br>
Skylark
 

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I like the idea of hyphenation, or better yet, each spouse keeping their last name and taking the others as a sort of middle name. I have been investing a lot in my name, my reputation, my school work, and if I get published soon(academically) it would be bad for my career to go from a very unique last name to a really common one, so no one knows I am the same woman who wrote all of those great papers or whatever.<br><br><br><br>
So, I am not married, but I will definitely keep my name. It's me, and I don't want to start my marraige by giving away a part of me that is important to me.<br><br><br><br>
Kids, though. Not sure to do with them. Perhaps gender determines who gets which, or just hyphenate?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Perhaps if you hyphenated your name Benniston-Clark (for example), and your hubby hypenated his Clark-Benniston, your daughters could get your order and your sons could get his. I just don't know how weird it is for guys to have hyphenated last names. I know at least in my community, it's practically unheard of.
 

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I think if a woman wants to keep her last name, then it shouldn't be a big deal. My gf and I are going completely backwards from the standard by me taking <i>her</i> name. I encouraged her to keep her last name when/if we get married, because it fits her first name so well I wouldn't want her to have to change it; plus, I'm sick of my last name and its mispronounciations by everyone; I wouldn't want her to deal with that annoyance for the rest of her life.
 

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I never thought I would have a hard time giving up my last named. I loved the thought of it, actually. A true fusion with my beloved. I never thought that it was giving up my identity, since my identity is comprised of way more than a name.<br><br><br><br>
Now that I am 32 and 11 months away from giving up my maiden name I can feel a little pang in my heart. I never fully felt what it would be like to walk away from the name you have called yourself for 30+ years. A lot of my friends have called me by my initials - sort of became my nickname - and that's weird to let go of. I can understand, in terms of career and especially if you are a writer, why it would be difficult and almost detrimental to change your last name. But, alas, I am not yet the famous poet that I want to be so that's not a concern.<br><br><br><br>
I do like the way the Hispanic culture preserves its lineage through the last name. Even though my name will not be hyphenated I know my children will be well-informed of their family tree. So, I am looking forward to being Mrs. Bebenroth and having little Bebenroths and joining together to make our own branch of the Bebenroth family tree. I am the sum total of everything that I have experienced up until the day I marry Rich and take his name. And everyday that follows I will be the sum total of that plus a new name that represents the union of our principles and our love.<br><br><br><br>
Now I just have to get used to my friends calling me VGB...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)">
 

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I never thought I would have a hard time giving up my last name. I loved the thought of it, actually. A true fusion with my beloved. I never thought that it was giving up my identity, since my identity is comprised of way more than a name.<br><br><br><br>
Now that I am age 32, and 11 months away from giving up my maiden name, I can feel a little pang in my heart. I never fully felt what it would be like to walk away from the name you have called yourself for 30+ years. A lot of my friends have called me by my initials - sort of became my nickname - and that's weird to let go of. I can understand, in terms of career and especially if you are a writer, why it would be difficult and almost detrimental to change your last name. But, alas, I am not yet the famous poet that I want to be so that's not a concern.<br><br><br><br>
I do like the way the Hispanic culture preserves its lineage through the last name. Even though my name will not be hyphenated I know my children will be well-informed of their family tree. So, I am looking forward to being Mrs. Bebenroth and having little Bebenroths and joining together to make our own branch of the Bebenroth family tree. I am the sum total of everything that I have experienced up until the day I marry Rich and take his name. And everyday that follows I will be the sum total of that plus a new name that represents the union of our principles and our love.<br><br><br><br>
Now I just have to get used to my friends calling me VGB...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)">
 

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Being such a pragmatist, I would favour whatever "works". I mean, there are just some names that shouldn't be hyphenated (semi-Simpsons allusion: Seymour-Butz).<br><br><br><br>
If either (or neither) way works, then I'd say that *I* would make the decision based on (1) what the other half prefers (heck, it's HER name!) and (2) what represents best the desires of the immediate and extended family (I.e. If I was hispanic I would probably promote the tradition of hyphenation.)
 

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i took my husband's last name. it sounds good with my name, and i didn't really feel connected to the biodad who's last name i was given at birth.
 

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i'm not sure on this one. on one hand i don't have a big connection to my dad's side of the family. but on the other hand, i'm used to having this name and changing it would be wierd i think. and a hyphenated name with my bf's name doesn't sound too bad, rather long and french sounding, but not bad. so i may hyphenate, but i don't know for sure yet.<br><br>
i don't like the idea that i have to give something up to join his family, but it's just a name, so it's kinda hard to decide.
 

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As far as I know, as far as the law is concerned, a woman's name is the name she was given at birth. And if she gets married, she also has the option of using her husband's last name. In other words, her marriage adds a name, but does <b>not</b> subtract a name.<br><br><br><br>
So, if Jane Maiden marries Tom Married, she thereby has two legal names, possibly three.<br><br><br><br>
1) Jane Maiden (proof=her birth certificate)<br><br>
2) Jane Married (proof=marriage certificate)<br><br>
3) Jane Maiden Married, where Maiden is used as if it were a middle name.<br><br><br><br>
I am not sure what the legal status of a hyphenated name is.<br><br>
It seems that that is more common in the UK.<br><br><br><br>
Some of this stuff about the names came up in conjunction with my father's death, where my sister was named Jane Maiden Married in his will, to help show her relationship to my father. But on some of my father's property, the designation of beneficiary was still in the name of Jane Maiden, and it was easier just to have her sign the forms and the checks as Jane Maiden rather than keep submitting her marriage certificate, etc.<br><br><br><br>
I don't believe that men have the same flexibility. I think if Bob BigWaxJesus wants to be known as Bob Maiden, then he will have to go through a legal name-change procedure, either before or after marrying Jane Maiden.<br><br><br><br>
There is also the issue of "title," i.e., using the title "Mrs."<br><br>
The day Jane marries, if she uses her husband's last name and the title "Mrs.," then she is properly (according to the etiquette books) known as "Mrs. Tom Married." She would only properly be called "Mrs. Jane Married" if widowed. Some etiquette books advise that if a married woman uses her maiden name, she include her "Mrs." title in parenthesis to avoid confusion. So, an invitation (by a non-widow) might be signed "Jane Maiden (Mrs. Tom Married)."<br><br><br><br>
Having written this, I realize that some people might even object to the use of the term "maiden name" as politically incorrect, preferring the terms "birth name" or "unmarried name." I used "maiden name" simply because it seems to be the most commonly used expression and conveys the idea clearly. (And Skylark used this term in her original post.)<br><br><br><br>
In my circle of friends and aquaintances, I only know one woman who has kept using her unmarried name exclusively after marriage. Her children are known by their father's last name.<br><br>
As far as I know, they have had no problems with this arrangement that they have thought worth mentioning to me.
 

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One thing that definitely irks me is that "Mrs. Joe Smith" where the person has no name at all. If I ever get a piece of mail addressed to "Mrs. (Mr. Thalia's name)" I will get really angry. If someone doesn't know your name, can't they just write, "The wife of..." ?
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thalia,<br><br>
I laughed at your post, but it's so true... I want to still be me after I am married-- I don't want to solely be known for my relationship to my husband.<br><br><br><br>
I know a woman who was a radio dejay before she married her husband, and since she was publicly known with her last name of Yousey (pronounced yow-see), she didn't take on her husband's last name of Nafziger. Their two sons are both Nafzigers. When I first met her, I thought she and he weren't married. This produced some confusion in my mind because they were/are influential members of my church, and shacking up just doesn't sit too well with my church. Then I asked my mom about it and she explained it to me. I believe the woman goes by "Mrs. Yousey", but I'm not sure.<br><br><br><br>
One thing that kind of irks me is what my mom said after hearing one of my favorite musical artist's stance on sexual abstinence. This artist strongly supports sexual abstinence until marriage, and when my mom heard this, she said, "I bet you that she will change her name when she gets married, instead of keeping her maiden name like many stars do." She said this approvingly, and I know she favors wives being 'submissive', so for my mom, 'submission' partly means the woman relinquishing her name.<br><br><br><br>
Does a woman's name have any real bearing on the kind of wife she is? Is she a better wife and/or mother if she exclusively has her husband's last name?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by skylark</i><br><br><b>Does a woman's name have any real bearing on the kind of wife she is? Is she a better wife and/or mother if she exclusively has her husband's last name?</b></div>
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<br><br><br>
Perhaps another question is, what does the husband's opinion about this say about the husband? I think it all depends on what the people in the realtionship feel it represents to them, and if that is something they want their relationship based on.<br><br><br><br>
I think a <i>marriage</i> will be better if people resepect each others identies as well as respecting their own. But I think a woman can take the husband's name without it meaning loss of identity, provided loss of identity isn't a theme throughout the entire relationship.
 

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My mother changed her madien name to a second middle name. Liz and I have talked about this some and she wants to take my name since she is tired of people mispronouncing her Russian last name. I think it would be kinda cool to take her last name but we'll see. Hypthenating our last names sounds funny.
 

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Unlike some areas (as far as I understand it) you are not allowed to automatically take your husband's name (legally) in Quebec. You are welcome to <i>go</i> by it, or to make it a legal change afterwards, but in all the governmental paper work and records you remain under the name to which you were born.<br><br><br><br>
Like BWJ, I too have such a deal with my man. I am not comfortable giving up my name, especially since around here I am so identifiably part of that family.<br><br><br><br>
My BF has never much liked his name, and has little respect for the rest of the family it associates him with, and as such has often thought of legally changing his name anyway.<br><br><br><br>
We've agreed that if/when we get hitched he will legally take my name as his last name (through all the correct legal channels). Our children will then go by my last name.<br><br><br><br>
This makes me very happy, and to me is actually a lot more logical than the North American naming norm. From what I understand it is in keeping with a more Celtic tradition of naming the children after the female side, to track bloodline through the women.<br><br><br><br>
-Cause think about it: (excluding adoptions here) You can often be <i>fairly</i> sure who your father is (or NOT!), but through natural means it's just about impossible to be unsure who your mother is! (Lemme see... I popped out of that woman-- but can I be sure she's really my family??)<br><br><br><br>
You seldom hear people wondering if they are the milk<i>woman's</i> kid! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by Max Power</i><br><br><b>Being such a pragmatist, I would favour whatever "works". I mean, there are just some names that shouldn't be hyphenated (semi-Simpsons allusion: Seymour-Butz).</b></div>
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<br><br><br>
I think Jay Leno used to do a bit on this- they would find real names of newly weds in the papers and read 'em out. Some of them were hilarious. I will try to find some...
 

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The "Fatt-Buttz" wedding.<br><br><br><br>
Mr and Mrs. "Gross-Hoe".<br><br><br><br>
The "Schitt-Happens" family.<br><br><br><br>
Whelan-Deal wedding<br><br><br><br>
There are some other good ones at this site: <a href="http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Tonight_Show_with_Jay_Leno/headlines/index.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.nbc.com/nbc/The_Tonight_S...es/index.shtml</a>
 

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Hee hee.<br><br><br><br>
But check out her first name too! That's just wrong!<br><a href="http://cdn.veggieboards.com/d/d9/d9968dd2_vbattach14.jpeg"><img alt="LL" src="http://cdn.veggieboards.com/d/d9/525x525px-LL-d9968dd2_vbattach14.jpeg" style="width:283px;height:239px;"></a>
 

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That is bad. A friend of my from college has the regretfull last name of Schmuck. He has a great sense of humor about it and says it's a built in excuse "Hey, I'm sorry. What can I say? I'm a Schmuck." He also says he should name his son Charles and call him Chuck and his daughter Ima.
 

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i went to school with a girl named "Mary Christmas".<br><br><br><br>
my husband taught an woman named "Wee Peepee".
 
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