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I'm not really sure I see the point in getting too hung up on which is worse. Certainly, oil spills cause a lot of harm. There are also the effects of global warming to consider if you believe that it is caused at least in part by human activity (hint: the answer is yes). Car-free friend aside, if your sense of ethics tells you to stop driving but you don't think it's possible, why not look into ways of reducing the amount of driving you do (insofar as is possible and practical)?

As far as your friend... how about asking him for advice about going car free (or car light) and, in turn, offer him some vegan meals. You mentioned that he doesn't believe he can possibly go vegetarian which means that he is unlikely to be swayed by any moral arguments until you first convince him that it is possible. So, I'd suggest trying to figure out some meals that he'll enjoy.

I am sure we can both reduce the amount we do it, but I don't want him to eat any animal products, and he doesn't want me to use any petrol powered vehicle.
It would be lovely if you both got what you want, but I think you both might need to moderate your expectations. An all or nothing approach can sometimes be intimidating and result in no change at all. But if you try to make some changes you might find that you can accomplish a lot more than you thought you could. Also, pissing contests can be counterproductive and it sounds like your conversations may be tending in that direction. If I were in your situation I'd try to shift the mood to one of friendly collaboration.
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