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hay I'm new here! and honestly I came for very specific advice, I hope people can help!<br><br>
So I've been vegan for about 8 years, and I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We see each other almost every day, and are planning on moving in with each other in another year. This is the best relationship I've ever been apart of, and way better than all of my friend's relationships. My boyfriend cooks for me, drives me around, deals with my mood swings and would do anything for me. And I would do anything for him..The only flaw I have with him is that he is not veg.<br><br>
It's complicated because he is like 90% vegan, but will not commit to even identifying as vegetarian. We have talked about this several times and he agreed to not eat meat in front of me, but that he will eat it occasionally behind my back. In the same conversation he said he would want to raise our kids vegan. He cooks me yummy vegan food 3-4 times a week. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages.<br><br>
It bothers me because I want to date someone who WANTS to be vegan because they don't want animals to suffer and for the environment. He says he cares about animals and the environment but that he can't go vegan because he's Puerto Rican (and to not eat meat would deny his cultural heritage). When he goes home for holidays he eats American style meat that has nothing to do with his heritage, and he also eats meat when he goes out to eat with friends.<br><br>
He says he will never go vegan because he loves cheese and that's fine, I'm not trying to take that away from him. At the same time, I do want him to give up eating animal flesh entirely because I know it aligns with the beliefs he claims to have.<br><br>
I found leftover meat in his fridge and I'm getting sick of it, and I know he's getting sick of me nagging. What can I do? How can I get him to be vegetarian? Or should I compromise and regret it?<br><br><br>
Thanks in advance for suggestions!
 

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You can't make him change his opinion or his habits, it just doesn't work. The most you can do is talk about it some more and tell him how important it is to you, but if he is eating 90% vegan already and the bit of meat he does eat still really bothers you it might be a sign you do need to find someone who is fully vegan and passionate about animal rights.<br><br>
In my experience people will only commit to a cause if they have an epiphany of some kind on their own, and that's not something that can be forced or faked. If you nagged enough you might be able to convince him to stop eating meat for your sake and for the sake of the relationship, but is that really what you want? He'd only be doing it to make you happy and could end up sneaking around eating meat behind your back, and that's not a good way to be happy together or build trust.<br><br>
Personally I'm in a similar situation with a boy who eats mostly vegan but still has meat every now and then. Sure I wish he would go all the way veg*n but if he never does I'm still happy he has cut his consumption down so much as a result of being with me, and we are so perfect for each other in every other way it is a compromise I'm willing to make.<br><br>
If that's not a compromise you can make and you feel it would still keep eating away at you it's a sign you need to give this relationship some serious thought and figure out what you want in the future. You can't control what he does you can only control what you do.
 

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If I were you I'd be happy that he eats as little meat as he does and is so supportive of your choices. Of course it is all down to you in the end, if you can have that compromise sounds like you have a good thing, but if it isn't enough for you then don't force this relationship. You simply can not make someone change, you can only be a positive example.
 

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The only way a major lifestyle change will stick is if the person truly wants to do it for themselves. The ones you love can motivate you to change, but if you don't truly want it as well, you are just going to slip back into old habits as soon as the pressure is off. I have seen it happen myself, many a time.<br><br>
That being said, it sounds like you already have a lot in common, and you are very fortunate to have a guy who is so supportive of your lifestyle. Compromise is crucial to any healthy relationship, as is conversation. Talk these things through with your man, and see if you can find a middle ground that works. If he respects you, he will hear you out, as you should also do for him.
 

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I <i>wish</i> I had your problem. I cannot find anyone who even comes close to what i'm looking for who is prepared to eat mostly vegan.
 

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"Make" does not sound like we are talking about smiles times, pal. Seems to me like the problem is less with his diet and more so about this being "<i>the one thing</i> he wouldn't do for you".<br><br>
Time to make up your mind about what is most important <i>to you</i> in a relationship without making this man's life hell in the process.<br><br>
This isn't what you asked about but since it was mentioned and I see a few red flags, I would also make sure he is truly on board with moving in together because he might have agreed to that thinking it would make you happy (However, it doesn't sound like you are happy. Does it?) but I have to be honest and point out this whole thing looks like a train wreck headed down the tracks.
 

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I agree with the others. You can't make someone else change or do something they don't want to do, especially in a relationship. You say you want him to "want" to be vegetarian. There's really no control whatsoever you have over that. If you keep pushing him, he's not going to like it. Now, I'd say there's a fair chance that in time he might come to it on his own. You can't expect it though. If you are committing to your boyfriend, you need to commit to him and love him <i>as he is</i>. Besides, it sounds wonderful that he's as supportive as he is.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>queerveg</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3047662"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I found leftover meat in his fridge and I'm getting sick of it, and I know he's getting sick of me nagging. What can I do? How can I get him to be vegetarian? Or should I compromise and regret it?<br><br>
Thanks in advance for suggestions!</div>
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You have 2 choices, end the relationship and find someone else that more closely aligns with your values, or accept him as he is. Sure he might come around some day or he might not but don't bank your future happiness and relationship on the fact that he will.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>queerveg</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3047662"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
This is the best relationship I've ever been apart of, and way better than all of my friend's relationships. My boyfriend cooks for me, drives me around, deals with my mood swings and would do anything for me. And I would do anything for him..The only flaw I have with him is that he is not veg.</div>
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I'm a vegan too and so I fully appreciate why you would feel better if he made the committment, but a lot of vegans and vegetarians have a hard time just getting their partner to simply respect their beliefs and spend a lot of time arguing about differing ethics, so if you want my opinion, you should really count yourself lucky with this relationship right now.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>queerveg</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3047662"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
We have talked about this several times and he agreed to not eat meat in front of me, but that he will eat it occasionally behind my back. In the same conversation he said he would want to raise our kids vegan. He cooks me yummy vegan food 3-4 times a week. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages.</div>
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I don't see a mixed message there at all. What he told you lines up exactly with what he's doing, doesn't it? He's made it known to you that he won't give up meat altogether, but won't eat it in front of you - and isn't he sticking by that? It sounds like he actually goes out of his way to make you happy, agreeing to raise future children with your choice of diet and cooking vegan food for you. Sounds like he's the one who's compromising, not you.<br><br>
If you keep pushing him, you could very well lose him. Relationships and friendships fall apart all the time because one person tries to make the other into something they aren't.<br><br>
If dating a non-veg is a "compromise" for you, then you really shouldn't be dating him.
 

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My situation is very similar to that of Werewolf Girl. My bf is about 90% vegan too -- used to eat meat/dairy all the time, and now it's a pretty rare occurrence. He completely rejects factory-farmed meat, so any meat he eats is local/organic, and he probably only has it once or twice a month. While it would be so awesome if he called me up later today and said, "I'm going entirely vegan," I'm just happy that he is giving his food a lot of serious thought and making ethical choices.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>YellowRose</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3047854"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I don't see a mixed message there at all. What he told you lines up exactly with what he's doing, doesn't it? He's made it known to you that he won't give up meat altogether, but won't eat it in front of you - and isn't he sticking by that? It sounds like he actually goes out of his way to make you happy, agreeing to raise future children with your choice of diet and cooking vegan food for you. Sounds like he's the one who's compromising, not you.<br><br>
If you keep pushing him, you could very well lose him. Relationships and friendships fall apart all the time because one person tries to make the other into something they aren't.<br><br>
If dating a non-veg is a "compromise" for you, then you really shouldn't be dating him.</div>
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Very well stated.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>queerveg</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3047662"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br><br>
I found leftover meat in his fridge and I'm getting sick of it, and I know he's getting sick of me nagging.</div>
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I wouldn't like to see that either, but it's HIS fridge, right? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> I hope you've had a proper talk about what is going to be acceptable to have in the fridge when you live together or there's probably going to be some major quarrels when you move in together.
 

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I'm inclined to agree with the others here, queerveg. If your BF is adamant about not going full vegan, pushing the matter even the slightest with ultimatums and nagging could turn a trickle of discontent into a torrent. Clearly, he seems willing to go along with your choice of diet. Now the question is how much risk are you willing to accept to be with him as he is? IF you consider the risk to be too high then I would tend to agree that moving in would be a poor choice.
 

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I'm new here too - I've wanted to be vegetarian for years but it's taken me this long to get my husband to agree to me making customized meals (add meat for him). He always felt we weren't sharing a meal if we didn't eat 'exactly' the same thing.<br><br>
In my case, we married at around 40 and were both omnis (we're 55 now), and it's only me that is interested in going veg, so I sympathize with his feeling that I'm changing the status quo.<br><br>
If you aren't even living together yet then you need to decide if this is a deal-breaker for you.
 
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