[MZCsmpsns]

This may be triggering for some (there is mention of self injury and eating disorders) and/or inappropriate... also may be in the wrong topic, I dunno....

I'll try to keep this short... well I recently posted a thread about my bro's ex who broke up w/him a little over a week ago. He admitted to me that he self injured... then this past few days when I went and stayed w/him he told me it wasn't the first time he had. He also admitted to starving himself and purging. I've noticed significant weight loss w/him, but he recently became vegetarian so I thought that was why (he'd been overweight his entire life, so I figured w/him cutting out unhealthy foods the weight loss happened fairly quickly due to the change and would stable) Well, a bit of history- our mom had eating disorders, self injured, and committed suicide last year. Her one year is comming up next month and my brother said that he doesn't know why he does it and sometimes thinks it's a way to "be closer to mom". I'm very worried about him and don't know how to deal w/it. I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I don't know the right thing to say. I'm also EDed & SI which for me makes it harder to try to say the right thing to him. Him and I are very close, and talk about everything... but when it comes to this I dunno what to do. I've told him that he definitly needs to seek help, and he knows he can call me any time and I'm here for him 100%. I would stay w/him 24/7, but I live 2 hours away, so I can't always be there, but he does have people who know at least some of the situation that are keeping an eye on him. I just dunno what to do for him. Anyway, I can't sleep w/all this on my mind...plus I've been drinking a bit, so this is rambly etc... I just need some advice. This is just a very emotional time, and I'm trying to keep my head straight and stay strong for him, but I just dunno what to do...

 

[positivemind]

Gosh, it sounds like a pretty sticky situation. It seems as if you two are close, and have alot of similarities. I don't think you should be trying to 'watch' him all the time, and it is great that he knows you are there for him. Have either of you had any counselling since your mums death? it is SO important to talk these things out and get some advice on dealing with suicide in the family. I would recommend seeking out a holistic counsellor in your area. Trying to find a reason for the SI i think will be important also, i gives some people a sense of control...find out if he wishes he had more control in aspects of his life. and what can be done to remedy this.

I hope you are both keeping your thoughts positive, trying to focus on the joy in life, perhaps he needs to get away for a while to remind how much good there is in the world?

I am not sure exactly, hopefully other people will post some good thoughts...

 

[missbelgium]

While I have no experience with this kind of problem, I am touched by your appeal for help. My advice would definitely be to seek some form of outside help. You are too close to your brother to really help. You are certainly a great comfort to him and giving him much needed understanding and being patient with him and all that, but imo he needs outside counseling by someone who is not emotionally concerned with the situation. He may need medication for a while to get him back into balance and this, too, can only be evaluated by a professional. Please get help !

If you know of anyone trustworthy who does energy healing, this could be an additional treatment to get your brother back in balance, but please get him evaluated by a "regular" professional first.

 

[cftwo]

One of my sisters will, in times of great stress and frustration, self-injure. It's so scary for me to think about that. The last time she called me about this, I listed to her complain about her stresses and then insisted that she and her DH needed to make it a PRIORITY for her to get in to talk to a professional. Either that, or they needed to make it a PRIORITY for her to get some relief from some of the stressers.

 

[Laura_I]

I'm recovering from SI and ED and my father died a year ago, so I know where you're coming from. It seems clear to me that mental disorders run in your family. As such, probably the best thing for your brother (and maybe you) is to see a counselor and get on some medications so that you can fix the chemical imbalances. I suffered for many years, flirting with suicide, and just being miserable before I finally saw a counselor and got on some meds. It took a couple years but things are so great now. I really wish I had done it when all my problems started and not waited until I was at the brink. I wish you two luck.

 

[Daral]

Also don't have any experience in this particular type of situation, but I imagine it is difficult, if possible, to be strong for someone else if you're aren't able to be strong for yourself. Maybe I misunderstood your post, but it sounds like you might have to handle your own problems before you'll really be able to do anything to help your brother.

 

[jeneticallymodified]

it does sound like you've both been through a horrendous time of it. and i know its hard to be strong for others when you have your own stuff to get through.

are you seeking help for your own problems? sometimes thats a good way to help others to do the same. knowing that its working for you, and seeing that you're getting better, can be bit of a subconsious incentive for him to get help himself- to hear someone suggest something (like therapy) is one thing, to see it working for them, (and then think, 'hmmm, if it works for her, maybe it is worth a go') is another.

i know it'd be a bit of a trip, but perhaps you could even arrange to get therapy together, even if its just in collaberation with your own stuff, once in a while, ( a couple times a year, perhaps, maybe when you're home for a holiday, or whatever) to talk about how whats happened in your lives (recently and long term) has affected you as a family and as individuals. i know that a couple of 'one off' family sessions with mine helped me personally, them as individuals, and benefited our group dynamic and mental health quite a lot.

also, if you are getting help, i'd talk to your coucellor/mentor/helping person about the situation with your bro- when you're going through a rough patch, its hard to carry your own load, let alone feel a little weighed down by, tormented with worry over, and/or overwhelmed by the problems of someone you care about, and their stuff.

it'd be great if you guys could come out of this closer, and stronger both as individuals and as a family team. i don't want to say this wrong- but i really do think someone outside needs to help you both with it, cos otherwise there is always the risk that you'll come out of it closer, and co-dependant, instead.

 

[MZCsmpsns]

TY you all for the advice.

I actually have been seeking help for my problems.. I've been dealing w/them for about 10 years now off and on... shortly after mom passed i sought out help again and am in therapy and on meds.

I want my brother to get professional help, especially because he hasn't really had these problems for too long (not that that makes them any less severe, but I think the earlier they're dealt with the better, like before they become a habit of his everyday life) I do like the idea of me & him going together. And ok, as always I keep getting distracted... urg.... anyway, thanx again for the advice!!!