VeggieBoards banner
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been veg for about thirteen years now. Some people, including relatives, have thought I was nuts for doing it. But anyway, my being vegetarian is probably not the real issue. I just have a hard time with people. I always have. To make a long story short, I tend to blame my mom for being way too overprotective of me when I was younger, making it harder for me to get around and "fit in". Well, my mom passed away earlier this year and the relatives that live around here don't seem to want anything to do with me. At my mom's funeral someone did mention something about me coming to a Christmas eve get together. But I'm not sure if they really are serious. Am I really welcome? I doubt that they really want me there.

Also, I have tried to find and meet local people that I might relate to. It seems that most veggie people I have met locally are extreme liberals or Seventh day adventists. I don't feel comfortable in either crowd. I like to think of myself as independent.

So maybe what I am asking is - do any of you come from highly dysfunctional families and if so, do you think it led to depression, bi polar, aspergers, or just being anti social?

Bryan
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
173 Posts
I come from a highly dysfunctional family (well, it was - it still is a bit dysfunctional, but not nearly as bad) and both me and my sister suffer from depression and anxiety. The family situation certainly didn't help, though there were other factors, and it doesn't really help to dwell on it.

In terms of the Christmas eve get-together - who invited you? If it is a family member or someone you know quite well, they probably were being genuine. Or, they may just have wanted you to have an option for something to do on Christmas eve now that you don't have your Mom. It might be a good idea to go anyway, if you'd like to get yourself more used to social situations.

I find it difficult to talk to people, so I definitely know where you're coming from. And I'm sorry about your Mom. I hope you are dealing with it okay.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,861 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by bn4now View Post

To make a long story short, I tend to blame my mom ..
'Lo Bryan, just in case it helps matey ..

I used to blame my dad.

A senior cousin told me of my dads upbringing, how his father had treated him, and then I stopped blaming my dad.

I did consider blaming my grandad but then kinda realised that was a never ending 'blame chain', as it were.

Probably not quite fair to blame ourselves for what we are, BUT!

When it comes to not ending the blame chain, to not forgiving and changing, who is to blame other than ourself?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
I know this is an old-ish thread, but I'd like to give my two cents, whether they'll help you or not... I don't know. Every family is different.

I'm adopted, have been ever since I was 8 weeks old, and grew up pretty different from my birth families. I recently reconnected with my birth parents and it didn't go all that smoothly. They are very different at communicating socially and definitely very different in their moral values and the way they go about life. I even remember my birth mother making a humorous comment about how my parents made us eat soy burgers when we visited one of the first times... another omnivore ;-)

I've always been a pretty stable young person and don't consider myself "crazy" or "dysfunctional". A looooot of the people to come in and out of my life have been, however, and it had a very healthy and unhealthy impact on my growth. Positively: it taught me to stay strong and confident, and stay away from bad influences. It taught me that I have my rights to disagree with people and not have any consequences from that. Negatively: it taught me inappropriate manners and poor ways of emotionally processing situations. Luckily, I never picked any manifestation up from the negative pieces.

I have been an anxiety patient from a very young age, about 6 or 7 years old. I had separation anxiety from my parents due to being adopted (a common issue among adopted children--no one's fault in particular), and that transferred into generalized anxiety and a "what if?" mindset by the age of 12. To summarize this--I had a lot of lifestyle problems because of how severely the anxiety and adoption affected my life. Coming from a biological make up of drug abuse/alcoholism, physical abuse, bipolar disorder and some schizophrenia, it certainly gives me the creeps, but helps define who I want in my life and how I want to create my future family. I only have one shot, and I think this helps me stray away from substance abuse and other bad situations.

Don't know if this is the kind of answer you were looking for, but I gave it my all! Blood doesn't define you, and I am so happy I was given a second chance at finding true inner peace with myself. There is a reason for everything. Yes, I believe my life circumstances led me to being an anxiety-strickened person, but not incapable of happiness or love. :) I hope you find love within yourself and meet some great people. Family isn't everything, but it is a lot, and I'd love to hear what happened... did you go to the Christmas party!?!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
22 Posts
Oh, and another comment about you "being accepted" or "wanted there"... I've dealt with situations like this within my partner's family over the past two years. It's hard, but you get through it, and hopefully your family truly does want you to be there. Sometimes it gets better, and sometimes it doesn't. There isn't much advice I could give, but it sounds like you want more of the facts than the advice. In that case, yes summarizing all my life's "wisdom", I think it is surely possible that family's actions and reactions can have a big impact on you going insane or not LOL
. I'm still learning, and trying to stay sane.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,743 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clueless Git View Post

I did consider blaming my grandad but then kinda realised that was a never ending 'blame chain', as it were.
It depends. Sometimes you can find a ****er in your family line that veered off from the rest, and just blame them.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,861 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irizary View Post

It depends. Sometimes you can find a ****er in your family line that veered off from the rest, and just blame them.
Yes, we could choose to be ****ers ourselves too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,743 Posts
it was a joke.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
32 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by bn4now View Post

I have been veg for about thirteen years now. Some people, including relatives, have thought I was nuts for doing it. But anyway, my being vegetarian is probably not the real issue. I just have a hard time with people. I always have. To make a long story short, I tend to blame my mom for being way too overprotective of me when I was younger, making it harder for me to get around and "fit in". Well, my mom passed away earlier this year and the relatives that live around here don't seem to want anything to do with me. At my mom's funeral someone did mention something about me coming to a Christmas eve get together. But I'm not sure if they really are serious. Am I really welcome? I doubt that they really want me there.

Also, I have tried to find and meet local people that I might relate to. It seems that most veggie people I have met locally are extreme liberals or Seventh day adventists. I don't feel comfortable in either crowd. I like to think of myself as independent.

So maybe what I am asking is - do any of you come from highly dysfunctional families and if so, do you think it led to depression, bi polar, aspergers, or just being anti social?

Bryan
I'm not sure what you mean by "over-protective". Do you mean you were abused somehow or just coddled? Anyhow, I came from a very violent and abusive family, but I came out the better for in in terms of how I see others. Yes, I'm afraid of going out, but I actually like people. I don't set myself above them and then blame them for my own fears and failings.

If you feel you aren't welcome to this gathering, then don't go. It's as simple as that. Send a letter of thanks to whoever invited you, and leave it at that.

As far as mental illness goes, don't try to find a label. If you need help, find a good therapist and share your thoughts and feelings with them. Sometimes it's a ton easier to open up with a therapist than it is with even friends. No strings attached, you know?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,693 Posts
In this day and age I think it's pretty common to be screwed up in at least some way or another. My mom did her best given the circumstances, and to this day I don't think she realizes what was really going on inside my mind, and how I viewed people in general. I managed to act normal most of the time and in her eyes I'm always just an innocent little boy I suppose. My earliest memories of my dad were of everyone talking about him being a cheat (often), and of him doing things like slashing my mom's car tires and putting dead fish in our mailbox after the divorce. Later on my stepfather was quite different, but still far form normal. He was a commercial fisherman and extremely old fashioned. I spent a lot of time in Alaska in a very sparsely populated town while he was out fishing for days or weeks at a time, and as young as 10 years old I'd be out on my own hunting moose, rabbit, or whatever else I could find if for no other reason than because I was bored of living off fish and canned... whatever we had brought, and simply because I liked to camp out in the wilderness alone without having to put on a face for anyone. I didn't make it to a stereotypically "normal" environment until I moved in with my grandparents for my senior year of high school back home near Seattle, and only then did I start to realize how emotionally and socially different I was from everyone else. I avoided relationships of all types and, though not necessarily mean by nature, was cold hearted and didn't exhibit much empathy at all. No one was surprised when I joined the military as soon as I got out of high school. I don't think I would have fit in anywhere else at the time. I was 20 the first time I killed a person and 24 the first time I held hands with one and, though it didn't work out, I must admit she probably saved me from going down a very lonely path. Once I knew what I was missing, changes just began happening on their own. I'm a completely different person now than I was, say, 10 years ago. Then again, there are some things that just don't change.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Sorry I have been around lately. Thank you all for your thoughts. I work in retail so the past six weeks have been kind of chaotic for me.

I did not go to that get together I had mentioned and I have not heard from any local relatives. One relative who lives out of state did send me a card, and I wrote back.

Another thing I have been doing lately is reading and posting on a social anxiety site. Lots of interesting reading there, at least for me. Like I said, my mom passed away last year, and also my roomate/former girlfriend moved out shortly after. So the past few months have been rather lonely. At least work gave me something to do, I guess.

I agree that family does not define us, yet it seems so hard to find real friends or people who really are on my side. It is so easy to be used or taken advantage of. I guess I am still learning what people much younger than me have already learned. So basically I do the best I can and try not to worry about what others think of me.
 

·
Rat Queen/Mouse Matriarch
Joined
·
836 Posts
Very sorry to hear about your mother. Hope you're coping alright.

Many mental health issues are a combination of nature + nurture. For example, bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety disorders are very prevalent in my family which gave me a biological disadvantage and I grew up in a very stressful, abusive household. I had issues all my life but they became significantly worse after a series of severe traumas when my parents were going through the process of a divorce. They were extremely stressed and became even more violent.

Edit: Also, I'm not sure what you mean by personality disorder. Do you mean mental illness in general? My mother has a personality disorder and they have a category of their own aside from depression, anxiety, etc.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
yes. I had an extremely dysfunctional childhood. Nutshell: emotionally abusive and neglectful father, epilepsy, not feeling loved, suicide attempts, and isolation. I'm still a very isolated/introverted person and suffer from depression. I've learned to sort of deal with it I guess. I still wish I had more friends though. I'm so afraid of rejection that I tend not to work hard on finding any.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
318 Posts
I agree with the person a few posts above - it seems pretty normal to come from a dysfunctional family now.

Mine certainly speaks to that! I'm diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and yes, my family could be seen as dysfunctional. But then that's what you get in a family of psychologists, or people who think they are psychologists.

I think the anxiety thing certainly could be to do with family - mine is much worse when my whole family is in one place.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top