Breast feeding in public

Thalia · Dec 20, 2002

I came across a thread on another board that really saddened me. I guess I knew people felt this way, but I never really realised how common it was (in the US, mostly, I think). 
Here's the question:
<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Hi. (my SO) and I went out for a quick dinner tonight and while we were sitting in the restaurant a couple with one child and a baby was seated near us. The place was faily crowded but not packed. A little while after they sat down the woman started breast feeding the baby at the table. The staff seemed to ignore it, but the other people at other tables didn't seem too pleased. Everyone seemed to be muttering and staring. Eventually the hostess came to her table and told her that she couldn't do that in the restaurant. The woman got kind of strident about her rights and stuff but backed down and left. 
Is this alright to do nowdays? It never crossed my mind to breast feed my kids in a public place.</div>
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I responded:
<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">I agree that it can be done discreetly, my mom was good at that with my brother, I remember. And because people are so easily offended, I think it is respectful to try to be discreet. No need to cause unnecessary upset. 
I don't know what the situation was, but I have to say, even if someone did whip it out, I would never be offended or have the nerve to tell a mother not to care for her child, wherever she is. Its sad that that we are so squeemish. It's not a sexual context like a wet t-shirt contest. We have to watch so many parents yell and scream and insult their kids in public, we should be grateful to see someone loving a child instead. 
just my humble opinion.</div>
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most other people said they didn't mind as long as the woman was, "discreet". Is anyone else as bothered as I am that people are offended by someone caring for a child? Why should other people be your main concern when feeding your child? 
I understand in our culture this makes people squeemish, but I say, "get over it!" I am a modest person, and I get squeemish, too, but I remind myself that this is something to be in awe of, not annoyed with.

RichBeBe · Dec 20, 2002

I so wish I had breasts to breast feed any future child we have... 
Seriously I do not , but what better way for a parent and child to bond. I do have to admit that I am a bit uncomfortable when i see someone breast feeding in public (our culture's influence) but I get over it ina few seconds and then envy the bond that is there.

GhostUser · Dec 20, 2002

I get very, very sad when I see it because I can't have kids. So, my personal opinion is, I'd rather not see it. I mean, outa sight outa mind. I actually don't go to baby showers either. I just can't bear it. If I don't see it, I'm not reminded that I'll never be able to bond like that with another human being. But, I realize that I am in a very small minority of woman that can't have kids. So, if I am in a place where a mom is breast feeding, I either leave or turn so I don't see it. I would never say anything to the person however.

Joe · Dec 20, 2002

My feeling is that a woman should be allowed to breast feed her child in public. It is just a natural function, and the child should not be required to go hungry. 
I am not sure what "discreet" means in this context. Should a woman be required to carry around a sheet or a bath towel and throw it over herself and child while breast feeding? Should the woman be required to go into the ladies room and do her breast feeding there? Or would that not be discreet enough? Should she have to go into a stall and close the door? 
I was chair one year of the Metro Government committee of the League of Women Voters of Nashville. One of the women, a past chair, brought her infant to the meeting and breast fed the child when it was hungry. People just averted their eyes and carried on with the meeting. It was not a big deal.

luckiecharms · Dec 20, 2002

Well I think that it should be okay. i dont see anything wrong with it if nothing was like showing lol. and if it bothers people why dont they just turn and look away? thats what i would do.

Poesa · Dec 20, 2002

I don't see any problem with breast feeding in public. It's all natural. I do, however, see a problem with Rich growing breasts.

GhostUser · Dec 20, 2002

It makes me sick that a woman is told not to feed her baby in public. 
It also makes me sick to see someone sticking a rubber nipple into the child's mouth. 
Babies and mothers are meant to breastfeed. End of story. And any place a woman is welcome, she is welcome to feed her baby. Discreet or not. If it makes someone else uncomfortable, that's their problem, not hers. Some people are uncomfortable at the sight of someone in a wheelchair. Does that mean that people in wheelchairs shouldn't be allowed out in public, or should be "discreet" about their means of locomotion? Of course not. By the same token, a woman should not be asked not to feed her child in public or to be "discreet" about it because someone is uncomfortable. 
Bottles are a very, very recent development - and harmful to the baby in every way when compared with the natural means of nutrition for a baby. 
Peace, 
Maggie

Thalia · Dec 20, 2002

Thank you all, you gave me the courage to post something more forceful.
<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">After thinking about this thread some more, it occured to me how ironic it is that in a society where most of us claim to be worried about deterioration of the family, family values, and parents who don't care for their kids, that so many of us feel that our own discomfort takes precedence over the feeding of a baby. Really, why does our society give mothers such a hard time? Isn't parenting, and arguably mothering the hardest job there is? Should we not show a little gratitude for the people who raised us and are raising the future generation? I get uncomfortable seeing breasts, just my socializing. So I don't look, and I get over it. A hungry baby being able to nurse without a hassle or dirty looks is way more important than my squeemishness. 
Is feeding a baby really dirty? Breasts were designed for comforting and nourishing babies, and creating an intimate bond between mother and child. That is nothing a mother need be ashamed of or pressured to hide or disguise IMO.</div>
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GhostUser · Dec 20, 2002

Well put Thalia.

Kreeli · Dec 20, 2002

one of my favourite quotes: 
"When Pamela Anderson and her pneumatic ilk are forced to cover up their breasts with baby blankets, nursing mothers will do the same." 
wish i could remember who said that. 
the truth of the matter is, it's weird social hypocrisy to tell nursing moms to hide their boobings when their babies get hungry in public. you see more tits and ass during the average commercial break on primetime television than you do when a mom breastfeeds her infant. really. 
i nursed in public ALL THE TIME. it is MY LEGAL RIGHT TO DO SO. and if any business establishment had told me to stop, or to leave their premisis, i would have sued them. and also, **** being "discreet" about it. if you can't handle seeing the flash of a nipple or the soft round flesh of a boob, you need to look away and shut the hell up. 
heh.

LadyFaile · Dec 20, 2002

lol yeah what she said. 
it doesn't bother me, boobs were designed for it. i think moms should be able to feed their babies however and wherever they want. 
but that being said, i personally probably wouldn't be comfortable doing it in public, i'd probably duck into a public washroom, but that's just because of my own esteem issues, if other women are able to do it without hesitation, more power to them!

soilman · Dec 20, 2002

I agree with Maggie and Kreeli.

SilverC · Dec 20, 2002

I don't get how people can get so upset over seeing a woman breast feed. This is what breasts are for! Perhaps if we stopped sexualizing breasts to such an outrageous degree, it wouldn't be such a big deal. 
Along the same lines, have you ever heard of kiss feeding? I learnt about this in one of my anthropology classes. In some traditional societies, women will chew up some food, and "kiss" their babies, transfering the food into their mouths, sort of like what birds do. It's to help the babies make a transition to solid foods. When I first saw it, I was a bit shocked. It looks like the mother is french kissing the baby. But once I understood what they were doing, it doesn't seem so weird. Can you imagine how the prudes in our society would freak over that? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

VealPrincess · Dec 21, 2002

Of course women should be allowed and most definately encouraged to breast feed whenever they and their baby wants or needs to- out in public or not! 
I hate how some people are so negative about public breast feeding. Breasts are for feeding babies, and when babies need to eat, they need to eat! 
Although I am extremely supportive of breast feeding moms, I am also aware that some mothers can not breast feed their babies, or some mothers shouldn't breast feed their babies for various reasons. Bottles and formula are necessary and should be encouraged in some cases. 
We should also remember that just because a woman is seen bottle feeding her baby doesn't mean that she didn't want to breast feed. In certain cases it is best not to breast feed.

GhostUser · Dec 22, 2002

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Bottles and formula are necessary and should be encouraged in some cases. 
We should also remember that just because a woman is seen bottle feeding her baby doesn't mean that she didn't want to breast feed. In certain cases it is best not to breast feed. [/B]</div>
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Those cases are few and far between. 
I hope that I will see the day when donor milk is available for mothers who absolutely are unable to nurse their babies. Artificial infant milk is a very poor substitute. 
Peace, 
Maggie

VealPrincess · Dec 22, 2002

Well, I have actually heard of a number of cases where mothers were not able to nurse their babies even though they tried desparately to and felt extremely guilty about not being able to nurse- all from a licensed lactation consultant. 
There are a number of good reasons why some mothers don't and shouldn't breast feed- don't give enough milk, can't letdown properly, have physical problems that make nursing impossible or painful or their baby has a problem with nursing or drinking their mothers milk. The primary concerns in regards to breastfeeding- that the baby is getting the nutrition and bonding time they need. Sometimes neither of those requirements are met with breastfeeding, so an alternative needs to be found and used. 
We put enough pressure on mothers and one thing they don't need is people judging them for their desire OR their inability to breast feed. 
I think milk donor clinics could be a great idea- as long as the milk is screened for pathogens. Don't get me wrong, I am all for breast feeding- I think it's wonderful- but I don't think people should be so quick to judge mothers they see bottle feeding.

GhostUser · Dec 22, 2002

Donor milk can also be pasteurized.

VealPrincess · Dec 22, 2002

Even better!

Max Power · Dec 22, 2002

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally posted by Maggie It makes me sick that a woman is told not to feed her baby in public.</div>
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I'm gonna sort of play devil's advocate here, because I agree, on the whole, that all public places are responsible for providing comfortable and adequate baby care facilities; but let's not go overboard with the indescretion stuff. My argument: 
That the function of a woman's breasts are to breast feed babies does not mean she should do so without any regard for her social surroundings. Based on that logic, can't we make the same argument for our sex organs? Few people would want to open up any and every dining establishment for tableside sex. That sex, in and of itself, is offense is a judgement call and no one person can make judgement call for all of our society. 
Further, we treat the appearance of Pamela Anderson's pair of prunes different than those of a breast feeding mother. Why do we do that? Laws based on a common acceptance of what is inappropriate for public display are written by a system we believe to be capable of protecting the common good. Why not do the same for breast feeding? It cannot be treated the same as gratuitous display of nudity, obviously, but surely the same system we trust to govern pornography can come up with laws that more-or-less adhere to what society accepts as appropriate behavior. 
That takes care of the woman's responsibility. What about the institutions (restaurants, as it were)? A store has the right to sell (and the buyer to buy) pornographic magazines which are questionable in their content to the point where they must be covered/sealed from accidental (or not) viewing by persons of age that should not be viewing it. So the store has a social/legal responsibility to mitigate as much as is considered reasonable the open appearance of nudity. I think this is the right approach for restaurants, too. A woman has the right to adequate resources to breast feed and Max Power has the right to minimal hinderence in buying porn. Both can be done without hardship on the part of the mother and myself, and with minimal involuntary exposure to their respective objectional elements. 
While breast-feeding is healthy and natural and should not be masked from curious children, I certainly think that it is reasonable to expect the freedom from involuntary exposure to it for myself and for my kids (although I don't have kids). I don't see any reason why a middle ground would be unacceptable. 
*fin*

Kreeli · Dec 22, 2002

um, okay. here's my .02 cents. 
mothers face a lot of ****e in the world. they aren't supported in their parenting by society, and they are expected to be super women. choice in how to raise children is discouraged. therefore i think it's vital for mothers to support one another, and their choices, and to do it without judgement. her life isn't your life. whether a mama chooses to breast- or bottle-feed is completely up to her, and the decision will be based entirely on her life experiences: how she was raised, how she feels about her body, how important what people think about her is. the key is for the mama to make informed choices. 
the judging shouldn't be in there at all. it's a stifling thing to do to the movement of empowering women and mothers. it is never okay to assume you know anything about the bottle feeding mother and what led her to make her choice. even if it came down to something YOU deem to be superficial or unimportant, the key to good mothering lies not solely in breastfeeding or formula. the key to good mothering is trusting women to make the right choices for themselves and their children, even if it isn't the choice YOU would make.

Breast feeding in public

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