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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ugh. i think this is the end of the line for me and my boyfriend. we are both vegan, both do not drink or smoke or do any kinds of drugs. we have been together for about 2 years and 3 months. i am 25, he is 22. therein lies the problem i think. unfortunately i don't think hs maturity level is what i need right now. he gets upset about stupid things that no one would get upset about under normal situations. he then proceeds to storm out of my house and not talk to me for as much as a week or more, even though i try to get ahold of him. i guess this is some sort of "punishment" or something. but it really just makes me rethink our relationship more and more. his "temper tantrums" just puts me under unneeded and undeserved stress. and this is not the first time that this has happened, either. so i really don't think it is going to last for too much longer, but i am afraid of breaking up with him. not really afraid, but just sad and not really looking forward to being lonely and not having my best friend there anymore. because he is my best friend. but he sometimes treats me like sh*t so i don't know what is going to happen. anyway, i hope we will still be friends if i do decide to break up with him. anyway, sorry to unload all of this on you guys, just needed to get it off my chest. i have no idea why he acts like this if he claims that i am his best friend. he doesn't treat me like a friend at all when he acts like ths. and i just can't take it anymore!
 

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I know what you mean. My boyfriend was just like that... the end of us came when he said I was being "unnatural" by being a vegetarian.
I hope you can somewhat work your situation out... it quite obviously sucks for both of you when you don't.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
yeah, it really does suck, because on the outside, with our lifestyle and everything, we are so perfect for each other. but his actions just drive me farther and farther away, and it really sucks!
 

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Quote:
Originally posted by starsprite

i am 25, he is 22. therein lies the problem i think. unfortunately i don't think hs maturity level is what i need right now.
I agree with the maturity-thing, but remember, people mature at all different paces. I'm just saying that when you're looking for your next leading man, don't be presumptuous and think that another 22-year old will be as immature - or than a 32-year old will be any more mature - than your current boyfriend.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
have you talked to him about it? or does it just turn into even more of a fight? thats what happens with me and my boyfriend, when i bring something up that is bothering me, it just turns into another fight. that stuff about not talking to you for a week sounds pretty immature though, i can sympathize with that for sure. anyway i hope you can work things out, or just get out of there if thats whats right for you. good luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Max Power:

yeah, i know that i cannot expect an older guy to be more mature and a younger guy to be less mature. i just want someone who doesn't get into temper tantrums about stupid stuff!! GRRR!

Funkified:

thanks for the reassurance about the not talking to me for a week thing. and then he finally calls me and tells me he's sorry and i am crying on the phone, and tell him that we need to really think about if we can work things out, and he always wants to try to work things out, but then the same thing happens again, like he didn't even remember the conversation we had!

Secura:

Yes, we talk about our problems when they become to much and cause a big scene, and we talk about whether or not we should try to make things work out and give it another try, and we always decide to give it another try. the thing is that it is usually me that feels that we need to talk about things after he does something like this. it doesn't cause a bgger fight when we talk, it just reassures me a bit. but the thing is that it has happened so many times like this that i don't really have any hope that things are going to get any better this time!


and i know it sounds lame, but i want a boyfriend, and i don't want to lose my best friend. but i don't think i should have to sacrifice my happiness and stay with him. ugh, i don't know it is all so depressing right now! so far i have not talked to him, and this whole incident happened on saturday morning...

-emily
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
ok, I admit that sometimes I get upset about stupid things, but not to the extent that my bf does! and I always realize that it is stupid and appologize shortly after, like an hour or less!! never a week after! it is like my boyfriend is PMS-ing!

-emily
 

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I'd suggest that the next time your boyfriend storms off and dosen't talk to you, don't let him back. He probably feels as you do but can't figure out how to express himself. If you don't let him know that he can't walk out on you, it will continue. If my husband ever walked out on me mad, he'd know not to come back! It's best to try and resolve problems right away rather then let them fester. If this relationship is important to you, tell him what you want. If he dosen't want the same things, at least you won't waste more time with arguing. Hope all works out for you.
 

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I dated a guy three years younger, too. He seemed pretty mature, but the age difference always made me wonder.

Our fighting was a little the opposite. I would want to talk about something important, and he didn't want to, or would act annoyed, so I would ask, we'll what would be a good time, then. So then he'd either sit completely silent on the other end of the phone until I said something (I would wait for like 5 minutes sometimes), or if I were over, he'd start getting ready to go to the gym or something, like that I was concerned about something was of no concern to him. "I can't be bothered with your petty issues, the gym is waiting" was the attitide he gave off. So then I would raise my voice and get mad and storm off. But I never went a week without talking, That's weird.

It's hard losing a friend, but if you think there's someone better out there, remember, they could pass by while you are still with this guy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
The last person I dated (for a year) was 30 (I'm 23). And he wasn't very mature either.

Anyway, I know how you feel about being afraid to be lonely. That's exactly what I was afraid of too. I had never been on my own before. Before my ex, I had dated someone else for 3 years (since I moved out of my parents home). I was terrified of being lonely.

But thats no excuse for ill treatment. I bet it will be the best thing you do for yourself.

At first, I was pretty miserable and scared. Then I started living my life--on my own. And I discovered that I was a pretty smart, cool person (my ex was constantly trying to tell me that I was stupid, wrong & a failure at everything). And surprise! I was actually happy being on my own! (Of course this took about 6-8 months after the break-up to START feeling good...)

And I started making REAL friends. Let me ask you--would you ever tolerate that kind of treatment from any of your other friends (cuz you DO have other friends, right?)? Real friends support you no matter what. Real friends do not "punish" you.

It's gonna hurt & be scary at first. Change always is. But you are going to learn great things about yourself, and I bet you'll be better off than you ever were with him.

Don't disrespect yourself by letting someone else treat you less that you deserve!
 

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It's really hard to break up with people that you still care about. I did it about a year ago... it helped that I wasn't in love with him anymore. Tried to be friends, but he turned into a dick(temper tantrums galore)... and then he went around telling people I was a terrible person and that I destroyed him. He was the melodramatic type, you see.

But even though that's not the most desirable outcome, it's immeasurably better than staying with him! He had been my best friend too, but after I broke up with him I realised that nobody who knew what love and "best friends" were all about would go around doing that kind of crap.

There must be some good things about this guy or you probably wouldn't have stayed with him for 2 years. In my philosophy, if you're getting less out of a relationship than you're putting into it, and you can't forsee it getting any better, it's time to end it.

I don't know if you've reached that, but there's my two cents.
 

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haha, the same happened to me, astarte. after i broke up and moved cross country to get away from the freak he started losing it and telling people i was stalking him - after i moved! really quite amusing. of course he was also an alcoholic so...bad news all around. but ditto what you said..even though that sucks when people are so insecure about themselves they say **** about you that is so far from the truth, much better to get the hell outta dodge! than stay with 'em.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Quote:
he started losing it and telling people i was stalking him - after i moved! really quite amusing. of course he was also an alcoholic so...bad news all around.
Jeeze, did we date the same guy?!

 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Thanks guys & gals! I really appreciate the advice and personal stories. I will talk to him, as soon as he decides that it is time to talk to me! I still care about him as my best friend and I do love him. But I feel that I definitely put more into making this relationship work than he does. Every time we have a discussion, it is usually about the same sort of thing, that has not changed a bit since the last time we "had a talk". So I don't know what he is thinking. If he really cares about us as a couple than I would think he would try to make things better, but I guess he really doesn't, which is sad because we would be perfect for eachother. I have really high standards, I guess, when looking for a partner (vegan, no smoking, no drinking, no drugs) so perhaps I will be alone the rest of my life!! But I guess I will have to cope with it. I am not neccessarily afraid of being alone, just lonely, if you know what I mean. Anyway, thanks again everyone. I will definitely let you know what happens!

-emily

p.s. He has no sex drive, either, that is another problem!! It makes me feel like he is not attracted to me WHICH HE SHOULD BE!!
 

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I agree with Funkified. Very good to be picky and have really high standards! I think it's also good to be a bit flexible with them so that if you meet somebody wonderful who doesn't have 100% of the qualifications, you'll still let yourself get to know them. To do otherwise might make you miss out on some good people that you'd be really happy with.
 

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Oh, starsprite, your boyfriend sounds just like my best friend. He's such a pissy little brat sometimes. He drives me up a wall. Our most recent argument was last night, so I predict I'll hear from him again sometime next week, maybe longer...
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I still have not heard form him, but I am not going to try to contact him this time, just to let him know that I am not going to put up with this anymore! Will let you know what happens!

-emily
 
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