Bottom 10 Vegan Products/Services

jeezycreezy · Nov 24, 2006

This is a sister thread to the <a href="http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=61756" target="_blank">Top 10 vegan products and services -- List Yours!</a> thread. Only the opposite. 
What vegan products or foods do you think are teh yuck!!111! 
I mean, what product did you get excited to try because it was vegan, only to take it home, try it, and marvel at the thought that a group of people in a test kitchen somewhere in the world actually high-fived each other and said: 
"YEEESSSSSS!" :fistpump: "Finally, many of us managed to keep it down this time! Let's get this bad boy to market!" Note: I had a heckuva time finding ten things I didn't like — I have the taste buds of a Golden Retriever — so feel free to just list however many you like. Or, rather, don't like. I'm not a stickler. I seldom stickle. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"> 
Here goes. jeezycreezy's top bottom ten <ol class="decimal"><li><a href="http://www.yvesveggie.com/ca/index.php?id=35" target="_blank">Yves Spicy Italian Sausage</a>, you're On Notice! <blockquote></blockquote>It's not so much that it tasted like a zesty rubber band so much as I think I had an allergic reaction: My head sweated profusely. My face felt flush. I felt dizzy at first and then cloudy headed after. It was the gustatory equivalent of huffing glue.
 </li>
<li><a href="http://www.galaxyfoods.com/ourbrands/usa/vegan.asp" target="_blank">Galaxy Foods Vegan Mozerella</a> <blockquote></blockquote>I wouldn't wax my skis with this s**t.
 </li>
<li><a href="http://www.amyskitchen.com/products/images/400/00073.jpg" target="_blank">Amy's Black Bean Burrito</a> <blockquote></blockquote>I think composting is a great idea. I just don't want to eat it in a tortilla. 
 </li>
<li>Tasty Bite's chana masala <blockquote></blockquote>It is accidentally vegan. But there is no mistaking it tastes like magma. 
 </li>
<li><a href="http://www.nasoya.com/nasoya/nayonaise_original.html" target="_blank">Nayonnaise</a> <blockquote></blockquote>It tastes like wallpaper paste would taste if wallpaper paste tasted like elephant semen.
 </li>
<li><a href="http://www.tofurky.com/" target="_blank">Tofurkey & The Ick Gravy that comes with it</a> <blockquote></blockquote>Save yourself some money and just roast an old boot and cover it in the gelatinous goo of your choice, such as sewage.
 </li>
<li><a href="http://www6.ivenue.com/holonfoods/item38803.ctlg" target="_blank">Hummus in a can</a> <blockquote></blockquote>Why?!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/bigcry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">
 </li>
<li><a href="http://www.myvega.com/products/" target="_blank">Vega Products</a> <blockquote></blockquote>These taste like top soil in bar or powdered form. For the discriminating dysgeusic athlete.
 </li>
<li><a href="http://www.tomsofmaine.com/toms/product.asp?dept_id=500&pf_id=BW-ND" target="_blank">Tom's of Maine Deodorant</a> <blockquote></blockquote>Keeps you wet and smelly for up to 24 hours!
 
And I am really scraping the bottom of the barrel here... </li>
<li>Tempeh <blockquote></blockquote>I would rather eat a veruca loaf.
</li>
</ol> 
So...what's on your list? 
It can be vegan or vegetarian or whatever. As long as it amuses in some way I'm happy to see it here.

DoveInGrey · Nov 24, 2006

1- Fake cheese- any I've ever tried, including tofutti and cheezly are all yucky! 
2- Lush Jungle solid conditioner. Smells great, goes on and washes off...not so great. Really tricky to use and leaves my hair looking greasy. 
3- Sunflower seeds. I can eat 'em spicy, but on their own they're icky. Whyohwhy did the uk vegan society choose the sunflower for it's logo? 
4- Carol Vorderman's ready meals for detoxing(from Morrisons don't remember name) very expensive and very little flavour...ugh, get the spice rack out! 
5- I'm struggling here since I like most things I've tried tbh...

Amy SF · Nov 24, 2006

Thread title fixed. 
As for my own list: 
1. I tried Primal Strips. Gross! Tasted like wet vaguely meat-flavored cardboard. 
2. I tried one of the Linda McCartney frozen meals - can't remember which one - and hated it. I won't go near that brand now. 
3. I don't like Amy's frozen nondairy pot pies, either. 
4. I bought Vegan Gourmet vegan cheese to slice and put on a bagel - and hated it. Why do soy cheeses have to be so gross? 
5. I didn't care for Tofutti Better than Cream Cheese, either. I thought it tasted too much like wet spackle (assuming that's what wet spackle tastes like). 
ETA: (after reading meatless's post). 6. I don't like Boca burgers, either.

meatless · Nov 24, 2006

These are not really in any particular order, just as I think of them. 
10. ANY yves veggie meat products. They all taste the same. and it's not good. 
9. Galaxy Foods Vegan Mozerella. This is terrible stuff. Just terrible. 
8. Seitan in a can from a store in Chinatown store. No amount of rinsing removed the putrid taste of the "marinade." and the texture was just weird. 
7. Candle Cafe cookbook. Every recipe i have tried has been a disaster, and a complete waste of time. And I am not a novice in the kitchen. 
6. "Fetuccinni alfreda" from vegan with a vengeance. This is what I imagine sawdust must taste like. 
5. Nature's Path "Deep chocolate" cookies. These tasted me of what i imagine dog biscuits must be like. There is no deep chocolate flavour. They're barely chocolatey at all. 
4. Ruth's Hemp Bars. Terrible, just terrible. <a href="http://www.ruthsfoods.ca/hemp_bars.htm" target="_blank">http://www.ruthsfoods.ca/hemp_bars.htm</a> 
3. Avalon organics awapuhi mango shampoo and conditioner. Unless of course you WANT your hair to be a frizzy afro no matter what you do. 
2. Terra-nostra rice milk chocolate bars. Plastic anyone? 
1. Organic boca burgers. These got great reviews, but when I tried them it tasted something like I imagine melted dashboard tasting like. So chemically, and what a weird texture. 
There are so many things I didn't loathe and detest, but that I will just never eat again. Many many things fall under this category.

Sevenseas · Nov 24, 2006

1. Hummus. Not at all what some vegans have made it out to be. 
2. Many vegan cheeses. Luckily I found Cheezly, which is fantastic.

DoveInGrey · Nov 24, 2006

Sevenseas -I'm the total opposite to you- love hummus- hate cheezly! Oh well it takes all sorts of tastebuds! Someone must like the gross things on these lists too!

Elena99 · Nov 24, 2006

1 - Vegan Gourmet Cheese. I can only taste it if it's by itself. If I add it to anything, whether it's a sandwich, chili, or pizza, I can't even tell it's there. 
2 - Tempeh I've tried a few ways of making it, and it always tastes like bad fish. 
3 - Nayonaise If you aren't careful, the bad flavour takes over anything you make with it. 
4 - Edensoy Soymilk I completely forgot about this stuff. It tastes awful, I can't even stand a spoonful of it in coffee.

tiggybrown · Nov 24, 2006

HAHAHHAHAHAHAAA, I just chucked my TOm's of MAine deodorant, I stank like a stinky old fat man who sits in bed and sweats all day. I was starting to feel very greasy and nasty all the time. I am a tiny girl who does not look like a big fat old man that stinks. That crap is crap. 
ANd cauliflour!!! I HATE IT! I tried to eat it the other night and I was gagging.

Poppy · Nov 24, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Sevenseas <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
1. Hummus. Not at all what some vegans have made it out to be. 
2. Many vegan cheeses. Luckily I found Cheezly, which is fantastic.</div>
</div>
 
I WANT Cheezly!!! When's it coming here?!?!?

Katt Fink · Nov 24, 2006

This one is number one for a reason: 
1. BossaNova Acai juice - do you like the unique blend of kalamata olives and ear wax? Then you'll love BossaNova Acai juice! It has made me very reluctant to try any other Acai products... and although all the others I've tried were worlds better than this, I don't think I can ever actually learn to like Acai... 
2. Rice Dream Cookie's 'N Cream flavor - Mmmm! Ground up chalk, carefully churned with a touch of spoiled unsweetened soymilk, and some mediocre chocolate cookie pieces thrown in! The perfect dessert treat for anyone who has accidentally destroyed most or all of their tastebuds. (This was surprising, considering all the other RD flavors I've tried have been better than almost all the other non moo-cream brands I've ever tried) 
3. J/A/S/O/N Tea Tree deodorant - Not even the cute koala on the applicator could convince me to buy this again. I guess there's a reason for him, though: it lets you know you'll smell like a wet, dirty marsupial if you use this!* 
4. J/A/S/O/N Color Enhancing Shampoo (for Black hair) - This is the product for you if you want your healthy, vibrant, shiny black hair to quickly deteriorate to a dull, greasy-looking, army-green color!* 
5. Amy's Thai Coconut Soup - Jee, I didn't know coconut soup was supposed to taste like soap! Maybe I should have used it to bath with... there'd be a better chance of my buying it again... 
6. Avalon Organics Revitalizing Peppermint Shampoo & Conditioner - Yeah, if by "Revitalizing" you mean "turns your hair into a tightly woven, matted rat's nest that could stop a bullet!" I tried this because I love shampoo and I looove peppermint, so I thought, what could be better!? Boy was I wrong. I couldn't get a brush through my hair the whole time I used it. I swear, I must've had colonies of small animals living in my hair until I finally gave up and gave the rest of the bottles to my boyfriend... (of course it worked fantastically for him! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">) 
7. Road's End Organics Dairy-Free Mac & Chreese - The box it came in would've had more flavor. It's crap like this that makes people think vegan food is gross and boring. That's really all that can be said about this sad waste of resources... 
8. Vita Coco Coconut Water - Once, I bought a coconut and accidentally forgot about it, leaving it in the corner of the kitchen for a few weeks. It started to grow a classy little green goatee. I think that was the coconut that was dug out of the dumpster to make this abomination. 
9. VeganSweets Marshmallows - Ever wonder what they do with the biohazardous waste that is left over from Liposuction surgeries? They sprinkle a little sugar and vanilla into it and sell it to VeganSweets! Yummy! (note: VeganSweets are not actually vegan if you count human by-products) 
10. Vans - Geoff Rowley XL3 Vegan skate shoes - I don't actually own these, but my boyfriend got a pair last Xmas and by February, the vegan "suede" upper had peeled off down to the uh, vegan whatever-layer-is-under-the-fuzzy-part. Now his once-black sneaks have giant gray bald patches all over them.. very stylish! I'd be a lot more upset about this if I had paid for the shoes...** 
*I really feel bad for ripping on J/A/S/O/N because I really like all the other products I've tried from the line! 
**I have just been informed that he received a pair of the XL2's the year before that, which also fell apart right away. This year, Vans claims they have "perfect(ed) the lightweight skate shoe by making it more durable in the all-new XL3".. yeah, um, I don't think I'll be testing this theory this year. Quite a shame because Vans usually makes pretty decent shoes. I guess the price you pay is wearing animal carcasses on your feet, then, because their Vegan shoes are crapola!

hnybny91 · Nov 24, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by tiggybrown <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
ANd cauliflour!!! I HATE IT! I tried to eat it the other night and I was gagging.</div>
</div>
 
I am assuming that you mean regular cauliflower (from the produce section). I like raw cauliflower (with some sort of dip...hummus preferably) but I hate cooked cauliflower.

IamJen · Nov 24, 2006

Hm..I'm not sure I can come up with 10, but one comes quickly to mind: 
Veggie Booty (aka "vile puffs of snot-like material") 
So so so gross.

penny79 · Nov 24, 2006

you are the only person i know who dislikes veggie booty, i am jen!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"> that stuff rocks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

jeezycreezy · Nov 24, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by penny79 <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
you are the only person i know who dislikes veggie booty, i am jen!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"> that stuff rocks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

"></div>
</div>
 
No. There is another. :yoda:

Jessica Alana · Nov 24, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by jeezycreezy <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
:fistpump:</div>
</div>
 
thief. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/brood.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":brood:"> 
Jeezy is now in my bottom 10. I said BOTTOM TEN, for all you freaks who stopped at the word "bottom."

Jessica Alana · Nov 24, 2006

I have to agree with the vegansweets marshmallows. Those are a mess. 
I've tried so many bad vegan things that my mind has started blocking them out.

jeezycreezy · Nov 24, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by Jessica Alana <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
thief. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/brood.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":brood:"></div>
</div>
 
You can't prove a thing Jess. Or, as I refer to you now: Number Eleven. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

penny79 · Nov 24, 2006

i do not understand what's wrong with vegansweets. they make rice crispy treats just fine.

Sevenseas · Nov 24, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by DoveInGrey <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
Sevenseas -I'm the total opposite to you- love hummus- hate cheezly!</div>
</div>
 
Did you melt it? If so and you still didn't like it, that's just.. frightening. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

Jessica Alana · Nov 24, 2006

<div class="quote-container">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by penny79 <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a> 
i do not understand what's wrong with vegansweets. they make rice crispy treats just fine.</div>
</div>
 
Well sure they do! If you happen to enjoy dirt krispies. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

">

Bottom 10 Vegan Products/Services

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