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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
so, yesterday for Easter i went to my boyfriend's church and to his house after dinner<br><br><br><br>
he had explained to his mother that i "was not eating meat"<br><br><br><br>
he failed to mention that i'm also not eating eggs, cheese, milk, or anything of the sort<br><br><br><br>
so, my future mother-in-law fixed me dressing (with huge chunks of boiled egg) and i'm almost positive she made it with chicken broth<br><br><br><br>
she also made green beans (with butter i'm sure) and a corn casserole (definitely had eggs and milk in it)<br><br><br><br>
i couldn't just not eat the dressing...she fixed a special pan just for me with no chicken in it<br><br><br><br>
at first she had even suggested that i could "just pick around the meat" in the regular dressing<br><br><br><br>
i had heard of non-veg*ns suggesting things like that, but never really thought about it until i was struck speechless by her suggestion...it horrified me, really<br><br><br><br>
i'll admit, it all tasted wonderful (i'm a new veg*n and haven't lost my taste for those things yet at all), but i wouldn't have been tempted to eat a bit of it if i hadn't felt like i had to<br><br><br><br>
i'm going to explain to my boyfriend that the next time i come to his house for food, he needs to further elaborate on my dietary choices<br><br><br><br>
i don't expect her to fix me special food...hell, i'll bring my own if i must...but i don't want to feel like i MUST eat something that i don't want to eat<br><br><br><br>
true, i could have turned it down, but i am a very shy person, and i just couldn't be rude like that...we live in mississippi, and turning down someone's good southern food seems very insulting, no matter what the situation<br><br><br><br>
and i've already had a rough time with this woman before...i just don't want to do anything to ruin where i am with her now...she seems to actually like me a bit now<br><br><br><br>
anyway...just felt like posting something, and that was an experience i hope to never have again<br><br><br><br>
does anyone else have family members (or future family members) who just don't seem to get it?...ugh, it is so frustrating
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> I know how difficult that can be, especially if you're a shy person and are afraid to speak up. Hopefully you or your boyfriend will find a good time to tell his family about your dietary choices in advance so you don't run into a problem next time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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I haven't been in many situations where I had to deal with this yet, I'm sure my day is coming. Maybe you could bring it up to her on a non eatfest type day so that you aren't so on the spot and maybe bring something that you can eat.<br><br><br><br>
I know what you mean about not wanting to hurt someones feelings after they have gone out of their way trying.<br><br><br><br>
Big hugs
 

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I think it is especially hard when it isn't your own family. I am also a shy person and I hate to insult anyone, even if it isn't intentional. I can understand how you felt especially since she made stuff just for you. DId you talk to your bf about it? I'm sure if she was willing to make you veg stuff she would be willing to make vegan stuff for you next time as long as she understands what that entails.
 

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I had a similar experience yesterday for breakfast at my MIL's. We do breakfast there every Easter, and the traditional breakfast is bacon or corned beef hash, eggs, and whatever else. The whatever else this time consisted of cinnamon rolls and pineapple upside-down cake. Turns out they made the pineapple upside-down cake just for me. Yes, I did eat some just to be nice. I'll be figuring out a nice way to demonstrate to them in the future how I do not eat eggs or anything with eggs as an ingredient either.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
i haven't talked to him yet, but i'll be sure to tell him before i go to his house again...especially if there is food involved<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hungry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hungry:">
 

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I learned real fast you have to be very specific when telling boyfriend or friend's parents what you will or won't eat. I used to say "vegetarian" and ended up with fish, or chicken broth, etc. now I say don't eat meat, fish, meat, fish or chicken broth, eggs, milk, cheese.... and it goes on. Its a huge pain but better than ending up in that situation again.<br><br><br><br>
I'm sorry it happened to you, it sucks, I've been there.
 

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Yup, yup, I know what you mean. Having made the transition from Vegetarian to vegan about a month and a half ago, I had my first such situation over easter. We always go to my Grandmother's for easter dinner, which consists always of hunks of meat, and then LOTS of veggies, all smothered in butter and/or cream. Always delicious, but <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/no.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":no:"><br><br><br><br>
So my dad and I had spoken to my grammie beforehand, to tell her about my new choice ( she was skeptical already of the vegetarian thing), and to assure her that I have done much research on the health aspects of everything, and that I would not be lacking any nutrients. Not sure she's convinced ( she actually asked my dad where I get my meat! Not protein, but actually meat!), but she does seem to have some grudging respect for my right to make that choice.<br><br><br><br>
Ok, skip to sunday, and the minute I arrive, she wants me to try the coleslaw. 'It's only carrots, cabbage and salad dressing...' Does she know that mayo is just eggs? Then my cousin, who likely has heard all about this, pipes up... 'And milk, grammie'. Thank you cousin! My grammie looks a bit sheepish, and I just said no, thanks. Trying to Sneak in some proper calcium? Huh. But, to be fair, she had bought me some spinach and a bunch of veggies to make a salad, then provided Ranch&Bacon salad dressing! haha. So I just put some oil and lemon juice, and stole some turnip and carrots before they got attacked by butter.<br><br><br><br>
What sucks is that in these situations, it really DOES looks like we live a crappy, restricted, tasteless live. Poo, poo. I think that I need to bring something SUPER tasty next time. I wonder if they'd all be willing to try my 'weird vegan food-stuff'..<br><br><br><br>
Ok - so I kind of hijacked with my story, but my point is that I think we've all been there at one time or another, and I think that the only way to survive it is to lay everything out on the table beforehand. Otherwise, you either get nothing and look like a martyr, or you sacrifice your morals for your desire to 'not seem difficult'. It's a hard game to win.
 
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