VeggieBoards banner
1 - 20 of 517 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
WARNING

This thread contains a blunt discussion of sexual issues and concerns related to women's health. If you are offended by sexual topics, please do not read this thread.

I thought I'd start a little thread on this, as the "Fairchild crisis 2003" showed there is a real need for it.
Keeping all our questions in one area maybe helpful later on for someone who needs help, but is too shy to ask.

The "expert" panel for this thread are those that have done what you're asking about


Think of this as a girl's coffee shop, where we talk, ask and dream.

I'll get this going...

Someone asked about the female condom on another thread. I've used it a few times. It's best for a couple who are comfortable with each other enough to laugh at the ridulous and for the woman to feel comfortable touching herself in front of her partner.

When you unwrap the condom, it looks like a sandwich bag with a string and ring hanging from it. It takes some coordination to insert the baggie into your vagina and to place the penis properly. Once you get the hang of it, however, you barely notice it. If you put it in inproperly, you will feel it and laugh hysterically
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
76 Posts
OK, I have a question...

I find sex painful. Always have. I've been sexually active since I was 19 (now 23). I have been to the doctors but they can't find anything physically wrong and I've never had any hang ups about sex so I don't think it's psychological. I've tried KY jelly and it didn't help. The best suggestion so far is that because my BF is 6' 4" he's probably bigger than average and as I'm only 5' I'm probably smaller than average! But I'm wondering whether anyone has other ideas or suggestions.

Wow, I dodn't expect that to be quite so hard to write. I'm blushing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Where exactly is the pain? That will help determine if it's attributable to his size or something else. Is it in your lower abdomin? or is it in you vagina itself?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Don't worry about blushing - none of us can see you


Here's a few things to think about...

It is possible to have a sensitive cervix. I have one. Do PAP smears hurt? Do positions requiring deep penetration hurt? Do tampons hurt?

Is it possible that, since it's always hurt, you're expecting it to hurt now?

Are you turned on enough before pentration? Or are you always in a hurry to get started and don't take time before hand? ("It always hurts, so let's just get this show on the road" attitude)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,907 Posts
If there is no medical reason for the pain, it sounds as though you need to relax ( literally). Tense muscles can make sex uncomfortable. Perhaps there is a deeper issue with sex, such as fear or vulnerability? Have you tried discussing this with your partner? Try and work ( bad wording, sex isn't suppose to be work! ) slowly and breath deeply to help your body relax more.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,634 Posts
Krista, I love this thread. Thank you.


My husband is 'bigger than average'.
I find that if he's on top or we're in a position that involves deep penetration, it is uncomfortable unless I'm super supper wet (naturally) and then add some KY. Most of the time we tend to enjoy position where I'm on top where I have control over the depth.

What about trying something completely different like Tantric sex?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,606 Posts
Yah. Have some experience with the "big" boyfriend. It's best to get into a position where you have control (this helps physically and mentally, since you'll be more relaxed knowing you control what happens).

Now, getting on top is fine and wonderful, but darnit, your knees will start to hurt.
I recommend letting him get behind you. (If you can dig this sort of thing...) You have the ability to bend your waist, legs, etc in ways that make things comfortable for you without having to do any real "work."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,002 Posts
I really think it could be something psychological that you don't really realize is there, such as what kristadb said, that you're expecting it to hurt since it always hurt in the past...

Although, I'm guessing it could also be the size issue. The first guy with whom I had sex was larger than average, but my body was really used to him, and aside from the first time and, well...when he did it from behind, it never hurt. The two guys after that were MUCH larger than he was, and I just did not enjoy sex with them at all (though I doubt it was any pain that bothered me...again, I think it was a psychological issue akin to fear).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,339 Posts
Just thought I'd say I'm glad there's a more permanent thread on this -- I'm afraid I can't add anything to the topic at hand, though. Except that if you've been to the gyn & they haven't found anything wrong, it's very possibly a psychological issue (as already mentioned). Depending on *where* it hurts, though, it could be very serious -- I mean, is it a friction issue (not enough lubrication)? A sensitive cervix? Or could it be more serious, e.g., ovarian cysts (painful sex is how a friend of mine found out about hers...)?

Good luck,

Mskedi
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
392 Posts
WOW Moomin...that could have been me writing your post. Seriously. I am 22, sexually active since 19. I have always had the same problem...first time was excruciating (the tears scared the hell out of my boyfriend!) and it has gotten better but never good. I have had sex with three men, I guess you could call them small, medium, and large. Hahaha. They hurt about the corresponding amounts too. For me, it is like almost an abrasion in my vagina like it doesn't want to stretch that much....all the foreplay and lube in the world has never helped. And I don't think I have any hangups either...I have tried to be relaxed as possible. Although it definitely gets harder to want to do it when you expect it to hurt every time...and you are proven right every time.

Krista- The thing you said about the cervix hits the nail on the head for me; yes to all three questions:

Quote:
Originally posted by kristadb

It is possible to have a sensitive cervix. I have one. Do PAP smears hurt? Do positions requiring deep penetration hurt? Do tampons hurt?

[/B]
Any thoughts or suggestions on this from anyone? Thanks!

Wow, I am blushing too...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
/hands Minmo some eye drops

AWrr,

Welcome to the wonderful world of sensitive crevixes! I asked the other questions, as those are non-sexual events. Here is what my doctor and I have discovered works. (Minmo, stop reading! You'll go blind.)

Mastrubate in different positions, using 1-3 fingers as pentration or a FDA approved item (no cucumbers please). You'll get a better feel for your body and wil be able to figure out which ways were most enjoyable for you. Then, apply this to your partner. With my husband, I was only able to be on top. With my BF now, I break into tears when on top some days. It's all about placement, depth and gentleness.

I definately didn't have any hang-ups - sheesh, I was a virgin on my wedding night. LOL I was as virtous as any mother could hope for. There was no guilt! But it hurt so bad that I sobbed until he asked me to stop, because he didn't want the hotel staff to think he was murdering me.

Another important thing is to realize that, if it hurts, it's ok to stop and take a few moments to enjoy your sexuality in a non-intercourse way. Taking frequent breaks during intercourse helps (switching between intercourse and oral sex, for example).

Generally for everyone w/ painful intercourse - do you use spermicide? If you do, stop for 2 weeks and see if you notice a difference. If you use condoms, try non-latax, non-sheepskin ones. They're $20 for 5, though. These are all things that my doctor advised. Apparently, with a sensitive cervix, you are more likely to be sensitive to spermicide and latex (as I am).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
First, enjoy your virginhood - it's very sexy!

The first time is as varied as Madonna's hair. Some women find it no big deal, some never find it as good, some need therapy to recover and some never want to do it again.

I don't think you're height will contribute to your pleasure or displeasure.

The things important are: a tender partner, knowledge, desire to be doing what you're doing, and patience.

EDIT: Mo, Mo, Mo. Did I not tell you to stop reading? No one hand her eye drops. She brought this upon herself!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,634 Posts
warning: Personal story may make you cringe!!!!


Not to freak you out Moomin, but did your doctor do a culture for clamydia? Many women have no symptoms or just some vague pain. Did your doctor do an ultrasound to rule out ovarian cysts? Just some thoughts.

On the psychological side: Do you feel rushed? Do you live at home and worry about your parents walking in on you or do you worry about roommates hearing you?

Isn't the female reproductive system complicated!!!!!

Another thought: are you bleeding after intercourse?

This happened to me last summer. It was the weirdest thing because my husband (then fiancee) had been together (in bed) for awhile with no problems and I had been with other guys previously. Then one day, after intercourse (not particularly deep or vigorous) I bleed for about 30 minutes. I was freaked!!! I knew bleeding after intercourse could be a sign of cervical cancer. It happened several more times before I went to the doctor. She sent me to a gynecologist specialist. He said that there are 2 types of cells that make up the cervix : squishy ones and non-squishy ones. Somehow I had more squishy cells than normal and during intercourse my husband was hitting these cells and making them bleed. I was given the option of leaving it alone because there was really nothing harmful about it or having day surgery. I opted for the day surgery because I hated bleeding after intercourse, it ruined the intimacy. The surgery involved burning some of the squishy cells on my cervix so that they would be replaced with non-squishy cells. I just used relaxation techniques to get through the surgery; yes I was awake. Recovery took awhile. No intercourse for 6 weeks.
But the surgery worked and all is well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,440 Posts
I thought I had to read the thread to tell people you don't need honey for your health.......

I think deep penetration can hurt or be "unpleasant".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Quote:
Originally posted by kristadb

First, enjoy your virginhood - it's very sexy!

The first time is as varied as Madonna's hair. Some women find it no big deal, some never find it as good, some need therapy to recover and some never want to do it again.

I don't think you're height will contribute to your pleasure or displeasure.

The things important are: a tender partner, knowledge, desire to be doing what you're doing, and patience.

EDIT: Mo, Mo, Mo. Did I not tell you to stop reading? No one hand her eye drops. She brought this upon herself!
Yes, I very much agree with this. I was 16, but had been dating the guy 8 months, he was super nice a respectful and very much loved me for who I was. We also had a lot of non-intercourse activity leading up to it, so I was very comfortable with each of our bodies. So it ended up being no big deal at all. I would discourage anyone from "losing it" unless they are 110% comfortable with the whole thing.

ETA- after you do it, you realize being a virgin isn't a big deal, bc crossing over doesn't change your life like you imagined!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Thalia,

It was a big deal for me. I recognized the responsiblities that came with me having sex, so it was a "new world" for me.

I often get angry at myself because I'm not ready for the responsibilities of having sex with my bf (namely, pregnancy, but other ones as well), but sometimes I end up doing it and remember why I didn't want to AFTER the fact LOL It's like, "oh yeah, now I remember why i didn't want to do this." But, he's a wonderful man who doesn't care if we do or not. As long as he gets to paw and poke at me when I run down a flight of stairs, it's all good


Minmo, you blind yet?
 
1 - 20 of 517 Posts
Top