Yeah. I learned the first time around too. If you never allow him to lead you to feeling obligated to step temporarily into the motherly shoes, then he may be less tempted to shove the shoes in front of you. In other words, stop it before it starts. In your case, it sounds like that advice is a few days late.
So, I will leave you with this thought. What will happen if you do not allow yourself to be in that position where you feel like his mother? He will have to be responsible for himself and his own actions, right? It's not fair for you to feel responsible for him and his actions when those are out of your control. Deal with what is in your control, which is your actions and reactions. The rest will fall into place. He will be stuck dealing with himself. You will be doing him a favor. Picking up some of his responsibility for him only makes his weaknesses weaker.
I don't know if it's advice you were looking for or not. In any case, maybe someone else will find something helpful in what's posted?
In any case, good luck. I hope things get better soon
thanks... for right now I would just be happy if he would put the cordless phone on the charger once in awhile
Last night before I went to bed I told him to make sure he hangs it up when he comes to bed (he was on the phone and watching tv when I went to sleep). So this morning (I get up for work first) I came out to the living room and there is the phone, dead as a doornail. I hung it up before I left for working, thinking ahead the way women will tend to do, knowing if I planned on using the phone after work I better let it charge. So when I got home tonight there was the phone on the kitchen table... dead! argh!!!!!!!
It may be hard, but leave the phone where it lays (unless you are the one that left it there of course). Then, when he goes to use it it'll be dead. He'll feel the reprecussion of his thoughtlessness. The downside is that you'll be without a phone too in the meantime. But, in order for his behavior to change he must see the results of his actions (or lack thereof). He isn't really learning much if you are correcting his mistakes, as in hanging the phone on the charger. Try it and see what happens. And when he sees the phone off of the charger and it's dead, you can remind him that it was his decision not to hang it up.
I am in 100% agreement with MsRuthieB's comments. The more you correct/remind him in the relationship, the less responsible he has to be for himself. Also, by correcting him or issuing him reminders, it sends a signal to him that says, "I don't trust you not to screw up!" And some guys will register their dissatisfaction with your "motherly reminders" by ignoring them altogether.
It's a slippery slope and sets up a cycle.
I'm not saying that the behavior isn't totally annoying though
To this I say abso-FRIGGIN-loutly!! I'm single at the moment, but my last bf was terrible that way. I even had to worry about feeding him. He leeched off me even when my mother had cancer. That's one thing I'll try never to allow in a long-term relationship again. Unfortunately it seems like a very common problem
My husband usually acts more like my son than my partner. This is good because he can relate to our 3yr old very well and they play with the same toys. I am constantly nagging about picking up toys (yes, my husband's, he collects toys) putting things away, and just general tidiness. Sometimes I'll hide stuff of his, if I've asked him a million times to put something away. If he dosen't put his dirty clothes in the hamper, I won't wash them. Ect. It's not worth fighting about every day, don't sweat the small stuff ( sorry for the cliche ).
I enjoyed reading your replies... anyway I do have to say he is great and of course I love him to pieces. I think it is more a "it is *tough* to live with someone (anyone!)" more than it is an issue about him. Vegcat... haha I hear you on the breadbag. And apparently men don't mind leaving the kitchen cabinets wide open and empty cereal boxes are too precious to place in the garbage can. They must keep them on the counter, wide open to expose their emptiness to the world (perhaps a silent plea for me to go to the grocery store because he can't get there and spend 3 dollars on cereal???). Ay yi yi I could go on and on so I will just stop now and give him big hug when he gets home and pretend that the empty cereal box is ummm, pop art
Geez, we should start a new forum: " What's the most annoying thing about your S.O.?" I think it might go pretty well .I know that's all my girlfriends and I talk about when we hang out...my boyfriend is such a slob....my husband can never find the forks.....
My bf's and now husband have all been more responsible than I am. But, my sons...arg!
They are 17 & 15 and they do lots of stuff that drives me crazy!
They mess up their bedroom in a single day. They leave their stuff all around the house. They go for the food BEFORE washing their hands. They often "miss" the toilet bowl. Once in a while, they forget to flush all together! They ask me for a ride into town JUST when I get back from town. They take food into their room and never bring the dishes back. They take my CDs and ruin them. They take my husband's software CDs and ruin or lose those. My little ones act like better house guests than they do...
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