VeggieBoards banner
1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
336 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We've been best friends for ten years, but recently we've been having issues.

She's always making snide remarks about my relationship with my boyfriend. First it was, "You're fickle, it won't last. You'll like someone else next month." Then after a few months it was, "Your relationship is unhealthy, and I don't see how you can date a meat eater." And whenever I mention him she almost always says something mean but swears it's always "in jest". And you know what? My boyfriend and I have been dating for MONTHS yet she refuses to hangout with us. She says she doesn't see the point.

You know what, it does bother me that he eats meat. But in all other areas we're so compatible and I'm so happy with him. I respect her for speaking her mind, but honestly, no one asked her to be my judge. Her boyfriend has cheated on her, broken up with her countless times, pretended to be vegetarian, and lies to her all the time. And what do I do? I give her my opinion when she asks for advise, but I always let her know that I'm on her side no matter what. AND I'm civil to him, for her sake. She'll barely even say hi if my boyfriend greets her.

I know she also doesn't like my other friends. I'm by no means the queen of having a social life, but I have different friends from lots of different groups. I try including her but she doesn't want to be, which I respect, but she's always so nasty when I mention certain people. If I bring up someone I party with, she acts all high and mighty, and talks down to me for being stupid and drinking, even though I don't drink all the time, and my grades are better than hers. (But her excuse is, "my major is harder than yours." To which I'd like to say, "Or you could, you know, study instead of playing video games all the time...")

I at least eat diner or watch a movie with her and her friends on occasion, even though I have nothing in common with them and they're ALL pretentious. One of them likes to talk about how smart she is and how big her boobs are and how soooo many guys want her. I have to bite my tongue from telling her that even if she's smarter (can't prove by me), she's annoying, and no, her boobs aren't bigger she's just FAT and there's a DIFFERENCE and ofCOURSE unattractive guys like her, she puts out. And if I can't put her down, then why is it ok for them to make fun of how skinny I am (***** I'm not skinny I'm HEALTHY...) Or call me stupid. Apparently being happy and effervescent is synonymous with stupidity. Guess I never got that memo.

Oh, and another thing, and this is probably the thing that bothers me the most, all her damn excuses. "Oh, I'll break up with him eventually, it's just blah blah blah..." "Oh, I'd like to workout with you and lose weight, but it's just blah blah blah..." "Oh, I wish I could be vegan too (she's vegetarian) but it's just blah blah..."

That just really gets to me. If she wanted to do these things, she would. She's just too lazy, too set in her ways, and doesn't care enough to be bothered. And that's the truth. All she does is complain and make excuses. She bitches about her weight all the time so what does she do? Eats junk and doesn't work out and bitches at me for how unfair it is that we can eat the same things but I don't gain weight. And ok, I like me some junk food, but I always eat healthy meals and I workout. If she's not going to try, then she has no right to complain.

And even through all this, I still hold my tongue. But then she has to get short and snippy with me all the time. The whole reason for this rant? It's been a slow build up, but tonight on the phone I said I thought something was from a certain episode of a show we've been watching (which she introduced me to, it's called Merlin. But I'm on season 4 and she's on season 3 and she's having a ***** fit because I'm ahead of her oh my god why does it matter...) anyway, she disagreed with me, but said I thought I was certain, then she goes, as if I'm the dumbest person ever, "oh my GOD NO. It's NOT in that episode." And she's always snapping at me, and everyone else, like that all the time.

And then I'm just quiet for a minute and then calmly tell her that she doesn't have to be such a *****. And then I hung up.

SO. I know I need to tell her all of these things, and I know I shouldn't have let it build up to this point, but I'm not sure how to go about it without being a huge mean *****.

I know I painted a nasty picture but she's really a great person, it's just that this stuff really bothers me and I'd like to get things sorted out before things blow up... But I know that once I've calmed down, I won't have the nerve to say anything to her. :/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
126 Posts
I know that this will sound really mean and harsh, but your "friend" sounds like an emotional manipulator. Those kind of people will only improve with their own intervention, and must be avoided as much as possible. Tell her that you think that you guys have drifted apart and that you guys are too different to be friends anymore. She will get hurt and angry, try to pressure or even bully you into thinking that you can't NOT be friends with her, and if she's especially immature, post hostile and cryptic comments on facebook, aimed at no one in particular. The good thing is, those kind of behaviours will be proof that you were right in ending it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
933 Posts
Sounds like you need some new friends who are more mature and care about the same things you do. Friendships do fade unfortunately, and if you and your friend are not growing and maturing at the same rate there is going to be a lot of conflict. Sounds like she is insecure and manipulative, as are her friends. Better to cut your losses now than let someone like this drag you down as you are becoming the wonderful person you are.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
I know how painful it can be when you realize that a friendship has met its end, but I do think everyone is right. You don't need to be around someone like that. I agree with the people who said she sounds very unhappy and jealous. If talking it out will help you to feel better, then try it, but it doesn't sound like it would resolve very much, based on the way this girl talks to and treats you.

And you don't have to cut her out completely. I have friends that I love from a distance. As long as I don't see them too often, they are great friends in small doses
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,157 Posts
It comes off like you're both pretty judgmental toward each other. Are you really that bothered by her not studying enough, her weight, her boyfriend, etc. or are you just pointing out that she's full of it for complaining about you?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
282 Posts
I have a best friend that we've known each other for 14 years and we are so dissimilar that I'm we bicker like this at times. Sometimes months at a time. I've come to the conclusion that she is family to me at this point, longevity, not interests, is what keeps us together. When she pisses me off and I feel like how you do, I remind myself that, although I will always love her, I don't always have to like her. We back off when it gets like this and touch base every few months, but there's no use forcing what isn't working. We go months, sometimes a couple of years, only checking up, then something will happen to bring us together as close as we once were. We used to wait until it blew up to say we need time apart, now we just tell each other that we need time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,617 Posts
If you really feel you need to discuss them, write them down.

Once while you're angry and once when you're calm.

Look at her situation for what it is- She has a crappy, cheating, lying jerk of a boyfriend whose only real claim to fame is that he pretended to be a vegetarian. You have a long term guy who you make a connection with and the only 'downside' is that he eats meat. He at least respects you enough to be honest about his choices.

She doesn't sound happy at all. So, maybe address that when you talk to her or if you decide to actually give her a letter.

It sounds like you want her to be happy and you can offer to help. But ultimately, like anything else, people have to make up their own minds to choose the right paths for them.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top