VeggieBoards banner
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How does everyone do the bedtime thing, now that it's summer?

My BF's kids (4 and 6) get up around 7am, have a 1-2 hr nap around noon, go to bed around 8-9pm. They sometimes have an afternoon nap, too, but usually depends on what mood their mother is in.

It's daylight here from 5am-11pm. It seems kinda cruel to send them to bed at 6pm, which I read on a couple parenting sites. They often dont have supper until 6!

Are we weird?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
428 Posts
My yougest (16 months) gets up around 6:00. Naps from about 1-3 and goes to bed around 8:00.

My oldest (3.5 years) gets up around 7:00. Naps from about 2-3:30 (she doesn't nap every day anymore, she probably goes without a nap 2-3 days a week now.) And goes to sleep around 9:00.

These are the ideal days, we aren't too structured if we are traveling or go on a day trip. Many 4-6 year olds don't nap at all anymore. I say watch the child's lead, see how their mood is and go from there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We can't control what their mother does with them during the day, which is the largest problem. We've shown up and they've had 2x2 hour naps already. 10pm and they are still bouncing off the walls. She doesn't feed them well, which results in their tireness and crankiness, especially on the part of the oldest.

The parenting sites made me feel pretty bad. I stopped reading them.

Well, we'll keep playing it by ear and hope they won't need too much therapy over it when they're old
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,914 Posts
I have given up trying to keep on the same schedule as school. My daughter was in bed by 8:00 every school night...generally in bed by seven thirty, and reading time from seven thirty to eight or so.

During the summer with the days so long, there's just no point. Now she sleeps from nine or so at night to 8:00 in the morning. No nap, but an hour or so of 'downtime' most every day or we would absolutely be insane by now.

I'll start getting her back into an earlier bedtime probably a week or two before school starts, just so it's not terribly hard on her when that does happen.

B
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,914 Posts
Is there any way to establish better communication with the mother Krista? Or 'get together' and work on a schedule for them? I don't know what the situation is obviously...but if it's possible I do reccomend it. It might show her you have their best interests at heart. One good thing to do about the 'junk food' thing would be to talk to her a little about what YOU are feeding them and let her know she needn't worry about you giving them a lot of junk because you really believe in good health and want that for her children
. If someone said this to me....as in any future step-parent of Madison, it would definitely WORK if I was giving her lots of junk. You can bet I'd mend my ways pretty quick.

FYI though, I just went through and reread your post after posting myself and realized something. There is NO reason for a six year old to have two two hour naps. Don't know why she's doing that, but unless something is amiss with the child, he/she shouldn't be sleeping that much during the day. A four year old generally needs one 1-2 hour nap during the day...anything more and you won't be able to get them down for bedtime.

Been working with kids for three years now (other than being a Mom)...and that's been my experience. Of course they're wired at ten. They don't NEED to sleep if they've already slept that much. If you don't feel comfortable communicating with the Mom, please 'encourage' bf to do so...by encourage I mean light a fire under his butt. I don't know what she's like...but after I met my X's X (he had another daughter he ditched because she was 'difficult' and 'didn't want him to see his daughter') I found she was just a Mom, trying to raise her children. Dealing with X's, no matter HOW nice they are is just difficult. But when you're sharing custody (btw, we're not sharing), it's absolutely necessary. There's just so much leftover 'stuff' there.

Good luck dear. And if you have the six year old all day, try no nap and see how she does. I bet you can get her to bed a LOT earlier.

B

B
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
93 Posts
My 4 year old goes to bed at around 8pm (though sometimes that just starts our storytime) and wakes up at 7:30 or so. He doesn't take naps anymore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Talking to Marsha, the mother, is like talking to a golf ball. It stares at you and does nothing you say. My conversations with her do not go beyond civil hellos and good-byes. Peter's conversations with her are, obviously, much more, but she refuses to do anything.

She spends all day in her room, reading and eating cookies and candies. The boys trash the house. When they make too much noise and interfer with her romance novel reading, she makes them go to bed. If she wants to watch TV and they are noisy, she makes them go to bed.

I went so far as making a complete day's worth of meals for the boys, put them in the fridge. She tossed the perfectly good food out and made the kids chocolate cookies and pudding. She has gotten better over the last month; mostly because Peter threatened her ability to have the kids all day. Still, she doesn't care that the eldest, Jacob, is 6 and can outeat me. He gets dry cereal for breakfast, 1/2 a can of Spaghettos, and unlimited sweets. And she wonders he is a moody, cranky child! The poor little thing.

Michael is 4 and he does need a 20-30 minute nap twice daily. Jacob (6) does, but that's only because he's hungry.

Sorry for venting, but we're both ready to shoot her. I know this is a cruel thing to say, but I hope she moves away soon. Her dad is coming up to visit this month and she is planning to talk to him about him helping her finanically to move. Heck, I've even offered money to pitch in to help her!

When Peter or Peter and I have them all day, the kids are so different. They eat huge breakfasts and lunches, plus snacks. They're behaviour for the rest of the day is different then when they start off with their mother.

OK...I'm truely done ranting now
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,914 Posts
So then who will the custody thing be different?

Okay, if she truely does suck, she sucks. Can you get the kids full time?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
She doesn't want them, to be honest. But, she looks after them in the daytime while he's at work. She honestly thinks she is a perfect mother, so there is no discussing it with her /shrug

I'm hoping things will be straightened up by end of summer, but it maybe end of the year before they are. I try to keep my nose out of it as much as I can.

I'll talk to him about the napping thing again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,907 Posts
My son usually gets up around 8am and goes to bed between 9-9:30pm. He hasn't had a regular nap schedule sincehe stopped nursing at around age 2. He just started sleeping in his own bed a few months ago (we had a family bed before this) and the transition went smoothly (it was his decision). Sorry for all your problems, that's gotta a dificult situation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
So we're not horrible people for putting the kids down after 8? All the other neighbor kids are inside and the boys are still outside, tumbling around.

I needed that
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
811 Posts
Hey, I'm right there with you and so are most of my friends. My 5 year old's NATURAL body clock wants her to go to sleep around 11:30 PM and to get up at 7:30 AM. I am lucky to get her to sleep before 11. She always wakes up at the same time.

My daughter attends a private school that is fun, but DOES require the children learn, and, since last year she was in pre-k, they started marking her "tardy" if she was there later than 8:30 (nearly always our fault, btw, not her's - she's up). I started to feel really guilty about getting her to bed so late, so I started to move her bedtime back from 10:30 (to bed - usually about 45 minutes worth of reading and putting it off before actual sleep) to 10:15, etc. These were the results of this "experiment":

If I was able to actually get her to sleep before 9:30, which was extremely hard to do because she just wasn't tired, she would wake up in the middle of the night (2-3 AM) and be wide awake and rarin' to go. Forget that. I was a wreck after a week of that.

Believe me, she is fine. We start heading to be around 10-10:30 and we get her to sleep around 11 or so. She wakes up at 7:30 on the nose.

My daughter is super active - this summer she has already taken a full week of dance camp (3 hours in the AM each day for a week) followed by school camp after noon. She's done with the dance camp and is now taking swimming lessons each day (picked up from school camp and dropped off there). She's already a great swimmer so the lessons are real work, not just playing around. She also takes 2 gymnastics classes, 1 or 2 dance classes, and one music (piano, etc.) class each week. She just turned 5 a few weeks ago and reads and writes at the 1st grade level. Most days we get home from all of this stuff and hounds us to let her go swimming for another hour or so. It's summer, so who cares? Fine with me.

She does usually get a 1-1.5 hour nap each day, but often skips it on the weekends when she likes to spend the entire day in the pool. When she's not in the pool, she's playing princess pretend with her girlfriends or bugging us to play board games or color with her (I LOVE to color, too!)

People often wonder if I am pushing her too hard. All I can say is that she has asked to do everything that she does - has, in fact, hounded me for the extra gymnastics and dance lessons. I allow her to take them because she loves it ("can I sleep at the gymnastics place tonight, Mom?") and seems no worse for the wear. It wouldn't bother me a bit if she just played in our pool and hung out....she's not interested.

I guess that my point is this: she has had this exact same sleep pattern since she was an infant. She slept through the night at 1 week old, but, darn, if she didn't always fall asleep around 10:30 or 11 and wake up between 7-8. No matter how old she has been, or how busy and active she has been, her sleep pattern has remained the same.

My friends children are much the same, and they, too, are all in fine shape and happy and healthy. None of them put their kids to bed earlier than 10. No reason to, if they are happy and healthy. I think that to try to force your child into someone else's opnion of what is "right" is ridiculous. Making you feel guilty about it is the same as making you feel guilty about being veg*n. People like conflict and drama, and that's probably what a lot of this is all about.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I've let Jack set his own sleep schedules since he was a baby. As a toddler he mainly went to bed around 11 and woke up around 11. I've enjoyed sleeping in through those times! Esp. Since I've always worked nights.

Jack's dad works early, so he and Jack go to bed around 9-9:30. I work till 1am and then Jack wakes up around 9, sometimes earlier which I dread, since I need winding down time after work and often stay up late. Jack hasn't been a regular napper for about a year or so now.

I am *not* a morning person and never have been. I'm always at my peak late at night, hence me working a 5-1am shift.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,785 Posts
In the summer, I usually let my little kids (6 & 9) stay up until 10 or 11 pm...they sleep in until 9 or 10 am...

During the school year, they have stories at 8:30 p.m. and then sleep from about 9 pm to 7:30 am.

They both stopped napping about age 4.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,467 Posts
My stepson is 6. During school-time he's up at 7.30am and in bed by 8.30pm, all year round. It's harder in the summer when it's still light at 8.30, we just have to make sure all the curtains are closed. He whinges a bit about going to bed when it's still light, but he normally falls asleep straight away all the same.

At the weekends and during the holidays he's allowed to stay up till 9ish, or maybe 10 if we're having too much fun for bed, or we go out. He still manages to get up at 7 in the mornings though when he knows there's no school! He doesn't nap any more during the day.
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top