Joined
·
34 Posts
LONG POST WARNING. Skip if you have better things to do besides read about my struggles living with an omni dad (I don't blame you!)
So, I have recently moved back in with my parents after graduating college. My dad is very health conscious, and generally veg-friendly, but still very much an omni. My mom is an omni who loves animals and definitely struggles with her morals about eating them. She eats mostly vegetarian because she doesn't care to cook or buy groceries so many of her meals are veg since that's how I prepare them! My teenage sister is a picky eater/"vegetarian" who enjoys a diet of mostly junk food. That means my dad is the only one who prepares any kind of meat in the house.
Over the summer, my dad purchased live lobsters and cooked them in our home. My mom and I were extremely distressed, and explicitly expressed our feelings of anxiety and discomfort. Since becoming vegetarian/vegan, the preparation of (LIVE) seafood in my home obviously causes me stress, on top of already finding the sensory aspects disgusting and intolerable. I don't care for it when my dad cooks any meat, but when he prepares seafood, I find the process especially sickening, and the smells send me to my room for the rest of the day. For days afterward, I find it difficult to be in the kitchen, where the smells linger and the leftovers stare me in the face.
Even though my mom and I begged him last time to never bring home lobster again to prepare here, today he came home in a great mood from the grocery store; proudly displaying the mussels, shrimp, salmon, and live lobsters he had purchased. I immediately got very distressed; asking him why he would do this when he knows it upsets me so much. My mom agreed and also pointed out that since my dad never cleans up after his seafood feasts (or most meals), my mom would be forced to clean up after a complex and extremely messy meal that she found offensive. She and my dad got in a huge fight, as she proposed donating the lobsters to a food shelter. My dad was infuriated at this suggestion (the wasted money, his feelings about being denied the opportunity to eat a desired food in his own house, and the fact that he can't appreciate our position as being rational). He stormed off.
My mom called to offer the lobsters to our neighbors, which we promptly brought over to them. My dad went on a long run immediately after the fight, and since then has not spoken to any of us. He is not one to use the silent treatment or hold a grudge, so this is kind of unusual. He also didn't end up preparing anything for dinner at all, which is not like him. My mom feels conflicted about what happened, but I insist that if we weigh one person's tastebuds and preference for a desired food against the prospect of extreme discomfort and anxiety for two others (plus extra cleaning and work for my mom), that it is not an unreasonable request.
I feel guilty for causing my dad to be upset all day, but I also feel like he needs to respect where I'm coming from. I don't stop him from eating the majority of animal products he chooses. I may make comments, or encourage him towards veggie options, but I have never thrown down the gauntlet like this before. I was surprised and thankful to have my mom backing me up this time- not killing animals in the house where we live, I think this is a fair line to draw! Even though I can't expect him to agree or understand the morals, I just want him to want to avoid causing us so much distress!
Has anyone been through a similar situation? How have you handled living with omnis when you are the sole vegan? When you are living with omni parents (not paying rent)? Have you had success with setting boundaries?
So, I have recently moved back in with my parents after graduating college. My dad is very health conscious, and generally veg-friendly, but still very much an omni. My mom is an omni who loves animals and definitely struggles with her morals about eating them. She eats mostly vegetarian because she doesn't care to cook or buy groceries so many of her meals are veg since that's how I prepare them! My teenage sister is a picky eater/"vegetarian" who enjoys a diet of mostly junk food. That means my dad is the only one who prepares any kind of meat in the house.
Over the summer, my dad purchased live lobsters and cooked them in our home. My mom and I were extremely distressed, and explicitly expressed our feelings of anxiety and discomfort. Since becoming vegetarian/vegan, the preparation of (LIVE) seafood in my home obviously causes me stress, on top of already finding the sensory aspects disgusting and intolerable. I don't care for it when my dad cooks any meat, but when he prepares seafood, I find the process especially sickening, and the smells send me to my room for the rest of the day. For days afterward, I find it difficult to be in the kitchen, where the smells linger and the leftovers stare me in the face.
Even though my mom and I begged him last time to never bring home lobster again to prepare here, today he came home in a great mood from the grocery store; proudly displaying the mussels, shrimp, salmon, and live lobsters he had purchased. I immediately got very distressed; asking him why he would do this when he knows it upsets me so much. My mom agreed and also pointed out that since my dad never cleans up after his seafood feasts (or most meals), my mom would be forced to clean up after a complex and extremely messy meal that she found offensive. She and my dad got in a huge fight, as she proposed donating the lobsters to a food shelter. My dad was infuriated at this suggestion (the wasted money, his feelings about being denied the opportunity to eat a desired food in his own house, and the fact that he can't appreciate our position as being rational). He stormed off.
My mom called to offer the lobsters to our neighbors, which we promptly brought over to them. My dad went on a long run immediately after the fight, and since then has not spoken to any of us. He is not one to use the silent treatment or hold a grudge, so this is kind of unusual. He also didn't end up preparing anything for dinner at all, which is not like him. My mom feels conflicted about what happened, but I insist that if we weigh one person's tastebuds and preference for a desired food against the prospect of extreme discomfort and anxiety for two others (plus extra cleaning and work for my mom), that it is not an unreasonable request.
I feel guilty for causing my dad to be upset all day, but I also feel like he needs to respect where I'm coming from. I don't stop him from eating the majority of animal products he chooses. I may make comments, or encourage him towards veggie options, but I have never thrown down the gauntlet like this before. I was surprised and thankful to have my mom backing me up this time- not killing animals in the house where we live, I think this is a fair line to draw! Even though I can't expect him to agree or understand the morals, I just want him to want to avoid causing us so much distress!
Has anyone been through a similar situation? How have you handled living with omnis when you are the sole vegan? When you are living with omni parents (not paying rent)? Have you had success with setting boundaries?