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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I'm really ashamed of myself. I'd done really well for the last month being vegan, and today I caved and ate cheese pizza and milk chocolate! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> I've really been struggling and depressed lately (even have had suicidal thoughts) because of some family issues. So today I just was really self-destructive by eating what I knew would upset me. Maybe I thought eating something that tasted good would make me feel better, too. But, not only did it hurt myself, but the animals, too! I hate thinking of stealing the milk from the baby cows and doing things so against my values and the image of myself that I want. I don't want my emotions to come into play. It shouldn't be about me and how I'm feeling in a given day. Even if my life sucks and the world is cruel to me, it doesn't mean that I should be cruel, too! Anyway, I'm determined that this is just a one day set-back & that I'm going to get back on track again. I really want to be a full-time vegan! I need to come on here for more support and to keep motivated. Knowing there are vegans out there really helps.
 

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It's harder for some than it is for others. I've been vegetarian for seven years...five of those years were vegan and the last two have been 99.9% dairy and egg free. I still struggle almost every day. I miss pizza and milk chocolate! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep trying! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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You slipped. No one is perfect. It sounds like you're being unnecessarily cruel to yourself about this. You deserve some kindness and compassion too you know. Give yourself a break and just make different choices today. And please, get some help immediately to deal with your suicidal thoughts.
 

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Just keep moving on. Consider doing some activism (if you don't already) to keep yourself committed and to know that you're doing something more for animals.<br><br>
Is that your baby? You may be having some post partum depression if this is a newer state of mind for you. it's very common for new mothers.
 

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I had some hadcore problems at some point, few years back, and i ate products with milk and eggs and also cheese, just because it was easier and in a way was easing my pain.<br><br>
I could go to the shop and pick whatever i wanted without spending 2 hours reading the ingredients, as i eally wans'nt feeling like doing so, and i could order a cheese pizza wich was one of my favourite things to eat.<br><br>
And i was feeling like crap in the same time doing so because i knew it was wrong. Even double wrong since i knew exactly what it meant, without the excuse of ignorance.<br><br>
But it wasn't very serious, i was just feeling bad, and when i felt better, i automatically stopped.<br><br>
For what about the suicide thoughts, forget it, been there, and somehow i survived and i'm perfectly fine today ( got some nice scars ), very happy awesome life doing good useful things, and i just couldn't been even able to imagine or dream such possibility few years back. So just give a chance to time. Even if sometimes time doesn't resolves some particular problems, it helps with our and other people reactions toward them, and there is always good things happening.<br><br>
At some point i also worked in mcdonald, being vegetarian ( looooooooool, true story ), of course i hated it and hated myslef, but i really really needed money for my ex and our dog to keep the home and have food for everyone.<br><br>
And the thing is to just accept what you do or have done. It can be good or bad or wrong, whatever, if you don't accept it, aknowledge the exact reasons and consequences and accept them for what they are, otherwise it's gonna follow you and you will keep feeling bad.<br><br>
You will be much more useful if you are yourself, happy, shining, and for this you need to be in peace with your actions and deeds.<br><br>
If it was wrong, fine, at least you know it, and you won't do it again. You can perhaps even do something so that other people don't make the same mistakes, make some people vegetarians, vegans, save some lives,make the world better in any way suits you.<br><br>
And remember to compare your familly issues to the problems of the world, of people in such bad situations you cannot even imagine them, and your small conscious guilt of a wrong deed to those of the guys who run those meat and milk factories and don't care about the lives they are taking.<br><br>
"there is not saint without a past and no sinner without a future"<br><br>
You are not perfect. Just do your best.
 

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When you're new to veganism it's very common to have a few meals where you backslide. Don't worry too much about it, just dust yourself off and try again.<br><br>
Here are some tips that might help:<br>
- For the first 3 months or so try to avoid any "tempting" situations. That means you might need to find other places to hang out, make friends with vegetarians and vegans, etc.<br>
- Always have a back-up. So keep an energy bar or bag of nuts in your bag with you at all times. That way if you get into a situation where there aren't vegan options and you have the urge to eat something nonvegan you can remind youself that you have a choice, you can eat the vegan food in your bag.<br>
- Create some sort of mantra to say to yourself. For example, "Nothing tastes as good as kindness feels" or simply "I am vegan. I eat plants." Say this to yourself everyday and especially when you're hungry.<br>
- Put sticky notes around to remind you of your committment. Make sure they're positive, not negative notes.<br>
- Tell everyone that you're vegan. Make an announcement about it so you're inclined to stick to your word.<br>
- Try new vegan recipes once or twice a week. Think about them and plan for them.<br>
- Stay active. Try to keep busy so there's less time to get caught up in depressive thoughts. For me, exercise and routine are the cures for depression. Studies indicate that the majority of people are similar. So try it!
 

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Don't be too hard on yourself. many people do slip at first. i have it happening at every transition but i know that i will make it anyways. i am now in the process of becoming a full time vegan too, yesterday i hadmy first slip up. i was having an exam week, didn't do groceries, didn't sleep much and when i came home last night i was very hungry and wanted to sleep as well, so what i did was take my roommates eggs and fry them. yes, i think what i did was wrong and hope to not do it again. but what i do is simply learn from it, i realize that now i should have more easy to prepare snacks at home for situations like this if i know that i will be too busy to shop. so thats all you should do, look at what caused it and pre plan what you can do to avoid it. looks that you needed some tasty comfort food, i would just suggest to come up with some vegan alternatives for it. soya chocolate milk and vegan pizza for example. or some nice chana masala can do it
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you everyone for your encouragement! I am harder on myself than anyone else. I have to remember this as a learning moment and get something from it, so that I won't make the same mistakes again. Keeping vegan "comfort foods" on hand more is something I need to do more. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Plus, I really need to look outside myself and stop feeling sorry for myself. Thanks everyone!
 

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Some fantastic advice there.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Being new to Vegan-ism myself I feel that ElainV gives some good points here. Especially now that I'm sinking myself into the world of being Vegan there are times when I find it hard to stick to my commitment due to family, friends, being out a lot. It can be rather taxing on a person. But I feel that Elaine's advice is good and that as long as you feel you have the willpower to stick to your greater goal you will do well. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br>
As for the depression, I understand how that can be also. Perhaps you should try meditation? Or taking up an internal art like Yoga or Tai Chi to help balance yourself. I did and it certainly helped me quite a bit.<br>
Hope some of that helped.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>ElaineV</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3059142"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br>
- Create some sort of mantra to say to yourself. For example, "Nothing tastes as good as kindness feels" or simply "I am vegan. I eat plants." Say this to yourself everyday and especially when you're hungry.</div>
</div>
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I like this...I'm going to use it myself! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'm definitely going to start trying to do more of the things that make me happy & not doing the the things that don't. I made a list of each. LOL. It's difficult because many of the things I like to do to relax aren't actually good for me. For example, watching movies tends to depress me (I know; I'm weird). Ultimately, I need to find things to relax that are better for me. I could try meditation, but I'm not sure how to go about doing that with a couple of kids running around. I don't have much alone time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Make the Jalapeño Poppers on VegWeb and you will be happy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Do you knit, crochet or embroider? I find knitting to be my most favorite relaxing hobby. Even with two, 8 month old kittens in the apartment, I can still knit. And I've learned most of my knitting skills from books and internet videos.<br><br>
Years ago I used to hate anything I made. I finally learned to accept my talents as they are and be happy with what I make. Craftster and Ravelry have been such help.<br><br>
You're not alone in comforting yourself with food. I do the same thing.
 

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Fat and sugar are the main places that people mess up (I've heard) because they are so addictive.<br><br>
You can still have pizza and chocolate, you know.<br><br>
Pizza can be made without cheese-- just with tomato sauce, or olive oil and veggies. Just ask the pizza makers to make it without cheese and they will. Chocolate is made without milk in it, just find a vegetarian type of chocolate. I often make hot chocolate milk (not much of a cook either) with almond milk or coconut milk, or soy milk, and dark plain chocolate powder (usually used for baking) and some stevia to sweeten. The companies that make these milk-analogs usually make some sweetened chocolate or vanilla variations.
 

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I have gone through the same thing. Life is cruel and it seems that most people are mean and cruel, at least to me anyway. Every once in a while I will cave and order a huge cheese pizza because I just don't give a ****. But just like karenlovessnow said, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep trying. This is good advice, and tommorow is another day. Every day is a new beginning and a new opportunity. Nothing wrong with caving and just taking care of yourself for a time. I use to be suicidal too, and thank God for getting me out of that! You do not deserve that! Suicide is doing violence to yourself and you are one of God's creatures, just like all of the other creatures that you have so much compassion for. We need more loving compassionate people like you in the world. Don't give up! Love, Peace and take care of yourself!
 

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Just for the record, you can absolutely take a vegan pizza with cheese, just find the vegan cheese you like the most, and the most melty one, and ask the pizza guys to add it. I often do that with some vegan friends.
 

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don't worry about it rashelle. the fact that you're this upset about it tells me that you will be just fine. Now next time you are tempted you will remember just how bad you felt after last time.<br><br>
pizza is like the only thing i still get cravings for too... this is a good recipe here -- <a href="http://www.meatlessmonday.com/spinach-artichoke-pita-pizza/" target="_blank">http://www.meatlessmonday.com/spinac...ke-pita-pizza/</a><br><br>
you can add olives, mushrooms, peppers etc too. not sure how available some of that stuff is in japan though.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>ElaineV</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3059142"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Here are some tips that might help:</div>
</div>
<br>
That was a fantastic post Elaine!<br><br>
---<br><br>
I would also echo the suggestions to seek out some counseling; it can be good to have somebody to talk to face-to-face.<br><br>
As to the guilt:<br><br>
It's hard for me to fully understand when people slip, because I never have as a vegan, but I think I did come close to slipping when I was maybe eight years old or so (I can't remember my age then) and vegetarian, and in that sense I can relate to at least an inkling of what you've felt.<br><br>
In short, I smelled carnival food and asked for some, then changed my mind when I thought about it- turned out it wasn't available anyway, which was a relief (ordering something and then having to explain that I didn't want it would have been difficult).<br><br>
But no harm no foul, right? No, not as such.<br><br>
Even though I didn't eat it, I still felt incredibly guilty for even having wanted it for a few seconds and spoken a single syllable to that end. Impulsive cravings, whether you give in to them or not, feel like something incredibly wrong inside oneself- and they are, but the only reason we can feel that is that they are violently opposed to something stronger and more right which also resides in us; some great measure of conscience, awareness, and compassion.<br><br>
Our minds are war zones between creatures of memetic existence. Figurative demons and angels both- wants, desires, conflicting world views, moralities, rationalizations. It's kind of a mess.<br><br>
But the fact that you feel so guilty about this is a good thing- you should feel guilty, and you should feel (in a manner of speaking) grateful for that guilt; thankful to your strong conscience for speaking out so aggressively. The intensity of one's existential turmoil over a wrong action is possibly the truest measure of one's morality, and this instance serves only to prove that deep down inside you are a genuinely good person.<br><br>
Figuratively speaking, one could say that the guilt you are feeling now is the measure of your soul.<br><br>
Shallow and apathetic people do not feel guilty for wrong actions- they rationalize them, or revise their world views with elaborate constructs of delusion and elective ignorance to make those actions not-wrong in their memories. To understand that better, do some reading on cognitive dissonance if you aren't familiar with it.<br><br>
The take-home is that evidently you are no such person as those who would be shallow and apathetic to the world as a means of hiding from guilt, and that means everything.<br>
You can feel bad about what you did, but precisely because of that guilt you should feel good about who you are!<br><br>
Be proud of yourself for persevering, and don't forget to love yourself for the good person you are inside.
 
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